Why does my girlfriend snap at me and is rude to me?

So, here's the deal. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and two months, possibly the best year and two months of my life, but lately she has been really mean to me. She makes fun of me for everything, for example when I'm driving she'll make me feel retarded for not taking a specific turn. She tells her friends all of my shortcomings, even when I'm standing right beside her. I know I have made some mistakes in the past, and I have screwed up royally, but she told me she forgave me. But doesn't that mean that she wouldn't keep talking about it? She tries to rationalize it by saying she's only joking, but she doesn't know how crappy it makes me feel. Also, she gets so mad at me. Even if I don't say anything wrong, if something makes her upset, she shuts me out and sometimes yells and swears at me. ( I'm a Christian, and so is she, so that's a huge thing.) I bend over backwards to make her happy, I do everything for her, from driving her everywhere because she hates driving, getting groceries for her, making lunch for her, and doing her homework(we're both in College, so you can imagine the work load.) But if I even mention I can't do something for her or I can't hang out sometimes because of homework, she gets so mad at me. And if I ask her if she can do one small thing for me, her answer is always "maybe." Not like me, where it's always "Absolutely." I'm just so confused. And she barely ever says I love you in person or in text, only "yup, uh huh, or cool." It's like I'm putting my heart on a silver platter, and she smashes it with a hammer. Don't get me wrong, I love her more than words can contain, and my than I can imagine. I would die for her, and I serve her out of pure love, and I never get mad at her, I've never raised my voice at her, and I've never gave her any mean looks. I treat her like gold. Why does it feel so one-sided, and what can I do to make things right? I have no intentions of leaving her. I just want our yolk to be equal again. :( Please help me?

Updates:
Well, Everything is OK now, because she told me this; That I was right. One of the few times I will ever hear that. :) She apologized for the way she's been treating me, and that she loves me beyond belief because I'm eternally patient with her. :)
The reason why I'm not willing to give up on her, is that she has been thoroughly mistreated in the past. Lets just say when she was little, someone did something to her and she feels worthless now. I vowed to always keep her safe when I learned that.
Ps in no way am I saying I'm perfect. I'm far from it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Mistake 1: >I bend over backwards to make her happy.

    Mistake 2: >I do everything for her.

    Mistake 3: >I treat her like gold.

    Mistake 4: >I would die for her, and I serve her out of pure love.

    Mistake 5: >I never get mad at her.

    Mistake 6: >I've never raised my voice at her.

    Mistake 7: >I've never gave her any mean looks.

    Diagnosis: You have no balls.

    Cure: Reclaim your manhood and dump this bitch.

    Choice #1 (If you have the balls): Dump her and don't look back.

    Choice #2 (If your too much of a p**** to leave.) Treat her like she treats you. I guarantee you will see a change immediately. Give her some distance. No communication for at least a week. No emails, texting, phone calls, hanging out, no nothing for a least a week. Every time she acts up this is what you need to do. For every time you have to do this add an additional week of not talking to her. If you ever get to 3 weeks that's it. Game over. She out. For good.

    You have no respect for yourself and that should come before your love for anyone. You also have very...very...low self-esteem. Love is not enough of a reason to take abuse from anyone. You have to establish some ground rules for how much crap your willing to put up with. This girl has no respect for you at all. She puts you down in front of her friends. This girl is in college? She acts like an ungrateful 5 year old brat. You need to learn to say no. Say no! It's easy trust me. Just tell her no. No to driving her places, doing her homework, cooking meals for her. Just tell her no. You reward someone when they've earn it. Your too nice guy. Way too nice. If you continue to stay with this girl she will drain the life out of you. I hope your not planning on marrying this bitch because her behavior will only get much worse after marriage. If she isn't willing to change now she won't do it with a ring on her finger either. You can't make anyone change they have to want to change themselves.You have to learn to be alone. But your afraid to leave her because you feel that you can't do better than this bitch. Are you sure your a Christian. A true Christian can smell evil a mile away and that is what this bitch is, pure evil. "I have no intentions of leaving her." That's really pathetic. You are so weak. You know what you have to do. You said it yourself. Your a punching bag for this bitch. I don't care what problems she may have with her mother or any other problems she might have. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Your not here to be her therapist. This is what happens to guys who want to play hero. "That's the thing though. She hasn't lost interest in me. And I know she still does love me, she tells me she does." > I don't give a damn what she says. Anyone can say I love you. I would rather someone show me they love me than say it. I strongly recommend choice one. GET OUT! If you still insist on staying then try choice two. You will see results.

    Keep us updated.

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    • OmG! YOU are my HERO! Tell him like it is and set him straight! Enough is enough!

    • Show All
    • tamzd1andonly

      chibe - are you a guy with a big ego..?

      >

      No. Just big balls.

      you sound like one of those people who can't accept anyone's answers but their own and never know when is a good time to shutup and stop arguing.

      >

      First of all I don't have to shut up and second of all I'm not arguing I'm merely replying to the comments that others leave.

      ie if you were working on a group project in college, youd shoot down everyone elses ideas and act like you are god.

      >

      ?

    • so are you?

      >

      I never said I was.

      (not trying to be mean, just curious after reading/analyzing the comments)

      >

      Sure you are. You think I have a big ego and that I should just shut up and accept what others say. No I will not. Not only do you assume that I have a big ego but that I would also violent and uncooperative with others. I don't shoot down others ideas I just respond to them like I'm doing with yours. I post my thoughts and back them up. What is wrong with that?

What Girls Said 23

  • I only read your title question. Cause you wrote too damn much!

    "Why does my girlfriend snap at me and is rude to me?"

    She is upset about something. She is expressing passive aggressive behavior, rather than telling you what's wrong, she is holding it in and releasing it in destructive ways. She is trying to tell you something. But If you ask her what's wrong she won't say, because she has lied to herself in her mind to where doesn't even know what's truly is the problem. This will take work to get to the root of the problem, it's up to you weather you love her enough to get through her issues. Rather than worrying what you're doing wrong, keep in mind, it is her problem, not yours.

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  • sorry to hear that. she might need to go to counselling or get some help in regards to her temperamentality and her emotions. some girls need to control their emotions better and I'm no exception, I have a quick temper and I am at least honest about it but flipping out at your guy at a constant basis is not cool and it definitely isn't right cause it's hurting you. I hope you guys talked it out and I'm glad she apologized but she should 'deal with her demons' whatever she's bothered by, she shouldn't be throwing it at you. I have my bad days, but I don't yell or hurt my guy because of it.

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  • It sounds to me like she was or is on a power trip. Since she had an awful thing happen to her when she was younger she probably feels inferior, taken advantage of, useless, ect. So, now that she has a guy that will do anything to prove his love for her she feels like she has the upper hand for once. molestation can take it's toll on women in many different ways, but my guess is that since the incident she has felt like she is the one that can be pushed around, and since you finally gave her the respect she deserves she wants more of it. Think of it in terms of drug use. I know that is a strange analogy, but bare with me for a moment.

    Think of her as someone that has felt down on life for a very long time and comes across this drug that makes them feel fantastic and useful. Once she gets a taste of that she is going to want more and more. To the point where she is abusing it because she can.

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  • Well you must of really hurt her if she's been treating you like that! I think you need to tell her how you feel, all of the above ^^. You seem like you really truly love her. She's still obviously upset as you hurt her. You need to open up to her, make her feel com table and talk through ichthyology problems and try and sort this out. Soon she will realize that your perfect for her. Best of luck :)

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  • sorry but she sounds a little self centered to me. I would be careful of your heart and make sure she is not using you. Sorry but I have to be honest. Or look, it could also be that she just needs a break to realize that it's you she really does love. She may have also been going through some inner depression about her life and found it easy to take it out on you because you are close to her (not that I think this is justifiable anyway. Good luck :)

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What Guys Said 17

  • hey man,

    I think I can offer some advice a little different from what I've read on here so far on your issue. My dad told me a story not unlike the one described by you that happened between him and my mom at one point in their marriage. In fact, its almost identical. He said he had done nothing wrong by her, but she was just being mean and short with him for no apparent reason, and it had been going on for several days if not weeks. The more he tried to appease her, the more she would be a bitch to him, much to his confusion and frustration. He called his mother(my grandmother) and asked her advice, which is what I am going to offer you. My grandmother said she is doing this because she can(just like what you stated below in your comment) and she(your girlfriend) really, really wants you to stand up for yourself. She is mad at you because you are letting her walk all over you and your feelings. I know you love her and I'm sure she loves you, but you need to have a little more self-respect and not accept this behavior from her. Its hard to respect someone who doesn't have any respect for themselves. Next time she treats you with disrespect, you need to put your foot down, tell her that you don't deserve to be treated like that from her, that you never treat her like that so why does she feel its OK to treat you that way, and that it is completely unfair and unacceptable to you, and that she can come talk to you only when she can treat you with the respect you deserve. My father did this with my mom, and it was exactly the thing to do. You don't have to be mean, but you need to express your frustration and anger with her behavior in a way she knows that you are serious(yes, this means raising your voice) and that you will not accept it from her any longer. She may scream and yell at you back, but realize that you are in the right, and even if she flips out, she WILL cool off and realize that you are right, she needs to respect you, and she will. Stand your ground man, if after you stand up for yourself and she leaves upset, DO NOT apologize or try to console her, because you are simply not accepting her unacceptable behavior anymore, she will realize that she was acting out of line and she will be the one to apologize to you. Women hate it when you seek their approval on everything and supplicate to their every need at the expense of your own. I promise, she will love you for being the man you are and putting her in her place and demanding the respect you deserve from her. Hope this makes sense and your situation gets better man, let me know how it works out.

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  • "The reason why I'm not willing to give up on her, is that she has been thoroughly mistreated in the past. Lets just say when she was little, someone did something to her and she feels worthless now. I vowed to always keep her safe when I learned that." > Her baggage is not your problem. Have her see a therapist and when she finally gets herself straighten out then maybe you could have a relationship with her. Until that happens she is not relationship material. I have seen a lot of good nice guys like yourself get burned.

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    • Its true, you can't become a girls surrogate dad and "protect her always" it seems like it will work, but it just never does. The whole boyfriend/therapist thing does not work, you can be one or the other to a girl, but not both.

  • ell agreed wit. that's the whole answer in two words no respect. you are lettin her push you over man, I know god says to be humble but you also said to be the man over his household and right now your household is you two together. if cannot get this in line and find that godly respect you deserve from her as being the head in the relationship then you need to seperate and take it to prayer and explain this exact scripture to her and all that she is in contempt. sound like to me you are doing nuthin wrong as you being a good boyfriend but the problem is you are being too good, you also got to know how to respect her in a way that you have a firm and sound stand over her wrongs against u. hope this make sense and helps. good luck bro.

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  • Well, I am not there, I don't know her. But I know I have been in a couple of relationships like this.

    It sounds like she does not respect you. She does not consider you an equal, and frankly it sounds like neither do you. You wrote: "...I was right. One of the few times I will ever hear that..." - have some F-ing self respect man!

    YOU need to take responsibility for the way you are treated. If some one treats you disrespectfully, you need to tell them that is unacceptable. Especially if its your girlfriend. YOU are the one who makes the rules for how others are allowed to treat you. If some one is treating you badly, get them out of your life. You deserve better.

    I'll be honest man, this does not sound like a healthy relationship. Not at all. Maybe she apologized now, but she already knows, in the back of her mind, that she can abuse you as much as she wants. She knows you have given her all the power, she can treat you as horribly as she likes and you'll never leave. Do you really think she won't abuse this power?

    My guess is that all it will take is one fight when she gets angry and all those nice words will be thrown out the window, she will be back to treating you terribly. It is an old story. One lover treats the other badly, they apologize and promise to change, then a little later they slip easily into their habit of treating the other badly, wash rinse repeat. I hate to be the angel of death here, but I think you should very seriously consider the possibility that this girl is the problem, not you.

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  • I wouldn't go as far as Chibba but the rebalancing and asserting your own rights and interests part is spot on.

    It is fine to do all of the things you say you do for her from time to time, provided that she appreciates it, reciprocates and maintains respect for you. It sounds like there's not enough reciprocation on her part, and definitely insufficient respect. Change things now, or resign yourself to waking up in 30 years time thinking you have squandered some of the best years of your life on someone that didn't deserve you.

    You have to re-earn her respect by standing up for yourself, and being less unconditional with her (the only people you owe an unconditional duty to are your children before they can fend for themselves. An important duty of a parent is to cultivate and promote independence in your children (with a safety net) as early as possible).

    > I would die for her, and I serve her out of pure love.

    That's OK if this is your lifetime partner, but she only deserves this devotion if she is there for you as well.

    >I never get mad at her.

    I would say this was unhealthy, even in a great relationship.

    It is vital to be able to vent and discuss issues (which she has clearly given you), as a prelude to both changing if necessary (and it is here for your long term mental health), and continuing on a more sustainable basis.

    Plus the making up and making out after a constructive clear the air row can be brilliant.

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