I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 and a half years now, we moved in together last February. She does not clean up after herself, she does not do her chores (which are split pretty fairly considering I also take care of any financial issues outside rent/utilities/groceries which we split.) and when she does do them, she does a half assed job.
It can take a week before she'll do the dishes, and when she does them she only does half of what's there and then says she doesn't have room to do more.
Today I came home to find 3 frying pans and a pizza tray on the oven, inside one of my frying pans (which she used 2 days ago) she had pushed in a sheet of crinkled up aluminum foil. This is a $120 no-stick finish frying pan that you absolutely do not use metal on at all. I asked her why she did it and she said "I was being lazy".
I have tried very clearly to establish my boundaries in respect of everyone pulling their load and doing a good job, but it isn't and hasn't happened since we moved in together. I have told her that if her attitude and behavior doesn't change, she is going to have to move out.
Talking to her about anything is an incredibly frustrating endeavor as she does not communicate. I am lucky if she says anything at all. When she has done something wrong, she will go hours without saying anything and when she gets around to apologizing her tone of voice and attitude that I should be the one apologizing to her.
I'm so tired of being with her and having to nag her to do basic things around the house. I'm tired of her ruining my sh*t. She's so clumsy and careless and lazy. She has no real motivation, and I honestly think if I weren't around she might sit in a pile of filth for months.
How do I get it across to her once and for all that if she doesn't grow up and start acting like an adult, I am leaving her ass? I love her but there are no real reasons for me to be with her at this point, I don't need to be someone's mother and I would probably end up saving money if she weren't around.
Most Helpful Girl
Tell her you want to marry a mature woman who isn't lazy and knows how to keep a house clean. In this way, you're making it about yourself directly and about her indirectly.
"If *you* don't clean up, *you* should move out!"
"*I* like it clean, *I* want to be with someone who is clean"
My boyfriend told me something to the same effect of that. I'm a bit ditzy, not very tidy, and a little lazy when it comes to cleaning up my room. I clean up after myself with no problem in the kitchen I use in the house I live in - we don't live together.
After he told me that he didn't want to be with a woman who is childish or untidy, it got me to look at myself and realize I did need to grow up and keep my room cleaner. The feeling I got when he praised me for keeping my room clean (at least when he visits ;p ) was just so lovely.
If she shows no sign of changing in a month after telling her what kind of woman you want to marry, then talk to her about breaking up because she isn't the kind of woman you want to marry. Also, if she wants a man to want to clean up after her and take care of her, then you're not the man she wants to marry either.
You're also a man and you need respect. No man should be with a woman who doesn't respect him. In the same way, women need love and no woman should be with a man that doesn't love her.1