Why is my girlfriend so lazy?

I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 and a half years now, we moved in together last February. She does not clean up after herself, she does not do her chores (which are split pretty fairly considering I also take care of any financial issues outside rent/utilities/groceries which we split.) and when she does do them, she does a half assed job.

It can take a week before she'll do the dishes, and when she does them she only does half of what's there and then says she doesn't have room to do more.

Today I came home to find 3 frying pans and a pizza tray on the oven, inside one of my frying pans (which she used 2 days ago) she had pushed in a sheet of crinkled up aluminum foil. This is a $120 no-stick finish frying pan that you absolutely do not use metal on at all. I asked her why she did it and she said "I was being lazy".

I have tried very clearly to establish my boundaries in respect of everyone pulling their load and doing a good job, but it isn't and hasn't happened since we moved in together. I have told her that if her attitude and behavior doesn't change, she is going to have to move out.

Talking to her about anything is an incredibly frustrating endeavor as she does not communicate. I am lucky if she says anything at all. When she has done something wrong, she will go hours without saying anything and when she gets around to apologizing her tone of voice and attitude that I should be the one apologizing to her.

I'm so tired of being with her and having to nag her to do basic things around the house. I'm tired of her ruining my sh*t. She's so clumsy and careless and lazy. She has no real motivation, and I honestly think if I weren't around she might sit in a pile of filth for months.

How do I get it across to her once and for all that if she doesn't grow up and start acting like an adult, I am leaving her ass? I love her but there are no real reasons for me to be with her at this point, I don't need to be someone's mother and I would probably end up saving money if she weren't around.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Tell her you want to marry a mature woman who isn't lazy and knows how to keep a house clean. In this way, you're making it about yourself directly and about her indirectly.

    Example:

    "If *you* don't clean up, *you* should move out!"

    versus

    "*I* like it clean, *I* want to be with someone who is clean"

    My boyfriend told me something to the same effect of that. I'm a bit ditzy, not very tidy, and a little lazy when it comes to cleaning up my room. I clean up after myself with no problem in the kitchen I use in the house I live in - we don't live together.

    After he told me that he didn't want to be with a woman who is childish or untidy, it got me to look at myself and realize I did need to grow up and keep my room cleaner. The feeling I got when he praised me for keeping my room clean (at least when he visits ;p ) was just so lovely.

    If she shows no sign of changing in a month after telling her what kind of woman you want to marry, then talk to her about breaking up because she isn't the kind of woman you want to marry. Also, if she wants a man to want to clean up after her and take care of her, then you're not the man she wants to marry either.

    You're also a man and you need respect. No man should be with a woman who doesn't respect him. In the same way, women need love and no woman should be with a man that doesn't love her.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I would just talk to her about it. I find with my boyfriend, he has OCD bad... and he always cleans up after me.. but it is because he does it so quickly.. that isn't my fault haha. like literally as soon as I get done with my last bite of food, he is there to take my plate. haha. I am fairly clean with the house though. haha and it wasn't even my house. I just stay there sometimes.

    we have been together 4years by the way

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  • Dude it sounds like my girlfriend.. Im struggling with the exact same thing but add a 5yr old boy on top of it... My girlfriend is a 30yr old single mother, who has the mantality of a 16yr old and i believe she's wanting me to take the responsiblity over her son, because she is either to lazy or doesn't want the responsiblity. So techniquely i feel like im a mother to a 16yr old and a 5yr old.. Its sad whe you have to constantly be asking questions or naging to make sure things are getting done... Im done and Im about to close the deal, Its way to much drama and stress that i dont need in my life.. Dude u can do better... peace

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  • Terrible.. She Could Be Depressed? I Always Kept Clean... But For 1 Month I Didn't Lift A Finger. Only To Wash My Dog's Bowls And 9 Month Old Daughter's Bottles... And If Course Feed Them And Bathe Them Everyday. And Wash Up Myself. My Husband Would Get So Angry. And In Result I Would Too. At Myself. I Have OCD. And I Cannot Stand Dirt And Disorganization. I Do House Hold Chores Everyday. Bathe Daughter Everyday And My Dog Showers With Me! Everyday! Wash My Hand Frequently... Before And After Eating And Before And After Cleaning. I Wash My Hands With Warm Water And Clean Under My Finger Nails Until It Hurts! Haha... I Always Make Sure Everything Is Tidy And Clean. But My OCD Was Bad Before. It's Not So Much Now. Example, I Cleaned And Organized Sunday.. I Was On My Feet All Day 10:55AM Until 1:00AM!, After That I Took A Shower With My Dog! And Finished Washing Up At 2:00AM. My Feet Were So SO SORE. And Before Taking A Shower.. I Clean Husband's Car. And It's October In CA It Was Cold! I Wanted Nothing More Than To Take A Hot Shower And Sleep! After Showering, Went To Bed At 3:00AM. BUT, The Closet And My Beauty Bag Need To Be Organized. My Husband Already Did The Closet. But Me.. Having OCD Has To Be In A Certain Way And It Should Feel Right.. My Bag Has All My Beauty Products.. And Others. It's All Clean Just Have To Place Them Properly. The POINT IS, That Before It Would've Ate At Me. Now? Not So Much.. The Closet And Bag. Anyway, It's Not Acceptable. I Feel So Ashamed And Disgusted For Leaving Our Home A Slob. I Was Exhausted From Walking And Cleaning So Much... Plus Other Issues... Financial And Relationship. I Went Blank. But After All The Arguements And Crying, I Got MY ASS UP And Cleaned And Organized. I Feel Better, My Husband Does Too! It Our Relationship Better. He Gives Me Attention And Love. Look Into Depression. I Was. But Try To Be Patient. My Husband Was... If Not.. Maybe She's Not Caring Enough. Talk.

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  • You're her boyfriend not her MOTHER!

    If talking to her won't make her change then drastic measures must be taken so she can open up her eyes and realize that you are no longer going to be putting up with her crap.

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    • Any other suggestions other than breaking up with her?

    • Unless you want to hire a nanny to clean up after your lazy girlfriend I suggest you really take the time to think and see if she's even worth the pain of this immature endless day by day issue.

What Guys Said 2

  • Seems to me like the veneer has come off, and you're starting to see her true colours. You may well be right in thinking of leaving her, since you've already given her an ultimatum. If she can't change, things aren't gonna get any better between you.

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  • Dude my fking ex was like that! Augh she was so dirty and lazy! When i was over her house and she had class it literally took me 5 hours to fold, put away and clean all the shit in her room... NEVER again with such a girl

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    • I only did that also because she will do her laundry, then throw it on her bed, if she wants to wear something, she goes through the huge pile of cloths on her bed...

    • haha she was lucky

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