I'm worried about my ex boyfriend!

[Anonymous]

I recently got out of a 11 month relationship, My ex boyfriend was amazing. He was one of the few nice guys out there. He looked like a jerk, but was actually really sweet! He was nice, caring and was there for me when I needed him. Our sex life was amazing...He was amazing in bed! ironically it ended up me initiating the sex! anyway,

He broke up with me because he found out I was cheating on him... I don't know why I did it, but that's not the issue.

I'm worried about him! When he found out, the look in his eyes...he was devastated! he asked why I did it? was it something he did that made me cheat... I just stood there like a lemon. He waited for an answer...and when I didn't answer he broke into tears...i would have been the 2nd girlfriend to cheat on him! and from what I gather it took him a long time to get over her! Last time he went in a downward spiral...

i felt so guilty! He was always happy when we were together...and to see him like this, it hurt so much!

Now, every time I walked past him at school, he can't look at me, the pain I caused him was detrimental!

i asked some of his friends how he is doing, ...they're worried about him as well! He's not himself anymore... he's become cruel, mean. Everything that he is not! I think I've made him doubt himself! he used to be a little bit insecure, but now its worse! I was thinking of talking to him, but I fear that will only make it worse for him! I've asked his best friend how he is doing...She said you broke his heart into a thousand pieces. She used to be nice to me...but I guess I deserve it.

i know there is no point trying to get back together with him, I would only break his heart again..

but I'm worried, will be be OK...?

[KarKingJack]

He will be, but he's got a lot to learn, I think. You did a lot wrong, but you seem like an honestly good person...

I don't know.There's far too much hatred and fear put on cheating. Far too much.There's this rigorous anguish, an emotion set up like guard towers, to keep monogamy in check. Its a very strange part of our culture. And it leads to horrid things, one slip causing someone to be seen as evil for the rest of their lives. And for their regretted mistake to cause intense pain in the hearts of everyone they love. Its terrible, and so needless! But its what we're given, and obviously you or I can't change his mind on that.

Try and talk to him. Tell him exactly how you feel, exactly how his feelings make you feel, and exactly why you did it (without trying to justify it). That'll give him some closure at least. And make sure he knows how sorry you are. Tell him you know you've got to fix that about yourself, you know. But let him know how amazing a boyfriend he was to you and that it was really, really nothing to do with him.There's a small chance he'll believe it, and that'll make things so much better. And if he doesn't believe it, he'll think your a lying scoundrel who's further going out of her way to hurt him, and that'll give him closure too, and that'll make things better too. So you really can't loose.

[Asker]

He thinks I'm just trying to hurt him again... he can't look at me without feeling sad. =(

[KarKingJack]

Ugh... Wait some time, then. He'll recover from such foolishness, he's blinded by his pain

[Asker]

i knew I hurt him.

but Its getting scary now!

i know I hurt him, but I did not know the extent of it!

My friends see him in the park where we used 2 make out, they see him just sat on the bench. His eyes watery. like he is crying...

i returned all the stuff he had in my place the other day and the gifts he gave me... he fell apart. I destroyed him. and yet I feel sorry for him.

he is still clinging on to the love that I once felt for him.

wanting to forget, but unable to!

[KarKingJack]

Tell him to stop watching so many movies? There'd be a bit of pop-art in practice, lol.

[Craig69]

Nice guys most always get cheated on. Women must like sh*tting on them. Then those same women hook up with a real bastard and then they get the same thing they gave the nice guys. Karma.

[Anonymous]

You actually care about him? Shocking. I find that hard to believe. Why would you cheat on him if you cared? plus you knew he had been cheated on in the past. He was insecure before because he had been cheated on...so you figured u'd dig him all the way in the ground huh?! You couldn't break up with him 1st? He's going to be hurt for awhile! At this point he is wondering what HE IS DOING WRONG to deserve this bs. He prob thought he found a great girl, someone he could trust, and open his heart to & then you do this to him. I'm not trying to tell you how sh*tty it is...but c'mon! and then you say "i know there is no point trying to get back together with him, I would only break his heart again..." WTF?! So your saying you know you would cheat on him again?!?!?! I sure hope he wouldn't consider taking you back. All I can say is Karma's a bitch! I'd suggest leaving him alone, so he can get through this type of situation for the 2nd time! To answer your question, he will be ok!

[Asker]

He was out of town on holiday, and I needed someone. I know its not an excuse for what I did... I miss him so much!

but now he's a different guy. I changed him for the worse!

He did consider it. but it was too much for him to handle...he still can't look at me!

[candlewax]

I find it interesting that it's NOW you're concerned about how this is going to affect him as opposed to before when you cheated on him, KNOWING he'd been cheated on before.

For the sake of everyone, leave it alone and let him cope. You constantly wanting to get in touch and butt in won't do anyone any favors. He needs time away from the source of his pain and not constantly being reminded of it.