I like this guy for his personality but not his looks. What should I do?
Me and this guy started texting and over about a month I really started to like him. We met once through a friend and I didn't really notice what he looked like because we were just being introduced and I honestly didn't care at the time. But after I started being attracted to him for his personality, I looked him up on facebook. I suddenly didn't like him anymore. I don't know what to do or what to tell him. Its all really confusing because I like him as long as I'm not face to face with him. I promise I'm not conceded but you have to be physically attracted to someone too before a relationship can work right? I need help!
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I've said this before and I'll repeat it here. You're not shallow or conceded for not wanting to date someone because they're not attractive to you. It's a stupid stigma that if people don't like fat or ugly people (their opinion of ugly) then they're shallow. That's just not true. There's a point where physical attractiveness is important, whether it's sex or just not being afraid or nervous to hold his hand in public. You want to be proud of your man, looks and personality. The fact that you care about personality is enough proof that you're not shallow or conceded. It's okay to have standards, it's okay that you're just not attracted to certain things. We all have natural inclinations that we can't choose. I don't decide who I find good looking or ugly and I'm not shallow for not wanting to date some one I don't find attractive. You aren't either.
Stay strong, just tell him that you don't think it will work but you do want to remain really close friends because he's a really nice guy and you can talk to him so easily and you could be really close that way. Don't make up bullsh*t excuses like he's in the friend zone or any of that sh*t. If he asks... Well, I've always believed in honesty. And people will probably disagree but I believe that continued lies, like telling him a false reason why you don't like him, will eat away at you and it hurts your soul in a way. Your energies, your chi. Pick your title for it. Just tell him that... Well, he's not your type physically. Say you want to remain friends because of how good a person he is but that you just don't find him physically attractive in a boyfriend way. And if he calls you out on it then tell him what I told you.
It's a stupid ass idea that we should be expected to be willing to date anyone even if they're disgusting and repulsive to us. We shouldn't have to settle because people feel bad about themselves.
What Guys Said 1
I agree you are not shallow. You need and should be attractive (on some level at least) to your partner. However, you might want to meet and hang-out with this guy (in a dating situation) before you make the decision and cut all ties from him.
Remember, you stated that you didn't really notice how he looked the first time you met him. Also, most people don't look or take great pictures (I am one of those people), so to judge his appearance on photos might not be the best strategy or idea. That's why I think you should see him at least one more time and when you do really take note on his appearance and who knows maybe when you do, you'll realize that he isn't such a bad looking guy in person.