I am 26 and I am tired of not having a girlfriend
Hello, to start of with, I've been a sad and lonely person all my life. I had a really hard childhood but it made me a really motivated person.
I do admit that, social life aside, I can't complain about my life (but what is there really I can do if I am alone?). I work as a programmer for Symantec Corporation.
I do have too much money, but I have always known that money won't make me happy. I have been just lying to myself all this time and pretending everything is ok. I am not afraid to also admit that I use escorts regularly. But that is not, at all, what I need.
I've been looking for someone I can love and care about for the rest of my life. The thing is, I don't have any real friends and I never had a girl friend. I am a really different person. I have a ton of bad qualities: I am selfish and ignorant. I get angry easily. And I am anti-social in general. I just think this whole world is crazy. I never help anyone unless they ask me to. I never seem to interest anyone, and I can never keep a conversation going. If I don't have a friend, I don't know how I will have a girlfriend. But I am not God, I can't change my own peronality.
But one thing that, I think, is good about me is that if I find someone that will care for me and want to be with me, I will love her and I'll do anything to make her happy. But I am starting to lose all hope. I've talked to counselors in my college years about this. And they kept telling me that I will find someone one day. But if it hasn't happened yet, why would it happen later?
Another thing, I find it really frustrating that women say how they need love and they need men to care for them and love them, but in a lot of cases, it seems, all the good women go for assholes that only want sex. If all it takes for someone to get a girlfriend is to be sexy and charismatic, then I give up. I am not like that.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I feel sorry for you. But the only way your going to succeed in your desire for what you want, is to grow. I'm not saying "change", but "grow". You seem stubbornly inflexible in your desire to stay the same. You will NEVER get what you want that way.
What does it take? Drastic action. Going to therapists, reading books. These things are superficial. You need to take it into your own hands. Discover who you truly are. Explore the spiritual side to yourself- if you believe in that.or you inner self. Life is a journey of discovery- you sound like your stagnating.
being anti-social is a downward spiral.it gets worse. Being social gets easier the more you practice it.
One of the problems you also face is this: If you do find a women, what are the chances you can even make it work? With all of the qualities you described, you'd have to find someone as
socially inept as yourself. Now I don't mean to be harsh. I'm trying to shock you out of your complacency here.
This is a time for change. You have to make yourself a valuable commodity so that someone will see you as a potential mate.
Take care of yourself, go to the gym, try to make yourself look as good as possible. Dress well.
Learn new things.learn how to be a good lover. Read up on tantra, or the tao of sex, if the occasion should ever arise, that you meet a woman. Hey, the art of non-ejaculation, a very valued quality which is easily learnt, though rarely practiced- through lack of knowledge, can be learnt on your own.
this is your voyage. Make the best of what you have, and things can happen for you. I understand your feelings, because those same feeling have plagued me on occasion, but they are temporary, and I'm sure if, that if you undergo a DRASTIC attitude change- you will get what you want.
Make the change- only you can do it for yourself.
What Girls Said 3
So are you here to get help or just wanting attention from strangers in gag?
i suggest you just let go of your neg. Traits and just become a clean slate. If you can respond here to my post without rolling your eyes, secretly cussin people here for just trying to help or "they will never understand" lines running through your mind etc... Maybe that's a start to making a change. Babysteps for now.
omg a programmer? well that's why, most men that go into that are usually antisocial and a job like that can make it even harder to be social.you interest me because of all this stuff (just sayin)
and that really is how it is with the good girls going for assholes
this might sound totally out of line, but from the description you just gave, I picture someone a little shorter than average maybe.glasses.and not exactly a 'toned' body.am I right?
Wow.you don't think you can change at your age? We are grow and change all the time!
It sounds as though you lack the willingness it takes to move on and get what you want.
If you can't give love most of the time you can't recieve it either. You need some time away from everything and everyone and get your act togather and do some soul searching.
Your negative attitude won't win you any friends much less a girlfriend, so watch the pitfalls and do the work. If you want something bad enough, you'll do what is needed to make it happen!
One of the things that I hear from your question is, that you don't feel good about yourself.
You might try something different for a change because it just might make you feel better about the person that you are. Help someone.do something nice for them.without expecting anything in return. Get off your pity pot and do something. Its your life and you creature your own happiness or misery.which ever you choose!
What Guys Said 3
Dude first of all stop complaining it won't get you nowhere. This problem has a really easy solution. Read this book its called "The Tao Of Badass". Once you read that book you will never have problems with women again. One thing you have to understand is that women like to chase. You have to let them do that to you. Women don't always go to assholes. In fact it is the complete opposite. They only hang out with assholes an treat them like "place holders" until the right guy comes along. Women fear and loathe being alone, that's why there always with their friends. Women don't care about looks either, though it helps. The number one thing women find most attractive in a man is CONFIDENCE. What you need to do again is read that book. Trust me it will change your life. Another thing is if you want to get girls you have to be able to handle rejection. The real secret to successful men is that they ask about 20 girls out and probably succeed
with about 8 of them. Girls don't give a fuck if your Brad Pitt and drive a Ferrari. Play the numbers game. EMBRACE rejection, its fun because if you don't let it effect you, you will be very successful with girls. There is no real secret to getting girls dude. Women want sex just as bad as you do, in fact they want it more. Try this, if you want a girlfriend, really ask yourself why. Maybe you just want sex. Maybe you just want intimacy. The truth is the more you want a GF the less chance you'll get in attracting the right one for you. Relationships are always 50/50. As cliche as it sounds its true. You'll meet the right chick someday. For now just play the numbers game. If you shoot 50 shots in basketball your bound to make at least 5 shots, even if you SUCK! Getting girls is the same thing. If you ask out 40 girls You may get rejected by 35 of them, but at least 5 will give you a shot. Pick your head up your a man. Think primitive. Its a game. Love is blind as a bat. Just play the game. Better to be a player than a whinny boy.
First, good girls (not the ones who are superficial and only go for the assholes) like to have interesting conversations. And if you really want to win a good girl over then you must learn how to make her laugh. And just FYI, only the stupid girls dig the assholes. They confuse assholeness and arrogance with confidence, and they are too stupid to recognize the difference. But luckily not all girls are that clueless. But l know being funny is not an easy task. If you want to learn how to be funny then a suggestion is to start watching comedy movies, cit-coms that are actually funny, [adult swim] on cartoon network, and stand up comedies on TV when you see them on. This will at least teach you what is means to have a sense of humor. But you cannot steal jokes from TV, because whomever you are talking to could always remember exactly who you stole that joke from and you will be lame.
Also get a male friend who possibly lives in your APT complex and have beers with him one day a week (or more). You need to learn how to keep a conversation interesting and totally avoid those awkward silence moments. You can only learn how by at least talking to a guy friend who won't care if there is awkward silence and puts no stress on you (especially if the two of you are drinking beer). So practice conversation with a friend (or friends if you meet more). And in a lesson in being selfless as opposed to being selfish, buy the beer. It would be even better if you learn how to BBQ and invite your friend (or hopefully friends) for BBQ and beer. You can become well liked among your new friend (or friends) if you do that. And they will want to talk to you and they will give you ample opportunity to learn how to talk to people and actually socialize.
So the point is you must at least learn how to socialize and be interesting with guys before you can socialize with girls. And try making your own jokes and smartass remarks with guys. You must first learn how to be funny around guys before you can learn how to be funny around girls. But then when you are around girls the whole atmosphere changes, because you can't always talk about the same things guys talk about and you can't always make dirty jokes around them. Hopefully your male friends will teach you more about this when you eventually talk to them.