Hello, to start of with, I've been a sad and lonely person all my life. I had a really hard childhood but it made me a really motivated person.
I do admit that, social life aside, I can't complain about my life (but what is there really I can do if I am alone?). I work as a programmer for Symantec Corporation.
I do have too much money, but I have always known that money won't make me happy. I have been just lying to myself all this time and pretending everything is ok. I am not afraid to also admit that I use escorts regularly. But that is not, at all, what I need.
I've been looking for someone I can love and care about for the rest of my life. The thing is, I don't have any real friends and I never had a girl friend. I am a really different person. I have a ton of bad qualities: I am selfish and ignorant. I get angry easily. And I am anti-social in general. I just think this whole world is crazy. I never help anyone unless they ask me to. I never seem to interest anyone, and I can never keep a conversation going. If I don't have a friend, I don't know how I will have a girlfriend. But I am not God, I can't change my own peronality.
But one thing that, I think, is good about me is that if I find someone that will care for me and want to be with me, I will love her and I'll do anything to make her happy. But I am starting to lose all hope. I've talked to counselors in my college years about this. And they kept telling me that I will find someone one day. But if it hasn't happened yet, why would it happen later?
Another thing, I find it really frustrating that women say how they need love and they need men to care for them and love them, but in a lot of cases, it seems, all the good women go for assholes that only want sex. If all it takes for someone to get a girlfriend is to be sexy and charismatic, then I give up. I am not like that.
Most Helpful Guy
I feel sorry for you. But the only way your going to succeed in your desire for what you want, is to grow. I'm not saying "change", but "grow". You seem stubbornly inflexible in your desire to stay the same. You will NEVER get what you want that way.
What does it take? Drastic action. Going to therapists, reading books. These things are superficial. You need to take it into your own hands. Discover who you truly are. Explore the spiritual side to yourself- if you believe in that.or you inner self. Life is a journey of discovery- you sound like your stagnating.
being anti-social is a downward spiral.it gets worse. Being social gets easier the more you practice it.
One of the problems you also face is this: If you do find a women, what are the chances you can even make it work? With all of the qualities you described, you'd have to find someone as
socially inept as yourself. Now I don't mean to be harsh. I'm trying to shock you out of your complacency here.
This is a time for change. You have to make yourself a valuable commodity so that someone will see you as a potential mate.
Take care of yourself, go to the gym, try to make yourself look as good as possible. Dress well.
Learn new things.learn how to be a good lover. Read up on tantra, or the tao of sex, if the occasion should ever arise, that you meet a woman. Hey, the art of non-ejaculation, a very valued quality which is easily learnt, though rarely practiced- through lack of knowledge, can be learnt on your own.
this is your voyage. Make the best of what you have, and things can happen for you. I understand your feelings, because those same feeling have plagued me on occasion, but they are temporary, and I'm sure if, that if you undergo a DRASTIC attitude change- you will get what you want.
Make the change- only you can do it for yourself.2