Why do I always attract the hot but shallow guys?

Question

For my short life I have dated different guys but mostly the hot confident guys several years older than me. We spent good time, they liked me and I liked them too. but I have found out these guys can be really shallow, dumb and  without any ambitions. And I cannot be with someone who is only interested in sex, parties and drinking when I have a lot of other interests and ambitions. So my preferences have changed completely. Now I think it's better to date someone who may be not so hot and confident but who will really love me and appreciate me, who has other interests and ambitions. I can put up with his looks but of course I expect him to be a nice person and to treat me great.  But it seems I attract only this type of guys, hot and confident but shallow, I'm really fed up with them. Where are the nice intelligent guys, why do they not approach me. I like serious and intelligent men but  people in my environment are not very intelligent :(

EiVene · Accepted Answer

I agree that your projecting a certain image with the provocative images you've posted of yourself, people make an initial judgment based on how you look and present yourself. I don't think there is anything wrong with liking fashion, wanting to dress nice, but you don't need to strip to the skins to be sexy or attract guys. If your source of confidence is coming from your looks then its going to make you seek attention for your looks and the guys who are going to give you that attention are usually just interested in one thing. Confidence has nothing to do with externals its all about how you feel on the inside, its being true to yourself, and being comfortable with yourself and that means even being comfortable with parts of yourself you don't like. If your totally honest you might be a little shallow (most of us are a little) too nothing wrong with that really but if you want to create more depth you have to first get rid of the attitude that you would be doing nice guys a favor by letting them land a hot chick. Usually creating depth means talking to people sans your usual image but in a real, raw sense, a willingness to learn, learning skills like introspection and reflection, being aware of your feelings and others feelings. I have the most incredible conversations with people because I just love the aspect of getting to know them.

I attract intelligent men it mystifies me at times because I have always considered myself to be of average intelligence so its not like I can follow all these guy's conversations or even get all their jokes. You don't have to though, you could just try asking questions and listening. I like to flirt but I don't have sex without love period that's just me maybe but you could try dating someone seriously for a while, guys that are interested in you actually do wait and while they show interest in sex (being human), the nice ones won't pressure you or ever give you ultimatums about sex. You don't have to use your body to get a man, you might be used to attracting a mate by appearance so why don't you show them something other then skin? Try just being yourself and don't take yourself so seriously. Trying to be cool all the time is exhausting and honestly I don't think people who try to be cool or sexy pull off either, they just look well sleazy and shallow. Try talking to a guy, joking, asking questions. You may have a lot of interests but do your weekends only involve bars and parties? Those are fine sometimes naturally I go out with friends too but there are lots of other places to meet people and other ways to have fun. Try meeting guys in a different environment. The only guys who have approached me in clubs have asked for sex on the spot (at least they were clear) but the guys I've met that are what I want I've often met in class actually, my husband though I met him online completely randomly. Be clear with guys too about what you want guys who want sex will bolt if you say you want a relationship :-P

diamond3 · Accepted Answer

you show way too much skin! that is why! if you show off your body too much you will get a guy who just wants that. when you keep most your clothes on guys usually don't go staright to sex. so I think your reason for the ass holes that you attract is the perception you are putting out..

slipslender · Accepted Answer

i don't mean to be a bitch...but can I refer you back to your profile picture?

MyNameIsJonas · Accepted Answer

Being "intelligent" and "shallow" can coexist. People who are around the same development emotionally attract each other. What you say you are looking for is someone who is not shallow.

That would consist of being self aware; Knowing that you act out in certain ways based on your emotions and views but have recognized this. You know yourself and for what reasons you act the way you do.

I.e- Sara usually gossips about her friend Clare. Sara will pick out Cliar's flaws and voice to her friends that she does not think she is pretty. Sara and Cliar hang out in the same circle of friends, Cliar is very nice to Sara. When Sara and Cliar are hanging out with a group of people, Cliar is always getting more attention, and boys usually approach Cliar instead of Sara. One day Sara realizes that she has been jealous of Cliar, and for that reason she acts out and speaks unkindly about Clair. Sara realizes this. Therefore she is self aware. That was a very basic example.

Being aware of what you like and for what reasons is a big part of being self aware as well. If I was to only chase woman that have been in magazines and were models but had no way of expressing themselfs or real opinions on anything. It would be safe to assume that I did not care for their personality or having a real emotional relationship with them, but wanted what society has labeled as sexy and is in demand by many men. For that reason I may want what is in demand on a basic level of feeling inferior to others in society. When I have a model on my arm I feel superior. And hence I have solved my complex. If I was also aware of these actions I would be self aware, and could even further address why I feel inferior, and maybe solve it.

The problem with shallow people is that they are not self aware. They act out in a way do not know why. They have not yet developed them selves emotionally.

cyrus7 · Accepted Answer

theyr intimidated, I know id be :P lol a good looking girl must have all kinds of guys approaching her so I got no chance

Marciano1 · Answer

Nice guys are not so good at chatting up girls so if you find a nice guy you like and he seems to look at you a lot (showing signs of interest) but never makes a move, he is not playing hard to get, he is just not confident to make a move or he probably havn't made a move at all to any girl...so he doesn't know how to...so now that you know shy/nice guys don't know how to approach you...why don't you write down what to do, cos you've had enough guys approaching you.

Any yeah those photos of yours...attracts the wrong attention because your almost nakid..and when guys see that they can only think of their d**k...

BoobMan · Answer

This seems pretty solvable. You should be able to get a very good idea of whether or not a guy is intelligent and has ambition on the first date. Just ask the right questions. You can probably even get a good sense of shallowness, though that might take another date. So if they guy sounds like an unambitious idiot on the first date, don't go on the second one. Easy!

Don't want a guy who is JUST interested in parties and drinking? Don't go on a second date with a guy unless either the first or the second has a theme other than drunk party. Easy!

Don't want a guy who's ONLY interested in sex? Get to know each other by going on a few dates BEFORE you have sex. Easy!

I don't think you need to give up on "hot" or "confident" guys. You just need to stop spending loads of time with stupid, shallow, unambitious guys who are only interested in sex, drinking and parties. Fortunately, it's pretty easy to weed all of those guys out.

You just need a better filter. . .

MrReal · Answer

A summer dress and a smile is just as attractive if not more than a naked woman link

but maybe I'm the only one but it show's your classy and beautiful and that's what intelligent men look for. Don't listen to most of these assh*les obviously they didn't read your post and have personal agendas. Get to know the guy don't quiz him all in one hour but spread your questions along through a few dates and remember they don't need sex to love you all they need is you.

thisislifebaby · Answer

just because you attract this type of guy doesn't mean you have to do anything with them, it generally isn't that hard to tell if a person is plain stupid within the first 10 min of talking to them. To be honest how can you be taken seriously when you pose half naked in front of a mirror?, how you come across to other people is generally the type of person you will attract.

browolf · Answer

Go on a dating site. In that kind of place you can manipulate your image to downplay your looks. Write a profile that's stresses your interests and your ambitions and out of the usual pile of chancers there will probably be some more intelligent guys.

bob01 · Answer

1 congratulations, you finally observed to make a difference how important is to be loved.

2 if you don't want to attract those guys, just give up on some sexy skirts etc women use to attract male attention; however women must be used with so much attention from guys

3 if he is not hot and confident, he may be a nice guy. make the first move, you may find him one day. I didn't say to jump into his bed but do something.

I didn't know people in Antarctica are not that intelligent.

solidranger · Answer

For the same reason that you post such a sexy photo of yourself. You want to attract guys who aren't shallow, stop showing off the goods.

G_GTom · Answer

You can "put up with his looks". That says it all right there. Don't do those "less than hot" guys any favors. Stick with the idiots you've been dating and the world will be better place.

Brandan_Cromartie · Answer

You attract those you do because you participate in the things they do. If you were in chess club and blended in with the people you're attempting to attract your odds would go up. Go figure.

Ingway · Answer

maybe you're the type of person who rely on your sense of sight too much. not in a bad way though, instead you can tell quality of stuffs by its physical appearance. well are you a good spender?

dudeman · Answer

to be honest you look like a dumb bitch something shallow guys would be attracted too

KarKingJack · Answer

Look harder =] Probably your temperament draws in those sort of lizards, you know. Just go looking, if you wanna draw in others.

Shaun · Answer

I thought people in antarctica were all scientists and sh*t.

Anonymous · Answer

because you look easy and why not so cute guys never go up to you is because they think your too good for them and they are intimidated by you

sam240 · Answer

all hot guys are shallow...except me of course...XD

Spacemen3 · Answer

because you're probably a shallow slut yourself. Don't try to be what you're not.

Anonymous · Answer

Because you're a sucker for a big cock?

Blahbabla · Answer

<--- nice intelligent guy right here, just saying.

ThickRick · Answer

Eat a hamburger.

JohnnyTsunami · Answer

because your hot and shallow :D

Why do I always attract the hot but shallow guys?

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