Why don't guys take care of their kids?

OK so I think about the weirdest things and recently I have been trying to figure out why so many (not saying some females don't) guys don't take care of thier kids.I have came up with my own conclusion and would like you guys to tell me if you agree or disagree. I think it is because boys are taught from an early age that they aren't suppose to play with babydolls.After I came to this conclusion, I wanted to see if I may be right so I told my 3 sons AGES 12,10 and 5 I was going to buy them a babydoll and they all 3 said the same thing (I asked them at different times while it was just us two) They all said I don't want no baby doll so I asked why not and they all said Because theyr'e for girls So If we teach them from an early age that only females are suppose to care for babies then? Agree or disagree?



Most Helpful Guy

  • It's a tough argument. Toys are gender-role reinforcing, but there are all types of toys. If a boy builds a sand castle and imagines himself as the "king of his castle" doesn't that reinforce father-like behaviors? Ask them why their action figures are different from dolls?Then ask them who their role models are?

    See, it's not that I agree or disagree with you, I think the question needs to be expanded-What is the relation between money and power, gender, and parental roles? Because in different societies they're culturally different. Being in the US, if a wealthy male travels all the time for work, and is never home, and the parents become divorced then joint custody is going to be a problem for the male. If he's poor and works two jobs and the parents divorce, he then faces a similar time restraining conflict, but instead of being flown all over the place, he is stuck in two places.

    The next factor is the ideals and value a person holds in parenting versus the amount of success they wish to achieve (or not achieve) and they way in which they manage it. This is going to relate to what they saw as the big picture in life compared to their actual situation. And bridging those gaps or creating wider spaces relates to how we or future generations may act as parents.


What Guys Said 20

  • I've seen people give very young boys dolls. They push them along the floor going 'vroom vroom'. Some girls meanwhile put the dumptruck to bed and change its diaper.

    I'm exaggerating a little (on the second, I've _seen_ the first_ but there are some huge innate differances between men and women.

    I have three kids, got up in the night to change them, did tons of diapers, and love them all like crazy. But especially when we are talking about babies, you need to recognize that in the wild, the mother took care of the baby, period. Men do not breastfeed, if you haven't noticed. For most of human evolution, males supported females raising babies. As they get older, the male could take more of a role. Men do like to father, but _especially_ when it comes to babies, they don't jump in AS much as women do. There are parts of raising children that I actually think men do _better_ then women ... but they come later.

    I think its worth considering that the bond from a mother to her children is perhaps unique. I love my children more then anything. But men evolved being a little less certain of paternity then women are with knowing their children are 'theirs'. I think men have a stronger, broad bond to the 'tribe' and women have a stronger specific bond to their children. Neither of these is 'better', its just different. I think men are more likely to sacrifice their lives for strangers (not that women never do) and women are more likely to do absolutely _anything_ for their own children (no matter how immoral, tbh!). I would guess that men traditionally didn't know as clearly which of the tribes children they were related to, so generally protected all of them a little more.

    Men and women are both amazing, but do have their differences.

  • The answers may have been the result of how they're being brought up, with well-defined (over-defined?) parental roles.

    Psychological studies come to the same conclusions that you have, but with variances.

    Your subject pool is too small (3) and not general enough (your sons).

  • That's the stupidest conclusion I've ever heard.

    Sorry, but the only reason why guys don't take care of their kids is because they aren't ready maturity wise, to become a father. Any dumb f*ck can make a kid, man or woman. But it takes someone with a strong sense of purpose and a want to have that much responsibility and LOVE to want to be a parent. Also, us men, in general, don't think about the "what ifs" that women always think about when we want to have sex. Probably because we aren't, and I apologize ahead of time if this sounds really cold and heartless, the ones that really have to be involved with the raising of the child. I mean we don't carry him/her for 7-10 months in our bodies, we aren't the sex that have to endure the pains, hormonal swings, discomforts, pressures, and worries that go along with pregnancy truthfully. We just are the ones that deposit and hopefully the guy is strong enough and is in the right frame of mind to want to be there for support and guidance for that son or daughter.

    That's how I see it. But I have a beautiful 16 mon old son and I don't regret 1 sec of my decision of being a father to this awesome son of my wife and myself. But, I think, whatever issues with relationships and growing up in my life that I've come across, has prepared my mind and my personality to want to be a father. It's all timing and how men evolve in their lives.

    • thats the stupidest cooment I have ever saw..Who the hell are you to say someones opinion is stupid?Evidently you are a loser ass moron..

    • Sorry if I got your ire up but it was a stupid conclusion. Maybe stupid is a bit harsh, but developing the maturity and capability of becoming a father or being in the right frame of mind and status to be a good father takes more than not playing with dolls. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it all comes down to Tommy not having a Cabbage Patch Kid when he was 4 and not because his father/mother never told him or was a good example of how a good father should be or he never had an interest. My bad...?

  • We're men. I never had a teddy bear or played with dolls.

    My sister had a barbie doll in her room when she was a kid. I turned Barbie around, pulled her pants down, and had her mannequin butt there as a joke. She laughed to it.

    We're attracted to objects and things. We're also about building and fixing stuff. We are NOT wired to people and emotions.

    Legos, Tinkertoys, Electric racecar track were my toys. Then came the Nintendo and I was addicted forever.

  • Refusing to play with a doll hardly means someone doesn't/won't care about their (future) children.

    > so many (not saying some females don't) guys don't take care of thier kids

    Do you have statistics to support that?

    > So If we teach them from an early age that only females are suppose to care for babies then? Agree or disagree?

    Disagree. We teach them from an early age that only females are supposed to play with dolls.

    Would you agree that almost all guys don't like to play with dolls, but the vast majority of guys takes care of their children?

  • Its not always like this. I was raised playing with guns instead of dolls too, and yeah I did the military thing...but I also raised my son alone...when my cheating wife left us. I raised my son alone for almost five years before remarrying. The ex, his mother, still hasn't called or written once since she left to ask how he is or I am, and she knows how to get ahold of me. I made sure of it. I raised him from birth and he is 5 1/2 and really I asked the same question...how can women ever leave their son? She was selfish. The difference between men and women though...is women always know the child is theres...and no matter what they say...a man does not have the same peace of mind. There is always that question. I do agree with your hypothesis about how men are raised. We are taught to be hard and distant. As babies when we get hurt we are told to be "tough" and "be a man!" and "stop crying" and oh..."heres a gun, this is your toy...go pretend to like killing your friends with it...thats your game...thats your toy...go find pleasure in pretending you're killing someone" Its a monstrous sexual discrimination that men are taught they can't even cry as babies..."be a man?" Really? Why can't they just be a child that's hurt? One that needs and disserves a kiss, a hug, and to be held when they are crying? In the meantime women as girls are given dolls and taught to love and nurture something and hold it close...its disgusting the way men are treated...from this treatment and emotional abuse...we learn that our feelings aren't accepted by women...usually we are taught this first by the most important female...our own mothers. To be taught or feelings don't matter by our own mother...scars a man and he takes that on to his relationships pretending he has no feelings...because they aren't respected...if he has feelings or shows them...he is denegrated and disrespected and immasculated...even called derogatory terms like "gay" because he shows his feelings...women aren't called "bull-dyke" or "lipstick lesbians" when they cry...there are differences. want to know some more differences look me up on youtube under the masculinist.

    • Finally someone who agrees with me..my mother left when I was 10 and I am now 32.I found her about 7 months ago..she has calledm e twice since..I guess she either has no maternal instincts or she is a narcisist...I hope oyur son will grow to know it wasn't anything to do with him..I still cry wondering why my mom didn't love me..



    I came on here, to some misandristic question from 5 months ago, expecting just to sneer and jive at the result. And then BAM.


    Apart from the rather insulting generalisations, ey... This is FANTASTIC. Well done. I never even made the connection. But I think you're right - babies are for f***ing GIRLS. Jesus. I mean, there are scenes in films - no, WHOLE FILMS, dedicated to fathers taking care of babies, and its this hilarious comedy situation. But like, what the f***.

    I managed to escape that, see, 'cos I like, fantasise about raising my kids. But then, I'm gender dysphoric. SO HEY. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YA.


    You're too right.

    • are you making fun of me? :(

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    • kinda weird right after I commented to your response,I find this article.. link

    • I never liked that evolutionary/instinctive theorism stuff.

  • well, you don't teach kids to play with baby dolls, kids are predisposed genetically to play with dolls or not, they have done experiments with baby apes to see what toys the babies play with and the girls pick the dolls and the boys pick the trucks. Its simply in our nature, however, we did have an agreement that would keep guys in the picture, it was called marriage. women would wait to have sex with a guy and for that the guy would stick around. Now women don't wait, so our loyalty for the most part is not going to be given

    • also when a man has a baby his testosterone drops but only for a short time, suggesting that he would only stick around when the baby needed the absolute most care

  • why do girls sleep with guys that don't take care of their kids, because they are both f***ing morons

  • I don't think it has anything to do with babydolls. It has to do more with immaturity and lack of personal responsibility. These are character flaws and are often (but not always) mirrored from their own parents.

  • I think there is some truth in what you say, but coming to that conclusion from the "babydoll test" isn't exactly a great thing to base your assumption on. A for effort though. Who is "we" in your post? Is that like generalizing all of society of what?

    • I meant "or what", not "of what" lol****

  • I don't think that comes from socialization. I think it's innate.

  • Hunnie I have one bou who is in the Autism Spectrum and I take care of him all the time...which is a damn good thing because he needs a one-on-one parent at all times. I did not have any dolls and do not feel deprived. Pretty sure that your other responders are correct when t hey say it matters how you were raised. But regardless, all of us have to step up to the plate when we are needed...isn't that called taking responsibility?

  • You have to instill good values in your children it's as simple as that. It doesn't have anything to do with dolls just love your children and show them what is right and what is wrong and it'll carry over into their life's.

  • mostly they have no example good dads are rare. DON'T have sex without commitment. sex leads to babes 100% preventable. let the boys be boys. men care and provide for there family teach them good morals respect woman self control what commitment means. boys hit things beat thing explode dolls. Nurture is not in there vocabulary

  • how they are raised I'm sure plays a part in it but would that be the entirety of it I doubt it

  • Disagree. Just instill the values of good parenting and they'll grow up to be that way. A doll won't make a difference. They'd probably just destroy it. lol

  • The same reason why if you get to dodge work in office, you would!

  • I think it is because men are taught not to show any emotion. As a result most of us are not in touch with our emotions. I for one, am tired of being told to suck it up and act like a man, if when I have feelings about something. If a man does show emotion, other men and women think it is a sign of weakness.


What Girls Said 5

  • Agree

  • disagree. you cannot accuse all men of not taking care of their kids because you have had bad luck with the men you chose. that's just absurd. I know so many good, loving dads, including my own.

    Also, boys not playing with dolls does not cause them to not care for a child. Boys don't play with baby dolls because the 20th century was f***ed and masochistic, mostly the 40's and 50's, but that is besides the point. From a young age guys are given propagandized army dolls, video games that let you kill sh*t, and all sorts of "manly" toys because that is how society has progressed. Of course your sons are going to say that, they don't want to look like a sissy. now, I am not saying that I support all of this, in fact it makes me mad that guys are raised to be so fem-aphobic, but all of this does not even come close to meaning that men do not take care of their children.

  • Well, I know a bunch of gay little boys who loved playing with dolls (sorry, I hate to be stereotypical but this guy was kinda obvious since he was a kid and sure enough, he grew up to be a wonderful flaming homosexual that I completely adore) but I don't think it pulled at his heart strings anymore than say a GI Joe might for your kids.

    Women tend to be more 'maternal' cause we tend to already be pretty invested in the baby. He/She/It was growing inside of us for nine months, you feel it kicking and squirming in there for weeks. It pops out of you and voila! You finally get to see this creature that was within you for so long, that you have nurtured and cared for /already/ while the husband just watched.

    See, he is already divorced from the pregnancy once his semen has been used up. Sure he has to provide in the old days but its not the same as actually experiencing pregnancy. Okay, so ten months (that last month is sneaky) and the man just sits there and watches you while you experience the full sensation of your child within. Then pop! Out comes the baby...now what? Breast-feeding. Guess who does it? Mommy. Guess who has to make money in the mean time? Daddy. So basically from conception until the first year of the child's life the mommy-baby bonding is /immense/ in comparison to daddy-baby bonding. We're waaaaay ahead of the schedule in the parental-love-race.

    Now, aside from the biological factor, imagine the immense social pressure is added onto the woman to love her child (whether she actually does or not doesn't matter). Everyone talks about this 'maternal instinct' like its some magical primeval knowledge that is unleashed as the placenta is pushed out of your vagina. Not to mention ever since you're a child you knew that this was coming, this was the inevitable, at some point you are going to have a squirming, screaming creature rip its way out of you and there is nothing you can do about it short of denying yourself your reproductive rights (yes I am generalizing - we will dismiss those that can't, won't or refuse to reproduce naturally.)

    This is also why I think women suffer from ppd more than men. Its all this pressure and some can't handle it. Not only are we /forced/ to bond with our child more than the man does biologically but socially we are expected to love it and nurture it too?

    Geeze, no wonder guys run.

    (Just a note: this is entirely generalized and completely aimed at a heteronormative society and dealing with natural child birth, not adoptions, in vitro (although that might work) or surrogates.)

    • "Breast-feeding. Guess who does it? Mommy."

      myy daddiee haz beeer tittts. itt was hiz dezizion to breasd feeed mee. lookk at mee noww. ivee becomme a verry intelligend guyy. donnt neeed noo mommiieee...

  • i don't think a doll has anything to do with taking care of a kid. I never really played with barbie dolls but if I have a kid I would take great care of him or her. I think it goes back to the maturity of the guy more then anything.

    • I agree with u...don't care much for that word "maturity" tho

  • I think its massively over simplifying things to say that "its all because of what toys kids play with when they're young"

    But I get what you mean and I do think a huge part of gender roles, and someones general ability to relate well and consider other peoples feelings comes from how we re raised. All this stuff that woman are maternal and men are physically incapable of relating well with their kids "because they re not genetically programed for it" is total BS.

    I don't think most woman have a particular advantage over men, I think its just that its still the EXPECTATION for woman to be super with the kids, think about it, if you re a mother and don't relate well with kids, you pretty much get labeled a monster, where as for dads its almost normal. so woman are under more pressure to be nuturing.

    Plus its still the norm for mums to stay home while the dad goes out to work, so the mother spends a heap more time with the kids, so of course she's going to know them better and how to deal with them.

    Men are just as capable of being good parents but there isn't a lot of social expectation or pressure for them to do so.