What does a guy saying "You deserve better" really mean?

[Anonymous]

When we were breaking up my boyfriend said things like "I don't want to keep hurting you" and "You deserve someone better than me." He does have a low self esteem. He has a rough past that he's not proud of, and he doesn't think he's worth much now. I know about his past because he was completely honest about it, and I know how great he is now. I don't hold his past against him. I wish he could see himself like I see him. My question is: was he just feeding me lines to end our relationship nicely, or does he legit think he's not good enough for me? If he doesn't think he's good enough, how could I prove to him that he is?

[blunty]

What is the meaning of you deserve someone better?

Especially in romantic relationships, the phrase "you deserve someone better" is frequently used as a method to easily let someone down. It is frequently employed when one party feels unable to satisfy the demands or expectations of the other.

In essence, it conveys the message that the recipient deserves someone who can provide them more than their current relationship can. Different ideals, lifestyle preferences, or just a general lack of compatibility may be to blame for this.

Even if the remark may be meant to be a kind let-down, the person who hears it may nevertheless feel upset. They could feel inadequate, undeserving, and unworthy of love and affection as a result.

It's crucial to keep in mind that relationships are two-way streets, and both people must work to make them successful. It may be a sign that the relationship is unhealthy or unstable if one person frequently feels like they are not enough.

Instead than saying things like "you deserve someone better," it's crucial to be open and honest about your wants and feelings. In the end, this can result in better and more satisfying relationships by preventing misunderstandings and damaged sentiments.

1. He's excusing himself from the relationship.

The term "he's excusing himself from the relationship" denotes that the subject is providing justification for ending the relationship. This could be the result of a number of factors, including a lack of interest or compatibility, a sense of overwhelm, or a lack of readiness for a serious commitment.

Even though it may be upsetting or heartbreaking to hear that someone is ending a relationship, it is crucial to respect their feelings and limits and to keep in mind that it is ultimately their decision.

It can be beneficial to speak openly and honestly about your own needs and feelings if you are the one who is hearing this. If both parties are prepared to work on the relationship, this can assist to clear up any misunderstandings and possibly save the relationship. It can be wise to accept the decision and move on gracefully and kindly if it becomes evident that the relationship is not working out.

2. He desires something different from you.

If someone has a different desires than you, it simply implies that they are an individual with their own own needs, wants, and preferences. It's crucial to keep in mind that everyone is unique and views the world from their own perspective.

Consider trying to understand their viewpoint and respecting their decisions rather than getting discouraged or taking it personally. It's acceptable to have diverse viewpoints and preferences since they can spark fruitful conversations and the chance to share knowledge.

Never forget that just because someone has a different want than you does not imply that they do not respect or cherish your opinion. Accept diversity and see it as a chance for learning and improvement.

3. He's dealing with personal issues.

A person is going through a challenging moment in their personal life if they are dealing with personal issues. Their career, family, relationships, health, or any other part of their life could be involved. It's crucial to keep in mind that everyone experiences difficult times and that asking for assistance is acceptable.

Offer your support and let them know that you are there for them rather than interrogating or pressing them to open up. In order to help them deal with their own concerns, you can also provide tools like therapy or counseling. Keep in mind to be patient and empathetic while they overcome their difficulties. In the end, your compassion and kindness can significantly impact their lives.

4. He has low self-confidence.

Low self-confidence is characterized by a person's lack of conviction in their own skills or value. This might be the product of earlier events, social pressures, or insecurities within the individual.

It's crucial to realize that lacking self-confidence is a problem that many individuals experience on a regular basis and that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Try to be encouraging and supportive of them so they can increase their self-confidence rather than criticizing or judging them.

Encourage them to put their attention on their strengths, recognize their successes, and push themselves to attempt new things. Remind them that failures are chances for growth and learning and that everyone makes mistakes. They can focus on boosting their self-confidence and leading a more fulfilled life with time and help.

5. He's concerned about your self-worth.

If someone cares about your wellbeing and wants to make sure that you hold yourself in high regard, they care about your self-worth. It's critical to keep in mind that each and every person deserves respect and kindness because of their inherent worth.

Try to comprehend their problems and avoid becoming defensive or dismissive by giving them your undivided attention. They might have observed specific patterns or actions in your life that point to low self-esteem or value.

Use their concern as a chance to examine your own sense of value and self-worth. Try to make good changes by asking yourself what acts or behaviors you might be engaging in that might be causing these feelings. Practice self-care and self-compassion while concentrating on your abilities and successes.

When it comes to enhancing your self-worth, keep in mind that it's acceptable to request assistance and support. Contact your loved ones, look for expert assistance, or take up new hobbies that will make you feel good about yourself. You can increase your sense of value and lead a better, more satisfying life with some time and effort.

6. He's giving you a flattering compliment.

A flattering compliment is an expression of appreciation or praise for a feature of you that the other person finds alluring, remarkable, or appealing. Consider it a favorable sign, and express your gratitude for their kind remarks.

7. He acknowledges he won't treat you well.

It's crucial to evaluate the ramifications of being in a relationship with someone who accepts that they won't treat you with kindness or respect if they say they won't treat you nicely. It is a warning sign that shouldn't be disregarded.

Even while it's conceivable that they're attempting to be open and truthful about their shortcomings, it's unacceptable for anyone to treat others badly. Setting limits and putting your own needs first are vital.

Think about talking to them about their actions and how it makes you feel. It could be advisable to quit the relationship and put your efforts toward finding someone who appreciates and values you if they are unable or unable to make necessary changes. Always keep in mind that you deserve to be treated with respect and care.

How do you respond to you deserve better?

It's critical to acknowledge their concern and act on their advice if someone tells you that you deserve more. They can be expressing their belief that you deserve more from a circumstance than what you are now getting.

Spend some time thinking about the circumstance and determining whether you are actually receiving what you are due. Don't accept less than you deserve; instead, take into account your own needs and desires. Setting limits and putting your own needs first are vital.

Keep in mind that you deserve to be loved, respected, and happy. Don't be scared to make adjustments for the better in your life and look for connections and circumstances that uplift you.

Is ''you deserve better'' an excuse?

"You deserve better" can be used as an excuse in some situations, but it can also be a genuine expression of concern and care for someone's well-being. It's important to consider the context and the intentions behind the statement.

In some cases, "you deserve better" may be used to avoid taking responsibility for one's own actions or to end a relationship without being honest about the reasons. However, it can also be a sincere expression of belief that someone deserves to be treated with respect and kindness.

It's important to have open and honest communication with others and to be clear about your own needs and boundaries. Don't let "you deserve better" be an excuse for someone's poor behavior, but also don't dismiss it as a meaningless platitude.

[Leo_Chic]

If you really feel he's saying this to avoid hurting you, then believe him.

I was dating a guy who did the same thing recently, and looking back I can see the signs. We are both entrepreneurs in compatible fields, so we had that similarity. He always had been enthralled by the amount of confidence I seem to have in myself, kinda put me on a pedestal in his mind. He was always doing his best to impress me, too. Always asking what I think about something he did. Said he didn't like planning things but would seem bothered if I didn't come up with plans for us myself... (I'm thinking he wasn't all that comfortable leading me now, as a man, because I felt more comfortable with myself than he did with himself.))

He even confessed to me something he did that he's not proud of that haunts him till this day, just like your guy. I don't think he's forgiven himself. Also, he is super talented, runs several business ventures and even pole vaults, for crying out loud... but he acts like this is nothing, that it doesn't reflect anything good about him!

Thing is, confidence has to come from within and starts with a change of perspective. If a guy has to continually seek out the opinions of others to feel good about himself, then you are fighting a losing battle. Men cannot function well in relationships if they don't feel equal to their partner in confidence, that they can contribute in a way that makes them feel like a "man". You can continue to be a supportive friend to him, if he'll have that, but he'll always feel unsatisfied in a relationship with you so long as he hasn't dealt with his own issues of self-esteem.

I know you care about him, but I wouldn't recommend dating someone who feels inferior to you. Trust me, it will only break your heart and make him feel worse in the end. :(

[reality321]

Usually when a person says you deserve better and breaks up with you it means that they don't want to hurt you but they don't want to be with you either. This is an excuse to break up. Don't tell him that he is good enough for you. Don't try to fix his self esteem just let him go. I said this to a guy that was very sweet and that I didn't want to hurt. I was going through some things and needed to be alone. I cared about him but I couldn't be with him anymore so I said that I didn't deserve him and that he could do better. If somebody says this to break up just let it go and know that they don't want to be with you for whatever reason.

[gypsy16]

it could be both! as his girlfriend you need to uplift him..which I cld imagine gets hard for you whether you edmit it! jst gotta keep assuring him that he is just right for you...and I you were as good as he says...y wld he want you to leave?

or...yes its jst a excuse...ad he is actually breaking up ith you in a nice way...it could be a lot worse!

[Asker]

Yeah, it is hard. He has low opinions of himself, and he puts me on a pedestal. He admittedly did awful things in his past. He would always say I was perfect and deserved better, even though I assured him I'm not even close to perfect. I don't care about any of that. I just want him back. We're opposites in many ways, and because of that we were actually really good together.

[big_poppa_pump]

well personally I think a lot of times guys really mean it.they are very honest because they are logical when breaking up.its just that the female brain which is riding along its own emotional tangent that complicates things.

I have met good girls along the way. they were so sweet. I wasn't looking for anything long term and I basically was an a**hole back then( I knew I was going to cheat on her or something like that). So I thought it is better to end it rather than dragging it to the point of excess drama.

[reality321]

What you said about the female mind going on an emotional tangent is a stereotype. Men do a lot of the same behaviors as women. They just don't get called over emotional or crazy. For example if a women finds out her partner is cheating and reacts by throwing and breaking things she is called crazy, over emotional, and oversensitive. If a man does the same thing he doesn't get called any names at all. Another example is if a man looks through his girlfriends phone because he think she might be cheating nobody says anything but if a women does the same thing she is called possessive, controlling, or crazy. Men aren't held accountable to nearly the same extent as women. If a women breaks up with a man he also gets "emotional". He might not cry but he does feel rejected and expresses it in his own way. I have had men blow up my phone asking why I broke up with them, text months later to ask if I've slept with anyone, and text to call me names over and over.

[Asailum]

It could be that he doesn't like himself but in my cynical experience I think its him being an asshole. What I mean is he is treating you like he "cares" about you so he's putting himself down to make you feel better. As if you were so weak that you can't handle yourself...

[ElleB123]

What about when a guys who really doesn't deserve you and treated you badly says that to you and also says that he is "damaged" and a "mess" and it seems believable because of his past actions? Is it possible that he is aware of his bad behavior?

[Asker]

@ElleB123: I think the guy in your situation is aware of his behavior. You should never let a guy mistreat you. In that case, he's right. You are deserving of so much more. He's not a real man if he treats women badly. The guy in my situation didn't treat me badly. He loves me, but I think he needs time to grow as a person and rediscover his worth.

[big_poppa_pump]

no matter what...both of you girls will still be attracted to them :)

[IsabelleBk]

As you said, he has low self esteem.. and it can be true that he thinks he really isn't good enough for you. You should tell him that you forgive him and all is forogtten, start something new with him. Let him know that you're there for him (if you really love/like him) he may just need to hear that from you.

[7gnat]

To only know what you posted and answer the question"was he just feeding me lines...) is impossible-but I can conjecture- that may be a line and he's trying to let you down easy. the line"you deserve someone better" is an old one. hey why would someone with low self-esteem break up with someone else? and it also is nearly impossible to change one's opinions of their image.

[mika14]

I am in a very similar position, my boyfriend thinks i deserve better after being in what i think is a bit of a negative headspace and time in his life and so one part of me thinks he could see things differently and the other is shocked that it came to this because we were deeply in love but i feel like his past is holding him back from almost accepting that he deserves to be happy and loved now

[loveeey]

I went threww the same... 💁 juss let him kno no matter what your ganna stay in his life thats if you want... my boyfriemd whenn we first started dating he said the samee 3months inn to the relationship i said nope its not happening im still ganna be here its more of a test rlly too see if your ganna leave outta his life even tho it may not seem like a test but its an unknown one 💁 me and my baee been together for 2 years now so takee my advice babes its all up to yuu

[Anonymous]

Like RaeBae said, my now-ex said that to me and what it meant was he was cheating. When caught red handed approximately 6 days after he made the comment , tried to pretend that the comment was the equivalent of having broken up with me, though at the time, i'd asked what he meant and he declined to comment further and just hugged me. (Oh the lies cowards tell! How do you look yourselves in the mirror later?)

[RaeBae]

Well when my ex said that crap to me, it was because he was cheating. Soooo yea

[Anonymous]

When my boyfriend thinks that he isn't good enough, I alwayd remind him how my life has changed ever since we have been together, I encourage him and I remind him that his past is past and it doesn't determine who he is today and despite knowing of it I still chose him.