All my life I have been afraid to approach women. Now however I have noticed a change in myself. Instead of mumbling, stuttering, and looking away from girls, I am looking down on them. I seem to have lost my inability to talk to them and replaced it with hatred.
One example is when I was working on a project with a girl. I kept on insulting her in my mind and I treated her like she was dumber then a box of rocks. She was not ugly either, nor was she mean. I realize this is wrong every time I do it, but it comes as naturally as blinking, I can't stop myself.
I have never been with a girl, and my friends have accused me of being gay. My own family even said "if you're gay, its okay we can accept that." I am not gay, and those accusations annoy the heck out of me.
I'm getting tired of being under pressure to be in a relationship. I also think my standards are too high. I have been asked out by a few girls, but I turned them down because they are just not attractive. I know its wrong to judge someone by looks, but when an overweight goth with a lisp asks you out when you have no clue who they are... I can't accept it.
I think my fear/hatred of women may come fron me being raised my whole life with women who had very short tempers. I never had a father figure in my life and my mother has more mental illnesses than can be counted on two hands. I had to threaten suicide once because my mother was screaming so bad I couldn't get my word in. Instead of her listening she signed my up with a theripist.
My theripist understands that I am NOT suicidal, and all we talk about is my family problems. I can't bring up my problem with women because its way too embarrassing. that's why I am here.
To define my views of women more precisely... Here:
-I think they laugh behind my back all the time. I constantly try and make myself immune to embarrassment by cleaning my clothes, body, hair, possessions, etc.
-I think that they think they're better than everyone else.
-I avoid contact with them for fear they will insult me the first chance they get.
-I stay quiet when a woman is in a group talk for fear that I might say something displeasing or inadequate.
-They are sluts... I see women with a different guy every week. The unfaithfulness appeals me.
-They try and manipulate people through seduction. A friend of mine got 5 grand stolen because of this.
-No matter how pretty they are, I see them all as a challenge to think with my head and not my... Other head. I think everything they do is deceptive.
Anyway... I really want a solution to my fear and hatred of women. I don't mean anything bad and if this offends you I'm sorry. I want nothing more than a relationship... Even if it is sexless. I just want companionship. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Most Helpful Girl
-Your hatred of women comes from the way women in your family treated you, stop putting all women in the same category as the women of your family. I know you understand that not all women wish to be treated like they are "dumber than a box of rocks". And if your family members treated you this way, then they were so wrong to do so. Even though they may not feel like owning up to the crappy things they did to you. You should break the cycle and decide that you will not treat females like crap. Forgive them for what they have done, because now you have a hatred of women and a fear of women. Pinpoint those things that p*ss you off about your mom or any other female who has wronged you, and think about how their actions influence your views on women. Write those things down and tell your therapist every detail. It might be embarassing to tell your therapist, but he or she can't laugh at you or call you a punk...They are paid good money to listen to worst problems. Or talk to somebody that you don't know, like a counselor. Get that pain off of your chest to start healing.
- You should not be getting into a relationship any time soon with a girl just to prove to anyone that you are not gay. That's because you need to work on being the person you know you should be. Stop thinking about women in a negative perspective; try to say something nice or positive to one girl each week: Like "I like your shoes" or "Your hair is cute" or "Hi"
-Some women are manipulative, unfaithful, uptight, deceptive, evil, and gossipy. But not all of them. You shouldn't be afraid of talking to women, just because they may say somethings that are hurtful. Push out those negative thoughts and only think about positives.
-Avoiding contact with women, makes it seem like you feel that women are inferior to you. Women and men are equals in the United States, so why should you feel threatened? Your opinions are just as valuable as mine are, so don't be afraid to speak your mind to women, nicely and politely...
-The fact that you want a relationship even if its sexless is awesome.
-If you live with your toxic family members still, I would consider moving out quickly.