Hatred of women? Why?
All my life I have been afraid to approach women. Now however I have noticed a change in myself. Instead of mumbling, stuttering, and looking away from girls, I am looking down on them. I seem to have lost my inability to talk to them and replaced it with hatred.
One example is when I was working on a project with a girl. I kept on insulting her in my mind and I treated her like she was dumber then a box of rocks. She was not ugly either, nor was she mean. I realize this is wrong every time I do it, but it comes as naturally as blinking, I can't stop myself.
I have never been with a girl, and my friends have accused me of being gay. My own family even said "if you're gay, its okay we can accept that." I am not gay, and those accusations annoy the heck out of me.
I'm getting tired of being under pressure to be in a relationship. I also think my standards are too high. I have been asked out by a few girls, but I turned them down because they are just not attractive. I know its wrong to judge someone by looks, but when an overweight goth with a lisp asks you out when you have no clue who they are... I can't accept it.
I think my fear/hatred of women may come fron me being raised my whole life with women who had very short tempers. I never had a father figure in my life and my mother has more mental illnesses than can be counted on two hands. I had to threaten suicide once because my mother was screaming so bad I couldn't get my word in. Instead of her listening she signed my up with a theripist.
My theripist understands that I am NOT suicidal, and all we talk about is my family problems. I can't bring up my problem with women because its way too embarrassing. that's why I am here.
To define my views of women more precisely... Here:
-I think they laugh behind my back all the time. I constantly try and make myself immune to embarrassment by cleaning my clothes, body, hair, possessions, etc.
-I think that they think they're better than everyone else.
-I avoid contact with them for fear they will insult me the first chance they get.
-I stay quiet when a woman is in a group talk for fear that I might say something displeasing or inadequate.
-They are sluts... I see women with a different guy every week. The unfaithfulness appeals me.
-They try and manipulate people through seduction. A friend of mine got 5 grand stolen because of this.
-No matter how pretty they are, I see them all as a challenge to think with my head and not my... Other head. I think everything they do is deceptive.
Anyway... I really want a solution to my fear and hatred of women. I don't mean anything bad and if this offends you I'm sorry. I want nothing more than a relationship... Even if it is sexless. I just want companionship. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
-Your hatred of women comes from the way women in your family treated you, stop putting all women in the same category as the women of your family. I know you understand that not all women wish to be treated like they are "dumber than a box of rocks". And if your family members treated you this way, then they were so wrong to do so. Even though they may not feel like owning up to the crappy things they did to you. You should break the cycle and decide that you will not treat females like crap. Forgive them for what they have done, because now you have a hatred of women and a fear of women. Pinpoint those things that p*ss you off about your mom or any other female who has wronged you, and think about how their actions influence your views on women. Write those things down and tell your therapist every detail. It might be embarassing to tell your therapist, but he or she can't laugh at you or call you a punk...They are paid good money to listen to worst problems. Or talk to somebody that you don't know, like a counselor. Get that pain off of your chest to start healing.
- You should not be getting into a relationship any time soon with a girl just to prove to anyone that you are not gay. That's because you need to work on being the person you know you should be. Stop thinking about women in a negative perspective; try to say something nice or positive to one girl each week: Like "I like your shoes" or "Your hair is cute" or "Hi"
-Some women are manipulative, unfaithful, uptight, deceptive, evil, and gossipy. But not all of them. You shouldn't be afraid of talking to women, just because they may say somethings that are hurtful. Push out those negative thoughts and only think about positives.
-Avoiding contact with women, makes it seem like you feel that women are inferior to you. Women and men are equals in the United States, so why should you feel threatened? Your opinions are just as valuable as mine are, so don't be afraid to speak your mind to women, nicely and politely...
-The fact that you want a relationship even if its sexless is awesome.
-If you live with your toxic family members still, I would consider moving out quickly.
What Girls Said 3
I am female.I studied psychology.My mother is a teacher and I grew up with her understanding and books on developmental psychology.They helped me survive puberty and my early 20s.
I was quiet and came from a very toxic homelife during those formative social years. At the same time, I had hit puberty early and was very precocious and genuinely enjoyed school and preferred talking with teachers.
As you can imagine I got a lot of varied negative attention from males and females but mostly males, including the behavior you describe yourself as exhibiting.
I still do from time to time.It's frustrating and sad but I also know I do it too still, sometimes.
I have had many males friendships that I wanted to have with guys I really related to end prematurely because of their superiority complexes and needy snarkiness.
As mentioned, I exhibit these traits also but they have gotten better with age and really hormones dying down is such a relief ! I think the psychological implications that snarkiness and superiority complexes being about self-hate and the feeling we need to compete are pretty accurate. I was a happy gender neutral kid but when I started getting teased and sexually harassed my whole social self gradually changed and I hate the way I am now. But, every time I try to be free-spirited and honest, I get overwhelming amounts of attention and retreat.Unlike those difficult years, I am now able to bathe and eat right and exercise.It's actually worse for me. Guys bother me every time I go out, 'pretty girls' compete and get snarky with me more than when they just mocked me. So, I've KIND OF lived both sides of your experience at this point.
I am well past my hormonal days when even a guy who was horrible or who had made my life hell could still get my hormones going and I was convinced they all knew it.
I think this new change you have noticed in yourself is one along a path towards a healthier social self. Once I accepted I was OK without being pretty, I began to judge.Slowly I immersed myself in places like GAG to get to know males more generally. I researched all types of men's culture, not just the dumb/offensive kind and even posed as a guy on some forums and MPORGs .I AM a girl, I swear :D to see what it may be like for them-getting dates, how your comments are interpreted, etc. This probably feeds into your 'women are manipulative' fears but online MPORGs are not bad and I did not seduce anyone. I just noticed that as a female poster/player, I had tons of guys bothering me and as a male, I had about as many and girls.The guys were a lot more manipulative with me as a female and tried to use me a lot more as a male.
Anyway, my oh-so-stupid point is: try experimenting with your own social identity to get a wider grasp on social selves /gender as a whole. Do it in safe considerate ways that are not mean or leading people on in meaningful ways. I found: just posting messages to girls as a'male'saying 'Hi' was much different .
What Guys Said 5
The 'Best Answer' is coming to presumptuous and baseless assumptions on your past experience in life, here is something a little more adequate;
I will answer to each one of your views and then come up with the results that are most likely to take place;
"-I think they laugh behind my back all the time. I constantly try and make myself immune to embarrassment by cleaning my clothes, body, hair, possessions, etc."
"-I avoid contact with them for fear they will insult me the first chance they get."
People don't give a fuck about one another, why on earth would they take time out of their meaningless lives to insult you unless they feel the same way.
"-I stay quiet when a woman is in a group talk for fear that I might say something displeasing or inadequate."
Social anxiety; every person feels like that some way or another when talking to people they don't know, you could have a inferiority complex. It is developed from being treated poorly by others which results in a poor self esteem and poor self image.
"-They are sluts... I see women with a different guy every week. The unfaithfulness appeals me."
Humans are sluts, get over it. We are animals who are very sexual in nature, marriage/exclusive relationships are unnatural for our nature.
"They try and manipulate people through seduction. A friend of mine got 5 grand stolen because of this."
They try to manipulate through seduction because it is socially accepted and even encouraged in Western society and your friend is an idiot.
"-No matter how pretty they are, I see them all as a challenge to think with my head and not my... Other head. I think everything they do is deceptive."
Human nature is greedy, selfish and deceptive, you can't blame one gender of a species on those attributes. Everybody is a liar and a thief, 3 years on the street and you begin to realize that even your "friends" and "family" will turn on you if there is a sufficient gain involved in it.
1.You will 'run' in "Mental Loops", like being on a mushroom trip, until you reach the point of insanity and institutionalization in one form or another.
2.You will become mentally exhausted to the point of not giving a fuck about anybody or anything but yourself, ultimately hating yourself for hypocrisy.
Sounds like you have a gender-based case of Avoidant Personality Disorder, you can very well go on without psychological treatment, but it doesn't seems as though you want to, nor do you have the mental fortitude for a life of solitude or the makings of a person with Schizoid Personality Disorder; Characterized by 'Blunted Affect' and apathy or aloofness towards creating or forming emotional/mental bonds with other human beings. If you do not feel like or do not possess the funds for psychoanalysis then the only way to get 'better' would be to step outside of your comfort zone and come to the realization you are not special enough to be a point of interest or a point of hate.
If women have caused a lot of pain for you in the past it only makes sense that you would develop some negative feelings towards them. This is one of those cases where to fix the problem you need to treat the cause and that is your fear of women. The more you get to know women, the more you'll probably realize that not all of them are out to hurt you. If you want a relationship, shying away from contact and developing a hatred towards them obviously won't help your situation.
well, you did list a bunch of terrible traits that women possess, but not all are like that. You just have to find a caring faithful girl. They seem to be a dying breed though. I do agree with you sentiment about wanting a loving relationship sex or not. Maybe you got thrown in with a bad batch, but I've met some very kind and caring girls right here on this site, so I know they're out there. I stay away from girls that appear to be deceivers/temptresses etc, I just try to find girls that are caring and sweet, not slutty. You will find them eventually, don't lose hope, there are bad women out there but there are also good ones