Why do I act cold to guys I like?

[Anonymous]

I have this problem - with my last crush, we were friends for over a year, and towards the end I became really cold at a time when he needed friends there to help him out (he was in a new city all alone, and only knew me) and I didn't put effort into seeing how he was or just helping him out in general. I guess I just felt too vulnerable if I let him in too much which was why I distanced myself? I have a lot of regret about this because I feel like our friendship has weakened because of my fear of getting too close I guess... Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone else also find themselves acting this way with people they care most about?

[ibell83]

You sound like you have trust issues (among other things) and... don't take this personally, you may need to talk to a licensed therapist about that. It sounds to me like somebody hurt you when you were vulnerable the most and you unknowingly or unwillingly project it toward others. I think that if you keep this saga up, nobody will want to have a serious relationship with you and you will get hurt all over again. You need to realize the source of this anger/hurt feelings and confront it with a professional. After all is said and done, you should apologize and be honest and sincere about what happened in your life. Hopefully he will be understanding of your situation, yet most likely hesitant to rely on you in the future.. Good luck, little sister!

[arashmenalagha]

because you have trust issues, you kind of let one guy ruin it for you, and you are in defense mode. I hope it doesn't last long for your sake. Because if it does then you will come back to girlsaskguys and say.

"why are guys don't like me" :(

[Anonymous]

You poor thing! I feel for you because I made the same mistake and still regret the way I acted towards a guy friend. From my perspective, you feel vulnerable because you overvalue him and undervalue yourself. His presence makes you nervous and in order for you to feel like you're high value, you appear cold and distant on the outside because you fear that he'll agree with what you're feeling on the inside.

I hope that helped in any way :) Good Luck xo

[evangelista]

I guess the guys are right it is trust issues, just need to let go a bit once in a while. Although I feel like needy when I treat a guy less colder, especially the ones I like, I try to control myself cause we both know it ain´t good...I thing it makes me power, more in control and less pathetic when I'm cold to a guy I like...But try to change its not health and it helps with ubs nothing

[Coffinspire]

I've had that happen to me, there was always a trigger for me though. Say we had a fight and he started distancing himself from me, I would distance even farther and it ended up ruining the relationship entirely. I think you have a fear of being hurt, which is perfectly normal, just don't be afraid to completely lose yourself in someone. That's the beauty of love!

[Anonymous]

ive done that before I think we all go through it because we are defensive and don't want to be weak and fall for someone so fast give our heart away easily, its all about trust issues and letting someone in because youve been hurt in the past before

as we mature we learn to put this aside though I've definitely changed and am nicer to guys now but it took time and age