How to stop craving a physical touch?

[Anonymous]

So I know it's a stereotype for guys to just think about sex all the time, but what about girls? For me it's not even sex that is a main function of interest I just start craving interactions -- hugs, cuddling, late night conversations, flirting, teasing, kissing. And it just consumes my ability to function because instead of studying I start wondering why I have no one to do these things with, or where I can find something besides a random hook up although I've tried that to simmer down the desire. (It doesn't work) I start reading blogs and articles about dating, I join sites, I settle, go on sh*tty dates (that I arrange and pay for) and spend a preposterous amount of time chasing after a simple touch. I hate it because I don't want to feel like I'm dependent on some guy to be happy or function, but really it affects me and I don't know how to change it. I guess the problem is I'm so independent externally that I seem closed off and guys pass me over for the flirty girl who asks for help. I don't want to change who I am and play dumb but gosh darn it I sure feel dumb right now. Is it so bad to want a pair of arms to snuggle into? Why the hell am I such a girl about the entire situation, and how on earth do I find a way to either forget it or get it so I can move on?

Advice? How much time do you spend thinking about the opposite gender? How does that affect your life?

[Kittie]

It could have been in your environment that your peers showed positive reactions when receiving these gestures or that you yourself were exposed to these affectionate gestures a lot, thus yearning to keep having an affectionate connection with someone.

I personally loved hugs but refused to hug anyone, why? Because I mentally trained myself to avoid hugging people because I somehow also had experience of seeing my peers being uncomfortable when they get hugged. It's with self discipline of constantly using a reason of why you simply do or can not get what you desire "at this moment" Note that it's not forever, but just not now. I valued my friends' comfort than my own desire for friendly affections.

Try finding substitute to gain these affection, like hugging a teddy bear, or those amazingly softttt softtt blankets... Or find a female friend who has the same issue but you know it's platonic. Less of a heartbreak and risks of other consequences (pregnancy, STD's, etc)

[Anonymous]

Gosh, I hate this feeling. I thought it was a craving for sex myself, but then I realized that I'm 14, I don't think I would be craving sex yet.
But I have this guyfriend that uses me as a substitute when he's single and lonely, and of course I let him because I craved cuddles and kisses. At first I thought it was just him, but this helped me realize that it's not him, it's his touch... oh well.
But he did tell me that that's every man's dream.
I have another guy friend (online), and he tells me how much he appreciates knowing me, and how if we met in person he'd be a polite gentleman and treat me with respect and kindness. (Not that he doesn't already :3)
It made me realize the truth; that women deserve more than being just a "substitute date" when men are bored. We deserve people who care about us, not our body.

[eyexist]

To tell you the truth, I'm the exact same way. I think touch is just--important. One could blame it on oxytocin but that really only gives a name to something that exists and IMPLIES that we understand it. People like labeling things I think for that very reason. Giving something a name implies that we know it--even if we don't know anything. I find myself trying to fill the void of physical touch thats so often lacking and... I mean of course I like sex. Sex is amazing. But often I think sex is just a side note. we associate it with that wanting felling because they are often related but in doing so the desires are also often confused. Part of me wants it to stop too. I think though--that if it actually did go away I would feel a lot less alive. I don't really know what else to say.

[CarelessWhisper]

You sound like most guys dream

[Asker]

Why do you say that? Because if that's true 2 and 2 have seriously stopped adding.

[CarelessWhisper]

You don't think guys want a girl who likes to be held? It's a very rewarding feeling when you hold a girl close and look down, only to see her smiling up at you and snuggling deeper into your arms. As for the independent thing I think it's great. It's nice to be needed for some things but I prefer to know that she can take care of herself when I'm not around so I don't worry as much, though knowing me I still will.

[b61983]

the guy I am in love with, loves that I love him, but he doesn't love me back. he only uses me for sex and someone to love him when he is feeling lonely, because he almost 30 and live in his parents house. so, after reading your comment, it makes me realize I am in love with the wrong man. I need someone who appreciates my love. I just hope, I can find a reason to fall out of love with this ahole

[CarelessWhisper]

Not being loved in return seems reason enough, though I understand it's hard to just leave someone you love. All I can say is I'm sure there's someone who would love nothing more than to have your love and I hope things work out for you

[Anonymous]

I'd like to see some helpful answers too. I think its perfectly normal.

I spend way too much time thinking about things and its not healthy, especially when it takes time away from real important things...and no, watching p*rn doesn't help. Thinking about this too much doesn't have a good effect on my life, for sure, but it does raise my awareness about what is lacking, ofc. ..sucks knowing I have all this crap to do when I my head is cluttered.

[Anonymous]

Well said me too :((