Girls: Is social awkwardness a total turn-off?

[Anonymous]

Like, if a guy was socially awkward, would that totally turn you off towards him?

OK, so I'm not going to lie, I'm somewhat socially awkward. I'm trying to work on it and am getting better, but am still struggling a bit. Other than that, I've been told I'm decent looking, nice, and funny. But the thing is, it's not like I'm just sitting on my rear waiting for the right girl and complaining about it. I'm making an effort and am constantly approaching, talking to, and even flirting with girls. But I might say the wrong thing at the wrong time, or do the wrong thing.

It's not too bad, let me give you some examples. I should note I'm learning from my mistakes and getting better:

-The other day, I saw this girl I know on campus. She was like 40 feet in front of me outside, so I called out her name and waved. Apparently she thought this was awkward and creepy.

-This one girl was creeped out by me because I saw her standing with friends outside, and I ran up to say hi. She was creeped out by the fact that I ran.

-I have a tendency to be overly friendly which can weird some people out. Like, I get really happy to see some people and have a hard time hiding it

-I have a lot of energy so am constantly moving. It's hard for me to sit still.

-Monday, this girl I know was talking about her friend and how she was having asthma attacks. I joined the conversation. Yesterday, in class, I asked about her friend and the girl said "I don't want to talk about her" and has since been giving me the cold shoulder.

-Around girls I just met, I have a tendency to sort of stumble over myself when talking

I think the big issue is that I'm naturally an introvert and have tried to be more outgoing, which is unnatural for me, hence the social awkwardness ^^^.

[Anonymous]

Wave if you're passing by, or smile. Don't make her turn around to see you wave.

Don't ever run up to a girl unless you're like really good friends and/or family. This isn't "10"

It's cool to get happy to see people, but don't start jumping for joy and screaming like a little girl.

They have pills for people with ADHD-- no, I'm kidding (but they seriously do) you have to control that a little better. It's actually weird for some people to constantly have a friend who is always on caffeine.

No offense, but it wasn't your conversation. Those who just jump into a conversation, don't usually ask follow up questions a day or so later. That gives the illusion that you actually cared... which isn't bad, but if you don't know her, then it might be weird. OR, maybe the girl and her friend had a fight and she was just getting sick of people asking about her friend and not her.

Don't do anything your not comfortable with. It's good to come out of that comfort zone, but not to live outside of it. Good luck, and some girls will probably find it cute. My boyfriend is socially awkward, but I think it's because he's just paranoid. Sometimes, especially last year when we went to DC, I wanted to kill him! But now, I just let him do whatever he's comfortable with. Some girls will understand it, others will think you are just plain creepy, and others will despise you for it. But don't let it bother you. That's just the way you are. We're not all perfect and I really believe that one day you're going to find a girl who will understand it and who will be there to help you out with it

[Asker]

I actually do have ADHD and used to take pills, but each pill had a terrible side effect. Now I just work out, which does help, but I'm still pretty high energy.

[Asker]

That really makes sense what you said about being out of the comfort zone but not living out of it. I'm definitely living too much out of it and trying too hard. It's not that I'm desperate, I just don't want to miss any opportunities, if you know what I mean.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I understand that. But another thing I learned, if its' meant to be then that opportunity will present itself to you. And I'm sorry about that ADHD comment. Hope you weren't offended by it. Very sorry if you were. But I think it's great that you found a way to somewhat control it. Good luck and I wish you all the best. Comment if you want to know anything more. I'll try to help as much as I can

[Asker]

Oh no, it's fine :)

I do believe that "If it's meant to be, it'll happen" but then I start over-analyzing and thinking "Well, what if I'm in the wrong place and the wrong time and miss the oppurtunity" yadda yadda yadda. But I see what you're saying.

[Opinion Owner]

Then it wasn't the right time

[diosadelanoche]

Don't be too worried, practice makes perfect. You can't go from never talking to people to being a social butterfly overnight. Spend more time hanging out with other people, but when you do this, spend more time observing. How do people greet each other? What cues do people give when they're bored, or how do people act when they get along really well, or when they like each other? When is it appropriate to strike up a conversation with a stranger and when should you probably just mind your own business? Just by watching people, you can become better at understanding these social cues and then you can practice with friends.

Another reason not to be worried: I went to college with a whole lot of guys who were socially awkward, and somehow, like 95% of them managed to find girls to hook up with, if not date. Extreme inability to pick up on social cues is a bit of a turnoff, but I'm one of those people who finds a little awkwardness endearing. Rock the awk!

[Anonymous]

First of all the one where you ran up to her, I personally would have thought you were weird... but that can all change. It sounds like your rushing into trying to be confident, like I know I'm not super confident either but take one step at a time... start small like go places with friends, talk to people your comfortable being around, and be youself. Even if your afraid people won't like you the same. Being yourself makes you feel better and whether it takes time or not that's all you can really do. Don't rush!:)

[vmw2008]

You come across as trying to hard, and a guy with high energy like that can definitely be creepy. I couldn't tell you the exact instinctual reasons women feel like this, but we prefer men to be more calm, cool and collected. You can be an outgoing, social guy while also keeping your cool. Act more laid back. I think your high energy, over-engaging style can come across as creepy, desperate, and just plain weird.

[Anonymous]

You'll get better. Some girls who are also socially awkward might even find it endearing, but it will take longer for the two of you to sort it out, since you are both awkward. I actually know several really cute couples who had it happen that way.

[moviedude714]

seriously, I hate these expectations that girls have

[frustratedchump06]

unfortuneately for a lot of girls it is

[defytraditiongirl]

i find it cute, adorable often times

[defytraditiongirl]

i find a lot of them to be cute actually