My brand new boyfriend went skinny dipping/hot tub with friend and girls?

[Valerie87]

Hi,

I have a boyfriend since 3 months, but he likes me for over a year. I needed a bit convincing, because I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship and I didn't want to get hurt. Because this is one of the sweetest guys I met, I decided to get exclusive after a while. A bit later I told him I was in love with him in a text message when he was on a guy-weekend and he responded he was really happy.

A day later I heard from a mutual guy friend they met up with a group of people they knew. All his single friend and he, plus two girls of the other group (that existed of guys and girls) had a skinny dip sesh in the lake, and later went to the sauna. He ended up with his best friend in a bathtube, naked. Not even his own house but the house of the other group. They both had a girl on their lap, and sat like that for a long time. They were holding each other because it was a tight fit, but he told me when she tried to kiss him he told her he had a boyfriend. He left the bath when the other couple took it to second base and went to the shower, naked as well.

For me he crossed the line when he went up with the single guys and the girls instead of staying downstairs with his other friends. Later he crossed another line by having a girl on his lap in a bath while being naked and holding on to each other.

Allthough he was really upset afterward and told me he wanted to tell me anyway (even though our mutual guy friend told me first) he told me nothing happened and he's very sorry. So I kind of forgave him.

He told me he thinks I'm really hot, she's not. He didn't like her or wanted to make out with her and he's really really in love with me (which I kinda believe since he tried so hard convincing me to date him). So it doesn't make sense to me at all. Why did he do it? Can I ever trust him again, since stuff like this happened when he's into me and thinks that girl isn't even hot?

Updates

+1 y

Oh I forgot. His best friend is a girl he used to date and have a crush on. Now all of a sudden she wants him, but he's still very close to her. Should I worry about that too?

Updates

+1 y

* he told her he had a girlfriend. My mistake.

[quiet_guy]

1st thing...its never a good idea to say "i love you" for the first time through a text msg. maybe you were just overcome by emotion and couldn't hold it in any more. this is something that should be said face to face. additionally, only a coward breaks up with you over the phone or using a text msg.

he might like you, but he doesn't respect you. or else he would not have put himself in that situation to begin with. a person in love with someone does not get naked and into a hot tub with someone else. I can see maybe...MAYBE a spur of the moment...hey! lets all get naked and into the lake!" skinny dip. but taking time, making a decision to get naked in a hot tub later on? and worse, have the girl on his lap? what if the tables were turned around, what would be going through YOUR head if you were the one who decided you were gonna take off all your clothes and sit on some dude's lap in a hot tub? what do you think could possibly happen? could you assume that maybe the guy that you're sitting on is gonna get turned on? maybe he's gonna put a move on you. then what? there's no way that you could get mad at him because nobody would blame him for thinking you were interested! could you honestly say that you were just wanting to talk and were shocked that he tried kissing, grabbing, or feeling you up? oh yeah, it was a tight fit, so his hands were already all over you.

hmmm...sounds bad. there's no other way to put it gently or be subtle about this. if you really really like this guy? you've got a few things you need to think about.

[CuriousEddie]

I thought at first you were bothered by the skinny-dipping, until I read the whole question. I guess I could kinda see about hanging out with the other group, but I don't know why the other girl had to sit on his lap... to be honest, well, wouldn't he get an erection? That's a very intimate question.

It sounds like you forgave him -- at least you told him that... but you really haven't, and I don't blame you.

[Valerie87]

Well, he told me that because of the small tub she was sitting kind of on his chest/stomach (cross-like, does that make any sense?) She had her arms around his neck and he had his arms around her, one hand on her legs. Apparently he didn't, I asked him that too, but he wasn't really detailled about that tbh.

[CuriousEddie]

Wow, the way you describe it makes it sounds like they were playing Twister... like she was almost straddling him. Maybe I'm perverted, but it sounds even more sexual than I was thinking.

I think he must have known it was wrong. Perhaps nothing more than that happened, and perhaps that only happened because he was drinking... but still, it sounds like he knew it was wrong, and didn't tell you after.

[Valerie87]

Well, he told me afterward he was like 'why on earth did I do this' and felt really bad about it. His best friend (guy) is one of my good friends too, and he told me (actually, he told me about him and the girl doing second base in that bath, but forgot I was the girlfriend of the other guy, oops) so he couldn't tell me first face to face..

The reason why I'm so upset, besides the obvious reasons, is that I don't know if I can trust him. All the sings were good, yet it happened..

[Valerie87]

Oh, and I believe both of her legs were at one side, so no straddling

[CuriousEddie]

So are you okay with it? I mean, you told him you forgave him, and it sounds like you aren't really complaining about it that much. It is really up to you two.

[Valerie87]

Well, I'm not okay with it, but since I forgave him I don't feel like nagging about it all the time. I guess if I choose to get over it I have to really get over it.

The thing is: it made me uncertain about him, l feel disrespected and I have the feeling I cannot trust him, especially since I don't understand the why.

Why would a guy do something like that with a girl he doesn't like if he just heard the girl he pursued for a full year is into him as well?

[CuriousEddie]

Perhaps because he wanted the attraction from the other girl right then, and you weren't there... or he liked the idea of knowing that there was another girl attracted to him as well. I'm not justifying, of course, but those are some of the reasons guys cheat.

I mean, it is possible that this really meant very very little to him, and he wasn't interested in her...

[CuriousEddie]

... it isn't a reflection on you -- it is about him. You know that he pursued you for a long time, and you are a very beautiful girl. Don't think you need to do anything different.

[Valerie87]

Thank you.. Well, I think that might be true even, because he felt a bit down lately.. And although he's a handsome guy he's really insecure and stuff. I know it's probably not me, but that's kinda hard to swallow, because if so, I can't control it either.. Thanks for the advice though :)

[CuriousEddie]

Good luck. If you realize that it is about his insecurities and not about you, and he realizes that he has found someone special and beautiful in you, then perhaps it will make it easier for both of you to work through this. He's quite lucky to have you, if you can be so forgiving!

[ShootingStar5]

It's okay thing to hang out with a group of male and female friends, that's no biggie. But once nudity is brought into the picture you're getting into a gray area. It's uncomfortable to think about your boyfriend being naked with naked women around, but if there's no physical contact between your boyfriend and those girls then it might be okay. But he definitely crossed a line by having a naked girl sit on his naked lap. That's a definite no-no, how would he feel if it was the other way around? Sounds like there are two possibilities here and neither of them are good. Any guy who's got a stable head on their shoulders and cares about their girlfriend wouldn't put themselves in a position like this because they know it would only hurt their girlfriend and make them think the worst even if it was innocent.

Possibility one: He's the type who likes to fool around. The fact that he "had" a crush on this girl and was sitting with her naked doesn't paint a good picture. It sounds like he might not be over those feelings for her and he doesn't care how his actions with her affect you. He just wants to please himself.

Possibility two: He likes drama. It's possible that he has no interest in cheating, but he does have an addiction to drama. So he put himself in a questionable position and then made sure you knew about it so he could start a fight.

[Valerie87]

Oh the best friend and bath girl are two different girls.. Sorry if I wrote that down unclear :)

[ShootingStar5]

Ahh well that still doesn't change my answer anyway lol

[ibej818]

This guy is a drama queen.

If you wave around a sandwich in front of a hungry bear, don't start crying when it bites your hand off.

Cause and Effect.

Case: He's f***ing around with other chicks? ( Yeah, he was, why would he jump into a hot tub full of naked women.. ( and naked guys!?! WOW he was really desperate at that moment ))

Effect: Dump his ass.

If you want drama, you will continue to date him. If you do not want drama, you'll move on.

All he will have are excuses.

[Valerie87]

Well, not even that, he can't explain.. That's why I'm asking you guys. I didn't see it coming.. But I'm having a lot of doubts indeed.

[ibej818]

You said you didn't want to get hurt, that's why you didn't want a relationship. It sounds like her definitely hurt you, even if he didn't actually "cheat" as in "intimate" contact. This is inappropriate behavior, wait, scratch that, unacceptable behavior.

[Valerie87]

I know, that's probably why I still feel this way :)

[Anonymous]

It's funny you seem to imply that it would somehow be less bad if she were hot! Anyway, did he get a boner when her naked ass was on his lap? Did he feel up her boobs? Did she touch is d*ck? If not, he's probably pretty sincere when he says it was nothing and he wasn't into her. And if he's clearly more attracted to you than her (if you know she's not that hot) then you have little to worry about going forward.

[Valerie87]

Well, if you put it that way, it is kinda weird. I don't think it would be better if she were hot tho (I think this girl looks quite nice, but the guys don't really agree)

I'm just really confused. If it was an act of lust, and she was really hot I understand what happened He'd be a douche who couldn't control himself.

At this point it seems to me he didn't get anything out of it:

- He felt bad afterwards

- He hurt my feelings

Whats the point?

What was his motive?

[Opinion Owner]

Probably just trying to go along with his friends. I wouldn't worry about it.

[Valerie87]

Maybe I'm over-analyzing, I don't know. Questions like that just bother me, because I feel I can't predict it.

[Valerie87]

I hope so ^^

[Opinion Owner]

I'd say so. If he's excited to be with you and he's a good guy and you're attracted to him and the sex is good and frequent, then I'd say stick it out.

[Truthatanycost]

After a few months you don't know the guy. Thus when you tell him you're in love with him, who are you in love with... you cannot love that which you do not know!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you aren't happy and there's no way you're going to change the guy. So find someone else. Life goes by so quickly, before you know it, you're 40. So stop with the suffering and on to better things and people who love you.

[Valerie87]

Well, he told me something like this is never ever going to happen again, cried a lot and gave me flowers. Also, I thought it was really really out of character, I didn't even believe it at first.

Thats why I forgave him. But I'm struggling with the fact that:

- It's really out of character

- He likes me a lot

- He didn't like her

It happened anyway.

[Jessica1810]

Great reply. I think if OP was really pacified by his apology she wouldn't be on here.

If she really really wants him, she should be extremely careful; because I wouldn't rule out it happening again. If she knows this is who he is - she needs to cut loose.

And by the way, OP, I'm a straight girl, and even I think you ARE hot!

Don't sell yourself short!

[Valerie87]

Haha, thank you :) And you're right. I'm still quite upset with the whole thing.. Only thing I can do know is make a decision, either to forgive him and see what happens or cut him loose. I feel it's not fair to keep it going and still having these doubts..

[Valerie87]

Sorry for all my grammar errors by the way, I didn't get a lot of sleep and since English isn't my first language.. ^^

[dreamishobby]

OMG this guy is playing with multiple girls at a time...dont get too serious with him you are just another coin in his pocket~!

[pr3ttybr0wn]

yeah he's gonna cheat on u. probably already did

[jennhottie17]

why didn't he invite you? id ask him that first.

[Alexz0]

Does it really matter?