Do guys get turned off by girls who talk too much?

[Anonymous]

I tend to talk a lot and I joke around about it with friends and stuff from time to time if the topic comes up and one friend of mine said he loves to hear what I have to say and likes my voice then one friend of mine (who happened to be my crush...but no longer) agreed that I talk a lot and laughed. I don't mean to talk a lot but I hate awkward silences so I tend to fill the gap with my talking if the person I'm talking to is not talking much and quite frankly I love to talk. I've tried not to talk so much but it feels unnatural and I feel like if I talk much less I am not being myself. And also I hate not knowing what or having anything to say. So do guys find it a turn off if a girl talks too much or alot?

p.s. My ex-crush happened to be the silent type who did not talk much...so naturally I'd talk more. But then I sensed he got annoyed with my talking sometimes..I mean he never actually said that but I sensed it. I could be wrong but I don't know. And then when I started talking to him less, as in no more texting and not much conversation anymore...all of a sudden he keeps trying to get my attention. I don't get it?

Extra p.s. When I talk a lot my Mom says I make too much noise and if I am silent on particular days she says I'm too quiet. How do you find a balance?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

" p.s...Extra p.s. "

Lol I just thought that was funny :P

The balance is this - when you talk to girls, talk like you do normally. Make sure you take a break to allow others to speak fully, and don't but in until there's been a very brief moment of silence which signals a moment for speaking or change in topic.

When talking to dudes - limit details and get straight to the point of what your talking about. If your saying a joke - be quick and witty. You can add a few extra this's and that's every now and then - but not frequently. Men will lose interest in what your saying if you keep bouncing away from the point of what your trying to say, because they can't validate they're following you correctly.

It's not bad to be really talkative - only gets annoying when your constantly trying to have social attention on what you have to say, butting in often as others speak, ranting about pointless topics etc etc...

[Asker]

Gosh thanks! I suppose that makes sense since guys are much simpler than girls in many respects. Thanks for the advice. :) Yeah...I have been trying my best to be a better listener but sometimes it can be difficult when I am really excited to share something. And my ex-crush made it difficult because he would just say yes or no answers most of the time and whenever I urged and encouraged him to talk more or text more...he never did. So it was either talk a lot or not say a word...and now...

[Asker]

..it's more of the not say a word zone (except for hi and bye and small waves). Which makes sense since he is my ex-crush and he did not really put as much into the friendship as I was trying to put into it.

[yopyopyop]

Good point, sweet-o-ness. PS and PPS show that even when typing, she talks too much lol (just kidding)

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@QA

No problem - sometimes you don't need a ton of words to express what your trying to. And yea, definitely exercise a bit of restraint when you get excited lol.

I hang with guys a lot so my socialization with girls has suffered ha ha - but it helps to just get your point across effectively and in a sensible amount of time without too much excess on the side.

Try not to get caught up in a sub topic from the original topic you were talking about...

[Asker]

yopyopyop> That dig at me wasn't very nice or necessary. Instead of insulting me...how about helping me. -_-

[yopyopyop]

It wasn't an insult. bleh.

[Asker]

Sweetness> Thanks. :) I think I have got better at toning the "chattyness" down over the years but it's difficult. I'm the opposite...I don't really hang out a lot with guys...or at least not enough. And in my experience..girls don't seem as bothered by my talking so much. ha ha. I mean there is this one guy friend of mine that reciprocates in conversations very well...so there is an equal amount of give and take and I do not experience much awkward silences with him.

[Asker]

yopyopyop> Sounded like one.

[Asker]

Sweetness> The less awkward silences = the more likely I won't talk so damn much. ha ha. I mean sometimes I do experiments where I try to not talk for most of the day...but that seems to bother people too sometimes.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

lol awkward silences just happen - can't do much about them. Sometimes me and my friends will make awkward faces when it happens then laugh about it :P

I think you shouldn't focus so much on trying to communicate perfectly; that's impossible lol. Your buds get your talker and social, so it's acceptable. Don't change so much that your uncomfortable.

[Asker]

Well if you make awkward faces and laugh...then it's not awkward anymore...lol. Thanks for the advice. I guess it depends on the person too. Some people I can find a perfect balance with and they even end up talking more than I do. And then some people talk about things that I might not be interested in so I feel they are talking too much..and etc etc.

[yopyopyop]

Well people (not just girls) who are blah blah blah all the time are indeed very boring.

@ P.S.: Well if you keep talking all the time, and suddenly go silent, people will think there's a problem.

@P.P.S. : By knowing people. When you know someone, you'll have a clue of what's of no interest to them. No need to fill the all blank spaces all the times, especially if you keep talking about things they don't care at all about.

If the person is joyfully answering, it's also a sign the conversation isn't a pain.

A good conversation is one during which everybody takes an active part. If someone just says "yes" or "no" repeatedly, that means they aren't interested.

[Asker]

Well I don't think I'm boring. I talk about interesting and fun stuff...it's just alot. ha ha. And yeah...with my sisters for example..I never have awkward silences but we are so used to each other it doesn't really matter if I am talking a lot or whatever..haha. But with guys...I don't know. What should I do? Because sometimes I don't even realize I am talking so much..ha ha. Should I just stay away from silent type guys?

And you have not

[yopyopyop]

It's not just about what they say, it's about the rate, the "too much content", the "please, I don't exist only to listen to you" feeling. Talking too much shows insecurity, awkwardness, and impossibility to focus on important things. I had a girl friend like this at a point, 2 hours on the phone every time, and 300 words per minute. Even if I liked her, I got fed up, and stopped contacting her. It was wayyy too invading.

[Asker]

Ignore the "And you have not" I left there..lol.

[Asker]

Alright...then what should I do about it? What's the best way to work around the awkward silences and the asking a question and only getting "yes or no" answers ?

[yopyopyop]

Well silences are not always awkward. Talking is about sharing, be it knowledge, jokes, or even babbling. But in reasonable quantities. It's up to you to find the balance.

[Asker]

Okay...let me get more personal...how do you find a balance? Or are you one of the very silent types I mentioned?...what do you do in "awkward silence" situations? Twiddle your thumbs?

[yopyopyop]

Well it depends on the context, but you can sometimes replace talking by action. Like you both are having a drink, go for another one at the bar. Or offer to go for a walk. Also, introducing silence by not enduring it is a good way to find something to talk about. Anyway, you know how to instinctively talk, so just add some reflexion before talking, to synthetize, and things will smoothen.

[Asker]

When I ignore your sarcasm here & there you give quite solid advice. ;P Thank you. :) I'll try to do that more often. "Introducing silence instead of enduring it"..hmm..never thought of it that way..so I beat the awkward silence by making my own silence? Makes sense. So, for example, the next time I want to add to what I'm saying already I'll try holding the thought & pausing longer..so that the minute I feel it getting awkward it won't because I'll still have more to say or make my own silence

[Asker]

Maybe if I think more than I talk...that might balance it out too. Like 50% reflection and 50% talking. And maybe I'll be so busy in my reflection (or action depending on if I am talking wile doing something else like eating..etc.) that I won't notice the awkwardness that might linger?...maybe.

[yopyopyop]

Well it's not like the awkward silence is the impending doom you know. Just don't be afraid of silences.

[Asker]

"Impending doom" = LMAO! That was funny. :P I agree it is not doom but it's not exactly the most comfortable feeling being awkward...I mean it beats being nervous or scared sh*tless but...it's ..well...awkward. hahahaha! :) ...it's that feeling you can't quite put your finger on. When you are scared you can run away or cover your eyes or close your ears. When you are nervous and breathe in an out deeply and heavily or talk to yourself and try to calm yourself down...

[Asker]

...not as easy to do those things with the "awkwardness" feeling. :P Imagine whenever awkward momets happened...we covered are eyes with are hands. lol. You'd make it more awkward. People won't react that way if The Ring is on and you are covering your eyes. haha. Thanks again for the advice though! ^_^ I shall not be afraid!...or at least try not to be.

[Asker]

Oops..I just spotted a contradiction I made...lol. I prefer the feeling of awkwardness to nervousness or scared "sh*tlessness"...but there are more things you can do to get rid of fear and nerves much quicker and efficiently than you can for awkwardness. :P Crap...I'm rambling..you see how difficult this is! haha.

[Pedantic]

You are only talking too much when you no longer have anything to say.

[Asker]

You make a good point there. So how do I deal with the awkward silences?...I just try to convince myself the silence isn't awkward? Or what? This kind of problem never happens with my family obviously...but with guys...ehhhh.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Don't worry about awkward silences - they happen with the best of friends. Conversation doesn't go on forever, and sometimes our brains need that little break to keep the convo alive.

[Pedantic]

There was a song by Depeche Mode titled "Enjoy the Silence." Strangely, absolutely nothing in the song has anything to do with silence, or enjoying it. But it is a cool title and a decent guitar riff.

Where was I? Ah yes! I know... you could enjoy the silence :)

[Pedantic]

lol I just listened to it to double check, and looks like I'm wrong :)

gettin' old...

[Asker]

Sweetness and Pedantic> So I should just bask/enjoy in the awkward silence? Alright..I can try that. I mean it won't kill me. I suppose I could stare at the scenery outside or pretend I'm yawning and wait until the awkwardness disappears. But I disagree Sweetness on one thing...my sister and I are the best of friends and we neverrrr have awkward silences...but I suppose that doesn't count..ha ha.

[Pedantic]

I have an idea. How about you use the silence instead of stare at the scenery? You could spend the time thinking about the present, the past, or the future, or in self-reflection. When you come up with an idea of something meainingful to say upon doing so, you can then re-fill it with your thoughts.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

What pedantic said -

You and your sis have them - you just don't notice them because your so comfortable socializing together.

Me and my roommate are really good friends and we have breaks in convo - I call them breaks, but they're just random awkward silences from not having anything to say at the moment.

[Asker]

Pedantic> Wow...I never thought of that before. I'm so busy freaking out over how to end the awkward silence as quickly as I can that I don't do much reflection about life & etc...unless it has something to do with me talking some more to fill the gap of awkward silence..ha ha.

Sweetness> Ah..I see...so just because we don't notice the awkward silence doesn't mean it isn't there? I see. BEcause my sister and I will talk for like hours and then we'll just sit still and not say a word & just..

[Asker]

Sweetness>...enjoy our company together in silence. :)

[Asker]

Sweetness> I wish it could be that simple with people in general...

[Wood-Carver777]

I'd buy you a pacifier. Marshmallows would work as well.

[tyrant154]

There's nothing wrong with that it just depends on the topic