Why do so many girls settle for losers?

[Anonymous]

Or guys in my opinion who are unnattractive and have no idea how to handle a relationship because of how passive and unambitious they are? I see it all the time and I hear these girls complaining about it all the time. I'm not talking about guys that treat women badly and are jerks becaus I've figured out why women love those kinds of guys. I'm talking about guys who are insecure, nervous, shy, not funny, maybe slightly good looking, but otherwise don't know how to handle women and come across as awkward idiots. They can't charm women, lack confidence and the ability to make a move, and yet girls still seem to want to be with them and subsequently complain about all these negative traits I've outlined.

So imo women seem to settle for unconfident losers (beta males) and I want to know why. Thought it was universally agreed that men who had no backbone and were shy/passive weren't gonna have any luck with girls. If a Guy is all these awkward things but has decent looks do women overlook his flaws at a vain aattempt to get laid by an above average looking man? Someone explain to me, for example, how a guy in my social group managed to hook up with some girl even though I've seen him talking to girls and its quite clear he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. I cringe at the thought of their dates, and yet they're still sleaping with each other and dating. Explain to me how a Guy who is a straight up passive@ timid man has any chance at all at scoring a date

In b4 I'm jealous of these beta males success stories. Clearly the women who fall for them either have something wrong with them, are so horney/alone they'll settle for anything, or some third++ possibilities for why this is happening. I thought I had a good understanding of what girls looked for in w man but every so often a decently attractive woman comes around who sets her eyes on a beta male friend (they're usually at least above average in looks), shy not confident bad at conversation passive timid pushovers. And these girls date them and sleep with them! Help me understand why

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+1 y

The way it usually works for these guys is the girls ask them out and chase them down. I've never had the luxury of a girl hunting me Dow. I've always been the conqueror not the conquest, as it should be

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+1 y

The reason for my question isn't that I'm "butthurt". I love learning to understand how women think, why they do certain things. Its asking questions like this that have helped me understand the flirting process, how to attract women, and how to read women's interest level

[relationshipDNA]

The assumption is that all women would want an Alpha male, which is not true. I'm sure you've heard about the mother-daughter bond being important, but studies show that the father-daughter relationship has a tremendous effect on how and who a woman will love which creates what I like to call, her relationshipDNA. When you consider that the first man a girl will ever love or want to love is her father, you can imagine how his interaction with her can definitely affect her mating choice.

I've done a lot of research on this and discovered there are 5 Different Dating Patterns when it comes to the type of men women are attracted to and for the purposes of your question, there is only type of woman, the Queen Bee that prefers a "passive" guy as you say.

Usually a daddy's girl, I call her the Queen Bee because like the Queen Bee, she needs to be the Queen of her hive... Being with an Alpha male won't allow for that. She needs him to be passive, and even if he does not appear secure, he is at least sure about his role in the relationship which is, "make sure you take care of me emotionally". She will never do the chasing and she is more concerned about how he will "treat" her rather than what he will do.

As long as he is able to fulfill that need and he knows which women will appreciate it, you can bet your bottom dollar that he will always get play. Passive doesn't equal doormat. Yes they are awkward, clueless and shy, but they are also very smart.

Your mistake is in assuming that she's dating him because she needs to get laid or is concerned with his looks, when it really is about compatibility and preference. If she were to get with an Alpha male type, she and he would both be unhappy as there will always be fighting for dominance. So yah, its not all shallow. It actually makes sense.

Hope this helps.

[dasmausi]

Don't know if it helps, but my older sister went to Penn and within her first semester there she started dating a reject local who was in and out of juvie. She told me it was just to make herself feel better about her own self to surround herself with awkward lowlifes. I wouldn't know personally though

[dwiller943]

Because losers are the only ones that want a good woman.

[jdcpa]

I dunno, maybe sex isn't all that women care about? The number one fear of women is being cheated on. Plus, women are insecure. So, rather than worry all the time that her man is flirting with other girls who may be better than her, or constantly feeling not good enough, she just dates a passive guy. A passive guy is the best thing that could ever happen for a woman. Passive doesn't mean that he's inactive, it just means he doesn't initiate. That's perfect. If hot women are giving him "signs" or "hints" or flirting with him, it doesn't matter. He won't do sh*t, unless the woman asks for his number, calls him, asks him to have sex, turns him on, and f***s him. The chances of women doing that in the US are rare, because "being chased" is vital to a woman's ego and self esteem. So, if he's good looking, has a good job, and is a good guy? Most women would gladly initiate and have a sex slave the rest of their lives. Are you kidding me? You don't even need to get married. That guy isn't going anywhere. That workhorse is tied up well. If you couldn't figure that one put, then maybe you still have a lot to learn about what your fellow sisters want.

[Asker]

Interesting. So you're telling me girls date losers because they have low self esteem. They go after the passive beta because at least with him they feel good enough or even better than him, so she feels in control of the relationship. Whereas if she were to be with an attractive alpha she wouldn't feel good enough for him and she would self-sabotage the relationship. Got it thanks

[kholland65]

I know what you mean. If me and my friends put our personal/dating resume on paper and presented it to a group of women, they would pick me over them in a heart beat. Some how the girls always go for the least desirable of my friends who have all of the traits they've explicitly said they do not want.

I have a friend who has 2 dui's, can't drive, dropped out of college and works part time as a server, his wardrobe consists of about 3 t-shirts, jean, and a pair of old gym shoes, he looks goofy, has a beer gut, has no talents or hobbies other than drinking and playing video games, yet girls go crazy for him. He's not exactly a master pick up artist either.

Another friend of mine, for example is a big smoker, chewer, and drinker, he also has a GF, yet a girl who hates smoking, and had a alcoholic father, was chasing after him, again WHEN HE HAD A GF.

The female brain really does defy logic. Not that I'm saying men don't make mistakes. We get emotional too, but we just don't typically take it to the extreme that women do. I know 99% of guys would not chase a girl with a Boyfriend for instance but girls do it all the time.

[TheUglyOne]

Aww an attractive woman picked a "loser" like me over the obvious adonis like you and you're all butthurt over it. Poor baby. Why don't you, I don't know, ask these women, since they are all flocking to you. Perhaps the great understanding of women you claim to have is, maybe not as great as you think. And, since you don't dictate the standards at which women are permitted to find attractive or not attractive, your complaint is moot, seriously, who are you to tell women who they are allowed to find attractive. It's also possible, telling every woman they have problems for not picking you over every man you consider your inferiors, that might be turning them off to you, just a possibility.

You are probably a hundred times better looking than me, easy, my personality probably falls in line what you consider inferior, and yet, I manage to do okay with women. And when I didn't, I sure as hell didn't whine anonymously on forums.

[Asker]

I am attractive tbh. And women do flock to me, not at an absurd rate like several a day but a few a week show interest. The source of my whining is that every so often a girl shows interest in me, I reject her, and then she turns around and shows interest in some idiot who had to be told by someone of her interest rather than noticing it on his own. Am I as attractive to women as thar beta male? Or is she settling for less or does she find lack of Co fidence and assertiveness attractive?

[Asker]

That can't be though because she found my playful confidence attractive right before I kicked her to the curb. Maybe she just wants someoene, ANYONE to show interest and make her feel special. That's the point of my question man.. there's a list of traits universally found attractive by women and yet some go for guys with nothing on the list except 'innocent' and 'nice'. Why do girls go for unambitious unassertive average looking awkward 'nice' beta idiots? Settling for less? Deaparate for atten

[Lance1965]

My experience is they go for the guys that show them attention and validation regardless of how much of a loser they are financially or in other ways. This is when they will call their friends and brag about how they found such a sweet, kind guy. A guy will quickly be labeled a asshole if they quit with the attention and validation. My ex dumped me for a guy that owns nothing, doesn't work and sleeps all day long. She thinks he is a sweetheart because he kisses her ass all the time which I never did, not just my opinion either.

[KingJR]

They've probably just got done being used by one of these "alpha" guys and are looking for something different because they think it's what they might need. One that is clearly a "nice guy" they think. Maybe the shy guy does suck at all that other stuff that is "supposed" to attract women, but all you need is a way to connect. If he can do that, he's gold.

[Jbgurl20]

I don't really knowwhy, its just sometimes when a girl falls in love, she tend to forget everything and it seems like nothing is important anymore to her but her love.

[why-makoto-kun]

It's because we feel that we don't deserve any better, or those are the only guys that ask us out.

[why-makoto-kun]

Mind you, there was no passion or anything, even though I hoped that something would grow.

[dwiller943]

EXACTLY!! That's literally my reason why I eventually decided to settle for assholes.

[Cyhhgg]

Biologically, they're drawn to that. It's not their fault though. Just evolution fucked us over. Lol