Not physically attracted to my boyfriend?

[Cheer99]

So I've been having a great time with my new boyfriend the last couple weeks. He's great and I have this awesome connection with him. He treats me right and plans all these fun dates and surprises for me. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. The big problem is that I'm not physically attracted to him. His great personality draws me in but as soon as we kiss I'm turned off from there. He's def not my type of guy looks wise. So I've been trying to ignore that fact and see if maybe eventually when I get closer to him if I will end up liking his looks more. But I really can't stand it right now. Any physical contact I have with him just freaks me out but I pretend to like it. I love having him as a boyfriend and spending time with him but wish I could make myself be attracted to him. I lowered my standards a lot because the type of guy that has the looks I desire are always the d bags. So I figured I'm never going to get the guy with good looks and personality so I might as well just work with a guys personality. But now I don't know what to do because I crinch every time we touch. What should I do? I finally got the perfect guy other than looks so this really sucks!

[MSamu3l]

Sorry, but it sounds like you are trying to get attracted to "best friend" material. You need to break it up now before it goes too far, just make sure you don't tell him that you are not attracted to him physically if you decide to breakup, tell him that you just don't feel the same way for him, if not you might cause him to start thinking he's ugly as hell(don't know if he is and even at that).

The problem with you is that you let a guy in without knowing enough about him. Once you like something about him you don't wait to see if you can actually have a relationship with him, or if he is a douche or if you would just prefer to be friends. You need to work out exactly what you feel, taking everything into consideration before letting him in. One more problem is the standard you set, it's not really needed because all you need to determine if you want to be with a guy is; if you like being with him, if you know he will treat you right, and if you are attracted to him.

[Moloch]

It depends what you want. If you want companionship love, you need commitment and intimacy. It seems you don't like the man enough to get intimate so you need to end the relationship and find a guy you're compatible with. Or, you can wait it out until you get more comfortable with him. In a companionship love, there is no passion, which is the drives that lead to romance like physical attraction. Too many people confuse romantic love with infatuation with companionship love. Find out if you really want to get serious, or if you want just the usual relationship that dies in three months after the honeymoon phase.

[toulouse]

if you were never attracted to him, how do have a 'connection' with him. as your 'bf'.? why did you go out with him in the first place, if you already knew you wee not attracted to him?

youre not attracted to him. that doesn't change. the one thing you don't like about him, is the one thing that distinguishes a boyfriend from a friend-friend.

by staying and lying you're preventing both of you from being with people who actually want to touch and be touched by each other.

when you finally can't take it anymore, hell have wasted valuable timer, he could have spent getting to know people who actually wanted to be with him physically.

theres nothing rational, or kind in prolonging the break up. imo. its disrespectful.

[Cheer99]

b/c I like him as a friend and he kept pushing a relationship but I was afraid he wouldn't talk to me anymore if I said no

[toulouse]

OK this is not an attack. its just a simple observation.

thats a really BAD reason to get involved with someone. being PRESSURED, is the worst way to start a relationship.

if he stops talking to you because you don't want to date him. ie have sex with him. then he's not such a good friend.

either way, you made someone elses decision. not your own., if you were thinking for yourself, you would have sad NO. its not too late. the longer you wait, the later it is.

dont feel guilty. you're doing nothing.

[toulouse]

youre doing nothing wrong.

[rotinaj10]

I'd like to see a picture of this guy. She makes him out to be a circus freak.

[TheUglyOne]

Well, she shouldn't have ever gone out with him, that was a bad decision. She's not merely just not attracted to him, she's repulsed and disgusted by his very touch. She must find him seriously ugly if his actions can be so good but she still hurls at the thought of touching him.

[toulouse]

I agree. she never should have gone out with him. but she did. now she should stop.

[kheserthorpe]

Of course they'll stop talking. They aren't real friends.

[toulouse]

She thinks they are/were friends.

im merely pointing out, of he stops talking t her, its not because she screwed up their great friendship, by not wanting him as a boyfriend. it just means whenever wanted her as a friend.

QA. if you have to f*** him to maintain a supposed friendship. you're not friends, you were never friends.

no illusion of 'friendship' is worth pimping yourself out for.

[rdabby]

Been there once... He was a good guy but I was not attracted to him whatsoever, infact I was grossed out by him and we were together for a year on and off I was 19 and I don't even know how could it go this far.. I thought it would be stupid of me to end a relationship cause of his looks but what I didn't know that it doesn't stop there.

I couldn't get over it not cause am shallow or anything but nothing attracted me in ANY WAY... There was no sex no intimacy nothing.. I couldn't even love him and there was nothing he could do to fix this...

If people want a healthy long term relationship then they should be attracted to each other in every way and from every angle and just love everything about each other.

End it asap.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

To be honest, you should have never entered a relationship with this guy knowing you feel that way about him. If you're cringing every time you touch then you are really doing more harm than good. Would you want a guy faking a relationship with you if he really felt that way about you? If you were gonna become more attracted to him, you would. There is a difference between not being super attracted to a guy and letting things naturally and organically develop vs. being disgusted with the thought of him putting his hands on you because you think he's ugly. If you were gonna have a sexless relationship that is more about bonding and friendship, you could do that, but if you want passion and touching then he's not the guy for you.

[sarcasticbella]

I dated a guy I wasn't attracted to before, I thought he was so unattractive initially but when I got to know him and saw how beautiful he was on the inside it changed the way I saw him. When I fell in love I became more attracted to him, kind of like tunnel vision. If he's really amazing I don't think id throw that away over his looks.

In your case however it seems like your really repulsed by him for some reason and won't be able to overlook it. The fair think to do would be to end it so that you both won't end up more hurt later. Maybe if you do it soon, you can still maintain your friendship. You definitely can find a man who will treat you well and that your attracted to.

[TheUglyOne]

Ah, but did the thought of touching this guy disgust you? In her case, he's showing inner beauty but she's totally creeped out and disgusted by his very touch.

I doubt they will ever be friends after this, unless she convincingly lies about the reasons for the break up. Think about it, what if a boyfriend of your broke up with you and he said because he was grossed out by touching you?

[sarcasticbella]

I did find that very strange. I don't really know how you could be grossed out so much by someone that you hold in such high regard and have a connection with. I would't think that's possible. I would hope that she wouldn't hurt him like that by saying she's disgusted by him. She shouldn't lie but there must be an easier way to say it.

[Konnour]

You think you love him but it's not romantic love, you really do but only as a friend.

Listen - many girls are like you, they give chances to guys they don't like at first, they often are unable to say "no", girls generally are way more forgiving and 'softer' than guys, some very bubbly girls may even find something good in the devil himself!

To find out how your personalities match & how well you can get along takes some time and you did it, but to find out whether there is or isn't attraction requires no time - it's instant.

You either feel it right away or you'll never feel it.

It's time to cut your losses, break up with him and it will be better for both of you, and trust me - if you won't he WILL continue initiating something physical!

[Yeahhbro]

Get your priorities straight. Beauty doesn't last forever and finding a good person to be with is very very difficult. Having an attractive girlfriend/boyfriend its awesome to have, but a relationship is not about having your significant other as an accessory. Personally I think you should stay with him and get your priorites straight out, what is more important to you having a hot boyfriend? or a Good Boyfriend? Which one do you think makes a better boyfriend?

I have gone through a lot of sh*t and I have realized looks are only vain and not important in a relationship, what is more important is finding somebody that treats you right.

And yes you are right, you cannot have both as good looking people are usually douche bags.

So choose wisely.

[Yeahhbro]

Why the hate? Is true! I am saving her a lot of heartache and pain along the line. And why are you all hating, I bet most of you are single and virgins anyways...

[Anonymous]

He's going to want to have sex with you as much as a hot guy does. If you can't deal with that, you have to let him go so he can find a girl who IS attracted to him.

Also, plenty of good looking guys aren't dbags. If you don't keep telling yourself that is HAS to be one way or another, you'll never end up happy.

Maybe you can't get a guy who has 100% of the traits that turn you on AND he's a great guy. But you should be able to find a guy with enough traits that turn you on that you can have sex with him enthusiastically. You might not be thinking of him for hours on end, but that's not healthy anyway. Give up obsessive infatuation/lust for a good relationship, don't give up sexual attraction all together.

[rotinaj10]

Unless it's the fact that she's attracted to dirt bags. Maybe she needs to be treated like crap in order to be attracted to a guy.

[Cheer99]

i don't need to be treated like crap, that's the reason I don't go after the d bags. If he was really attrative and treated me really good that would be one thing. The guys that are really attractive usually arn't like that though. That's what unattracts me to the attractive guys. So no, I don't need a guy to treat me like crap for me to be attracted(maybe their looks do but the treating me bad part does not)

[Opinion Owner]

So, start looking harder at the guys who are not the "best looking guy in the room" but still attractive enough to be sexually desirable. There are many of them who ARE good people. The best looking guy in the room may or may not be, but there are so many fewer of them that it's limiting your options.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, sometimes actually being grossed out by sexual activity with someone is about phermones, not looks. If you don't like his natural scent ... that could be what's going on here. The dude could be perfectly acceptable looking, even attractive, but if the chemicals don't match up ... you will not want to engage in sexual activity with him. It doesn't happen all that often, but it does occasionally. So, let him go to find a girl who finds his desirable, instead of forcing celebacy!

[Lakeburn]

There is not really anything you can do to fix this...some people have the ability to see a person as a whole and overlook faults, but physical attraction is VERY hard to overlook. You are not a bad person for thinking this way; most reasonably attractive guys are the same way.

Personality should count far more than physical attraction when it comes to picking a partner, but there is a chance that your attraction may change if/when more feelings get involved. I do feel bad for the guy, as it is a classic problem of a good guy dealt a crappy hand.

[KingsOfleon88]

I definitely do feel bad for the dude, because (if she does end the relationship) here is going to be left wondering what the f*** did I do wrong, when all I did was try to be a great boyfriend to her and respect her...

[TheUglyOne]

Nope, it can't be done. If you aren't physically attracted to him now, you never will be. You cannot control who you are attracted to. You need to end it for two reasons. First, for you, to get a boyfriend that you are attracted to. Second, so he can be with a girl whose skin doesn't crawl at the slightest touch. It's just the way it is. You just may have to settle for the male hotties whose personalities are less than desireable, but for now you are chaining down your boyfriend and preventing him from having all physical intimacy, sex, and being with a woman who just digs him.

[Anonymous]

I do want to note what another person said- if it's something he can change, like unhealthy weight, that's something he should change anyways. But assuming he's not, You really need 2 things for ideal spouse material, a best friend of your preferred gender (and all that follows- trust, ability to work things out, you like hanging out with them, etc) , and sexual chemistry.

By that equation,

Best friend + Sexual Chemistry = Boyfriend

Boyfriend - Sexual Chemistry = Best Friend

And I don't make out with just any best friend, personally.

[SteelyMcBeam]

As much as I feel bad for the guy, I kind of agree the sooner you let him know, the sooner he can have his feelings hurt, the sooner both of you will be in pain, but also...the sooner you can both move on.

If you can just sense that it's not working out, then it's not going to. Then again if he can fix himself up that would work better for both of you (maybe hit the gym, fix the unibrow, work on getting healthier skin).

Worst thing you could do is lead a guy on to think he finally found love.

[SmoothOperator1980]

It's not the right kind of relationship. What you have is a good friend. You should break it off with him because physical attraction is not something that develops. I don't think that there is any good way to do it, but right now you're just leading him on. The faster you tell him the better off you both will be.

[toulouse]

Agreed.

[sixstring]

The only sensible thing to do is break up, even though it will be very hard. Some people might call you shallow, but the undeniable fact is that physical attraction is important.

And so is physical intimacy. If the intimacy doesn't work, the relationship is doomed.

There's no point in staying on a sinking ship.

[bassman]

If there's something about himself that he can change...like lifting weights...losing weight etc...then I'd stay with him...but if its something he can't change, you need to move on before he falls anymore for you.

[honeyltsme]

He deserves a girl who is into him and you deserve a guy you are into.

Just tell him he's not your type physically.

What type of guys are you attracted to specifically? And what is this guy like?

[LittleMonster_13]

are you sure you actually think of him as your boyfriend? you sound like you love him as a best friend or some sort

[Cheer99]

you are right, I guess I do love him as a friend

[LittleMonster_13]

yes it is very possible. Cause, who wouldn't enjoy spending time with their best friend?

[TedStar]

You need to end this relationship asap. For both your sakes.

[AndyWes]

For his sake at least, you should probably break up with him. Better now than six months down the road.

[KingsOfleon88]

Well, what bothers you about this guy? Is it his weight?

[Cheer99]

he's supper skinny and fragile, I'm not attracted to his face, and just over all everything physically about him I'm not attracted to

[vmw2008]

Without chemistry and attraction, he will only ever be a friend to you. Fact of life for all people.

[jokersgirl]

You need to end it. It will never work if you're not attracted to him, so do it now before he gets too attached

[Anonymous]

Call it quits, you defo need to be attracted to him.

[kheserthorpe]

Break up now.