I'm 20 in college and I never had sex or a girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Do I have mental issues?

I got my braces off, so I have straight teeth, I've been working out consistently with a few friends, and I actually am good looking (nice nose, mouth, and jawline, etc)...

I still fear girls in general. I end up over thinking interactions and whatnot. I'm not in the Greek scene (At Duke University here, almost everyone's Greek) and I'm finding it difficult to just meet girls. Even if I meet a couple, I don't know if they are interested in me.

I feel like I should be a social guy. I can read body language well and I'm pretty socially intelligent. But no one writes on my Facebook wall and my social life is pretty much just dead. What should I do?

I feel like I might have hidden mental issues or something. I'm literally crying myself to sleep every night. :(

[OpenClose]

First of all, don't worry about numbers. there are more virgins these days than in a looong time. There has apparently been a large spike in the 21st century.

Next, if you overanalyze your interactions with women and still fear them, you might have my problem. I have trouble flirting with girls because I fear being offensive. Rejection? Meh. No biggie. But if it actually comes to making someone else feel threatened or uncomfortable, I'm shaking in my boots.

So one thing to realize is that the content of your discussion isn't that important. Most of your communication is nonverbal and honest, and words are just an excuse to throw some nonverbal communication in there. With friends, content is everything. With meeting someone new, it's basically nothing. That's where we get small talk.

Next, how much do you put yourself out there? You'd be surprised how many people would be interested in chatting with you, but people mistake shyness for disinterest all the time.

Next, if you aren't already in the habit, don't get in the habit of "sex love". That is, don't get in the habit of thinking you're unlovable because you haven't had sex. This can freak you out psychologically because loneliness and sexual tension could compound. And in college, sexual tension is high, jealousy is high, and stress in general is high.

You really don't sound mentally ill. You sound like a good quarter of guys our age. Though if your "crying myself to sleep" story isn't hyperbole, I would look into an SSRI like Zoloft (Sertraline). It takes the edge off like none other.

And basically, it sounds like you just need something to get you out of the spiral of negative self-talk and something else like clubs to get you chatting with people. Those two steps are often the two most important and life-changing steps anyone can take.

[martyfellow]

Yes, at a school like that, in the South, I fyou don't fit in socially, the girls will shy away and go back to Tara.

If I were you, I'd think Asian women or other minotrities. They have a few of those even at Duke, right?

[Asker]

But it's like a northern school. Everyone is from everywhere.

[martyfellow]

Good, plenty of those Asian women then.

[zeddy]

You don't have mental issues, you probably just don't have enough opportunities to meet new girls. There's nothing wrong with you - loads of girls who are in there 20's haven't had boyfriends yet. The right girl will come along hoping to meet someone just like you. Don't change yourself. My Facebook life was dead too so I just deleted it haha

[youllthinkofme]

You need confidence and let go of fear. If you are in fact attractive as you say, then this should be 10x easier for you than other guys. You will be rejected. It happens to everyone, but you have to get over it and reach out to people. I've learned that as you get older people start to care less and less.

[mashura]

These questions are getting extremely redundant. There is nothing wrong with being 20 and a virgin. Take your time. Don't jump into it. You might regret who you choose as your first partner so choose wisely.

[Asker]

But it feels like everyone around me has had sex. Both girls and guys. Why am I the only one crying in bed alone?

[mashura]

You are not the only one. Pay attention to some of these posts. Do you know how many people on here are virgins. Besides your 20, you have plenty of time. Just don't rush inti things bcaz everyone else is doing it.

[MaxNoodles]

You'll be fine dude. If you literrally do not try and just let things go, there will be points in life where you know you can take an active role in deciding fate.

There is a lot more to life than women.

[haylee_ann]

ask for phone numbers and text them. the worst that can happen is they reject you but that's not the end of the world. there are a million girls out there!

[saysrae]

Just try going out Friday and Saturday nights and see what happens

[Asker]

How do I go out? Alone? That's terrible. I have a couple of "friends" but my really good friends all have girlfriends.

[saysrae]

someone doesn't have to be a really good friend for you to go out with them..

and I'm sure your friends with girlfriends will still go out, they don't have to be meeting girls for you to..

[PricelessPearl]

NO, you don't have mental issues! Don't listen to the world!

God bless you :)

[Anonymous]

there are people older than you that are still like that

[Lj236]

There's nothing wrong about that