So basically I just finished high school and I have just gone through a wind-whirl of emotions that have got me thinking. I'm about to start a rant, so here it goes:
I never liked my high school. I always thought that I was being unfairly treated and at times bullied (I was judged which made people wary of me). As my high school came to an end I began dreading the once anticipated idea of leaving school. I realized that I had the best friends in the world that I should never take for granted (not that I ever did). However I then read/heard stories of people who were bullied, and I realized that it was never like that for me. I was not bullied like others were and just slightly alienated. I also realized that if I did any of the thing (like acting myself) in other school I probably would have been bashed. Basically I began to respect my school and became highly grateful to be apart of it (I go to a selective school, where everyone is more focused on their studies and grades rather than status). This just got me thinking whether I have been ungrateful about other things in my life. Like a few years ago I won this really prestigious dance award and my sis got me some very amazing (but unwanted) publicity. I didn't really do anything about, just kinda went with it. However I still distinctly remember my sis saying that I was very ungrateful of everything she has done. I'm really not sure if I was being ungrateful, I mean I did say Thank you and bought her a present, I wasn't really sure what else she wanted.
Anyway that was not the question, my question is am I being ungrateful of my mum? Now don't take this the wrong way, I absolutely love my mum, I just don't think I show it enough (or the way I should). My parents are divorced and it has left a hefty toll on my mum. She was never happy in her marriage, yet she has it ingrained in her to always be with her husband (it was her identity, something I beginning to realize the weight of). I think that I have been unnecessarily mean to my mum, like I can't stand my mum saying too much bad things about my dad. The thing is I'm the only one in the family who understands both sides (plus I hate conflict), so I can't choose sides but have an objective opinion of the whole situation (both approached the relationship wrong). I would always end up screaming/yelling at my mum to stop, as she wouldn't stop despite me asking numerous times in a soft voice. The situation kinda got worse do to my high school situation, my mum would only every talk about my education and tutoring. After have about 8 years continuous tutoring I just got sick and tired of it, especially since my mum never takes no for an answer. I have basically become very hostile towards my mother and am now trying really hard to mend it. I am trying to show affection, but every time we make some progress we are always pulled back. I just don't know what to do. I desperately need help and need to know if I'm just being an ungrateful selfish bitch.
Most Helpful Guy
You're being very typical. Not especially bad or evil or ungrateful.
Your high school experiences and how your opinions fluctuated, are very very typical.
Same for recognising that you've taken things your Mother did for you, for granted. And wanting to improve that. And finding it difficult. It's all very text book.
What you don't know, yet, is that you'll probably go through it with your own daughter. And your mother probably went through it with her mother.
Something else you don't know, is that even if you do have an utterly thankless child, as a parent you can't help but love them anyway.
In other words, you may argue with her, and pull back from time to time, but never doubt that your mother loves you completely even if she can't necessarily show you the affection that you'd like.