Why does my husband lie to me about things?

We have been married for 6 years and have 3 children. He gets plenty and I'll know when he does it and then he'll lie about it. I don't tell him I know I just ask questions and he less, I don't get it. Does he feel guilty because he's fantasizing about other women? I don't understand. And then fire the first time ever the other night he couldn't finish. What is your opinion? Ty!


Most Helpful Guy

  • If he's lying to you because he's noticing other women, it's because he believes you wouldn't be able to handle knowing that. In other words, your behavior/actions in the past has led him to conclude that if he were to say "wow, that woman is beautiful", you'd lose it and be angry with him or lapse into a pool of insecurity about yourself.

    The thing is, just because the two of you are married doesn't mean his eyes and brain don't work anymore. He can SEE other beautiful women, and sometimes he's going to THINK about them. All guys do that, but for most guys, it never goes beyond that, and as long as he isn't disrespectful about it, it shouldn't bother you. It doesn't mean he's any less attracted to you, or that he loves you any less.

    What it DOES mean is that you two have a communication problem. Neither of you are being fully honest with each other, and that often happens when one person can't HANDLE full honesty. Can you? If you can, then you need to tell him you can, and get back to a place where you can be completely honest with each other. Trust me: you'd be far MORE secure if you were being honest with each other all the time, even if you didn't always like or agree with what you heard from him.

GAG Video of the Day

10 Things Guys Wish Girls Would Stop Doing

What Guys Said 26

  • I'm assuming you're talking about masturbation. Fact: It doesn't really matter how hot the partner most men still masturbate. I love my girlfriend with every fiber of my body. She is sexy as hell and our sex life isn't anything I can complain about. And yet I masturbate. Why? Because for men, once sex is on the brain there is typically only one way to get that thought out and that is to release some sea men.

    I'd be a little concerned that he didn't finish and if his propensity for masturbation is interfering with your sex life. Now he could've just has a bad night. Fact men's sexual prowess peaks by the early 20s... so unfortunately for most men the rest of life is a slippery slope of slow sexual regression. It doesn't mean that he needs a pill but just be patient on the non-climaxing front.

    Still you should just talk to him. Ask him (not confrontionally but calmy and supportively) why he watches so much p*rn and why he feels like he can't be honest with you about it. Tell him you don't necessary care that he watches p*rn but are hurt that he feels he has to lie about it. Then maybe ask him is there anything he needs or is lacking and decide (together) if they are things you too can work.

    But if he lies every time you ask then you should simply stop asking and (in a positive way) just open a dialogue with him about it. At worst he's become addicted to internet p*rn (apparently a fast growing addiction) but most likely, like most guys, he just rubs one out to release the sexual tension that us men often feel daily

  • He does it because he's a useless dullard and you allow him to perpetuate his tard-like behavior. Kick him out.

  • I'm not sure if we're thinking about the same problem but look at these links:




    Many possible reasons.It's not uncommon, and it's no fun for the guy either.

    Not hopeless: link


  • People who have a tendency to lie in such a fashion often start by lying to themselves. Guys aren't always generally aware enough to take subtle hints. If you think he is lying to you, then you may have to just come out and tell him. Right now it doesn't sound like there is any trust and as sad as it seems, that's not a healthy relationship. You have to realize that your children see that and even if they don't understand everything that's going on, someday they will. Your relationship is an example of what your children should expect in a relationship years down the road. If you don't have any trust then I feel it's necessary for the well being of the entire family that it's dealt with directly. If the lies and deceit can't stop, the it may be important for the relationship to come to an end.

    On a side note. Maybe he's gay? *shrug* The behavior sounds quite a bit like what I've heard other men do when they don't want to admit they are gay.

  • Look at the number of answers here that express confusion on what you are trying to say. The fact that we are answering shows we want to help and are not putting you down, but it really is hard to understand what you want. Please reread what you type before submitting so that you can be sure we will understand your question. We want to help.

    "He gets plenty and I'll know when he does it and then he'll lie about it." That sounds like you are saying that he is having sex with other women. From things said later, I figured it was his fantasizing that you were speaking of.

    "Look but don't touch" is a rule that lots of couples use. The brain does not shut down, so looking and admiring, and even bringing those memories into masturbation is normal and not a put down on the partner in any way.

    You two probably need a conversation to clear the air, making it clear that you are not pothered or feel threatened. But mean it. If you are not threatened, then there should not be this problem you are having with needing to know more.

    His ability to finish (or lack of it) probably has nothing to do with this discussion, other than if he is getting negative feelings about you because of your questions. Time to be content and happy with his physical commitment and faithfulness, and not worry about what might be in his thoughts.

More from Guys

What Girls Said 2

  • It definitely could be a guilt issue, especially when you have children together.

    Usually men lie about things when they are ashamed or feel ashamed about doing or thinking something, at least this is what I've noticed. Not being able to "finish", I assume we're talking about the same thing here...that's a sign of anxiety.

    You should perhaps talk to him about this?

  • I would give an actual this question, but I have no f***ing clue what you're trying to say. I feel like there are several words/sentences that are missing from your question.

    • "I would give an actual this question" "several words/sentences that are missing"

      I can't tell if this is on purpose or not. But yes, either way, I agree.

    • Show All
    • me neither

      either she's saying he watches p*rn or that he's cheating but I'm not sure

    • Well, if it's p*rn she's just being stupid. If it's cheating then she needs to confront him.