Why does my husband lie to me about things?

We have been married for 6 years and have 3 children. He gets plenty and I'll know when he does it and then he'll lie about it. I don't tell him I know I just ask questions and he less, I don't get it. Does he feel guilty because he's fantasizing about other women? I don't understand. And then fire the first time ever the other night he couldn't finish. What is your opinion? Ty!


Most Helpful Guy

  • If he's lying to you because he's noticing other women, it's because he believes you wouldn't be able to handle knowing that. In other words, your behavior/actions in the past has led him to conclude that if he were to say "wow, that woman is beautiful", you'd lose it and be angry with him or lapse into a pool of insecurity about yourself.

    The thing is, just because the two of you are married doesn't mean his eyes and brain don't work anymore. He can SEE other beautiful women, and sometimes he's going to THINK about them. All guys do that, but for most guys, it never goes beyond that, and as long as he isn't disrespectful about it, it shouldn't bother you. It doesn't mean he's any less attracted to you, or that he loves you any less.

    What it DOES mean is that you two have a communication problem. Neither of you are being fully honest with each other, and that often happens when one person can't HANDLE full honesty. Can you? If you can, then you need to tell him you can, and get back to a place where you can be completely honest with each other. Trust me: you'd be far MORE secure if you were being honest with each other all the time, even if you didn't always like or agree with what you heard from him.


What Guys Said 26

  • I'm assuming you're talking about masturbation. Fact: It doesn't really matter how hot the partner most men still masturbate. I love my girlfriend with every fiber of my body. She is sexy as hell and our sex life isn't anything I can complain about. And yet I masturbate. Why? Because for men, once sex is on the brain there is typically only one way to get that thought out and that is to release some sea men.

    I'd be a little concerned that he didn't finish and if his propensity for masturbation is interfering with your sex life. Now he could've just has a bad night. Fact men's sexual prowess peaks by the early 20s... so unfortunately for most men the rest of life is a slippery slope of slow sexual regression. It doesn't mean that he needs a pill but just be patient on the non-climaxing front.

    Still you should just talk to him. Ask him (not confrontionally but calmy and supportively) why he watches so much p*rn and why he feels like he can't be honest with you about it. Tell him you don't necessary care that he watches p*rn but are hurt that he feels he has to lie about it. Then maybe ask him is there anything he needs or is lacking and decide (together) if they are things you too can work.

    But if he lies every time you ask then you should simply stop asking and (in a positive way) just open a dialogue with him about it. At worst he's become addicted to internet p*rn (apparently a fast growing addiction) but most likely, like most guys, he just rubs one out to release the sexual tension that us men often feel daily

  • He does it because he's a useless dullard and you allow him to perpetuate his tard-like behavior. Kick him out.

  • I'm not sure if we're thinking about the same problem but look at these links:




    Many possible reasons.It's not uncommon, and it's no fun for the guy either.

    Not hopeless: link


  • People who have a tendency to lie in such a fashion often start by lying to themselves. Guys aren't always generally aware enough to take subtle hints. If you think he is lying to you, then you may have to just come out and tell him. Right now it doesn't sound like there is any trust and as sad as it seems, that's not a healthy relationship. You have to realize that your children see that and even if they don't understand everything that's going on, someday they will. Your relationship is an example of what your children should expect in a relationship years down the road. If you don't have any trust then I feel it's necessary for the well being of the entire family that it's dealt with directly. If the lies and deceit can't stop, the it may be important for the relationship to come to an end.

    On a side note. Maybe he's gay? *shrug* The behavior sounds quite a bit like what I've heard other men do when they don't want to admit they are gay.

  • Look at the number of answers here that express confusion on what you are trying to say. The fact that we are answering shows we want to help and are not putting you down, but it really is hard to understand what you want. Please reread what you type before submitting so that you can be sure we will understand your question. We want to help.

    "He gets plenty and I'll know when he does it and then he'll lie about it." That sounds like you are saying that he is having sex with other women. From things said later, I figured it was his fantasizing that you were speaking of.

    "Look but don't touch" is a rule that lots of couples use. The brain does not shut down, so looking and admiring, and even bringing those memories into masturbation is normal and not a put down on the partner in any way.

    You two probably need a conversation to clear the air, making it clear that you are not pothered or feel threatened. But mean it. If you are not threatened, then there should not be this problem you are having with needing to know more.

    His ability to finish (or lack of it) probably has nothing to do with this discussion, other than if he is getting negative feelings about you because of your questions. Time to be content and happy with his physical commitment and faithfulness, and not worry about what might be in his thoughts.

  • I'm not sure what the problem is here. Do you ask him if he fantasizes about other women? If you know it makes him uncomfortable, why do it? Almost all guys fantasize in various ways. It's harmless so why needle him about it? If he's fooling around, that's a different problem.

  • 1. Your being beautiful or sexy or both has nothing to do with what he does if he does it :)

    2. Every individual has their own view and perception of situations in life so do you and so does your husband.

    3. We don't know the basis of your 'knowing he gets plenty' but by the way women are made by nature I'd say you have a fair share of that instinct and knowledge.

    4. However, there are times one tends to give in to insecurities, past events in life etc and make a future / present statement and thought out of that - this can be detrimental to any relationship.

    5. There comes a time in life that both of you require pepping up (especially the male - generally and that's how nature's made it)

    6. Women generally tend to view watching p*** and / or self pleasure as need for variety or sex which is not always true.

    7. Men are made in a certain way and aren't always vocal about it as much as a woman can be or is.

    8. Talking sometimes helps but getting the male to talk in such situations again is an individual situation.

    9. If both of you were on the same page and watched it together (if you are refering to p***) then things will be in a different perspective.

    10. When he believes and / or knows that you may take off at him for doing so or even looking at other women, he's bound to hide it from you - no one likes being nagged about something that they like to do :)

    11. If he gets off too quick:

    11.1. He may be stressed out (either work or domestic or sexual)

    11.2. That is what may have induced him to watch p*rn in a bid to experiment with himself if he can last longer by 'practice' or even get it up at will like 'earlier' - that by itself is something that will bother most men if not all

    12. Guilt is an obvious thing here but connected to point 10.

    A recommendation:

    1. when you ask a question be specific with words,

    2. don't shy from using words,

    3. don't create a long paragraph and if your question is long then break up the paragraphs,

    4. cut paste after you've finished writing to bring all points in the question in an order :)

  • im not sure if I understand the question but if your talking about he doesn't finish him self off lol

    then it maybe because he wants to please you istead and he's thinking about your needs more than his own its nothing to worry about it just means he loves you and would rather you be satisfied 1st

  • You look very pretty. As long as you keep yourself healthy and you make him happy in bed you don't have to worry about anything.

  • Sex can be more than just physical for guys too...there's a mental side to it. And the more friction there is between you guys, the more you pressures him, it might be messing with his mojo. Not saying it's your fault, just that you guys need to figure out how to stay on the same page...and that him not finishing, for example, doesn't mean he's fantasizing about other chicks or not into you, but could just be a mental thing where now instead of just being able to let loose & enjoy sex there's all this weirdness attached to it. And not finishing would be a sensitive thing for a guy...like damaging to our ego. So try to tip top around that issue delicately.

  • Is he maybe exhausted from working and helping raise the kids? This time of year can get pretty stressful. I'm guessing by things, you mean "enjoying alone time" it's actually healthy and normal, but if you're really concerned plan some alone time with just the two of you, and sit down and ask him how things are going/what's bothering him. I wouldn't give him a hard time about it, it's a pretty normal thing, as long as he's not going out and cheating on you.

  • "I'll know when he does it and then he'll lie about it."

    Does what? Have an affair or fantasize? Because you later talk about him fantasizing.

  • learn to be more clear about what your asking, terrible unarticulated question.

  • Give him a break. Sometimes we want some variety and as long as he is fantacising only and using it to be more productive with you - that's fine.

    I don't think I was ever in a relationship where it was only sex with her. There was always some manual going on as well because - well - I never had a girl really keep up with my sex drive so I'd get off in between to ensure we stayed on similar schedules. Otherwise I felt like I was pressuring her into sex more than she wanted. Does that make sense?

    If he is doing it and then avoiding you - that's a problem.

  • Well, how do you know he's lying?

  • He watches p*rn, are you saying? If that's the case, why just ask questions about it and thereby making him uncertain of whether or not you care, and giving him the opportunity to lie about it? Why not just tell him you know he does and you don't care?

    Just ask him why he thinks he couldn't finish the other day. Communication is key in every relationship so don't try to beat around the bush (but don't exactly make him uncomfortable either!). There could be a whole bunch of reasons for what happened, so just have a conversation with him and try to find out why it happened.

  • Just give him a blow job everyday and all your troubles will be far away.

  • Sometimes it's OK to lie. It's not good to keep lying but sometimes, lying is actually good..

  • very bad

  • Be straight forward and sit him down, ask him what's going on. Promise him you will not get mad you are just wondering why he has been like this for awhile now.

  • The first impression I have is that some guy posted this gal as a member on 12/23 and is trolling ...

    If the real deal, then hey gal - hubby is squirting w/o you - a private vacation and away from so many questions ... about everything. Feeling locked out might be painful but won't last. You could try to reunite by getting together with sexy DVDs or reading stories from Literotica.com in bed.

  • Ok, try one more time but in English.

  • Men will lie if they know that whatever they do makes you wild and you're not able to accept it. Sometimes, you can improve things simply by accepting things...

    For instance, my partner has no problem with me watching p*rn. Which means, I never have to lie after doing it.

    Likewise, she does know that I fantasize (only mentally, never touching!) about other women... including her friends. She takes this very sportingly, which means I don't have to feel embarassed or guilty. Of course, to avoid it turning touchy, I don't talk much about it... but we both know that I do it.

    You can improve things by trying to understand and accepting why a man does what he does...

  • You let him do it, you didn't set up rules for him...so he'll keep doing it. have fun with that

  • "He gets plenty and I'll know when he does it and then he'll lie about it"

    What are you talking about here? I don't understand.


What Girls Said 2

  • It definitely could be a guilt issue, especially when you have children together.

    Usually men lie about things when they are ashamed or feel ashamed about doing or thinking something, at least this is what I've noticed. Not being able to "finish", I assume we're talking about the same thing here...that's a sign of anxiety.

    You should perhaps talk to him about this?

  • I would give an actual this question, but I have no f***ing clue what you're trying to say. I feel like there are several words/sentences that are missing from your question.

    • "I would give an actual this question" "several words/sentences that are missing"

      I can't tell if this is on purpose or not. But yes, either way, I agree.

    • Show All
    • me neither

      either she's saying he watches p*rn or that he's cheating but I'm not sure

    • Well, if it's p*rn she's just being stupid. If it's cheating then she needs to confront him.