So, I've been dating my girlfriend for approx. 2 years now. Before we met, she went through some "dark days" (her words, not mine). She would smoke...
So, I've been dating my girlfriend for approx. 2 years now. Before we met, she went through some "dark days" (her words, not mine). She would smoke weed everyday but eventually quit after her grandmothers intervention. When we met she would only smoke cigarettes, but has quit since. Recently she's been giving me little hints now and then that she wants to smoke weed again. I have to admit I'm not a fan of weed, although I have nothing against people who do. I am a police officer in training, and I have made the personal choice to never do drugs. Recently I have caught her smoking weed behind my back. (she accidentally texted me instead of one of her friends). She knows that I don't care for the drug, and that I don't like it when she did smoke. What makes it worse is that she is trying to hide it from me. She knows how I feel on the issue, obviously because she is hiding it from me. I'm afraid she will fall back into her old habits of smoking it daily. I know this sounds harsh, but I don't want to be a part of her life if weed is going to be a part of hers. What do I do?
It doesn't sound harsh at all. I would tell her straight out that you are aware that she is smoking again and that you are not going to be around if this is what she chooses to do. Not only that but it's against the law and it puts you in a bad position with your job. Don't feel bad about what you are saying because it's completely legitimate.
You should tell her. Especially since you're a police officer in training. She should understand where you're coming from. And if she's willing to throw away two years of a relationship for weed, then it's her loss. Not yours. Especially if she's not going to come right out and tell you that she's doing it. Trust me, you don't want to be a part of that...
... I'm in the same predicament as you - however, with more of a serious drug, MDMA. I've told my boyfriend "I'm not going to stop him from experimenting, but I will leave you if you get past my comfort zone. It not that I don't love you, and it's not that I don't want to fight for you. I just see it as a lose lose situation, that will only go down hill." He didn't fight with me, he didn't try to defend himself or explain it's an occasional thing, you on the other hand might have a difficult position with majority of the world becoming more accepting to legalizing marijuana... There is a large possibility that is could possibly be legalized world wide by 2020. So stand your ground and say even if it was to become legalized I wouldn't appreciate you doing it.
Tell her how you feel. She is going to make the choice on her own, just let her know that if she chooses the weed she is choosing it over you. I wouldn't be a part of her life either. Especially where you are going to be a cop, that will make a mess for you. But I don't want drugs in my house or around my family. I wouldn't stay with someone who did it.
You should probably just leave her. If she's the type to be doing things behind your back that's probably not going to change.
If you really want to stay together, you can give her another chance, but make it all clear and let her know the stakes. No couple will have a good relationship when they're hiding things from each other and lying to each other.
So youve been dating a girl for two years and do not trust her to make her own decisions? are you afraid of her becoming a different person? is your relationship worth jeopardizing because you hold different beliefs on this topic? would she understand if you did something that she was not a huge fan of either? do you think the relationship has developed as far as it is going to/ as far as you would otherwise like it to? Are there other fish in the sea, and is that a factor in your decision? think it out, be open with yourself and her.
i say give it time, I mean if she becomes a crackfiend overnight and things are not working out then brake up, but if things besides this are going smooth, then you're problem is not too huge and I would say wait and see...(hope to help! :)