What's the worst part of being in the friendzone? Or why do so many guys hate it?

[Anonymous]

What's the worst part of being in the friendzone? Or why do so many guys hate it?

[26ukdude]

Because you can never have her in the way you want and are forever longing for something that isn't going to happen. To a guy who loves a girl its like a relationship without any of the intimacy, and one which she goes out with and dates other men.
The worst part is hanging out with her all the time and as such the feelings dont go away and only get stronger. Except that she is looking for other guys if she is single, or sleeping with one if she is not and sharing things she won't with you. So you are left by the sidelines and often feel upset and resentful that you are only good enough to be her friend and always second best to someone else.
Unrequitted love is horrible.
I'm actually thinking of calling off my friendship with a girl because this is the situation im in and she wants to meet after getting back from travelling for over a year and I've been in live with her for the past 2

[Agrojag]

That was a tragic yet beautiful answer. I think it may be best if you put some distance between her if not end the friendship. I know what it's like to be in your shoes and I honestly can say I have been happier since I ceased contact with the girl in question.

[26ukdude]

I'll meet her if she wants (I haven't seen her for 16 months) but I'll explain the situation. She allready knows I love her. Well she did, she may question if I still do or even think i've moved on

[kheserthorpe]

It's rejection at a very deep level. Its not like 'oh we're not that compatible' or 'the logistics wouldn't work' or 'i don't feel comfortable around you'. its 'you're a great guy and i love hanging around with you and i feel safe i just find you repellent as a man'

[Asker]

lol...

[udolipixie]

What's the worst part of being in the friendzone?
Considering friend zone seems to be a mostly male concept I'll go with not getting sex.

Or why do so many guys hate it?
Likely because they are not f*cking the gal. I find guys generally do not seek or enjoy female interaction unless sex is present be it from her, her friends, her family member, or using her to get gals to f*ck. It seems sex is the sole/main intention for female-interaction.

As well as I find guys tend to view sex as a transaction/reward so likely most guys are thinking 'I'm being nice and not getting sex', 'I'm listening to her and not getting sex', etc thus feeling used/played.

[biggie90]

udolpixie you always have the most intricate way of structuring your answers. It's like you take every answer seriously. Although I don't always agree with your opinions.

[biggie90]

And no I would have being friend zoned by a girl I would have a crush on. Sex isn't top priority in that sense. It's more wanting to be with that girl. Spending time, cuddling, watching a movie. Sex becomes secondary. But that's just how I feel.

[biggie90]

I would not like being friend zoned by a girl I have a crush on. That's what I meant. Getting late and getting tired.

[Agrojag]

Biggie is right. When I was put in the friendzone, the thing that upset me was that I wasn't special to that person. I wanted to be more to her than I was. I wanted sex as well, but the intimacy is what I wanted most.

[udolipixie]

@biggie90
I'm doubting this unless you don't spend time or watch movies with your friends. As well as I find gals are often more touchy-feely so cuddling likely happens as well.

[udolipixie]

@Agrojag
I doubt Biggie is right considering it seems guys equate intimacy to be sexual physical actions.

Unless communication, companionship, spending time which friends generally do isn't intimacy.

[Agrojag]

Pixie: Not on the same level as someone you're in a relationship with. And for my part, once she rejected me but said she wanted to be friends she drifted ever farther away until we had a falling out and stopped communicating.

[udolipixie]

@Agrojag
I find whether it's not on the same level a toss up. It seems gals generally have more intimacy and communication with their friends particularly female friends than their partners. I find most guys complain about having to listen to their gfs/wives that even supposed male friends seem to negatively regard communicating as being used as an emotional tampon.

Possibly for your part your expressed sexual interest/desire/pursuit made her uncomfortable and incapable of regarding you as a friend. Seems it was well suited.

[biggie90]

Well I guess I'm strange then because I'd rather go on a walk or do something with a girl rather then have sex. Sex is secondary to me when I'm in a relationship. I like cuddling and getting close to a girl and who said guys can't be touchy feely? I like a nice back massage from a woman or her running her fingers along my back/shoulders.

[udolipixie]

If you'd rather do such things then I'm unsure why you wouldn't like being in the friend zone as friends do such things.

Egh I didn't state that guys can't be touchy-feely.

You stated not wantintg to be in the friend zone isn't about sex it's about "spending time, cuddling, watching a movie". I stated friends spend time together and watch movies and I find gals tend to be touchy-feely as friends so there's likely cuddling.

In other words I doubt it's not about sex as what you claim it's more about seems to be what friends generally do.

[biggie90]

Well because in a friend zone you are not in a relationship and I don't know any guys who are friend zoned and cuddle or kiss the girl. Being in a relationship you have feelings of love when your friend zoned you might like the girl but she doesn't feel for you the same way.

[udolipixie]

@biggie90
So you went from supposed intimacy of 'spending time, cuddling, watching a movie' to 'cuddle or kiss'. So it appears I was correct that it seems guys equate intimacy to be sexual physical actions.

[shygirl16]

Like Troian said, its a form of rejection. The girl does not find you attractive enough to notice you as more then a friend, or does not like you in that way. Guys don't like it because the girl still wants to be close, without being sexually/romantically close.

[Troian]

Guys hate it because it's rejection. You happen to like a girl but she just sees you as a friend and doesn't want more.
The thing is...it's not because you get along with a girl and that she finds you hot that she owes you more.

[AndyWes]

Because you're constantly getting a physical reminder that while she gripes about this guy who was horrible to her and that guy who she slept with but was an asshole to her...

They're all good enough she'll give them a shot romantically.

But you, you'll never get a kiss or a dinner date with her, as she hooks up with other guys.

I had friendzone once. Never put up with it again.

[Anonymous]

They hate that they're putting emotional energy into a relationship that isn't panning out in the ways they wanted.

Most of the time, it's that being a decent human and doing favors doesn't magically create sexual attraction. Too many guys use a faulty "friend approach" to avoid sexual rejection, so it only gets prolonged as they grow to feel more and more entitled and drained by placing conditions on their behavior that the girl isn't aware of.

[snowangle]

The fact that guys view friendship as a terrible thing, or a consolation prize. And that they'd rather continue longing for her and doing her favors and hoping to change her mind than actually moving on.

[Anonymous]

Because it sucks. You have to do all kinds of boyfriend-like stuff for them without the sex. I mean my "friend" and I go out to eat lunch and stuff and I listen to her bitch about everything under the sun, and when the check comes, she forgot money at home. Then I try and talk about something cool like blowjobs and she changes the subject to something about needing to go shopping.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

It has to do more with blue balls and blaming the girl for it instead of I don't know being straight forward

[tzdc21]

Because that's basically giving the girl all the attributes of a boyfriend, but you not receiving any attributes of a girlfriend when it's blatantly clear you want a relationship, not a friendship.

[Prilee1992]

''I wanna touch you, I wanna hug you, and I wanna cuddle you; just because we can't make out doesn't mean we could be friends ;(''

[inamorata]

I presume it's because it's not a friendship, it's not a relationship and blue balls. =/

[movealng]

Because you see the other person as more than a friend, but they only see you as a friend.