I don’t party much, don’t drink a ton but I certainly like social drinking and the occasional glass of wine over pizza and Youtube, and seeing as I have a strange addiction to writing recipes I figured I’d take a different approach and make a take devoted to something a little more … universal?
For those of you who are not of age, git! Go on! Get outta ere’!
For those of you 21+ (or 19+ if you’re Canadian, like moi) strap in and get your glasses ready, because here’s a list of some of the EASIEST, CHEAPEST cocktails you can make! Most of them are two steps or less so it's going to be super simple to get plastered faster with these!
5:3 Mojito
Let’s face it, no one ever has any of these fancy syrups on hand to sweeten their drinks, so here’s an easy mojito you can make with plain ol' sugar, soda water, flavorants and rum. Just serve over ice and enjoy!
What you’ll need:
- ½ Of a lime, cut into wedges
- 4 mint leaves
- 1 Tbsp of sugar
- ¼ Golden rum (I use Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum)
- ¾ Soda water
How you’ll make it:
Muddle your lime, mint leaves and sugar in the bottom of your cup, either using a mortar or some other tool. Use your fist, I don’t care.
- Top with rum and soda water. Stir.
- Put some ice in that shit and you’re set!
Something sort of like cereal
This one isn’t really new but I’ll introduce it anyways; this is a concoction that supposedly is supposed to taste like the notorious breakfast cereal Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t tried it myself. This shit is serious.
What you’ll need:
- Rumchata
- Fireball
- Cinnamon
That’s it.
How you’ll make it:
Mix that shit together and put cinnamon on it! You can drink it as a shot or in a small glass. Just put as much Rumchata as you want (within reason, drunky) and then a single shot of fireball.
Wimp’s Lemon Drop
Normally lemon drops are made with lemon juice and typically a single shot of lemonade, or just without lemonade period. For this though we’re doing it the sweeter way, with more lemonade, less lemon juice and a little bit of sugar – for those of you who just turned legal and still can’t stomach the taste of vodka.
- ¼ Cup Vodka (or less if you find it too strong)
- ½ Cup Lemonade
- ¼ Cup Lemon juice
- 1 Tbsp sugar
How you’ll make it:
Literally you just mix or shake it up all together and serve it cold. You can add lemon rind for a garnish but let’s be serious: no one really cares after a certain point what the drunk actually looks like.
Mimosa Rip Off
Okay, most people like mimosa’s … not everybody wants to pay for champagne. Honestly paying for cheap champagne isn’t even worth it, so here’s a recipe with a super cheap substitute that does the trick well enough for under 12 bucks.
What you’ll need:
- ½ Cup Naked Grape Fizz (Sparkling White Wine)
- ½ Cup Orange juice
How you’ll make it:
Once again all you’re going to do is mix the two together and serve cold. If you want to get fancy you can cut up orange slices but most of us don’t care and just want to get drunk.
The Fruit Salad
For those of you who don’t bother buying fruit flavored liqueurs, here is a pretty simple way to kick up an already made cooler into something a little more special. You’ll be serving this one in a tall glass ideally but if not, cut the portion of the breezer in half.
What you’ll need:
- 1 standard size bottle of Bacardi Breezer in Strawberry Daiquiri.
- ½ Cup Of strawberry, orange and banana juice. Whichever brand is fine.
- 1 shot of orange flavored vodka
How you’ll make it:
Put the shot in first. Top with breezer and juice and serve with ice. You can throw some fresh fruit in there if you feel like getting fancy.
Hawaiian Sea Breeze, RJ Style
This one you’ll often find measured out in the “parts” system, but for this I used the standard cups and shots measurement because … that’s how I do it. You can eyeball it but I like to know what’s going into what I’m making for the sake of accuracy, alright? I also changed up the recipe by adding a flavored vodka and a few other juices in there. So enjoy!
What you’ll need:
- 2 shots of coconut flavored vodka
- ½ Cup Cranberry juice
- ¼ Cup Pineapple juice
- ¼ Cup Orange juice
How you’ll make it:
As always shots first, add juice, mix or shake. Serve with ice and add fruit if you wanna be fancy.
The Vanilla & Cherry Cola
This one is easy and not so much a cocktail as much as if is just a good mixed drink. For any of you who really like vanilla or cherry coke, but don’t like vodka, this is a good substitution for you since it included flavored RUM rather than the traditional flavored Smirnoff that most people opt up for.
What you’ll need:
- 1 Can of coke, whatever variety you prefer
- 1 Shot of either black cherry or vanilla rum
How you’ll make it:
Hasn’t become clear by now that all you pretty much have to do is mix this shit together? I’m making it easy for you, come on! Oh but if you happen to like both of these drinks try adding a shot of cherry AND vanilla rum to your cola, it’s actually pretty excellent.
Poor Man’s Caesar
My dad makes these all of the time, and it’s ironic because he first came up with it (though it isn’t particularly new) is when I bought him to-go vegetable cocktails to take to work for the sake of his health … then he started mixing them with beer. #Health am I right?
What you need:
- A beer of your choice.
- Mott’s Clamato Caesar juice.
- Some celery salt.
How you’ll make it:
Mix the beer and Clamato half and half in a pint glass. Season with celery salt and enjoy, you hick.
RJ’s Sour Apple
I made this up myself, though I’m sure it’s like a lot of other whiskey-based drinks out there. This one’s a good kick in the mouth so I hope you like it, because I did!
What you’ll need:
- 2 shots of Whiskey
- 1 Shot of Green Apple Sour Puss
- ½ Cup Apple Juice
- ½ Cup Sparkling water
- 1 Tbsp Maraschino Cherry juice.
How you’ll make it:
Pour your shots in a class with the Maraschino gunk and mix them before adding whiskey stones or ice. Then just top with your sparkling apple mixture and enjoy!
Alright so that’s it for my cheap, one-to-a-few step cocktails for lazy and poor people. Let me know in the threads below if you have any tips or suggestions for my next recipe sharing take. Have a good one, everybody! Happy drinking!
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