A Satirical Look into the GaG Life of CheerGirl38139: Yes, It's All About ME :)

Lately I've been thinking about my various experiences and interactions with people here on GaG, as my 2 year anniversary is coming up. Some of them quite frustrating, a scary stalker incident or two, but the vast majority have been enjoyable, enlightening, and straight up funny.

So with that said, I felt the urge to take a look back and write about my own FAQ's.

As a white girl from the south, obviously I'm a toothless, racist, dim-witted redneck who plans to marry her cousin Billy-Bob.

A Satirical Look into the GaG Life of CheerGirl38139. That's Right. It's All About ME. :)

Yes. It's true. I confess. Being from the American South makes me racist by birth. I hate anyone that's not white, and even most whites that aren't southern. My family only shares one tooth brush so I only get to use it twice a week. But when Billy Bob and I get married, we are gonna ask for one for a wedding gift, so I can use it at night and he can use it every morning. But we'll have to live in the school bus room-addition to mom and daddy's trailer.

I just turned 21, so Im about 5 or 6 years behind at getting pregnant. I'll be getting busy on that right away to catch up with my sisters and cousins.Of course, I don't know what a college looks like, but we get the football games on the TV, which is great. I can't wait until we can afford a color one.

As a female that loathes slurs and particularly slut shaming, I must be a Feminazi or some sort of Free Speech hating fascist

You got me. I spend my time defending the U.S. Constitution and specifically the Bill of Rights only when it works in my favor. I hate men except when I need or want one. Feminists also worship me for my stance on insisting that Hitlary Klinton should be in prison for her various crimes and treason.

Everyone knows that just because you have "the right" to do or say something, that by God you always should. By all means, say it, do it. Never be prudent. Ever.

I never mean what I actually say. In fact I'd prefer that other people twist my words completely around. Like when I suggest that we call should voluntarily stop using slurs against others (eliminate from our personal vocabularies) - what I really mean is that we should ban specific words that I don't personally like, from the English language. Because as a conservative Constitutionalist Feminazi that would rather chew her arm off before voting democrat - it's all about ME.

As a former cheerleader, I must be beautiful and popular

OMG I hate to say it, but this is sooooo true! Competition cheerleading has nothing to do with hard work, skills, year round practice, conditioning, dedication, team work, injuries, blood, sweat, or tears.

Really what you do is....just make sure that all of the other girls like you. Have perfect makeup and hair. Be mean to other girls, and snotty to most boys as well. Act like you're too good for everyone, except for Chad Thundercock...who you will go to prom with.

That's exactly what I did to win two National Championships and many more State Championships. You just have to be mean, pretty, stupid and popular. That's my secret. ;)

I'm a GaG moderator. There IS a conspiracy against you regular users.

Exposing this for the first time ever on GaG, if I disappear soon after posting this, you'll know that I was eliminated for revealing secrets of the VVSS.

Conspiracy theorists have been right all along. Moderators know you. They can see anons. They know where you live. We have secret meetings in a super secret location once a week. Not unlike the 33rd level of Free Masons, once a moderator rises to the level of Uber Mod....we can turn on the cameras and microphones on your phones and computers. We can see you naked and we watch you while you sleep.

I've been feeling guilty for a while, so I needed to get this off of my chest. I have tons of screen shots I've captured with my Uber Mod spy technology of dudes wanking while they are private messaging on GaG pretending to be a girl. It's become an addiction and I need help.

The fact that I refuse to post a profile pic or give my name and information in a PM, I'm either a catfish or paranoid.

YES, it's both. Everyone on GaG knows that if you have a profile pic, that makes you 100% real. No one could ever fake that. I mean shoot, if I get a couple of imagur pics from you, and I see that your profile has a pic, you're 100% real and could not possibly be completely full of shit. So yeah, I'm positively 100% catfish.

Of course I'm also paranoid. Because no one could ever find out who you are and where you live from a tiny bit of personal information and a pic or two right? So yeah...dudes that message me asking for my name, my pics, my Snapchat, my KiK...I'm delusional. I'm paranoid. I'm straight up crazy. Those things could never, ever happen. You don't want to know me anyway.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2528570/Stalker-revenge-falling-catfish-internet-dating-hoax-sentenced-five-years-prison.html

So, you can just check me off your list. I'm crazy. All girls think that guys are stalking them anyway. Hell, we are all crazy.

I must be a hypersensitive baby or at least easily "butt hurt" because I blocked you on GaG.

OK, you got me again. I'm thinned skinned baby that wants to trample your Right to "free speech". I talk shit that I can't back up, and I get my feelings hurt when you're right and I'm wrong. I really DO have all day to go back and forth in a thread with some dogmatic, argumentative, antagonistic, trolling fucktard, I just pretend that I actually have a life. I really don't. I just can't take the infinite wisdom that you spew forth to the point that I must block you and stick my head in the sand.

We all know that everyone here is very open-minded. No one comes here to troll or argue for the sake of arguing. In fact, most of the time, when one person makes a good point, the other person will say "oh. You're right. I was wrong. I never thought of it that way". Happens all the time here on GaG. It's how we roll. But not me. I just get so hurt so easily. So when I block you, it has nothing to do with you being a troll, intentionally obtuse, or a flat out fucktard. It's because "you won". Whew....glad I was able to finally confess.

I'm an insecure wannabe attention seeking whore because I plan to have breast augmentation surgery.

This is a tricky one. While I desperately seek the input of all the men of GaG telling me how my small boobs are awesome the way they are....i just want a little more. I mean I never ask guys for their opinion about it, but so many of them are so warm and kind to tell me how "most guys like small boobs" and "you shouldn't get implants" etc, etc, that's really what I was after all along. It has nothing do do with anything, other than me wanting to hear from guys that I didn't ask what they think about girls that barely have any boobs - or are very flat-chested.

Also, I must want them (boobs) so that I can take selfies all day long of my new enhanced cleavage, and flaunt them at bars with low cut tops so that guys that I have no interest in, will approach me and ask for my number. That is my plan. I love spending my time teasing guys that I have no interest in, only to be a complete and utter bitch to their face when I reject their advances. It has nothing to do with me wanting to improve my look for myself. It's all about social pressure, insecurity, and what guys think.

And since every guy can always tell every time a girl has "fake tits". I guess that won't be a concern for me, as it seems to be a "deal breaker" for so many of them. So many girls that I know that are petite, thin, pretty, and smart that have had conservative augmentation to get to a B or C cup, are constantly rejected by dudes, because they can obviously tell she's had surgery (while checking her out in a restaurant), and must be an attention whore who's boobs feel like baseballs. Yep. Busted. (See what I did there?).

And that circles me back around to my cousin Billy-Bob. He won't mind. He thinks my sister-in-law has awesome "fake tits".

I'm a prude because I'm still a virgin, yet I must be promiscuous because I loathe the word "slut".

It's true. I'm a virgin slut. Because I don't fancy handing my V-card to some douchebag frat boy, I have to be a self-righteous prude, saving it for my wedding night with my cousin Billy-Bob. (I mean, it is Tennessee after all). But living on a college campus, and hating the fucking shaming that virgins get, I secretly go to adult bookstores and give BJs to random dudes through a glory-hole. But it's all good for two reasons. One, I wear a Lone Ranger mask, so it's really not me. And two, it's just a BJ so I'm still a virgin.

I totally judge other people on GaG for their sexual activity (or lack thereof). I especially love debating with slut shamers. They love to post a link to the definition of the word "slut". Which leads to the word "promiscuous", which leads to the word "many" (in relation to sexual partners), which is a number that can't be quantified. And they lock up.

I so enjoy those. Because every slut shamer has a number in their mind that is the over/under as to whether or not a girl qualifies as a "slut". Every slut shamer has the exact same number in mind, and there's also a matching graph that increases the number by age of the woman. So...really, there's no debate right? It makes it easy for all of us. No debate. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

As a side note, my very first GaG block, was a muslim American high school kid, who told me that his sisters were not allowed to wear two-piece bathing suits, as that would get them raped. In America. Not kidding.

Cheer Girl is a meanie that's out to get you.

Yes. I seek out people at random, especially pink and blue anons for the sole purpose of being mean to them. Since I beat around the bush a lot, am never blunt, and rarely tell the straight up truth....I'm not sure how you guys caught up with me. I'm very much a politically correct wall flower. I walk on egg shells to spare people's feelings.

I'm very shy, don't have a sense of humor, and quite often am terrified to speak my mind....especially when someone is obviously trolling. I wish I knew how to use those GIF thingies....I think it would help me say what I'm trying to say more often.

Everyone here is 100% sincere, helpful to others, always courteous, and never lashes out at other users. Especially the brand new users that come in and make one of their very first posts to someone "fuck you, you fucking cunt", or something to that effect. That hardly ever happens. GaG is practically Utopia. I need help. Don't worry, the VVSS will have me assassinated by the time you read this

I know, TL;DR.

I don't care. I enjoyed writing it.

DISCLAIMER FOR READERS THAT HAVE NO CLUE WTF I AM:

The above editorial was satire.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/satire


9|8
18|24

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Guys Said 24

  • 2mo

    This was witty, entertaining, and certainly worth reading. Since I have been one of your strongest fans over the past year, I am familiar with some of the history which motivated your rant. The ability of stand back and laugh at your trevails speaks well of your character.

    Since you have made some tongue-in-cheek comments about your appearance, I do feel compelled to tell others that I have actually seen you and you are an extremely attractive woman. Congratulations on your anniversary and I look forward to following you over the next year. "Wink, wink," fellow conspirator, er, uh. . . moderator. :)

    2|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      Don't spoil my reputation for being a flat chested man hating hag please. 😉

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      I'm just thankfull that your GaG reading comprehension has greatly improved since then. 😂😂

    • 2mo

      As I typo "thankful" 😐🔫

  • 2mo

    Love it. :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Wow I didn't know you won two national cheerleader contests. I admit that it is a sport that takes a lot of hard work and dedication, but you must be really pretty and popular to have gotten that far because cheerleaders by definition are insanely sexy. On another note, I've learned long ago not to take the Internet seriously the majority of people on here are not representative of the majority of people in real life. In fact, it tends to attract the weirdos and losers, which is probably a good reason why you do not use a profile picture even though I'd love to see one. Will you at least tell me if you have blonde hair or not?

    1|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      I do not. And don't get near my shoes. ;)

    • 2mo

      Haha I won't I promise 😘 I know I said this before, but you really are a babe. I love your personality and strong conservative ideals. The fact that you are pretty and a cheerleader just makes it that much better. I hope I get a wife like you someday.

  • 2mo

    Never understood why women are obsessed with ginormous baby feeders or butt cheeks, Looks like they would be obsessed with tighter vag!
    And mods are grown ass tattletales, The end :P

    1|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      #CSB

      And not that either of us care, but most girls that I know, including myself, do NOT want ginormous anything.

      Maybe you've been hanging around too many strip clubs bro

    • 2mo

      I'd live at the strip club, It always smells like Captain Ds in there! <3
      And I like anything from skeeter bites to tamed DDs :)

  • 2mo

    Now I'll be the first to say that the south has a serious racism problem but I never assume that all southerners are racist
    I'd say like 15 percent are and for all my anger at whats going on in the south there are plenty of decent people.
    Also that picture at number one cracked me the hell up.
    I'm glad I'm not the only person who thinks a minnesota accent sounds somewhat similar to a Canadian accent.
    Also one thing though, basically everywhere in the u. s has their own bigfoot legend usuallly dating back to the local tribes

    2|1
    0|0
  • 1mo

    pretty much confirmed everything I thought about you so far

    1|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    Very hilarious

    1|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    I love this take :D
    Some of your humour could earn you money, start a show and the $$$$ will come in! I mostly enjoyed the gossip on what mods can see 8)
    Those top secret meetings on the -4 level of the Pentagon... even General Schwarzkopf took the other elevater when we were in 8) 8)

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    LOL... good

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    2 national championships eh? Pretty awesome. Probably watched you if those are them things they have on ESPN sometimes😂

    0|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      Yep. ESPN2 actually

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      It's cool. I meant either* not entitled. 😂😂

    • 2mo

      😂😂 hey guys like looking at cheerleaders 😛 makes homework more interesting 😂

  • 2mo

    Lol I like your writing.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Knew it

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Lol Washington DC is labeled as useless. It's kinda true

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Hey Texas is Texas. Not Mexico.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Did you really win 2 national championships? That's fucking dope 👍👍

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Well I smiled - I have seen you around but I don't recall clashing with you, luckily because judging by that take you are more than able to care of yourself in a debate - I glad you enjoyed your two years and hope you enjoy all your future times on GaG - Good job excellent take.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    You know Im bored when Im reading this

    3|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    I liked this satire/rant

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    That sad moment when a girl spent 2 years here and still didn't reach Guru, while you became one in just six months.
    I have no life :(

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Wow, very creative! LMAO at times, and confused at others. a funny read for sure.

    Why do I think you are one of the girls in the photo... the 2nd from the right or far left? those girls have some attitude... that's not a bad thing...

    1|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    4

What Girls Said 18

  • 1mo

    This was so entertaining.
    Congrats on the almost 2 years btw!

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    This was so witty, funny, and very original. You spoke so much truth about the profile pictures. Mine is fake because I refuse to put my face on this site where anyone can use it for anything. Using my picture to catfish people or impersonate me is what I am trying to prevent.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    ... alas, all the haters can finally relax. Their suspicions that yet another white, American girl was obsessed with getting more dick by way of her body (see part about breast augmentation) in addition to censoring free-speech of those who are already oppressed thanks to her holding the position of 'moderator' has confirmed what they knew from the start.
    img.pandawhale.com/...he-Internet-I-gotta-Gcnu.gif

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Beautiful "My Take," @CheerGirl 38139.
    Congrats as well in Nearly Two Years here. You have Made a Good name for yourself and Getting through Two years of being on Gag, I myself Award you my own Special Medal of Honor... I am sure it hasn't been all Sugar and Spice but you are still here, dear.
    Oh, by the way. I once lived in North Carolina for Awhile and it was Great, and so were the people. It was something different.
    Good luck. xx

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    entertaining
    ain't nothing wrong with being shy

    1|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    I love the South, but I'm living on the West Coast :( :(

    1|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    Well done. 😊

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1mo

    Under various names I have been here approximately two years and I am proud to say that CheerGirl has asked to follow me every time. I am a New Yorker, stuck up, conceded, very wealthy and I shop at Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdale's and Saks Fifth Avenue. In addition I attend Columbia University as a medical student. Now with that said I agree with everything that CheerGirl sarcastically implied or directly said. Her perspective crosses all geographic borders and culture. I believe that her ability to catch the humanity within us is uncanny. Her perception of the human experience is so sharp that I am certain she will become a well-known writer. Sort of a female Mark Twain.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 1mo
    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    this is why you have my follow. You're hilarious! <3 great mytake.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo
    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    You had me at Chad Thundercock.
    Loved it!

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    More like... New Mexico is Mexico (at least half of the nation thinks so) but Texas is just Texas. Lol

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    I don't really know you but this is adorable. Plus i'm from the south too, so I can relate to so many things on here lol

    1|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      Thanks and welcome to GaG 🙋

    • 2mo

      Thank you! I was going to say I don't know how you've lasted 2 years. I've only been on here a few days and the arguments i've been into are actually ridiculous lol

    • 2mo

      They are. Put your funny panties on, pour a glass of wine, and prepare to laugh... or just shake your head a lot. 😉

  • 2mo

    This was hilarious 😂💙

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    We must be sisters! I married cousin Jim Bob 10 years ago and have been having an affair with John Boy since our wedding night. Jim Bob doesn't know it but when I come home from waiting tables at the bar he's getting sloppy fifteenths or sixteenths. Don't worry you won't have to live in the school bus addition for long mom and daddy will buy you a trailer of your own for your wedding present. Me and Jim Bob got a 28 foot 1942 Airstream for our wedding present. Mom and daddy didn't want to hear me screaming fuck me (going through all the cousin's names till I got the right one). You're still going to have to visit 3 or 4 times a week to swallow daddy's DNA while mom is at work. I hope you're OK with that!

    If you pick me to be your maid of honor I will buy you your very own toothbrush however daddy will rather you didn't use it as he says blowjobs feel better when the daughter has no teeth.

    When you go for your boob job tell them not to stop filling the implants till you're at least an F or FF cup. Guys love them fake tits. When you're an F or FF you don't have to worry about matching your shoes to your outfit because you'll never see them. The guys could care less what you have on your feet they're only interested in tits and pussy anyway.

    Forget about them college football games I got an extra 12" color TV I'll give y'all if you promise to watch Judge Judy she's way better than any dumb football game. I guess I hate football so much because I'm not pretty like you are and didn't make the cheerleading team, because I wanted to go in the locker room in my cheerleader outfit and swallow all the players DNA after the games.

    Since you're into secret societies maybe I should introduce you to mine after Billy Bob pops your cherry that is. It will help you catch up being behind on getting pregnant. I know it helped me a lot! I've got 13 younguns running loose in the trailer and I got a bun in the oven now. Sure is nice not having the monthly expense of buying tampons! I haven't bought one in 10 years now!

    When is the wedding date? I want to throw you a bachleorette party in the fashion of my secret society SEW (Spread Em Wide). I'll have 20 or 30 male strippers come and I'll get nekkid too (good thing my big fake tits are bigger than my baby bump) and tell them what guys love all us southern Sluts to say. Y'all can. My society is so secret when I come home Jim Bob won't even suspect a thing because all that Bud he drinks makes him Weiser!

    1|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      😂😂😂 I think I just peed a little

    • 2mo

      Glad I could make you laugh! Laughter is the best medicine! Your post made me laugh as well so I had to come back with something. I could have written more but was all but a few characters short of the 2,500 limit.

  • 2mo

    Hah I laughed. You forgot the part about how you and all yr friends have 17 fully automatic assault rifles each. Like duhhh...

    I like how that map has "gays" in NY state but not in NYC or long island. Like huhwhat?

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...