GAGers, be honest: how LGBT-friendly do you find this site or the users on this site?

Ok, this is probably going to draw a lot of hate/trolling, but: in your experience, how LGBT-friendly is GAG and the users here?

For those who don't know, LGBTQiA+ stands for 'lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual etc.' Basically, it's an umbrella term for those who aren't straight AND/OR don't conform to the gender norms expected of society. LGBT is the more commonly-used term.

I have been on this site for 6 months, and I'm sorry to say that, as a whole, I find that the GAG community to be NOT LGBT-friendly. Sure, a few lesbians and gays seem comfortable enough here to be out and open. But I see comments like 'gay guys are basically women' and other obvious beliefs in stereotypes more often, and next to NO ONE calling the commentors out on it.

Co-existing with that is what appears to be an unfortunate amount of ignorance. For example, the general inability to think of sex and gender as 2 different concepts.

To say nothing of how painfully gendered some questions are! So many of the questions that could've been answered by girls and guys equally are only targeted at one sex; some polls are designed and some questions asked in such a way that reinforce the gender stereotypes the asker believes in.

I AM NOT SAYING THAT EVERYONE'S BEING AN ASSHOLE. Or doing this on purpose. But can't we sit down and ask ourselves, honestly, if we might have unintentionally isolated others in our use of language? Would it really be so bad if we tried to be more inclusive and mindful of diversity?

I AM ALSO NOT DOING THIS OUT OF SOME SENSE OF SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS. I'm just a tired, frustrated user hoping to remind and open a few pairs of eyes, because even though there's no shame in not knowing, not knowing isn't the ideal place to be in.

P. S. Please read AT LEAST the first 2 paragraphs before commenting.

Updates:
1. If you are going to troll me through messages, I will either ignore or report you. So don't bother.

2. If I'm not responding the next few days, I'm off shoring up my strength in case the replies make me despair of humanity.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It could be friendlier. The site is just kind of neutral in my opinion, the users... mmmm... not always so much.

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What Guys Said 14

  • I find it much, much more accepting than almost the entire rest of the internet.

    People at large not thinking of gender and sex as different things does not constitute a major problem for being accepting. And it is absurd that people do not understand that the connotation of gender as a flexible attribute (rather than either-male-or-female) is very modern. There are people who have been alive longer than the term 'gender' has had its modern feminist meaning.

    I'd also need to know what a poll "that reinforces gender stereotypes" looks like. Because using the terms 'man' and 'woman' as a dichotomy is not reinforcing gender stereotypes and that's the most I've seen in a year.

    Also, the updates sound incredibly pretentious. There are plenty of good and bad traits to every person, and if not adequately being gender-sensitive is a bad quality, there are plenty of good ones in those people. You aren't going to "despair of humanity" because some people don't agree with you.

    Part of being a competent organization of people is understanding 1) that you can't control how everybody acts all the time and 2) that it wouldn't be desirable to completely control society. There is an extent to which facilitating self-understanding through the environment is valuable, but we're at the point where people are prohibiting the use of "boys and girls" in elementary schools and trying to get the song "God rest ye merry, Gentlemen" banned.

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    • I have to post again, because I just cannot get over how you spend the first several paragraphs trying to point out how we can be more sensitive and then say what you did in the updates. "Look how to be nice, you ignorant jackasses." Why on earth did you write something like that?

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    • Well, cutting down trees and allowing land owners to build would certainly help lower prices, as long as rent caps aren't implemented, which guarantee--unless all other expenses to the landowners are lowered--that the landowner will have to close down properties and stop paying to maintain them. Really, every economic fallacy extends from zero sum gain, the belief that wealth is a pie and that one person benefits only at the expense of another (which is not at all true).

      I'm not sure what you mean by unbridled capitalism. Corporatism and commercialism aren't the same as capitalism. Capitalism is the proliferation of the most efficient or least costly methods of doing things. They only hurt a small number of people while benefiting many more. For instance, a new burger-making machine will cost a few people jobs, but make food much more affordable for millions of people. That's all capitalism is. Corporatism is a little different.

    • However, it's always good that people can keep an open mind and balance two ideas at once. I took a communications class on tourism and how it affects other cultures and it wasn't so bad. As long as people can have a coherent discussion, there's nothing wrong with differing views.

  • Quite accepting. Not everyone here, but the general 'community' is pro LGBT on the whole.

    The community as the whole are not experts in LGBT. You are referring to people as 'ignorant' because they do not agree with your view on something that isn't exactly scientifically settled.

    The other reality is that in day to day life, most of us who are not attached to sociology departments never actually encounter any issues regarding transgender.

    Are questions here biased towards cisgendered (did I use that word right? I'm old, I'm trying). Of course. They're also biased towards English speakers, to average to higher IQs, to the interests of people who have good internet access, half the time to American ideas, etc. etc.

    I wouldn't say it makes it -unfriendly- to those who don't match those biases.

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    • I would agree with your statement that American society has become much more LGB friendly, but T lags behind.

      There's a reason for this.

      10 years ago, nobody was talking about the 'T' part.

  • (1.) I hate the LGBTBBQ acronym. When are they gonna run out of letters to add?
    (2.) I think gay marriage should be legal and gay couples allowed to adopt. Not doing that is pretty f**ked up. Also, they should provide gender neutral bathrooms in addition to regular bathrooms for LGBT members to use in public.
    (3.) I give all humans a same basic level of respect, no matter who they are. So I don't insult people in public or anything. I always try to be open and relaxed with everyone. So I can easily have a conversation with a gay man no issue, I've done it multiple times. I don't hate anyone.
    (4.) I'm totally cool with the LGB people, and have a few friends within that spectrum. I still think T people are weird, though. I just don't understand it at all and when I see them it's just awkward.
    (5.) Pride parades are annoying to me.

    So I guess you could say I'm only partially friendly, but I've always just been a person of toleration, not acceptance. I don't like being around any group of people in general.

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  • Seriously, It's the Internet they aren't going to be community friendly
    to fat people, skinny people, Whites, Blacks, Asians what makes the
    difference unfortunately we live in judgmental world it's life what can
    i say yes it's wrong but than again it happens and no one can change it
    for myself i am non-judgmental. I know what people who are nice
    i know the people who stay away from but this can also happen in
    everyday life off the Internet.

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    • Yeah, but I think a portion of the offenders don't actually want to hurt/ isolate anyone. Sometimes it looks like a case of them not knowing their facts. Or a lack of self-awareness.

      Also, anonymity isn't a justification for cruelty or insensitivity. Nor do I believe in staying silent and letting the truly unsavoury have their way. If that was the case, women wouldn't be voting, slavery wouldn't be abolished and marriage equality wouldn't have had a chance, no?

  • Anyplace on the Internet will be hateful towards some that's part of life, so it's possible this could be a tough place for them, seriously though even straightt peolle get hate at times for dumb reasons. We all will get ridiculed for things we don't control, especially when people can be cowards and hide behind on computer screen and mouse and keyboard. That area is especially where people who talk down others hide.

    However to be honest I've seen no hateful things really, although I haven't really seen any questions or comments about it besides once so maybe it's not right for me to make the final call.

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  • Are we upset because posters are being intolerant of LGBTBBQ concepts, or because we are not going out of our way to promote them?

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  • I find it's fairly accepting. The problem is that the people are are supportive or accepting tend not to say anything or at least anything out of the ordinary - they treat you and everyone else like a human being. It's the ones who are against it that stand out, because they say the most outrageous, ignorant, offensive stuff sometimes and that sticks out like a sore thumb.

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  • some are others aren't

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  • I'm part of the 1% of the unfriendly be warned.

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    • Well, at least you are polite and frank about it. As long as you don't go around hurting anyone with your words or actions, you can keep your thoughts to yourself.

  • Majority is friendly

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    • Well, it's nice to know someone has had a largely positive experience. I guess it depends on the individual.

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    • (*blinks) I never thought you weren't. Didn't realise I was implying that.

      That's true. Most people can be very nice. They know how to respond in clear-cut, typical situations. But the assumptions and language used by quite a number show a lack of either knowledge or self-awareness. Especially with regards to gender.

    • *shrugs* there are many ignorant people on this site. Keyboard warriors and what not

  • I actually see the majority to be friendly.

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    • I don't think there are a lot of actual a-holes either. Still, the seeming lack of self-awareness can be very frustrating.

      I don't know. It looks to me as if most Americans possess sufficient knowledge about homosexuality. Bisexuality is also gaining visibility. But the gender spectrum? Not so much.

    • I agree. But as cruel as this sounds, I don't really notice any of that because im not LGBT. I'm not affected so I pay no attention to that, so I guess I can't really answer.
      But I do agree that a lot of people are ignorant about homosexuality.

    • That's understandable. There was a time when I wasn't aware either, and I've learnt since then. I'm still learning.

      Which makes me think that there are 2 things they need to teach in school:

      1. How to manage one's money
      2. How to treat those in the minority (racial, sexual or otherwise)

  • LBGT movement is ruthless, not a fan

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    • Well, not supporting and being silent/ looking the other way/ being a perpetrator are 2 different things.

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    • Lol. Ok, I'm sorry if I sound pushy, but it's true. You can choose not to donate money, sign petitions, volunteer or attend events. But watching while someone else gets discriminated/ verbally attacked is something else.

    • ok I agree

  • Where's the acronym for zoophile, bestialist, and child rapist?

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  • Well, the site is called girls ask guys, not girls ask girls, or guys ask guys, right?

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    • You are confusing gay men with women and lesbian women with men.

What Girls Said 5

  • Fairly accepting for the most part, minus several who like to say that it's "like, unnatural and stuff... and like, gays can't even have kids, so like, obviously they aren't supposed to be together." That argument gets thrown out a lot on here. And when you counter it with straight people who are infertile they like to backtrack and say that this logic only applies to gay people.

    At least, I think there's more people who are accepting of LGBTs on here than ones who are not.

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    • That's true, but sometimes, that kindness just doesn't translate itself to inclusive language.

  • I agree, everybody should just accept each other the way they are. Just because im white and straight, doesn't mean everything else is bad. You can be gay, you can be bi, you can be black, tanned, pale, green, whatever you are, i respect you. (oke, i got to admit, if someone was green i would probably would 1. Laugh or 2. Think there's something wrong with that person, not as in judging or anything though).
    Were all humans, we all live on this planet, so we should all just get along =)

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    • And here I was wondering if I would end up facing trolls, homophobes, defensive & indifferent people all the time. Thanks for the lovely, uplifting sentiments!

    • No problem =)

  • tbh im against gay marriages and all that, i have nothing against gay people but marriages DO affect the community as a whole so yes gay marriage will also affect it

    and why should some poor kid grow up with 2 dads or 2 moms? why confuse them like that? awoman can't teach her son what a father can and a man can't teach his daughter what a mother can

    stop promoting it and making us accept it by force

    (not respnoding to any replies... had this convo before, it gets old)

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  • Not perfect, but better than expected.

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  • I see users get attacked when they ask genuine questions trying to learn about lesbians or gay males. Makes no sense how can someone get mad if they are want to learn?

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    • It wouldn't make sense to me either. Unfortunately, some people are just so angry and insecure they can't stand anything shaking up their fragile perception of reality.

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