While looking up a book review, I noticed one of the author's complaints against women today is that women no longer (or don't tend to) view men as a protector and provider--thus injuring his ego and/or his value as a man. It got me wondering, does a woman who has her own finances (or at least able to provide for herself) and capable of taking care of herself (with in reason, folks. No one has to be She-Hulk) somehow devalue a man's role?
Essentially, must a man feel like a protector and provider to be "manly?" Is a woman who is able to provide/protect herself unseemly, or simply a capable individual?
It doesn't make me feel useful or purposeful anymore if she doesn't need me at all. I was raised I a traiftional atmosphere both at home and by my superiors. I was taught that you can't be sorry for yourself if you're ever going to be a man because your wife and kids don't care that you lost your job, they care about the food you no longer provide and it's your responsibility to fix it. Stuff like that. It doesn't help that everyone always sees me as a protective guy since I'm big and very defensive. I want her to be independent because I don't like users or using, but if I'm striaght up expendable what worth am I? If she doesn't have some sort of need or symbiotic connection with me in some way, I'm not useful at all. I'm basically her friend that can be replaced at any time. Not many men would like that idea since we've all felt how being replaced feels before. I don't what her to be a user or need to be rescued all the time like some princess, however I don't want her to see my capabilities and offerings as "meh".
I like to feel special for her, and if she's always doing everything by herself, then it kinda sucks. Not like I feel less of a man, but in the sense that I don't feel special for her. Sometimes you wanna help her open the jar, kill a spider, pay the bill... it's not big things, but it does make you feel like she needs you.
I like women that are financially independent, I have no problem if she makes more money than me, but I don't want a relationship where it feels like we are separate. I want to know that she needs me, just as much as I need her.
If you live in a society where you need protected, then it shouldn't be coming from your spouse or partner. Unless you also don't have a law enforcement. Money comes out of my paycheck, so I don't have to deal with protecting anyone. If I have to do the protecting, I want my money back. There are jobs to protect people now, not a gender.
If there is no organization to protect you, then it is the job of everyone to protect those they care about and those around them. A lot of societies today don't need an individual to protect them. If you walk down the street everyday and think about something other than "am I going to die", then you don't need a specific person to specifically protect you.
It's really not that hard in many societies today to provide oneself and a few others with food, water, and shelter. So anyone who gets an ego boost, or whatever, from providing that stuff really should think about raising their bar. That's the default setting and it's nothing special.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding what protector and provider mean in society. Because from my understanding they aren't qualities that mean much today. People used to have trouble finding clean water. Some societies it's a full time job to be responsible for bringing the water to your group of people. Provider might be a bigger deal in those situations. But for a lot of the world clean water is everywhere, and it would be ridiculous for me to think it's special for a gender or specific person to provide it for me.
It's kind of like when people say in 100 years from now calculus will be common knowledge. No one will struggle with it because it will be as easy as 1+1=2. Knowing 1+1=2 isn't special, neither is providing and protecting. I know I probably expanded more than I needed, but I feel as though sometimes I don't write in a very clearly understood manner.
There's probably some merit to the article. I don't have a double standard with my wife. She currently earns more than me, we have separate bank accounts and that doesn't bother me one bit.
Having said that, the author is correct in demonstrating how fragile a man's ego can be when it comes to how he perceives his significant other views him. If a man thinks his gf/wife does not believe she could rely on him in times of need, that could be crushing to a man. It's important for women to understand when they're in a relationship, it's very important her significant other has her respect, because if he does not, then it's a very helpless and hurtful feeling.
This doesn't account for narcissistic jerks, who don't care about anything but themselves, though.
To a certain extent it is true (at least for myself and most guys that i know). As a protector, i wouldn't be likely to date a girl who is tougher or more physically able than myself. But as a provider its not as big of a deal. For instance: Yes, i would prefer to have a higher salary than that of my partner's but its not essential for a relationship. I would be perfectly fine with our salaries being close to equal. But if the roles were entirely switched, and she was the one that was essentally providing for me, it could become an issue. Although it'd probably become an issue for her, sooner than it'd become an issue for me.
Personally, no. I do not feel this way, nor do my parents. However, my friend Alan's parents completely feel this way, along with my friend Josh's parents and some other people I know. For the most part, it goes by person- however I have noticed a trend that mainly Russian men over 30 think this way.
You're barking up the wrong tree. Men derive their sense of self respect from their ability to be powerful. That's why the get of on superhero stories from childhood.
This tendency has most commonly been utilized as "provision and protection", but in a generation of feminism, you'll have a horde of men refusing to hang their self respect on providing, because a woman can do that too, some even on protecting if they really believe women are equal.
Professions that get overpopulated with women, drop in value and prestige, because they drop in male workers as well. Medicine is a good example.
Today "independence" (or some generic word like that) and some distorted form of "machismo" is what is touted as masculinity today (mostly in the West). That's what you'll hear most guys mentioning when asked what makes them more of a man.
The point is to be different and better at something than women. To endure more resistance than women, but not mind because you're a man.
But when gender roles are not in place and the guy hasn't redirected his sense of what makes him valuable as a man onto something else, other than providing, protecting and leading, he will begin to feel emasculated (which goes for many men as well). Male sex hormones are now pills more and more guys are popping like candy.