Gentleman: Do you feel less of a "man" if a woman doesn't view you as a protector and provider?

While looking up a book review, I noticed one of the author's complaints against women today is that women no longer (or don't tend to) view men as a protector and provider--thus injuring his ego and/or his value as a man. It got me wondering, does a woman who has her own finances (or at least able to provide for herself) and capable of taking care of herself (with in reason, folks. No one has to be She-Hulk) somehow devalue a man's role?

Essentially, must a man feel like a protector and provider to be "manly?" Is a woman who is able to provide/protect herself unseemly, or simply a capable individual?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Since I'm broke as fuck and a crappy provider, it suits me fine lol.

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What Guys Said 35

  • It doesn't make me feel useful or purposeful anymore if she doesn't need me at all. I was raised I a traiftional atmosphere both at home and by my superiors. I was taught that you can't be sorry for yourself if you're ever going to be a man because your wife and kids don't care that you lost your job, they care about the food you no longer provide and it's your responsibility to fix it. Stuff like that. It doesn't help that everyone always sees me as a protective guy since I'm big and very defensive. I want her to be independent because I don't like users or using, but if I'm striaght up expendable what worth am I? If she doesn't have some sort of need or symbiotic connection with me in some way, I'm not useful at all. I'm basically her friend that can be replaced at any time. Not many men would like that idea since we've all felt how being replaced feels before. I don't what her to be a user or need to be rescued all the time like some princess, however I don't want her to see my capabilities and offerings as "meh".

    Does that make any sense?

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    • If she doesn't value you for you though, regardless of whether or not she expects you to provide for her (which is in my opinion selfish, you can't expect someone else to provide for you without doing so yourself) then you shouldn't be with her.
      Feelings, to most women, are not expendable. If you lost your job and you were married to a dependent trophy wife, you'd be in trouble, but if you lost your job and you were married to a woman with her own means of supporting herself then you're fine, if she had her own means of supporting herself and continues to do so even though she has you, then that means she's with you for you and not your material goods, meaning you're less expendable to her, than the trophy wife who depends on you.

    • No one wants to feel useless to another person they care about. Everyone should be raised to be useful to society and those they care about. So your explanation doesn't refer just to men. I understand you are a man and will think of things in respect to you wanting to be useful and others seeing you as useful. Hopefully people don't think of that as just a male trait.

      I understand what you are saying, sorry if this comes off as rude or offensive. As long as you realize she doesn't want you to feel "meh" regarding her capabilities and offerings, just as much.

  • I like to feel special for her, and if she's always doing everything by herself, then it kinda sucks. Not like I feel less of a man, but in the sense that I don't feel special for her. Sometimes you wanna help her open the jar, kill a spider, pay the bill... it's not big things, but it does make you feel like she needs you.

    I like women that are financially independent, I have no problem if she makes more money than me, but I don't want a relationship where it feels like we are separate. I want to know that she needs me, just as much as I need her.

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  • If you live in a society where you need protected, then it shouldn't be coming from your spouse or partner. Unless you also don't have a law enforcement. Money comes out of my paycheck, so I don't have to deal with protecting anyone. If I have to do the protecting, I want my money back. There are jobs to protect people now, not a gender.

    If there is no organization to protect you, then it is the job of everyone to protect those they care about and those around them. A lot of societies today don't need an individual to protect them. If you walk down the street everyday and think about something other than "am I going to die", then you don't need a specific person to specifically protect you.

    It's really not that hard in many societies today to provide oneself and a few others with food, water, and shelter. So anyone who gets an ego boost, or whatever, from providing that stuff really should think about raising their bar. That's the default setting and it's nothing special.

    Maybe I'm misunderstanding what protector and provider mean in society. Because from my understanding they aren't qualities that mean much today. People used to have trouble finding clean water. Some societies it's a full time job to be responsible for bringing the water to your group of people. Provider might be a bigger deal in those situations. But for a lot of the world clean water is everywhere, and it would be ridiculous for me to think it's special for a gender or specific person to provide it for me.

    It's kind of like when people say in 100 years from now calculus will be common knowledge. No one will struggle with it because it will be as easy as 1+1=2. Knowing 1+1=2 isn't special, neither is providing and protecting. I know I probably expanded more than I needed, but I feel as though sometimes I don't write in a very clearly understood manner.

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  • If a man's ego is so weak that he needs a woman to totally depend on his every move in order to to feel value in a relationship, then that man shouldn't be in a relationship.

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  • Im fine with not having to be the "provider" but I would like her to see me as a "protector"

    like that she feels physically and emotionally safe with me. If she didn't feel that way about me I'd feel worthless.

    Hopefully we'd both have our finances in order. more money :)

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  • I thought when people look for a “partner” , that's what a “partner” suppose to be... a partner... not a trophy you keep in the house.

    www.wizardsofmetal.com/.../...rl-roping-Cowboy.gif

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  • There's probably some merit to the article. I don't have a double standard with my wife. She currently earns more than me, we have separate bank accounts and that doesn't bother me one bit.

    Having said that, the author is correct in demonstrating how fragile a man's ego can be when it comes to how he perceives his significant other views him. If a man thinks his gf/wife does not believe she could rely on him in times of need, that could be crushing to a man. It's important for women to understand when they're in a relationship, it's very important her significant other has her respect, because if he does not, then it's a very helpless and hurtful feeling.

    This doesn't account for narcissistic jerks, who don't care about anything but themselves, though.

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  • You mean someone who doesn't look at me as a walking piggie bank and someone who is meant to take the shots for her if she does something stupid?

    I'd rather just be treated as a human being and buy us both a canister of tear gas or pepper spray for self-defense.

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  • I actually loathe the idea of being a 'provider'. Living as a wage slave so that someone else I barely get to see can live the life of their choosing.

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  • pfffft BS basically... after all i like the girl 2 b stronger than me

    www.smiley-lol.com/.../napoleon1.gif

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  • To a certain extent it is true (at least for myself and most guys that i know). As a protector, i wouldn't be likely to date a girl who is tougher or more physically able than myself. But as a provider its not as big of a deal. For instance: Yes, i would prefer to have a higher salary than that of my partner's but its not essential for a relationship. I would be perfectly fine with our salaries being close to equal. But if the roles were entirely switched, and she was the one that was essentally providing for me, it could become an issue. Although it'd probably become an issue for her, sooner than it'd become an issue for me.

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  • I feel like my role should be to do my best to provide for and protect her, but if she doesn't need it, more power to her.

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  • Kind of,

    more like I feel weak if I can't look after myself.

    If I one day get married, I want to be able to provide and protect her.

    Even if she has a higher paying job than me, I want to feel that I am contributing something.

    Its teamwork, a partnership, I want to actually contribute something to the relationship.

    It makes me feel like less of a man if she does all the work, whatever it may be

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  • Gentleman crew checking in.

    I definitely pride myself in being a protector. I'll destroy any mother fucker that does anything to my girl.

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  • As long as I get my sense of manliness somewhere I'm not concerned where exactly it comes from. She could be earning more than me that's fine with me, as long as I'm earning too.

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  • If they don't see me as a provider? No.

    If they don't see me as a protector? Yes.

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  • Meh kinda , but I like my girl independent and smart

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  • Personally, no. I do not feel this way, nor do my parents. However, my friend Alan's parents completely feel this way, along with my friend Josh's parents and some other people I know. For the most part, it goes by person- however I have noticed a trend that mainly Russian men over 30 think this way.

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  • Nope. I'd rather a women be able to take care of herself and be self sufficient

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  • as long as i'm still on top of you pounding my throbbing erection into your backside i dont give a fuck how you see me

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  • Apparently one those who are 6'0 and taller can be protectors. Sorry. I'll protect my balls while he protects the stupid shit you do Maddye

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  • No, I feel like she's less of a woman if she needs someone to provide for her.

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    • I don't see how I got downvoted, I'm your boyfriend not your dad I shouldn't have to 'provide' for you it should be as even as is possible.

  • I would rather provide for my wife once we are married, but I have no problem if she wants to work, that is up to her.
    I want to provide for her and protect her because I want to.

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  • Yep a man should be both I would feel like a lowlife if I couldn't and was able to question is Will the woman stick by her man if he gets hurt and is unable to work anymore?

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  • no, i don't.

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  • no i just laugh at them and move on

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  • no not really as long as she's happy in the relationshio with me

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  • man and woman are equal.. don't feel shy if she is equal to you..

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  • Nope, I don't care about gender stereotypes.

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  • No that would be stupid. Being a man is something else, but society in the west doesn't allow that

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What Girls Said 2

  • You're barking up the wrong tree.
    Men derive their sense of self respect from their ability to be powerful. That's why the get of on superhero stories from childhood.

    This tendency has most commonly been utilized as "provision and protection", but in a generation of feminism, you'll have a horde of men refusing to hang their self respect on providing, because a woman can do that too, some even on protecting if they really believe women are equal.

    Professions that get overpopulated with women, drop in value and prestige, because they drop in male workers as well. Medicine is a good example.

    Today "independence" (or some generic word like that) and some distorted form of "machismo" is what is touted as masculinity today (mostly in the West). That's what you'll hear most guys mentioning when asked what makes them more of a man.

    The point is to be different and better at something than women. To endure more resistance than women, but not mind because you're a man.

    But when gender roles are not in place and the guy hasn't redirected his sense of what makes him valuable as a man onto something else, other than providing, protecting and leading, he will begin to feel emasculated (which goes for many men as well).
    Male sex hormones are now pills more and more guys are popping like candy.

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    • "powerful and useful" - first sentence.
      Not just to a woman, but to the world.

    • Show All
    • "It's about becoming equal. "
      And that's ridiculous and impossible.

      "I don't think there are many women who want to become completely independent though either."
      Yes, that's called all women and their biological nature.

      "Most of us still want to be treated 'right' or 'like a lady'."
      Which directly contradicts the idea we are equal.

      "... it's wanting to be treated different to a man. "
      You call it "different", I call it "I want privileges of being a man, but I also want to keep the privileges of being a woman." You're being childish.

      "Real feminism is a good cause, but still just a pipe dream."
      It's not a pipe dream. It's actualized and this is how it looks in reality... Twisted and abnormal.

    • @BaileyisDarcy Forgot to tag you , sorry.

  • yes, it's true. men look like weak creature and they don't really out smart women anymore. I can pimp them though. they look like a good good whore.

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