Why are the majority of responses to a girl asking if she should break up always yes?

I've noticed whenever a girl on GAG tells her story and then asks whether she should break up with her boyfriend most people always say break up with him instead of telling her to try and resolve the issues they have.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I see this all the time too, and I think sometimes a break up is warranted, but I definitely try to encourage people with other options.

    If the person is unhappy in the relationship, and they are being treated poorly, then really it's up to them whether they stay or not.

    I'm a firm believer in trying to make things work and talking things out. It really depends on the other person and how much they want to be in the relationship.

    If they don't really care, then talking and trying to work it out is meaningless. However, if they do want to be there, and they are willing to discuss and work on things, then it's worth it to try and work it out.

    I'm one of those people who is incredibly understanding and tries to work out everything. I realize though that sometimes it's not worth it. But often times things can be fixed and behaviour can change if you are reasonable and approach your partner in a fair way.

    For instance, I'm having a problem with my boyfriend not making a lot of time for me. People have told me to let him go because if he wanted to see me, he would make the effort. But I know that he's been busy and is working longer hours than before. So I am just going to talk to him first and see if we can work something out.

    If we can't, then I will have to walk away. But I don't see harm in talking and possibly him making more time if he wants to.

    For some people, finding someone new is easier than working on problems. So I can see why for some it's easy to walk away. For me though, I get attached to people and it's not so simple.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have noticed that as well. I think its part of our natural bias towards women. There is something dubbed the "woman are swell" bias that showed women have a four times greater in group preference then men. For men its linked to neotanis traits that instill a protective instinct in them (women have more tear ducts and narrower channels allowing them to cry more then men physiologicly, thinner skin etc) due to there association with children (we all have some for socialization purposes but women have more). This essentially convinces people that the woman is the victim, and that by extention the man is the perpetrator when in fact she is just as likely to be responsible for her situation as he is. I also think apart of it is our view that relationships are easily acquired and by extention, easily replaced. That instills an idea that if it isn't working don't bother fixing it just get a new one. Which is why I tell her to resolve her issues by communicating, not breaking up.

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    • Thanks for the MHO!(wow a down vote, gues some one doesn't like science)

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    • Well I decided to do the opposite.
      I'm now following you :)

    • Nice, however I warn you I do argue any point with any one so be prepared for a debate. Its not personal, though a lot of people take it that way.

What Girls Said 7

  • Same with when she asks what to do when she likes a guy. Wait till he comes around. Advice to women is to just do nothing and or give up. Like the only people who have a right to feel like they are worth making an effort are men. For women if it's glaringly obvious he's crazy about her then she should just forget it be forbid she should actually be proactive and feel confident about her contribution.

    Advice to women sucks ass. Co sequel toy questions from women tend to sound vi tiny and helpless. Not always some are very strong. But women get so used to being to, d they can't do anything that they talk as if things are just getting done to them.

    Anyhow I agree. If someone asks about their situation there should never be a default answer the question should be respected enough to give a genuine thought our response. And it can't always be that the best course of action is no action. That'd just laziness and prejudice.

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    • I always say if you like someone go for it regardless of your gender since the other person is most likely clueless about your feelings towards them.

      I'm not sure what "Co sequel toy questions from women tend to sound vi tiny and helpless" means.

  • There are three instant deal breakers to me and if any person says they're experiencing them, the relationship has come to an end:

    Abuse
    Cheating
    Lack of Respect

    Most of the people who come on here have one of those three problems so I mostly tell them to break up. Plus, I feel like it's one of those situations where they already *know* what they need to do to resolve the situation. They just need encouragement and validation from others to get where they want to go.

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    • I would say lack of respect is dependent. Obviously if they don't respect you its unacceptable but I find that people have different ideas of what constitutes lack of respect. I usually tell them that if they have communicated there standards of respect and it still occured then they should consider breaking up (unless there standards are to unreasonable) Otherwise I would very much agree with your list. I think them asking the question is due to investment bias, they have invested so much into the relationship that even though they don't think it will work they have a hard time breaking it off due to the level of investment in the other person. So long winded way of saying I concurr. :D

    • @hellionthesage I agree. How many times have we seen someone say they've been with someone else for years and years?

  • Once a guy shows shitty behavior, it's clear he doesn't love or respect her. You can't make anyone love or respect you. They either do or they don't. For so long, society has impressed upon the woman to go above and beyond just to make him happy, to overcompensate for his emotional deficits. Most of us realize that no one can really change someone now, however. Would you want to waste time with someone who just brings you emotional pain like that?

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    • In most cases I've seen it is usually a minor issue that can be resolved through communication.
      I remember one such case where a man and a woman were "fighting" (not physically) and the man out of anger called the woman ugly. She wrote that she already had issues since she was not confident about her appearance and believed her boyfriend was much better looking than her. I wrote that the man most likely just said it in the moment out of anger but everyone else was saying she should break up with him over that one fight.

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    • "What if a girl told you that you had a small penis, couldn't satisfy her in bed, said that you were embarassing to be seen with, that your best friend is hot"
      Well I'm confident in my size if it's too small for her than she should go find a guy that has a bigger one. If she finds my skills to be lacking I would tell her that it takes 2 to make it enjoyable and that I'm giving everything I've got so she needs to try harder. Embarrassing to be seen with, is that a joke i know I'm weird but if she finds me embarrassing to be around it's her fault for choosing to be my girlfriend. If she finds my best friend hot I'll say cool story bro.

    • If you were really into her those words would hurt. Having feelings is healthy. If I were a guy and a girlfriend said mean stuff like that to me, I would move on due to self respect.

  • Same is the case if guy asks the question and there is no chance for the relationship to work out.. they already know the answer they just want to be sure if that's the right decision..

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  • Yep you should always try to talk it out.. Some people break up over nothing
    Depends on the situation though

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  • If she is putting up with an abusive boyfriend's behavior -which is usually the case whenever a girl asks such a question-, then of course I am going to tell her to break up instead of discussing things with him. I try to put myself in her position and I recommend her what I'd do if I were in her position.
    I don't think people should settle with one-another when their relationship stops being healthy anymore.
    We have to admit that sometimes relationships cannot be saved.

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  • Because most of the questions are about the guy cheating on her, or she is trying to resolve any issues but it still isn't working... if the girl can't trust him again after he has cheated or if he is not trying to make it work... what else can she do to be happy , apart from leave him

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    • Most that I have seen have not been about cheating. They where day to day things.

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    • Debate? This is world war 3 Lol ( jk) 😜😂

    • In my experience its due to simple miscommunication that women and men do not really understand each other or how the other thinks (hence this site) either the woman is expecting the man to take initiative or she is being vague about her needs and/or over analyzing his actions/texts. Other times its the guy being complacent or prioritizing work etc. or not clearly communicating what he is looking for (friends with benefits, maybe more, but not really, but maybe. you get the idea). I would agree if it involved cheating it should end, usually trust is broken and rarely can be gotten back. Even then it would require the woman to essentially for get about the cheating because otherwise the man would have to remain in a constant state of apology and she would be constantly reminding herself that she cannot trust him ensuring both parties resent each other.(same goes for women cheating obviously)

What Guys Said 10

  • Honestly I have never thought about it but on reflection the majority of my answers have been advising to break up - I like to think I judge each case as I hear it so maybe I am very black and white in my views - I wouldn't tell anybody to do anything I wouldn't do myself.

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  • Often the asker has boundary issues. She has accepted behavior that is simply unacceptable and unlikely to change. Sometime the boyfriend is abusively controlling and jealous, sometimes he shows no respect for her. Men who behave like that aren't going to change quickly and until they do those men aren't suitable for any woman.

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  • Well most times it has reached the point of no redemtion so what would you do. Carry on in a relationship that plainly isn't working or scrap it and find another?

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  • Most of us are just telling them what they already know. Many of these relationships you talk about are damaged beyond repair and talking won't fix it

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  • I think you're seeing a sexist bias that isn't there.

    I think of it as "If you have to ask, the answer's probably yes."

    People don't ask unless there's a problem.

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  • Oh my fod, right

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  • Women tend to think another women deserves better even if that woman is being a bitch or isn't pulling her weight. Guys are less bias in this sense and dont claim a guy should leave immediately because something menial is going wrong

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  • probably because chicks choose idiots to procreate with. ever see idiocracy?

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  • Because they're all a bunch of virgins who want every girl to be single just like them.

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  • Because they get over emotional and always agree with the woman.

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