Do you agree with "whoever asks, pays" when it comes to a date?

I see a lot of people on this site saying they think whoever ask, should pay. I don't necessarily disagree with it, as long as those same people are actually willing to ask other people out as well.

My view is, someone had to let their guard down, approach you and risk the chance of rejection, so on top of that, you expect them to pay for you as well and vice versa, just doesn't make sense to me lol


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The guy always pays. If you are a girl and your guy doesn't want to pay, then find another guy.

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    • How would you handle a girl who insist on paying for herself every single time?

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    • I am the oldest but i'm not controlling, i'm very calm and I let people be who they want to be, if anything i'm too nice and too sensitive at times lol. I just happen to see things differently than you do and a man paying for me, doesn't have sentiment for me because it's not something that I need and to me it's just money.

      I was giving that example because I support/help my family a lot and at times have helped my boyfriend as well and I don't see them any differently, I don't think they owe me anything, I don't resent them, I don't feel like i'm in control of them because of it and I don't respect any of them any less, it basically has zero impact on me because in the end it's just money.

      Also I can never just let things be the way they are, if I don't agree with it then I can't take part in it, I am curious though about things and have an open minded so that's why I like talking to someone who has a difference of opinion than I do.

    • seems rather black and white perception...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, if I ask someone out - and I have before - I go into it expecting to pay for the date since it's my invitation. That said, I appreciate it when the other party offers to pay their share, and if it's important to him to chip in, by all means.

    I know that when I'm asked out, I have a certain way of doing things. If I don't feel like it's going to go anywhere, I have to insist on paying because I likely won't see him again and I don't want him to feel taken advantage of. If I do think we'll see each other again, I'll still offer to pay, but if he says he's got it I'll accept that and say thanks, and that I can get it next time. Taking turns works pretty well.

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What Guys Said 11

  • I guess that's more fair than automatically just expecting the guy to pay but in most cases the result is the same since the guy is usually the one to ask.

    It kinda irritates me tho, like you are paying for her company, but why?

    For example, lets say two girls meet each other at work and hit it off and one girl asks the other "hey do you want to go out for lunch after we finish for the day?"

    Is the girl who asked going to be expected to pay for the other girl just because she asked?

    Nope, however if its male/female then the dynamics change.

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  • Well for me personally they are asking so they already decided they like the person at least to an extent. So if that's my situation I pay because I asked them and I'm just showing appreciation for them taking time out of their day to take a chance and go on a date with me. I think it would be rude to ask someone out on a date and then expect them to pay. If I ask for something I'm willing to pay for it.

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    • You put that nicely :)

    • Also I don't usually do things like dinner for a first date.(usually people are referring to dinner when they talk about who pays) I always think that's a bad idea. I prefer ice skating, bowling, or mini golfing and usually you pay at the beginning and I'd just do it then.

  • I agree with your question. We do take lot to ask someone out on date
    i ask a classmate out to dinner/ movie. i paid for her meal but all she did was talk about some guy that was a hot guy from school. who had all the girls after him. So the time came she ask me out to some dance and sadly i turned her down , I guess cause
    i was hurt for how the last date went. It wasn't cause of the price of the date but how i felt betrayed ,

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  • If I'm asking someone out then I'm requesting the pleasure of their company for a meal or an event. I have a pretty good idea that I'll enjoy their company. They're not as sure they'll enjoy being with me. So I pay.

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    • But why do you think their company is worth more than yours?

    • Good question. It's not really about worth rather it's about risk. They are more at risk for wasting their time with me. I've been checking them out. They probably haven't taken the same opportunity to check me out.
      Even if they have taken little notice of me they'll perhaps offer their time for an event, meal, drink etc.

    • I see, well it's nice you pay though :)

  • I think people should assume that they should pay for themselves, and the people who did the invitation should offer if they feel like offering, and the invited should be thankful.

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  • I prefer to pay it's the way I was raised, though I have no problem splitting as well but the first is preferred.

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  • I would personally discuss with her to see how the bills will be split before hoppin' in da car into the candyshop. Than give her ma lolipop later 😘

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  • No right answer. I do think you should clarify if dating an American in America that you don't believe in paying for both just because you invited because some people can take it as an insult like that you don't care

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    • Yeah I think people should make it pretty clear before. It's weird though because I wouldn't mind paying for both but I don't like the idea of someone else paying for me, I think some guys get the wrong impression and want to pressure you more if they pay for you, I just like to avoid those situations.

    • Yeah, i've dated girls like you and then on a date with a new girl I didn't assume she wanted me to pay and ask and she got offended so it's a crapshoot since the cultural stance on the issue is so grey.

    • I honestly feel sorry for guys when it comes to dating, must be a cluster fuck lol

  • Always split the bill

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  • The guy always pays, but, the woman has to at least offer to. We shouldn't just be expected to pay, like I said, we will, we just want to know you'd be willin to, ya know?

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  • Well women dont ask so this ideology is already sexist... just saying, I was confused as to why women didn't ask me out, EVER, and I thought maybe it was because I was ugly. Then I ran about 4 different polls on here and found that something like 80% of guys have had 1 girl or less ask them out before. These statistics dont lie, women dont ask men out, and it pisses me off because they are perfectly capable of doing so, they just expect men to do it because they dont feel like it. Things like these ideology work in theory, until you realize that women just dont ask men out, they would sooner pass up the opportunity to date a guy, then ask him out. You might claim to be an exception, but I promise you for every exception there are at least 6 or 7 who dont ask, so this ideology is flawed. It should be whoever offers to pay first pays.

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    • That is something i've always been curious about also, how many women actually ask men out? it's pretty much expected of men to ask women out still, so when I see women saying "whoever asks, pays" I think to myself, that's not really fair if you're always the one being asked out. If the women who are saying that, also ask men out and pay then I see nothing wrong with it.

What Girls Said 5

  • uhm id just rather split the bill every time lol. if either of us insists on paying that time, then cool, but i dont believe in that crap. it makes paying seem like a duty more than a gesture of affection/care, which is exactly what it's supposed to be.

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  • I think it's nice to see a guy 'try to pay' - and I also like picking up the check (if I can).
    So dutch might be the best way to go - but I consider it too friendly of a thing - or comfortable beyond the honeymoon stage. During the honeymoon stage one person pays once, the other the second time and so on...
    Makes sense to me.

    But yeah, whoever asks pays also sounds good. But of course, a woman should ask the guy out too. As you said.

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  • I'm undecided on this right now.

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  • Yeah. I think their just trying to be courteous. It's not wrong to ask to be polite. However if it was me, I would feel bad and I would offer to split it between us.

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  • No, I don't agree with that saying. I'll always pay for myself on a first date but if a guy insists on paying, then I'll let him do that.

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    • I'm the same way, I just feel weird having someone pay for me, I just don't want any pressure and to me it just adds unneeded pressure.

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