Self-observation and control, is it a lost art in these times?

I've always considered myself fairly observant, both of the environment around me and most importantly within myself. In fact, I signed up on GAG to better understand how people work.

However, I soon found that my way of thinking was not common place, that people constantly kept finding themselves in dire romantic situations that, when ultimately traced back, was purely a result of their inability to understand that the problem could have been prevented had they simply stopped and thought for a second. That in the end, much of the problems that we face romantically, spawns from our own choices and inner turmoil.

I'm sure we've all seen it.

Men who only see qualities in a girl they WANT to see, blinded by physical attraction. Girls who ignore clear external warnings regarding "dangerous" men. It's everywhere.

All of these things only cement my belief that if things had worked out differently, if these people had stopped to understand themselves just a little better, their observation and instincts would be a little sharper and they would not be sitting with nearly as many regrets and mistakes.

Am I just different? It sometimes feels like I'm just meant to be some kind of observer, like somehow I'm not normal. Has anyone ever felt this way or understood what I'm talking about?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand what you're saying. Although I believe that emotions can overule our logic so its understandable how one would end up in a bad situation. However...people really do ignore themselves. I think people should spend more time reflecting on themselves & understanding their self better. For example, if you know that when you're angry you become cold & a total jerk, then the next time you get angry you should understand why you're being that way & you should work on not doing that so that you can communicate with the person you're upset with & fix the problem.

    • I didn't set out to make it seem like humans should always be machines, and that emotions should always be trumped by our logic. We're only human, it's happened to me, it's happened to you, and it will continue to happen. What I'm saying is there is such a low shortage these days that it's astonishing, it blows my mind completely. Almost as if a person's sense of self-observation is not only absent, they are COMPLETELY uninterested in even TRYING. That's where my problem lies.

    • i get what you're saying

What Girls Said 2

  • I think your a bit too introspective when your to the point where you feel like you aren't normal. You may be a bit more of a logical thinker than most and you obviously have great observational skills to assess a situation from the outside pof so why make it more than what it is? I feel like I'm pretty observant myself but I'm not going to hold it against those who are lead by more emotional reactions because I've definitely had 'in the heat of the moment' reactions I later was like really? Haha so after this rambling paragraph yes I get what your saying and actually thought like this at one point, no you aren't that different.

    • I agree, it's good to be observant of what makes people fail with relationships, use hindsight and think circumspectly, but at the end of the day every relationship is a risk, don't lose out on love because you're making to much of the way people are. Trust gets broken, people turn out to not be who everyone thought they were be, we're just imperfect man

  • I think people hear that little voice but it's hard to know for sure. It's hard to tell whether self doubt are grounded or just paranoia. Also people want to be in love etc and so they tell themselves they are just being over sensitive etc... We often overestimate/ underestimate situations and how we will deal with them.


What Guys Said 3

  • It's really easy for someone to say that one could have stopped and thought, but when you're actually in that situation, then it becomes more difficult because the emotions are flowing through you. To the one who doesn't have to deal with that, it appears easier, but to them. If you understand the difference between attraction, affection, and relationship, then you'll understand why men only see qualities they want to see or girls ignore warnings. Emotions do not follow logic, logic follows them.

    • You make it sound like I haven't been alive for 26 years and that I have never experienced this situation. Like I don't practice what I preach. Is this accurate or no?

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    • Just saw your continued posts, from before. I do think people can come to those conclusions via logic, but it means that they must have control of their emotions -- temperance.

    • no problem :)

      good luck

  • I'm the same way. Observe, and understanding myself better as well as people. Although I find most people to be irrational and ignoring things then wondering why they somehow got raped by dating a shady abusive a**hole with dumbass jock friends. If I had a buck for every girl I talked to that told me a story about dating a football player and getting taken advantage of while being drunk, I'd be pretty rich right now. We all learn the hard way, I know there was a time I was so damn naive and didn't know what to look for as a red flag because I was inexperienced. I learned. Now I don't play with fire- so to speak. I agree with what you have stated.

    People seem to be more hedonistic,

  • You're saying you're an observer but yet you wonder if there are others like you? shouldn't you of observed your question? lame and gay

    • I know you're a troll, but I'll humor you. It isn't cause I haven't tried observing or looking for others like me, I've tried, I just haven't found. That's why I ask. But I wouldn't expect someone like you who jumps to conclusions so quickly to understand.

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    • Hey, I try to take information from everything, even jokers like you. Anyway, this was a nice conversation, but it's over now, but arguing over the internet proves nothing. Take care buddy, learn to understand yourself a bit better, and maybe you'll understand other people's opinions and words better.

    • you don't see what I'm saying or the meaning of my bio, I'm not going to point it out to you mr observer