There seems to be a huge struggle with many girls who have never had a boyfriend before.
Many 16, 18, and even 20 year old girls have asked me this question, “I’ve never had a boyfriend before, I’ve never kissed a guy or even held hands. Am I ugly?” And it’s a question I’m sure that a large percentage of girls wonder, but are afraid to admit it. But to be honest, chances are, looks are the last reason for never having a boyfriend.
"Chances are, looks are the last reason for never having a boyfriend."
For me personally, I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 18 years old. It was kind of funny, because she was actually younger than me. I was a senior in high school and she was 15 years old and a freshman at the time. We met through church. And the only reason we started dating is because she was the aggressive one.
She let me know that she liked me, and more or less got everything started.
All throughout high school I was a very shy guy. Once I got to know girls, I would talk to them and be their friends and everything. But as far as letting them know that I was interested in them, or asking for their phone number, I never had the guts. I, like many guys my age, was afraid of rejection.
I never went to any school dances, and I never went to prom. Of course, being a boy, those things really didn’t matter that much. I always used the excuse that I had to work, which I usually did, but I’m sure I could have gotten it off if I had requested. The truth of the matter was that I really was afraid of being rejected.
I never once put myself out there to a girl to accept or reject me. I never had the confidence or self esteem needed to ask a girl out. And for some reason, I thought that being rejected by a girl would end my life in high school as I knew it. I knew for sure that if I got rejected, that everyone in the school would hear about it, and they would all smile at me as they passed me in the halls and be thinking, “What a loser!” So I just played it safe, was friends with girls, and never left my comfort zone. I tell you this for a couple reasons:
- First off, just because if you’re 16 or 18 or whatever, and you haven’t had a boyfriend yet doesn’t make you weird, it doesn’t make you different, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive. There are many teenagers and even people in their 20’s that have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. If I hadn’t have been pursued by the girl, who knows when I would have gotten my first girlfriend. So stop panicking, take a deep breath. Everything is going to be ok.
- The other reason I tell you that, is because that chances are, it isn’t you. Teenage guys don’t always have the guts to let a girl know that he likes her. Chances are, there is a guy that is crushing on you, but he’s too shy to say anything, because he’s afraid you won’t like him back and he will be the laughing stock of the whole school. So just because a guy doesn’t actually come up to you and ask you out or ask for your phone number, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a guy that sees you every day and wants to ask you so badly, but he doesn’t have the guts.
Another possible reason is that teenage guys don’t always appreciate beauty.
You hear that beauty gets better with time. Well I also believe that appreciating beauty gets better with time as well. When I was in high school, there were a few girls that attracted my eye. But in a school of over a thousand, I can remember only having a crush on a handful. Now that I’m older and looking back, I can’t believe how many girls that I overlooked that were beautiful
, but I didn’t really think about at the time. So before you start thinking you’re ugly or that there is something wrong with you, realize that it’s probably not you. There could be a handful of reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend that have nothing to do with you.
The one thing that you can work on that will definitely help you out is not being shy. If you notice girls who seem to always get the guys, chances are, she’s not shy. She’s outgoing and she talks to guys. I will teach you how to flirt later on, but I really want you to get over the fact that if you haven’t had a boyfriend, that there is no need to panic or worry.
What Girls & Guys Said 92
I'm a senior and I've been feeling anxious of having a boyfriend. It's not that I don't want one but it's more of I'm afraid of having more than one boyfriend in my lifetime. I'm the type of person that wants to save myself up for that one man that will stay by my side for as long as we live. I guess I'm just afraid that I'll have too many boyfriends that it would eventually make me give up on love...
I'm not really pretty nor do I have a feminine voice... I'm also extremely shy and inexperienced not only with boy-girl relationships but also with friendships...
... I guess my insecurity plays a part in my anxiety too.
I do pray that I'll find that man who can put up with me and make me feel wanted and loved. I pray that he could bring me out of my shell and push through my walls and just be there for each other as we face daily life struggles.
this is not only never had a boyfriend issue but also never had a partner issue... same for guys too.. excellent comments below
Not having a boyfriend is GOOD!
I guess I can thank you for stating thisthe fact that its not us. I have this problem that I have never had a boyfriend and I don't think that ill have one soon. Its been frustrating me lately mainly because I always hear other girls like my friends(younger ones too), talking about their boyfriend. how they broke up or how they went on a date with them and I'm already a junior in high school and still nothingwtf! I don't think I'm ugly but I think its how shy I am with some guys;I wish I would just be myself
:) this sound pretty good .;!
i totally agree with you . I am 15 and I am still single
but boys do ask me out but I don't think I am ready to have a boyfriend yet
The problem is that I want to concentrate in school and make it all the way to college
and I don't want nothing to go wrong .
but I don't find nothing wrong being single .;!
there's always someone out there for everyone.
I love this! Thanks for writing. I'm 18 and I've felt a little panicked about this for awhile, but this helped sooo much :)
Im 16 (never holded hands in my life) and I had a "chance" like you, but she kinda ruined our date by going back with her ex. never felt so bored in my life, really!
thanks for writting this post, it made me feel less alone.
"Happiness comes from within" I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "In order to love, you must first love yourself." It is so, very true. Just have optimism and believe that good things will come.
Im 16 and never had a boyfriend either! and I felt like this article really helped me out! except that the guy I had a crush on graduated last year... and I totally should have asked him out... but I was kinda shy... and now I hardly ever see him.... since I'm still a junior in high school! its too late for me! but at least now I know!! and you know I was pretty sure he was into me too... but just shy!!
Why do people say that special bou will come, it is not true. I am 36 and have never had a boyfriend and never will. guys never liked me.
Thank you :] I think everyone has covered the rest.
thank you, it's Valentine's day and I'm a freshman in high school, and I see so many people in my huge high school with their girl friends and boyfriends and feel so jealous. I don't thing I'm nowhere near getting a boyfriend, but I know I am young. but knowing that I shouldn't think I am ugly helps a lot. I really don t like Valentine's day tho haah
Thank you so very much. I really needed to read/hear that.
Thank you so much for this article. I'm 16, and during the past few years, the fact that I've never had a boyfriend has really haunted me. I even begun to wonder if something is wrong with me, just like you said. I've always had self-esteem issues, and that fact just always made it worse for me. But reading this article had opened my eyes a little and has made me realize that I'm not the only one, and I just have to be patient & come out of my shell. Thank you so much! :]]
This is so true. since my first boyfriend who I asked out dumped me, I hade never had the courage to do it again.
I went in to seconder school I was asked out and I flirted. But I never had the courage to ask them out. So I never really went out with a boy I really liked. When ever I was about to, I ether chickened out or hoped they would ask me first.
But the other night I just got so tired that I poped the question. he said yes and we have are first date on wensday!
Thanks for writing that. It really cleared a lot of things up for me :)
Hopefully this can be reversed as well, because I have the same dark thoughts.
(i.e What if you've never had a girlfriend?)
Im just a month away from turrrning a quarter century old!and I've never had a Boyfriend or being kissed and definitely no third base! my best friend have gone through like 5 BFs already, and me?...still the same ..alone!, on one hand I want a boyfriend because I'm tired of going alone to all gatherings(family or friends) and on the other hand I'm so used to my independence!. and I know you said it's not "me" ..I'm not ugly, but I'm not a super model either.I just don't get it!Now, I'm started to think its me!
Im 26 never had a boyfriend, there have been offers but I turn them down. I just don't feel I need one, I have friends but no one really close. I prefer to do things alone, I go abroad on holiday alone.
I don't want children that's my excuse what else are men good for as partners haha
I want the first guy I date to be the one I stay with forever. Is that too much?