What If You've Never Had A Boyfriend?

There seems to be a huge struggle with many girls who have never had a boyfriend before.

Many 16, 18, and even 20 year old girls have asked me this question, “I’ve never had a boyfriend before, I’ve never kissed a guy or even held hands. Am I ugly?” And it’s a question I’m sure that a large percentage of girls wonder, but are afraid to admit it. But to be honest, chances are, looks are the last reason for never having a boyfriend.
"Chances are, looks are the last reason for never having a boyfriend."

For me personally, I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 18 years old. It was kind of funny, because she was actually younger than me. I was a senior in high school and she was 15 years old and a freshman at the time. We met through church. And the only reason we started dating is because she was the aggressive one. She let me know that she liked me, and more or less got everything started.

All throughout high school I was a very shy guy. Once I got to know girls, I would talk to them and be their friends and everything. But as far as letting them know that I was interested in them, or asking for their phone number, I never had the guts. I, like many guys my age, was afraid of rejection. I never went to any school dances, and I never went to prom. Of course, being a boy, those things really didn’t matter that much. I always used the excuse that I had to work, which I usually did, but I’m sure I could have gotten it off if I had requested.

The truth of the matter was that I really was afraid of being rejected. I never once put myself out there to a girl to accept or reject me. I never had the confidence or self esteem needed to ask a girl out. And for some reason, I thought that being rejected by a girl would end my life in high school as I knew it. I knew for sure that if I got rejected, that everyone in the school would hear about it, and they would all smile at me as they passed me in the halls and be thinking, “What a loser!” So I just played it safe, was friends with girls, and never left my comfort zone.

I tell you this for a couple reasons:
  • First off, just because if you’re 16 or 18 or whatever, and you haven’t had a boyfriend yet doesn’t make you weird, it doesn’t make you different, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive. There are many teenagers and even people in their 20’s that have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. If I hadn’t have been pursued by the girl, who knows when I would have gotten my first girlfriend. So stop panicking, take a deep breath. Everything is going to be ok.

  • The other reason I tell you that, is because that chances are, it isn’t you. Teenage guys don’t always have the guts to let a girl know that he likes her. Chances are, there is a guy that is crushing on you, but he’s too shy to say anything, because he’s afraid you won’t like him back and he will be the laughing stock of the whole school. So just because a guy doesn’t actually come up to you and ask you out or ask for your phone number, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a guy that sees you every day and wants to ask you so badly, but he doesn’t have the guts.

Gogus olculeri
Another possible reason is that teenage guys don’t always appreciate beauty. You hear that beauty gets better with time. Well I also believe that appreciating beauty gets better with time as well. When I was in high school, there were a few girls that attracted my eye. But in a school of over a thousand, I can remember only having a crush on a handful.

Now that I’m older and looking back, I can’t believe how many girls that I overlooked that were beautiful, but I didn’t really think about at the time. So before you start thinking you’re ugly or that there is something wrong with you, realize that it’s probably not you. There could be a handful of reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend that have nothing to do with you.

The one thing that you can work on that will definitely help you out is not being shy. If you notice girls who seem to always get the guys, chances are, she’s not shy. She’s outgoing and she talks to guys. I will teach you how to flirt later on, but I really want you to get over the fact that if you haven’t had a boyfriend, that there is no need to panic or worry.

What Girls Said 77

  • 1mo

    I've been rejected 3 times by 3 different guys I liked. So apparantly it has to do with me

  • I'm a senior and I've been feeling anxious of having a boyfriend. It's not that I don't want one but it's more of I'm afraid of having more than one boyfriend in my lifetime. I'm the type of person that wants to save myself up for that one man that will stay by my side for as long as we live. I guess I'm just afraid that I'll have too many boyfriends that it would eventually make me give up on love...

    I'm not really pretty nor do I have a feminine voice... I'm also extremely shy and inexperienced not only with boy-girl relationships but also with friendships...

    ... I guess my insecurity plays a part in my anxiety too.

    I do pray that I'll find that man who can put up with me and make me feel wanted and loved. I pray that he could bring me out of my shell and push through my walls and just be there for each other as we face daily life struggles.

  • Not having a boyfriend is GOOD!

  • I guess I can thank you for stating thisthe fact that its not us. I have this problem that I have never had a boyfriend and I don't think that ill have one soon. Its been frustrating me lately mainly because I always hear other girls like my friends(younger ones too), talking about their boyfriend. how they broke up or how they went on a date with them and I'm already a junior in high school and still nothingwtf! I don't think I'm ugly but I think its how shy I am with some guys;I wish I would just be myself

  • :) this sound pretty good .;!

    i totally agree with you . I am 15 and I am still single

    but boys do ask me out but I don't think I am ready to have a boyfriend yet

    The problem is that I want to concentrate in school and make it all the way to college

    and I don't want nothing to go wrong .

    but I don't find nothing wrong being single .;!

    there's always someone out there for everyone.

  • I love this! Thanks for writing. I'm 18 and I've felt a little panicked about this for awhile, but this helped sooo much :)

  • "Happiness comes from within" I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "In order to love, you must first love yourself." It is so, very true. Just have optimism and believe that good things will come.

  • Im 16 and never had a boyfriend either! and I felt like this article really helped me out! except that the guy I had a crush on graduated last year... and I totally should have asked him out... but I was kinda shy... and now I hardly ever see him.... since I'm still a junior in high school! its too late for me! but at least now I know!! and you know I was pretty sure he was into me too... but just shy!!

  • Why do people say that special bou will come, it is not true. I am 36 and have never had a boyfriend and never will. guys never liked me.

    • Well, justmettt, I'm around the same age circle you're in, and I've never had a girlfriend. Girls
      simply have not shown any interest in my approaching them or in my meeting them. And
      certainly, with so many beautiful ladies out there, I've died over the years to have one of them
      accept me for her boyfriend, but it simply never happens! So I would be definitively glad if
      you accept my friendship. Perhaps you and I are lucky this time and hit the right key!! My
      username is Daringboy, and I'm new to the forum. Drop me a message, if you like!! Hope
      to hear from you.

  • Thank you :] I think everyone has covered the rest.

  • thank you, it's Valentine's day and I'm a freshman in high school, and I see so many people in my huge high school with their girl friends and boyfriends and feel so jealous. I don't thing I'm nowhere near getting a boyfriend, but I know I am young. but knowing that I shouldn't think I am ugly helps a lot. I really don t like Valentine's day tho haah

  • Thank you so very much. I really needed to read/hear that.

  • Thank you so much for this article. I'm 16, and during the past few years, the fact that I've never had a boyfriend has really haunted me. I even begun to wonder if something is wrong with me, just like you said. I've always had self-esteem issues, and that fact just always made it worse for me. But reading this article had opened my eyes a little and has made me realize that I'm not the only one, and I just have to be patient & come out of my shell. Thank you so much! :]]

  • This is so true. since my first boyfriend who I asked out dumped me, I hade never had the courage to do it again.

    I went in to seconder school I was asked out and I flirted. But I never had the courage to ask them out. So I never really went out with a boy I really liked. When ever I was about to, I ether chickened out or hoped they would ask me first.

    But the other night I just got so tired that I poped the question. he said yes and we have are first date on wensday!

  • Thanks for writing that. It really cleared a lot of things up for me :)

  • Im just a month away from turrrning a quarter century old!and I've never had a Boyfriend or being kissed and definitely no third base! my best friend have gone through like 5 BFs already, and me?...still the same ..alone!, on one hand I want a boyfriend because I'm tired of going alone to all gatherings(family or friends) and on the other hand I'm so used to my independence!. and I know you said it's not "me" ..I'm not ugly, but I'm not a super model either.I just don't get it!Now, I'm started to think its me!

  • Im 26 never had a boyfriend, there have been offers but I turn them down. I just don't feel I need one, I have friends but no one really close. I prefer to do things alone, I go abroad on holiday alone.

    I don't want children that's my excuse what else are men good for as partners haha

  • I want the first guy I date to be the one I stay with forever. Is that too much?

  • What I don't like is that everyone says to get a boyfriend you can't be shy. BUT THAT"S WHO I AM... I can be outgoing and more comfortable when we talk, but by nature I am an introvert. Why can someone just accept you for who you are? We all can't be outgoing to get the guy, sometimes the guy WILL have to be the outgoing one. What is wrong with that?

  • Wow, this honestly made my day...it made me feel a little bit better! Thanks :)

    @shalove, I'm in the EXACT same boat...I'm told a LOTTT I'm pretty, I'm not shy at all, and I have all the confidence in the world, but somehow I never got the "the next level" with a guy.

    Maybe because the guys I do talk to are usually complete a*sholes...haha

    *sigh*....time will tell.

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What Guys Said 16

  • this is not only never had a boyfriend issue but also never had a partner issue... same for guys too.. excellent comments below

  • Im 16 (never holded hands in my life) and I had a "chance" like you, but she kinda ruined our date by going back with her ex. never felt so bored in my life, really!

    thanks for writting this post, it made me feel less alone.

  • Hopefully this can be reversed as well, because I have the same dark thoughts.

    (i.e What if you've never had a girlfriend?)

  • Being 18, I've never had a girlfriend, not that I couldn't have had one. Quite a few wanted to start a relationship with me, but my introvert personality always stands in the way, which is odd, because when I'm around my closest friends, I'm a party animal. That brings me pain because I don't think there are a lot of girls my age that would stand my shyness long enough for me to start showing my true nature =/

  • Well this seems to be a bit of a relief!!

  • Great article

  • This is a good article for all the lifelong single ladies out there bro. Is there a version like this for the guys? Seeing as I'm in the same position

  • So true

    glad you got this down

    guys and girls alike will benefit from this lots

  • Hey dude, I am the exact same way. I never asked a girl out in school, never went to any dances, etc. I am in my mid 20s now, and have still never had a girl friend. I just can't ask. I admit, I lack the self-confidence.

    But I like this article, it lets girls know that there are some guys out there, like me, who just can't and won't ask, no matter how much one likes a girl.

  • I agree 100% I was driving myself crazy thinking was I ugly why can't I get a bf? so girls don't worry a special boy will come and sweep you off your feet like mine did. A boy asked my out when I was 17 made me feel somewhat wanted :) but its not the end out the world, because girls feel the same way as you said in this article

  • Hey I read all I like you friend just as a friends ur story is nice

  • LOL we all know its easier being a female and getting a date faster than it is, being a male and getting a date. Anyone who says no has been living under a rock. All women/girls have to do is look cute/decent and guys approach. Guys on the other hand need to be tall, good looking, muscular, funny etc to even have a woman look at him.

  • Nothing is satisfying as a meaningful & mature* relationship. In my opinion, most teenagers should not date as most of them are still very young and immature unfortunately...unless they are the few extremely mature ones who can truly appreciate & respect it and themselves & their partner when in one.

  • Yeah, many people accustom their relationship status with age which is completely idiotic. Some girls treat having a boyfriend as a fashion accessory and same with guys...they feel like they are more of a "guy"...teenagers. If you are desperate for a relationship...you become that much unattractive. Relationships should come and go as they feel right and not because you are of a certain age or some other social stigma. Nothing is as satisfying as a meaningful relationship.

  • Hey brother , I am very happy you wrote this article to the ladies out there. Girls , listen, there are gazzillion guys out there wishing they would have one second of your time. They wish to love you in every way they can . But they are shy , not cowards, just shy , and afraid to offend you . They are like that because they are inexperienced and you are the first girl they had a crush on ! Be happy girls we admire you ! Lots!

  • This is so true, even as an almost 21 year old I still feel like girls will just reject me and I'll get laughed at. Its just hard for me to have the confidence, especially not being the best looking guy. I've only asked out 2 girls and only one went on date with me, so I guess I just feel to that if those girls reject me, most of them wil ,but hopefully there will be someone out there. I just hope I can be more outgoing