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How Can You Get a Shy Girl to Open Up?

Real-World "Shy Girl" Shares Her Valuable Insight

I've seen a lot of questions from guys asking how they can get a shy girl to open up to them. Now it often happens to me where I'm put in that shy girl situation where a guy is trying to talk to me but I just get so shy that I can't keep the conversation flowing or even relax and feel comfortable around him.

"The more confident and sure a person is of themselves, the more I feel shy and tense around them."



Ironically, many of my friends would never be able to imagine me as a shy person, but that's because only certain people make me feel this way. I started thinking, and I noticed a pattern. I realized that the more confident and sure a person is of themselves, the more I feel shy and tense around them. Now don't get me wrong here, being shy doesn't mean that a person has a low self esteem. It can just mean that they lack some confidence or are quiet by nature.


The following information is more accurate when approaching a girl who lacks a bit of confidence, which is the case in most shy girl situations. She is afraid to say the wrong things in case people reject her.

But, what makes her feel shy?

When a guy approaches her with a lot of confidence, he always seems to know what to say, is completely relaxed, that's when she can start to get really shy. Because he is so confident and sure of himself, it makes her feel very inferior to him and she becomes very cautious in how she should reply/react. He seems to know exactly what to say all the time, so it can make her feel nervous because she on the other hand, has no clue what to say!

What helps me to open up and relax?

If a guy shows her that he's not a judgmental person, but a kind accepting one, and that she's not a nobody to him,then it would be much easier for her to be herself around him. It also makes it easier if the guy notices what makes her uncomfortable and tries to avoid doing it around her and vice versa. For example: I'm health conscious, so if a guy talks about smoking or wasting himself around me, that would make me feel uncomfortable and I wouldn't know how to react. But, if I like to play sports, talking about sports would make me feel more relaxed, get the drift?

How can you show her that she can be herself around you and she doesn't have to worry about you rejecting or hurting her?



First, show her that you actually want to get to know her and that you aren't just randomly talking to her. You can do this by listening to what she has to say meaning you are giving her your full attention when she speaks and not always talking about yourself. Please note that you don't want to put her on the spot too much, as you start to learn more about what she likes, if there's anything you two share in common,you might want to talk about that instead of making it all about her or both of you. By initiating a conversation of this type, it helps her to get more and more use to you meaning that she'll start to feel more comfortable and accepted around you.

Next, make sure that you don't gossip too much around her or speak negatively about other people.Speaking badly about others will make her very self conscious around you. It tells her that you aren't a loyal person and that you can easily turn around when she's gone and speak the same way about her. This will definitely make her more conscious of what she does and says around you, preventing her from opening up to you.

If she ever goes to say something to you, even when she just starts to open up, if she changes her mind and says never mind,tell her that you want to hear what she has to say and ask her to tell you. Be careful though; don't be too pushy about it. If after a couple of times you see that she really doesn't want to tell you, just let it go and assure her that your all ears if she feels like telling you later. Usually, she does this because she wants to tell you something, but is afraid to because of her lack of confidence. If you do this, it can help her feel more comfortable talking to you.

Gogus olculeri

Don't make a move too fast.

Shy girls take time to adapt. If you ask one out on a date right when she starts feeling comfortable around you, she most likely will have a heart attack! Do fun things with her first and then if you think she could be a potential girlfriend, then slowly start hinting things to her. This way, it will give her time to start considering you as more than a friend and then later when you ask her on a date she'll be ready for it.

OK, so I know what you are all thinking. Is it seriously that much work to get a shy girl? Is it even worth it? Well, yes, and no. Every girl is different. Some require more work than others, just like some are more of a prize than others. But sometimes, you don't know what you can get unless you try. The best girls are often the ones you have to work the most for. The process of it all can be very fun and exciting anyway.

What Guys Said 8

  • I know it depends on the girl, but in general, how much time do very shy girls need to feel comfortable around a guy?

    I maybe get to see her 2-3 times per week at uni, so its not easy trying to get to know her with the limited time i have, so how often should I text/chat with her? things have imporved since I've started talking to her, we are now friends, but she is still stuck in her shell and im having trouble getting to know her.

  • The best advice so far upto the mark. excellent , it worked for me. now I had a crush on this girl who was so shy around me and now she talks and we even went om a date twice and she says she wants to be with me forever.

  • I belief that's correst it isn't easy

    there is a sulution

    the boy should dare to wear girlsclothes and make-up and the girl probably open

    i did it my self and it worked very good

  • I love how you brought this through

    I hate it when guys try to explain girls the most people I heard stereotype all girls into one category :S and say the guy should be confident cause he's the bigger man ... yeah a guy should be confident but is no less human than a female just cause you want to pick someone up don't be sexist :S

    But that's what I see most places plainly ... be an upstuck jerk and the girl wants you

    Well for one I'm not looking for that kinda girl this helped a lot thanks

  • excellent article!but how do we teell apart shyness from disinterest?

  • You have some very good points. Patience is definitely on top of my list when it comes to dealing with anything, including women who are shy. It is almost like solving a 1000 piece puzzle where when you have all the pieces together, you have the prize.

  • Great article!There's a girl at my church that I like and she talks to everyone guys and girls with no prob at all but with me she acts totally different. She's always staring at me from a distance and I always have to be the one to say hi first. Whenever I walk up to her to say hi she's freezes up and looks down and away from me but when good looking guys at church talk to her she's totally cool with them but with me she can't even bring herself to look at me lol

  • Very good advice. Mind if I pm you please?

What Girls Said 11

  • Your article is very accurate. I'm shy and never seem to know the right things to say. I always feel like guys would never give me the time of day because I'm shy. But once I completely opened up to a guy and went on a date with him (my first date) we held hands even and then the next day completely ignores me and txts me to tell me that it's not gonna work out. That also makes girls shy.

  • I really liked this article. Considering I'm a shy girl myself. You really made some true and good points.

  • I'm so glad that you have found this article helpful! :)

  • I hope this helps!

  • It is so hard to try and explain this because every girl is different. You could always keep it simple and just ask the girl if she likes having you around. Asking would probably be the best and easiest way to find out if she is interested or not.

  • Now the more difficult part as you seem to be thinking already, comes once you start approaching the shy girl and knowing if she is interested in you or not during the process. You can usually tell by observing her body language when you are around. Does she blush easily when your around, or if you catch her looking at you from a far? Does she smile a lot? Does she make attempts to talk with you when you don't, or does she look at you often seeming like she wishes you would come see her again?

  • Good question. Firstly, a big hint would be for you to observe how she acts around guys in general. Does she seem at ease when other guys talk to her or does she seem more kept to herself and shy? Does she talk to other guys often or very little and when she does, what do you see, a girl who blushes easily or again, seems more reserved, or someone who is confident and natural at talking with guys? It's usually pretty easy to spot the shy girls from those who aren't shy.

  • u yes you have 2 talk 2 her invite her over sometime

  • Lol, no problem, it's weird because I work in theater too!;p

  • Thank you for putting it out there. I though it was weird that I'm timid around confident people, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I work in theatre, so a lot of people are brimming with self assurance, so I just end up having trouble making conversation.

  • I agree, I am shy and it does seem like a lot of work for someone to get to know me, but I have been told that once they got to know me, I was a really fascinating person. So yes, it is worth it!

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