My Take on the Nice Guy Debate

the_rake

There isn't really such a thing as the 'nice guy', or at least not in the way that the mainstream dating cults have defined him (death to askmen and cosmopolitan magazine). This commercialised rubbish is practically force fed to you if you happen to be seeking out online dating advice nowadays, and for this reason, there are a number of emasculating trends and misconceptions that need addressing, e.g.


The nice guy is unconfident


My Take on the Nice Guy Debate


Confidence: 'a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities'.


There is a misconception about confidence here, because a lot of overly confident people use their self-assurance in the wrong way, i.e. to get ahead of others at any cost.


The real test of confidence is the man that can get ahead WITHOUT screwing other people over, because that is the man that can get to the top without having to resort to lying, backstabbing, people manipulation, etc. the man that can rely on nothing but his own inner confidence and natural talent is the man that YOU can rely on.


It takes time to build an authentically confident mindset (it doesn't happen over night like some would have you believe!) and the real nice guys, DEFINITELY have it.


The nice guy is a push over


My Take on the Nice Guy Debate


There is nothing wrong with asserting what you want/need, so assertiveness is perfectly compatible with niceness. in fact, to me, an assertive person is just a person in any given situation that happens to be in the right (and acting in accordance). Sometimes, not having the stomach to stand up for yourself or another person actually resembles a character flaw, because it takes compassion and goodness of heart to stand up for what you believe in. 'nice guys', cowards and passive men can be seen at every corner giving tyrants power. The worst kind of men are the one's that have masochistic tendencies and happy for everyone else to be submitted in a similar manner (regardless of whether they want to be).


The nice guy is passive-aggressive and manipulative


My Take on the Nice Guy Debate


Sure, if you never assert what you want, you're going to become a secretively cynical, bitter and repressive fruit loop. And that's another reason why GENUINELY nice guys DO assert themselves - because they know that the power of assertiveness is part and parcel with their ability to be (genuinely) nice to others. You can't be genuinely nice if you don't get SOME of the things you want because people that get walked all over are always going to feel resentful.


My Take on the Nice Guy Debate


(Unless you just happen to like being a doormat...)


The nice guy is a bookworm that never gets out


My Take on the Nice Guy Debate


Again, this seems to be a pretty big misconception because if you have a purpose in life that you are trully passionate about and involves doing good for the world, you will do what it takes to get out there and see that it get's done. Also, guys that spend 24 hours glued to a desktop everyday tend to develop very curious porn habits ... I wouldn't exactly trust those guys.


The nice guy is never attractive to women


My Take on the Nice Guy Debate


With all the other generalisations addressed in mind, it's usually the 'nice guy' that's a pushover, deceptive or has other repelling features that do not get women. nice guys can still have other attractive qualities such as the one's already mentioned (confidence, assertiveness).


Conclusion


If you're a self-identified nice guy that's having a hard time with women, then get some style, hit the gym, grow a set of balls and substite this:


My Take on the Nice Guy Debate


For this:


My Take on the Nice Guy Debate


It's fine to be a nice guy, just make sure that you're a nice guy with a life. I see myself as a 'nice guy' (the good kind) but never accept the label per se because of all the other misconceptions attached to the term.


In short, mainstream dating advice has a lot to answer for with it's simplifications, stereotypes, generalisations and totally useless information! 'The nice guy' stereotype is just one of a long list.

My Take on the Nice Guy Debate
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