Cheyenne Bostock Talks Life, Value and Why Men Need to be Men

Cheyenne Bostock Talks Life, Value and Why Men Need to be Men

In 2011, Cheyenne Bostock found himself in a homeless shelter. He felt lost. He didn't even know what a "life coach" was and he didn't have any idea what he was going to do. He hadn't found what he now calls his "value" and purpose.

But now, Bostock is a life and relationship coach, motivational speaker, and author of the self-help book "Break Every Chain," which encourages people to break the chains that bind and live a life worth living. He has also written "Food, Sex & Peace Of Mind," and he has appeared on "The Bill Cunningham Show," "Quiet Storm with Lenny Green," "Good Day Dallas," "Chasing New Jersey" and more.

Now, GirlsAskGuys gives the proud family man and newly formed life guru a chance to speak candidly about his experiences, and about how your value is just lying there, waiting to be found...

GaG: We see a lot of young people (those in college, just out of college) who really don’t know what they want to do with their lives. What advice would you give them?

"The first thing to do is acknowledge that you’re just like everyone else: Trying to figure out what their value is, what their worth is. And if you can do this, it’s the key to success in family, community and work, because you have to find out who you are and personally develop yourself. You have to figure out how you can be of value to other people, so relationships are important.

Let’s define what a relationship is— it’s a connection between two people and in order for that to work, both parties have to be ready, willing and able to add value to one another. Like the relationship we have right now; the value you’re adding to my life is that you’re giving me a platform for my voice, and I’m adding the value of helping others figure out their direction and purpose, and helping them cultivate relationships. If we didn’t have both these things, this interview would be meaningless. And this is what I mean by value, and why it’s so important for a person to understand his or her own value."

GaG: One of your pieces of advice to people is to “start living.” Can you go into more detail on that idea?

"When I say that, I’m talking about realizing your potential by dreaming big and thinking big. I talk to so many men and women in homeless shelters and prisons and their biggest problem is that they feel they have nothing. They can’t dream or think big because they feel they have nothing to offer anyone. In 2011, I found myself living in a homeless shelter and one of the things I said to myself was, ‘I feel like I literally have nothing.’ But all I was doing was looking at the material things I lacked and once I got beyond that, I went inside myself and changed my outlook.

I said instead, ‘Cheyenne, you have everything, you’ve always had it; now you’re in the darkest place of your life and you can finally appreciate what you’ve had and will always have.’ So I urge people to ask themselves what I asked myself at that time: ‘What are you great at? What do you have that nobody else has?’ Well, I knew I had a good personality and sense of humor, a nice smile, and I loved to speak and inspire people.

That’s when I started ‘living.’ That’s when I figured out there was a way to use my natural gift and talent to help others. So, what is it you love to do? Is it writing, dancing, singing, rapping? Whatever it is, if you really take the time to dive into your passions and actually give yourself credit for those passions, that’s going to catapult you into a whole other stratosphere. You’ll start living when you use the gifts God gave you."


GaG: You said you didn’t know what a life coach even was. How did you get started on that path?

"When I was in the homeless shelter and still struggling with what I wanted to do, I went to volunteer my time at a nonprofit organization. But I was still saying, ‘I don’t have anything of value; what could they possibly want or need from me?’ So I had to switch my thinking because I knew my time and presence would be of value to a nonprofit organization, and I filled out the volunteer application. Then they said to me, ‘we don’t want you to volunteer, we want to hire you.’ I wasn’t expecting anything and I’d never done anything [in this field] but I ended up with a really healthy experience. For both myself and the organization, it was a healthy relationship."

GaG: "Healthy relationship?" And what’s your definition of that, exactly?

"In every healthy relationship, there’s no resistance. There’s only a willingness to be there for the other person. Without that reciprocity, the relationship is doomed."


GaG: People are finding it increasingly difficult to find a balance in life; i.e., balancing work, school, private lives, etc. Why do you think this is happening?

"This is happening because people’s hierarchy of needs is out of whack. Some people put work before family, others put friends before family, and some can’t even have a good relationship because of this lack of balance. Only when you put what you value at the center; like when you put your family and friendships and community and balance that with everything else, can your life be truly gratifying. And you’ll be both on the giving and receiving end of those healthy relationships, too.

I’d also like to say that this is why I like working for myself. I set the stage, I choose how much time I spend at work, where and when I can travel, etc. I control all of these things and at the end of the day, I know I’d always rather spend more time with my family."

GaG: What’s your take on the current dating and relationship scene among the 20-somethings? Is it more complex than ever?

"Well, I think times are changing. People are changing as well. In this day and age, women are definitely exploring more possibilities, and they rightfully should. They’re getting more power, they can do more as an entrepreneur and as a business woman and as an independent. But the thing is, I think some of that power is leaking into their relationships.

I was talking once on my social media regarding women asking men out on dates. We know women have the power, ability and resources to that, of course, but the facts show that men like – and want – to lead in a relationship. So, no matter how much a woman earns for a living, the man still wants to feel like a man. They still want to be the protector and provider, but a lot of women are becoming comfortable playing both roles. And when the women take this approach, some men just accept this and get too comfortable; they grow complacent and that complicates the quality of the relationship. We need our men to be leaders and providers and the ladies need to be nurturing as well. Both parties should showcase their strengths."

GaG: Is there anything else you’d like to say?

"Yes, living is about sharing resources. I always want to know how I can help them. If I can’t help them directly or personal, is there another way I can be of value to them? Like maybe could my network help them somehow? This is just so important for me and for others as well, I think."

End Interview

We'd like to thank Cheyenne Bostock for his time and to learn more, feel free to follow him on Twitter or check out some of his inspirational videos.


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What Guys Said 8

  • "I was talking once on my social media regarding women asking men out on dates. We know women have the power, ability and resources to that, of course, but the facts show that men like – and want – to lead in a relationship. So, no matter how much a woman earns for a living, the man still wants to feel like a man. They still want to be the protector and provider, but a lot of women are becoming comfortable playing both roles."

    Um, no. You may not eat your cake and have it.

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  • Men naturally want to lead, but women also want to lead? No wonder male-female relationships are mostly doomed. Of course, if you ask me, the most rational thing would be--if men naturally want to lead--then women would naturally want to follow. Speaking generally. You can't not/// speak generally when talking about extremely diverse human behavior.

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    • Being a leader is a masculine trait. Strong people attract weaker people and weaker people speak out strong people to defer to. That's why men and women work. Chefs need Indians and Indians need a chief. 2 strong people never work. A woman wanting to lead and showing macho traits is of no interest to most men. She'll still want a strong man but she won't realise by her very nature she'll repel the men she wants. It's only the weak guys she'll get and I know women. If they do the respect you they can't stand the sight of you. It's a recipe for disaster but most women aren't wise enough to. see it coming

    • Chefs lol. Chiefs

    • @bluenose1872 Eh. I don't know.

  • We get all the tools to be happy and helpful when we're born. They're stripped away from us gradually as we go through the abrasive nature of modern life. It's this society we adopt fear, mistrust, apathy and all other negative characteristics from. It's designed to be that way. Your perfect when your born and you get warped and twisted by all the propaganda spouted out by the media. They teach you jealousy, they teach vanity, they teach you greed and pride. They're paths to evil and weakness in both sexes. Having good morales and principals is actively dissuaded in the west. They don't want strong, switched on people here, they want weak, docile and stupid people they can send to work dead end jobs 60 hours a week so they can skim your taxes to hand to the rich. They want people divided by racism and sexism and all the other phony social boundaries they promote. Why? They need the masses fractured so they never form a consensus to challenge their rule. We're slaves, sheep in a pen so large we can't see the fences. We're sheared often, slaughtered sometimes. Why don't people open their eyes and see the world for what it is and why so many are suffering? Greed pure and simple. Tavistock operates throughout the west and it's soul mission is to bring the population to heel through terror. Keep the bogeymen pouring into out tvs so we'll look to big brother to protect us. Since ww2 it's been nazis, commies, drug dealers and now terrorists. It's all facilitated by the very people supposedly protecting you and 9/11 is the smoking gun that proves it. You can't be happy and content in this world unless your a naive idiot. Which, unfortunately covers a good percentage of people.

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  • Not bad. I definitely agree with him on men being the leaders in the relationship, but it IS a problem that we encourage guys these days to let girls pay for dates and be the breadwinners. I really am not into all that New Age empowered-woman stuff, I don't want or a need a woman to pay my way. And before she decides to do that, she better not cry down the road about how men aren't being manly leaders. Something to think about.

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  • "... but the facts show that man like - and want - to lead in a relationship."

    What facts?

    This is undoubtedly true for many men, but nothing is true of all men or women. Certainly isn't how I feel.

    Is he going to say next that we should all just relax and be ourselves out on dates, but also be confident because women find it sexy?

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  • I can't take this seriously, I don't know what his beliefs are
    and he's already said a few wrong things to start

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    • Explain the wrong things he said. Don't be a dismissive hater with no point to make. Make a point

  • FEMINAZI.

    Women always make men get the shorter end of the stick. This has to stop. There can only be a relationships if there is equality. NO SUBORDINATION OF MEN. We cannot be expected to pay for women except for 9 month pregnancy and 3 months after that.

    80% of homeless are men because someone's always willing to pay a lot of money for that pussy.

    The expectation that men should approach also needs to go. The expectation that men should make women laugh also needs to GO. Women are not expected to entertain men and try to keep us around. Men cannot be expected to sleep on the couch or do more work. This is outright DISCRIMINATION based on sex.

    Society should also treat abuse of men as UNACCEPTABLE. Right now, a woman who beats a man will almost certainly get away with it and a man can't get help.

    The family laws need to changed. Rape of men needs to be recognized. Women need to start receiving equal sentences for the same crimes. Right now sexist court bias is 6 times bigger than even racial bias.

    Men need to stop being demonized in disputes with women. Men need to stop being given the message that they are the ones who should be doing the apologising because they are bad/wrong... while women are good...

    Men should be allowed to choose if they want to have anything to do with a MISTAKE and UNWANTED CHILD... instead of being forced to be slaves for a lifetime

    You are selectively being traditional when you say "men need to be men" & provide but if someone said that "women need to be women" and be chaste or remain confined to the house, you would not agree with that. This shows that you're nothing but a selective feminazi.

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  • wtf is this gynocentric feminist bullshit?

    MGTOW is the only path to freedom!!

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What Girls Said 4

  • "We need our men to be leaders AND PROVIDERS..."

    Just once, I would like to see someone actually follow this up with the logical next question, which is about jobs, and the economy, and pay, and so forth.
    Because I hear a lot of these guys talk about how it's important for a man to be a "provider" -- and then the same guys say that they support equal pay for men and women.
    You do realize you can't have both of those, right? You can't have x > y and also x = y, at the same time. You have to pick one side of that fence, and be on it.

    No one asks the hard questions.

    --

    Also, I just laugh to myself whenever someone in the US talks about being a "provider" as though that were some sort of leadership thing.

    I mean... please.
    Please.
    As if.

    In this country -- and in basically every other first-world country -- being the breadwinner is a position of servitude, NOT a power position. The more you earn, the more the other person can take from you through the courts if they ever decide to walk away. Doesn't this guy know this?

    A "provider" has NO default power.
    Unless he/she understands how to hold and exercise leadership capably, a "provider" turns into a slave, with a quickness. Wake up, people.

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    • First off, you can be a provider and still support equal pay. It's equal pay for equal work, not equal pay for all work. If the woman has a lesser-paying job, then yes, the man would be the provider in that situation.

      Secondly, the idea that the breadwinner is in a position of "servitude" is just absurd. No, preposterous, actually. Just because that person stands more to lose in divorce court means he or she is in "servitude?" Are you serious? In daily normal life, in almost every situation, the one who earns the most money in a household can have the upper hand in EVERYTHING, from where and how they live (what size house, in which neighborhood, with what amenities), where they travel, how often they socialize with others, etc, etc, etc.

      I have no idea what sort of twisted, cynical world you live in, but a provider is never a "slave." Just... wow.

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    • @KaidenKass00 Oh, no, I'm not talking about MOST married people I know. Honestly, most of them are just making enough to get by, and they make the decisions that life lets them make. If they even got to a position where one of them could exercise that kind of discretion, that'd be a big win over where they are now.

      I'm mostly talking about the couples I know where one person makes a shitload of money, and the other person can afford to stay home. In those couples, the person who stays home very clearly and very obviously holds more sway in those decisions that you mentioned.

      I mean, even when they get along, it's mostly because the big earner is busy with work and shit, and doesn't have time to care about picking a neighborhood or entertaining or any of that.

      "Without the main paycheck..." is irrelevant, by the way. The paycheck-earner has no credible ability to withdraw it, so, there's no power of coercion. And, if that paycheck vanishes, then they're BOTH fucked. Still no default power.

    • Last time I checked, slaves do not get paid

  • amazing story. i love being able to read about where people have come from and how they've overcome adversities to reach a point in their life that places them on top of the world. people like that are the embodiment of 'never give up'. they give me hope.

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  • This is great. I like the father message as well. A father should always be in their kid's life to teach them about values and life. Without a father figure, they will not know how to function.

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  • "the man still wants to feel like a man. They still want to be the protector and provider,"

    Some men are to pussy to be this. I could name a few guys on here... #MRM #MGTOW

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    • MRM probably, but not MGTOW

      A common misconception is that they're not "man" enough to provide for a woman, and ironically, that is a reason why MGTOW exists. People have the notion that what makes a man is determined by what he does for a woman, when that shouldn't be the case

      A man shouldn't HAVE to get married and provide for a woman to be considered a man, especially since that same stigma doesn't exist for women and taking care of a man. Single old men are usually called creepy old men (unless his wife has died). Single men have a negative connotation

      All I hear is "A real man..." and it's proceeded by what he does for a woman. We are not service drones. I should be able to be successful and my manliness be judged on my success and my ambition rather than the fact that I don't have a wife nor want one

      I'm not MGTOW. The whole thing just interests me and I watch a lot of their videos. Hell, I have a girlfriend that I plan on marrying

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