The Ultimate Attraction/Love Paradox For Men: Unconditional Love Vs Dominance And "Conditions"

Scrambledagain

Trying to condense this take is extremely difficult and I reckon I could write a book on this, so I will do my best to keep it succinct as possible.


The majority types of guys:


There are two types of “nice guys”. The outlier, overly nice guy who is usually very shy, very introverted, usually anxious and not really the type of guy you see throwing their name away at pubs. They obviously struggle the most with women. Then you get your “average joe” nice guy. These dudes make up a majority of guys out there. They are chill, easy going, have some preferences and are pretty cool. They come in all sorts of varieties: some can be gamers, some can be sportsman, some can be pub hoppers, some can be academic, some can be travellers, some, a combination of these things etc, but they have one thing in common: they are mediocre with women. Unlike the former outlier nice guy, these guys have had some success in dating. They usually had a high school sweetheart, maybe a friends with benefits, have had some partner number count (usually in the single digit range of long term relationships) and are those guys that usually find someone to marry and settle down with. But they are also frustrated in love or with a bitter pill, accept their circumstances (hence a lot of married men who cheat, use prostitutes, belittle their marriage partners or just couldn’t care about the relationship they are in). The key: They cannot control their environment, including who they date and settle with. They are known as AFC’s in the pick-up community (average frustrated chumps). Why is this?


The ultimate attraction/love paradox for men: Unconditional love vs Dominance and



Let’s look at unconditional love first


Like every dad, my friend…yeah he is going to get a gun for any boy that makes a move on his daughter (who isn’t even born yet). For good families, a Dad is the rock for his daughter. Mom’s too, but Dad will always protect his girl with his life. He will even sit through a One-Direction concert for her if she asked. Why? Unconditional love for his daughter. There are no conditions for Dads love. He loves you for exactly who you are. He would do anything for you. Hell, I would take a bullet for my beautiful 3 year old Niece. It’s also why dogs are used in psychotherapy and even criminal rehabilitation: Unconditional love. That’s why pets are popular with lonely people. Unconditional love. A dog will love its owner no matter what. They are truly man’s best friend.


The Ultimate Attraction/Love Paradox For Men: Unconditional Love Vs Dominance And "Conditions"



The first seeds sown in childhood:


This entire take came from a conversation I had with my friend and his fiancé, and some advice I got from a dating site, which conflicted so bad, it made me want to grab a bottle of tequila to kill the thinking pain in my head. My friend’s fiancé said she wants to raise a beautiful son who respects everyone, who is kind, fun, is respectful of women, great manners, values, etc (like every bloody mom and follows the same rhetoric of every bloody women, and what they look for in a man). And it works!! Mom and Dad raise this wonderful, respectful, cute little guy who reminds me of that kid from Jerry Maguire. He basically receives unconditional love from everyone, and believes that who is, is worthy of a girl one day. This is forged in the childhood years and cemented in the unconscious of the nice guy.


The Ultimate Attraction/Love Paradox For Men: Unconditional Love Vs Dominance And "Conditions"


(Lol...perfect model of future friendshipzone fodder)


The toxic mix: Chemical A (Nice guy)


By now we all know the problem with nice guys. They are nice but can’t offer much in attraction. Why? Because, as above, attraction isn’t taught to them by mom’s, and because your average Joe makes up the majority of guys, average Joe dad didn’t know any better. The result, a really good, respectful person is raised. Mom and Dad wouldn’t dare say things like: Don’t go for that fat girl, go for the cheerleader (that’s terrible, my respectful kid wouldn’t do that), why eat healthy or go to gym? My kid believes in “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, my kid will find his princess who loves him for who is. All these ideals mean shit in attraction due to chemical B:


The Ultimate Attraction/Love Paradox For Men: Unconditional Love Vs Dominance And "Conditions"



Chemical B, the catalyst: Attraction, Dominance and conditions


Women are attracted to dominance and other conditions (looks, money, certain personality, usually a mixture of all of this). Going back to that dating advice that conflicted with all of this. It said: “men, take out a piece of paper and write down the qualities that you look for in a woman and go for her. Reject the girls that don’t meet these criteria”. I did this exercise, and it was hard because I don’t have many dealbreakers, I was taught to love unconditionally. Ah…but I never got women, so I sure as hell better follow this advice right? So I have. I have some conditions. Ah? But that means I have to go against unconditional love? That means I can only love a girl under certain conditions….Starting to make sense. It also fits in with DOMINANCE. No mom would ever tell their son to “Dom” a girl. They may teach their sons to protect a girl (hence those friendshipzoned guys who are always the shoulder to cry on, and who feel angry at the guys who made them cry). But Mom and Dad didn’t use this in the terms of attraction. Mom and Dad taught their son that who they are, is good enough…They also taught their sons that women are equal. Well intended, but that’s why guys never initiate. A girl is equal right? So to be nice, a guy will always ask a girl for her permission, or what she wants, which is NOT Dominant. To make her happy, he will sacrifice himself for her wants. He was taught this by his mom (and reinforced by a nice guy dad). Dominance means taking the lead and knowing that your wants are somewhat either better than hers or different (but you couldn’t care). Hence the power play in the dating game.


The Ultimate Attraction/Love Paradox For Men: Unconditional Love Vs Dominance And "Conditions"



Summary: The toxic mix catalyst:


That love that women crave? unconditionally, conflicts with attraction (conditional love) that men are poorly taught. Men think that offering their unconditional love, forged in childhood, is enough to get women. But it’s not. It’s a contradiction and a paradox. That’s why a man can offer that unconditional love that a father would give, but she will reject it because it is “conditional” love that attracts. That’s why a genuine nice guy struggles. It’s frustrating. What parents teach their sons vs the actual dating game is so wrong. So men are screwed, women don't get their well balanced guys and everyone loses.


Solution


Many guys have missed out on love and sex that they deserve due to poor parenting. Men and women who raise kids should teach their son's about the dating game. No bullshit "friendshizone" advice that destroys men. If my fat son wants a cheerleader for example, I am going to tell him strait "son...you have two choices....hit the gym and come back in 6 months or accept that that girl won't go for someone like you, you need to find a girl similar to you" Thats how it goes. No bullshit.


The Ultimate Attraction/Love Paradox For Men: Unconditional Love Vs Dominance And "Conditions"



The Ultimate Attraction/Love Paradox For Men: Unconditional Love Vs Dominance And "Conditions"
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