Drugs and Tragedy Have Dominated My Life and Yes, I'm Angry

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Drugs and Tragedy Have Dominated My Life and Yes, I'm Angry


I grew up in Florida. My parents got divorced when I was 9 months old. My dad left and moved thousands of miles away. I saw him probably once per year until I was 15 years old. I was raised by my mom and 2 brothers until I was 5. Then, my mom met my step dad who I never got along with. They had two other sons, who were 7 and 10 years younger than me.



I grew up going to a Catholic school, but I was always combative in school and at home. I always fight with "family," growing up.



I would regularly destroy everything in the house and had the police and/or psychiatrists called on me often. I had a violent temper growing up, but I always directed it towards objects, not people.



I moved with my dad when I was 15, but we didn't talk much. I don't think he was ever much of a father and I'm not really sure what I missed with that. Perhaps, I missed my whole life by not having a good father. I don't know.



I started doing drugs daily when I was 16 with marijuana. I smoked every day and got very weird and introverted and secluded, with brief bouts of somewhat successful socialization.



When I was 17, I was in a bad car accident and broke my neck and back. I hit my spinal cord in my neck and paralyzed, temporarily, parts of the left half of my body. I can't feel pain on the right half of my body from chest down and can't move my left hand all the way.


Drugs and Tragedy Have Dominated My Life and Yes, I'm Angry


I got a 100% academic scholarship to the University of Florida and moved there when I was 19. I intended to be a neurologist, but given the combination of drug use and the demanding course work, I couldn't keep up.



Around this time, I decided to give up all of my possessions and live in a hut in the woods with no electricity until the county made me turn it on.



I then spent some time homeless living and sleeping behind dumpsters in the middle of the ghetto and if you want to put some hair on your nuts/chest, tthat's the way to do it.



After this, I stayed at my friends house and started doing hallucinogenic drugs. From the moment I tried them, I did them almost every day for 18 months.



At one point, I was selling them and became very socially popular. There was a point where I was turning down 10 girls per week.



I had my first girlfriend when I was 18 and we had sex a lot, bla bla bla... This was before the hallucinogen use.



Then, when I was 22, I got arrested for something and didn't get out until I was 26 and then off house arrest 27.


Drugs and Tragedy Have Dominated My Life and Yes, I'm Angry


After that, my dad gave me a job managing an RV park and I basically sit home all day. I am trying to flip houses on the side.



I feel very underestimated and undervalued by women. I have seen the worst of the worst, but their perceptions are unfortunately telling them that other guys are more valuable and this pisses me off.



I lost my mind on LSD and a combination of an undiagnosed mental condition that has since been gotten under control when I was younger. I think I am a normal person now.



I spend half my life in Hooters, Winghouse, and similar places.



I want to have a girlfriend, but I also kind of want several. I know and feel that I deserve the best.



Life is very short. My step dad just died of lung cancer less than a year ago. There are no games here and things are just getting intense...



I go out to bars almost daily to work on my social skills and sometimes do okay.



I am very angry.

Drugs and Tragedy Have Dominated My Life and Yes, I'm Angry
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