I grew up in Florida. My parents got divorced when I was 9 months old. My dad left and moved thousands of miles away. I saw him probably once per year until I was 15 years old. I was raised by my mom and 2 brothers until I was 5. Then, my mom met my step dad who I never got along with. They had two other sons, who were 7 and 10 years younger than me.
I grew up going to a Catholic school, but I was always combative in school and at home. I always fight with "family," growing up.
I would regularly destroy everything in the house and had the police and/or psychiatrists called on me often. I had a violent temper growing up, but I always directed it towards objects, not people.
I moved with my dad when I was 15, but we didn't talk much. I don't think he was ever much of a father and I'm not really sure what I missed with that. Perhaps, I missed my whole life by not having a good father. I don't know.
I started doing drugs daily when I was 16 with marijuana. I smoked every day and got very weird and introverted and secluded, with brief bouts of somewhat successful socialization.
When I was 17, I was in a bad car accident and broke my neck and back. I hit my spinal cord in my neck and paralyzed, temporarily, parts of the left half of my body. I can't feel pain on the right half of my body from chest down and can't move my left hand all the way.
I got a 100% academic scholarship to the University of Florida and moved there when I was 19. I intended to be a neurologist, but given the combination of drug use and the demanding course work, I couldn't keep up.
Around this time, I decided to give up all of my possessions and live in a hut in the woods with no electricity until the county made me turn it on.
I then spent some time homeless living and sleeping behind dumpsters in the middle of the ghetto and if you want to put some hair on your nuts/chest, tthat's the way to do it.
After this, I stayed at my friends house and started doing hallucinogenic drugs. From the moment I tried them, I did them almost every day for 18 months.
At one point, I was selling them and became very socially popular. There was a point where I was turning down 10 girls per week.
I had my first girlfriend when I was 18 and we had sex a lot, bla bla bla... This was before the hallucinogen use.
Then, when I was 22, I got arrested for something and didn't get out until I was 26 and then off house arrest 27.
After that, my dad gave me a job managing an RV park and I basically sit home all day. I am trying to flip houses on the side.
I feel very underestimated and undervalued by women. I have seen the worst of the worst, but their perceptions are unfortunately telling them that other guys are more valuable and this pisses me off.
I lost my mind on LSD and a combination of an undiagnosed mental condition that has since been gotten under control when I was younger. I think I am a normal person now.
I spend half my life in Hooters, Winghouse, and similar places.
I want to have a girlfriend, but I also kind of want several. I know and feel that I deserve the best.
Life is very short. My step dad just died of lung cancer less than a year ago. There are no games here and things are just getting intense...
I go out to bars almost daily to work on my social skills and sometimes do okay.
I am very angry.
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