Many of you may recall an article I wrote called CHIVALRY IS DEAD AND WOMEN KILLED IT. In the article, I expounded upon the things that women do to keep the battle of the sexes going. Well, as they say, turnabout is fair play. Now, as far as things go, men are far less demanding of their partners within relationships. If a woman is likable, attractive, gives a man his space and hey, cooks a decent meal or two, dude is in hog heaven.That said, men have an annoying habit that should be explored a bit.
First off, I love men, oh I surely do. I adore them. I think that they are the most wonderful compliment to the female species; a true divine gift that should be better appreciated by the fairer sex. I do however, have a slight issue with men who say things like, "Why can't women be more like men!" Usually, this lament has to do with women wanting a relationship they are not ready for. To this lament I ask, why are men pissed off that women desire relationships? A woman has a right to her wants and wanting a relationship isn't an inherently bad thing.
In my humble opinion, this exasperation comes only when their goals are at odds. Dude likes chick. He likes having said chick around if he is having sex with her, hey, even better but he only wants things to go so far and she wants them to progress. All of a sudden her desire and wants become inherently evil, a thing that women should just kinda get over wanting.
But this somewhat arrogant and self-centered ideology will only lead to frustration and unwarranted anger on the part of the male. Why? Because in the end, a woman is what she is, and it won't change. This is not a bad thing. It simply is. If a man can't deal with this he should either
Sometimes in life, it is an either-or proposition. Problem is, most guys want the perks of a relationship without actually being in an actual relationship, hence the whole friends with benefits BS that has never worked and has ruined more friendships than not.
One brother even complained that, no matter what he said about not wanting a serious relationship, chicks were throwing themselves at him trying to get him to tie himself down. Was that unfair of those women? You bet but he was a bit to blame for his own fix. This same man was going off on vacations to romantic places with said gal pals and doing things that are found within the parameters of committed relationships.
In other words, his lips said one thing, and his actions another. This kept these women very confused. What a man has to understand is women view these types of events very differently than men do. If a man truly wants to safeguard the heart of his chosen find, he should keep all interactions light; dinner, movie, an occasional weekend, shooting pool. No sleepovers, no car rides to Aspen, no cuddling and hand holding in the park.
If you want to do all that, get in a relationship. If you don't want a relationship, steer clear of ANY and ALL things remotely looking like a relationship. It's really a no brainer. Which leads me to the second part of my rant. The men who roll their eyes at the women they say they told they didn't want a commitment with, appear to go after the VERY TYPE of girl who is commitment oriented. This is because he wants her to be loyal to him, without actually give her a real reason TO REMAIN loyal to him.
I asked a male friend about that and he broke it down like this: A man who isn't looking for a serious relationship doesn't truly want to date a girl who is like him. If she isn't commitment oriented, he can't have her at his beck and call. He may call her up one day and she will be running out the door with some other guy. No, he wants a steady girl and only a certain type of girl will give him that. But, yet and still, he expects that he can train this girl, who is commitment oriented by nature, and MAKE her not be commitment oriented simply because he TELLS her he doesn't want to get serious?
Does anyone else see how this is a sure recipe for disaster? You can't take two opposing forces and make them agree. With some things, there can be no true compromise, only manipulations to achieve your own ends. A man who expects a woman to lay aside her own wants and needs so his can be met, is in just as much error as a marriage minded woman who chases a confirmed bachelor.
So what is the solution? A man who doesn't want a relationship should find an independent natured woman who has her own life. His other options are to just stay away from dating altogether until he is ready for commitment, particularly if Miss Independent is not his cup of tea. This is exactly what my own hubby did. An old-fashioned type o guy, he has always stood for integrity and fairness. He wasn't going to come into a relationship until he knew he had something to give emotionally. He, like me, took a long dating sabbatical for a number of years, surviving loneliness with the one-man-hand-plan.
Modern men have to seriously evaluate what they want from a woman and why and be honest. If the woman you are interested in is not on the same page as you, move on, no matter how hot she is, or attracted you are to her, you will save yourself, and her, a lot of heartache and grief in the end.
If however, you don't mind a party girls' free spirit, then go with it. There are those women out there, believe me, and they will give you plenty of freedom, so long as you respect hers. In the end, it boils down to being fair, respecting the desires and wants of others, and also, accepting and even embracing aspects of the opposite sex that you may not ever understand.
First off, I love men, oh I surely do. I adore them. I think that they are the most wonderful compliment to the female species; a true divine gift that should be better appreciated by the fairer sex. I do however, have a slight issue with men who say things like, "Why can't women be more like men!" Usually, this lament has to do with women wanting a relationship they are not ready for. To this lament I ask, why are men pissed off that women desire relationships? A woman has a right to her wants and wanting a relationship isn't an inherently bad thing.
In my humble opinion, this exasperation comes only when their goals are at odds. Dude likes chick. He likes having said chick around if he is having sex with her, hey, even better but he only wants things to go so far and she wants them to progress. All of a sudden her desire and wants become inherently evil, a thing that women should just kinda get over wanting.
But this somewhat arrogant and self-centered ideology will only lead to frustration and unwarranted anger on the part of the male. Why? Because in the end, a woman is what she is, and it won't change. This is not a bad thing. It simply is. If a man can't deal with this he should either
- start dating other men,
- stop dating altogether.
Sometimes in life, it is an either-or proposition. Problem is, most guys want the perks of a relationship without actually being in an actual relationship, hence the whole friends with benefits BS that has never worked and has ruined more friendships than not.
One brother even complained that, no matter what he said about not wanting a serious relationship, chicks were throwing themselves at him trying to get him to tie himself down. Was that unfair of those women? You bet but he was a bit to blame for his own fix. This same man was going off on vacations to romantic places with said gal pals and doing things that are found within the parameters of committed relationships.
In other words, his lips said one thing, and his actions another. This kept these women very confused. What a man has to understand is women view these types of events very differently than men do. If a man truly wants to safeguard the heart of his chosen find, he should keep all interactions light; dinner, movie, an occasional weekend, shooting pool. No sleepovers, no car rides to Aspen, no cuddling and hand holding in the park.
If you want to do all that, get in a relationship. If you don't want a relationship, steer clear of ANY and ALL things remotely looking like a relationship. It's really a no brainer. Which leads me to the second part of my rant. The men who roll their eyes at the women they say they told they didn't want a commitment with, appear to go after the VERY TYPE of girl who is commitment oriented. This is because he wants her to be loyal to him, without actually give her a real reason TO REMAIN loyal to him.
I asked a male friend about that and he broke it down like this: A man who isn't looking for a serious relationship doesn't truly want to date a girl who is like him. If she isn't commitment oriented, he can't have her at his beck and call. He may call her up one day and she will be running out the door with some other guy. No, he wants a steady girl and only a certain type of girl will give him that. But, yet and still, he expects that he can train this girl, who is commitment oriented by nature, and MAKE her not be commitment oriented simply because he TELLS her he doesn't want to get serious?
Does anyone else see how this is a sure recipe for disaster? You can't take two opposing forces and make them agree. With some things, there can be no true compromise, only manipulations to achieve your own ends. A man who expects a woman to lay aside her own wants and needs so his can be met, is in just as much error as a marriage minded woman who chases a confirmed bachelor.
So what is the solution? A man who doesn't want a relationship should find an independent natured woman who has her own life. His other options are to just stay away from dating altogether until he is ready for commitment, particularly if Miss Independent is not his cup of tea. This is exactly what my own hubby did. An old-fashioned type o guy, he has always stood for integrity and fairness. He wasn't going to come into a relationship until he knew he had something to give emotionally. He, like me, took a long dating sabbatical for a number of years, surviving loneliness with the one-man-hand-plan.
Modern men have to seriously evaluate what they want from a woman and why and be honest. If the woman you are interested in is not on the same page as you, move on, no matter how hot she is, or attracted you are to her, you will save yourself, and her, a lot of heartache and grief in the end.
If however, you don't mind a party girls' free spirit, then go with it. There are those women out there, believe me, and they will give you plenty of freedom, so long as you respect hers. In the end, it boils down to being fair, respecting the desires and wants of others, and also, accepting and even embracing aspects of the opposite sex that you may not ever understand.
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