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Am I being too selfless?

My girlfriend of 6 weeks every now and then mentions how lucky she feels to be with me. She says she has wanted to feel special and be part of... Show More

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What Guys Said 1

  • There is nothing wrong with being kind, considerate, compassionate...etc. TO THE PERSON WHO DESERVES it. However, to those who are manipulative, insecure and play mind games, who want something from you but (naturally) cover their ulterior motives (i.e. using you), your selflessness and compassion will "cheat you" (can't think of a better description, hope you get what I mean) by leading you down the path of hell leading you to fail to see through these people's facade. The good thing is, when you get through hell, you can always say to yourself, "I will die with a clean conscience". Still, that isn't too good a thing to do; living a life of numerous hurtful relationships but die with a clean conscience.

    "But then she asks me am I just saying things she wants to hear almost as those she does not believe me."

    Self-doubt >>>> a girl with self-esteem issue. Insecure. A girl with healthy self-esteem would say, "You are what I want. I trust my gut feel about you (i.e. I trust myself). If I don't trust you, I won't be standing in front of you".

    Bear in mind, where there is no trust, there is no love.

    "I do feel sometimes that she will walk away from me,"

    Trust your feelings. Act upon them. A person who is as kind and compassionate as you are is highly likely to be an empath (i.e. having keen gut feelings, although you may not be aware of it and consciously developing/using them). These feelings are your life saver. People go bankrupt, get cheated, hurt ... can avoid those if they know, develop, and use their sensing faculties i.e. gut feelings.

    The ultimate question that would help you at this point, in my opinion, is to answer (no one but you can answer this one) this question, "What kind of girl do I want?"

    This may NOT be an easy question to answer. But, if you don't/can't answer this question, in terms of courtship, it would be like walking/driving with your eyes closed (not knowing/caring where you want to end up in). When you get your answers written down, focus on them, the way you look at where you are going when you walk/drive. No compromises. No mediocre relationships. I am saying this because you are kind, tolerant, understanding and compassionate. There is a very high chance you get yourself into a relationship that the OTHER person likes you a lot, but DEEP inside, you are not happy because YOUR needs are not met. Why? You haven't even identified them clearly! This is why it is so important for you to find out what kind of girl you want asap.

    Best wishes in creating, with the girl YOU want, a relationship filled with trust, love, joy and happiness.

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