Guy friend gives me the creeps, have been ignoring my gut instinct. Is he really creepy?

[Anonymous]

There is this guy I have met from an art group, and we are "friends" except I have always felt like he is creepy.

At first, he was welcoming. He asked me out right off the bat, I said no, not interested, but let's be friends (he is older). The problem is that he started calling/texting me frequently and acting like we were real friends (eg he'd keep a phone call going for 2-3 hours, ignore my hints to end the call, and act sad when I'd have to hang up). It started to piss me off. Then the inappropriate texts started, calling me sexy and hot/sweet. I tried to just ignore him but he'd get all worried like I was dead in a ditch somewhere, like he's my boyfriend. So, I told him he's making me uncomfortable. He apologized, said he didn't know. I reiterated I only want to be friends. He was like, yes, me too, don't leave the group because of this.

Then Xmas/bday/etc happened, and he gives me gifts. And starts sending me unsolicited books. Which, I'm grateful but feel guilty (I never gave him stuff) and suspicious. He also mails one book to me, and it wierds me out (I think I texted him my address for a car pool once, but I'm surprised he kept it safe). He also makes a point of always hugging me goodbye. And he always wards other guys in the group from me or competes with them and acts mopey when I talk to someone else.

Lately, I've stopped going to the art group, but he has continued to communicate via texts and wants to talk on the phone every two weeks. I have talked to him on the phone, and he pesters me to come back. He writes longgg emails to me with condescending advice and he attempts to influence my career decisions, which I don't appreciate. His word choice is CREEPY too.

I feel like I've ignored red flags, but each flag is debatable. He has been supportive, but has a made up idea of who I am. What should I do? How do I politely make him go away? I want to block his number but maybe I should tell him? But his persistence worries me.

He is creepy

He just doesn't know how he comes off

[Bluemax]

Why is there no "He is creepy AND he hust doesn't know how he comes off" option?

I would argue that insofar as your sanity and safety are concerned, it doesn't matter if he's oblivious to how creepy he is. This situation is exhibit A as to why I don't think it's a good idea to refuse a date with the "But I hope we can be friends" clause at the end.

I strongly recommend, for BOTH your sakes, that you seriously limit contact with him. What kind of a "friendship" is this anyways? Not a healthy one; that much is certain. I wrote a question which is somewhat related to this subject, asker. Perhaps you'd like to take a look at it. It might be enlightening.

If he asks if he is making you uncomfortable, I suppose that might be an opportunity to enlighten him as to how creepy he's coming across. Perhaps you could tell him in a public place. Why are you allowing him to hug you? Why are you accepting his gifts? In so doing, you seem to be encouraging his behavior. I think the safest thing, and believe it or not the most compassionate thing, is to end this so called friendship.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q948754-why-friend-zone-someone-knowing-prolongs-the

[Asker]

I read it, thanks. That's part of my guilt. I just don't know how to handle guys that don't pick up my hints. He'll just come in for a hug in front of people, and I get uncomfortable but try to suck it up. The gifts are so weird because I think they are genuinely heartfelt gifts and I'd give him a book too if I didn't think he'd take that as a sign.

I want to end this "friendship" but I get worried because he has my address. Do you think that's worrisome for a guy like this?

[Bluemax]

You aren't guilty of anything, but I suspect you know this. This might be one instance where it is better for the head to overrule the heart. As for guys who can't take a hint, then it's time to stop hinting. Tell him you are not comfortable with the way he is behaving and that you are putting space between the two of you so that he can get over you. If you're not mad at him, tell him this isn't done out of anger, but because you want what's best for both of you. It's a sort of tough love tactics, I guess. It may seem harsh and insensitive, but that's not the case. In fact, it's actually compassionate.

Whether or not you're worried about him having your address is neither here nor there. What's important is ending the "friendship". If he does some stalker-like behavior, then get the law involved.

In future, perhaps consider that "I hope we can be friends' is perhaps not the wisest thing to say when rejecting a suitor.

[funkipunk]

I would vote for both options. Try telling him straight up that he's coming on way to strong. Tell him that he needs to stop with the constant attention because you're just interpreting it as him stalking you.

If he's a sensible guy who respects you, he'll get the message and stop texting you non-stop.

If he doesn't stop, then you'll need to take further steps. This could be changing your number, going to school workers, or even mention it to the police.

[Asker]

Solid advice and makes sense. I've just been ignoring him because I'm scared of the worst case scenario happening to me (how could I have let my address get in his hands?). That is the ultimate test though if I can work up the courage.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

He sounds creepy i would try making your time
talking to him far a part , make excuses up that
you got relative needs your help so you will be
busy try changing your phone number, or blocking
his phone number, change your emails he has
just do things to avoid him so he may get the message.

[LadyintheLake]

He knows what he's doing. He's an adult.
Be direct and tell him to stop bothering you.
If he doesn't respect your boundary, get a restraining order. It's worth it to protect yourself and your sanity. Hopefully by now you've found a solution to your problem.

[apropos]

If the guy is that creepy, I don't think I'd even try to take the time to explain it to him.

He sounds really creepy. Buy some mace.

[Anonymous]

the easiest way to deal with it is to block his number or change yours.

if that doesn't work you'll have to politely tell him to fuck off.