My boss doesn't look at me when talking with me?

Question

Why my boss doesn't look at me when talking with me or when being in the same company with me? He avoids totally eye contact. We also have this hugging policy in our company (when people are leaving the company or they have birthdays) then we exchange hugs. He usually hugs others. Yesterday I was at the office talking to my 3bosses, the other two ones gave me a hug, he avoided eye contact and didn't give me one. He is always nice to me - the time before that he complimented my job and made me a gift and got me a very big exception from his bosses so that i could work from another state online without being in the office for a very long time (trust-based). One time he complimented my scent and asked me what perfume is this and i answered that i had none. lol. he said then that it smells very good and i forgot to reply to it. During teamevents he never talks to me. He invites others to play bowling with him, but not me. Everybody keeps telling me how cool and funny he is, but with me he is always very reserved and doesn't make jokes. Only compliments my work, tells me to turn to him in case i need something, stands out for me when i have problems, fights for me when getting this big exception as other bosses didn't want to give this to me and other workers do not really approve it. doesn't really show interest in me. Asks only small-talk-type of questions. Never comes to chat with me even tough he chats with others. He knows Im engaged. I feel like he doesn't like me. It is not so nice to talk to someone when this person doesn't even look me in the eye for a brief moment. His body is positioned towards me however. This totally bothers me. He doesn't like me? How come i dont hear him make his jokes?

dhinchak · Accepted Answer

Well, there are three scenarios in my opinion:

1. He doesn't like you because you forgot to reply to his compliment. Personally, I don't think this should be a problem, unless the guy is damn authoritative; which he is not as he amicably keeps joking around with other teammates. That simply tells me that he is not shy either. So, I rule out this possibility.

2. He really likes you, but keeps it to himself because you are engaged. C'mon, a guy doesn't give up on a girl so easy if he indeed likes her. He would at least ask you to join him for a drink or for a cup of coffee. That's not gonna endanger his job too. So, this scenario is ruled out too.

3. Well, this scenario is more like a subset to the second one. I know you might not believe this, but it's like the oldest trick in the book to make a girl come to you head over heels.
KEEP HER GUESSING!!
Yup, all you have described about your boss falls within the requisite perimeter of the trick; also the situation is ideal too. A girl whom he can't approach because she is already engaged. So, he has created an environment around you wherein you are the odd one out. Making you feel as an outcast in a social group, of which he is the undisputed king. Of course, humans (especially girls) are psychologically wired in a way that they get in total awe of this king and gradually start getting ready to do anything that would get them in that group. He doesn't give any special treatment to you, but also keeps as much problems out of your way as he can; so as to confuse you even more, and hence, all that you would worry at work now, would only be him.

So far I see that the trick has worked wonderfully in his favour. Not that this makes him a bad person; he is just trying to woo you in a stronger but much less evident way. He is actually kind of smart and damn patient.

In my opinion, you should reconsider your marriage. This guy has been working really hard to get you.

Xcommunicated · Accepted Answer

Lots of factors here. He may be concerned of being accused of preferential treatment. He may be stressed out. There may be HR concerns current or previous. Nothing screws with management mojo like HR department.
He likes your work. Got you an exception. Is leaving you do your thing.

He may just think you are not as needy as other employees. Be concerned when he is aloof and NOT sending positive reinforcement. Sounds to me like he likes you and does not want to get fired or needs to spend his time elsewhere. As a manager some people you just click with. Some you don't. You only give praise and exceptions to the ones who earn it (didn't say how...).

Don't over analyze this one. If you want more time with him get invited to a lunch or after hours thing and let your hair down. Make sure he knows he can trust you and not lose his job and the respect of the team. Sounds like a good boss who is driven to make money for the company.

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

With what I am reading here, reading between the lines, with his 'Smells very good and I forgot to reply to it,' That seemed the deciding factor that just May Have--------Shut the lion's mouth from there. He most likely felt he was being out of line, not business like enough, More personal than Personable And has changed to a 360 Degree angle, putting himself in a cage now. It doesn't need to be etched in stone for me to read the signs.
No, he probably Does 'Like' you, maybe a bit more than he cares to admit. And with 'Signs' of putting you on his pay no mind list, you might say, it may Seem he he is showing Partiality with everyone but you, but deep down this one has to go day after day, trying hard to contain himself, putting his tail between his legs and act as cool and 'Reserved' from keeping himself from Extending his Paws.
It's hard even to look you in the eye, for he may lose his 'Cool' totally, so he finds it easier to bite the bullet and just 'Avoid total contact.'
With his body language that seems to be speaking than the words he doesn't dare speak, this is telling me he knows you're around, wants You to Know he is there, even if it is his chair, And No hard feelings, also pointing out No 'Hard on,' for he somehow is keeping it in his pants, and with the other favors he is showing you at work, Keeping Work related, It's-------Business as usual.
There's not much you can do but accept it for what it is. This is way of saving his own job, Saving his neck, and not putting everything out on a line for a fling with His-------Favorite female.
No joking matter, this guy has all he can do but to make you give him a lap dance...
Good luck. xx

SirenDep · Accepted Answer

You are engaged and you have a good job and a good boss. You are lucky! So stop puzzling over your boss's behaviour. If he likes you or not, it's his proplem, not yours, as long as it doesn't affect your job.

Account · Accepted Answer

He may be attracted to you but he is trying to be professional about it. Also, like you already said, he knows that you are engaged and he is keeping his distance out of respect.

OralAddict1445 · Answer

I personally think your looking and thinking about it to much either he likes you or not regardless neither makes a difference cuz at the end of the day not everyone likes everyone Additionally look on the bright side at least he isn't A. Being mean B. Mistreating you. Just be happy he looks to help you and stick up for you when he can and appreciates you working there clearly. I apologize in advance I don't know why but to me this comment is awkwardly worded and random way to lazy to retype it tho sorry lol and good luck =) !!

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like the time I was receiving manager for a clothing company.

A young lady came to work for us, and I was her boss.

I'll never forget the moment I laid eyes on her. She looked up at me (She was sitting down in a seat in the sale area) and I looked away. I literally could not take in so much beauty. I turned and promptly walked back into the receiving office, and went back to work trying to forget her, realizing that she was probably a wealthy client. (I brought in expensive suits. Even a $15,000 leather jacket once made by Remy Leather)

No, she was my coworker and subordinate. It was hard around her. She was so sweet, and gorgeous. She came from a wealthy family, but did not want to be like her sister who got everything handed to her. She wanted to work for her living.

She had a boyfriend, too. In my eyes, he was a stereotypical "bad" guy. She's still with him.

Anyway. Just saying.

broadsword · Answer

I think but I can't be sure but he finds you very attractive and is desperately trying to keep it under wraps and professional. I am a boss and in modern times how you behave with your female employees is very difficult. You cannot behave naturally for fear of it being judged as in appropriate.

why_not_anonymous · Answer

I think the reverse is true, he's totally into you, but knows you're hands-off because of work and engagement. So he's trying to keep his distance, because he'd bang you in a heartbeat.

Anonymous · Answer

This sounds very classic. I was a barber years ago and I had to suffer when babes sit in my seat basically because I couldn't talk to them. In that line of work you're not suppose to get personal with clients. So I had to train myself to close my eyes when it comes to someone I'm attracted to in order to keep in professional. I'm in a different like of work now working for myself and even though it's hard not to but I still maintain those same ethics not getting personal with clients and the more gorgeous the girl is the harder I'm trying to keep my mind off her and I probably do such a good job I seem unsocial to her which is exactly what I think your boss is doing now.

AlexCab · Answer

No girl, it may be the other way: I'd say he likes you and he's really trying hard not to make evident, to the point of actually showing you all the contrary. For all we know he might be head over heels for you.

This is when you say "Ooooooohhh" :P

Anonymous · Answer

He likes you but avoids you because he knows you're engaged with someone. He knows his current place. An hounorable boss in my opinion. Generally if a person has something to hide and is often dishonest, they have trouble looking straight into any eyes. So if this just happens to you and not the others. His probably hiding the fact that he likes you, but is an honest guy.

RealGent26 · Answer

In a leadeship position a supervisor should always have good establish eye contact when interacting with his or her employees. Your supervisor should never compromise the position in anyway. Since you feel uncomfortable, you need to address this issue with his supervisor and document all issues that have been noted. If you're a good employee, meaning your talents and skillsets bring valuve to the company. This matter needs to be resovled as soon as possible. If not this may cause you to be less productive in your position and you may loose it due to your lack of profromance. Hope this helps!

SelfInflatableMan · Answer

maybe he is attracted to you but wants to be professional , i do this sometimes when i dont want to look at a womans breast or be rude. i will sort of look away i guess, idk. what cup size are you if i am not being to invasive , that might reveal something.

Anonymous · Answer

He's probably keeping some distance between you two because he knows you're engaged and doesn't want you to think he's into you.
He may be, but it's possible that he's just trying to remain distant out of respect for you relationship because he at least finds you attractive.

Eugene · Answer

There are 2 options:

1.) You remind him someone he deeply hates, therefore he tries to look away in order not to smack you in your face because of that, even though you did nothing wrong.
2.) He actually likes you (and probably a lot!), but knows you're taken. He has a strict personal policy "don't chase women that are taken", therefore the only thing he can do (besides firing you) is to once again look away.

Sixtus64 · Answer

He can't deal with the feelings he has for you, so he avoids eye contact. It isn't a mature behavior, but probably the best he can do. You keeping doing whatever it is you do that gets compliments for your work.

KiddGames · Answer

Aww, he has a crush on you! He's just knows he can't have you, but his actions say he tried hard to get your attention. I think you might like him too, else this wouldn't bother you that much. Maybe you should just confront him about it.

AshBrown · Answer

I think he is conpletely in love with you but he knows it would be wrong to approach you; perhaps because you are engaged. He wants to hide his facial expressions from you.

acka72 · Answer

Are you sure you want to marry the guy you are engaged to? Seems to me that you are into your boss and your boss is into you. Dont rush into marriage, marriage is a lot of responsibility.

Musclecarsforever · Answer

He might have aspergers syndrome, the highsst functioning form of autism. I have it and have a hard time socializing, making eye contact and understanding body language. Dont take it personal maybe he does this with other people.

countrydude · Answer

I think he is attracted to you and either very shy or embarrassed to let it known. thats my first guess. but you can always ask him politely why he doesn't make eye contact or why he doesn't hug you. Or you can offer him a hug too

Chris011 · Answer

He may find you a little attractive. That or he is really into you. I act quiet around people I'm not comfortable with and those who I fancy/like.

ESPNforever · Answer

He like likes you, duh, but he knows you're engaged. If you really want to see if he likes you, break off your engagement. This must suck for your fiancee though.

ArabianPwincess197 · Answer

He likes you but knows its a lost cause cuz you are engaged so to avoid getting himself hurt he stays away from you. Sounds so romantic though - lucky you :)

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