Boyfriend ditches plans because he fell asleep, again?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of over 4 years skipped our plans because he fell asleep. We had plans for a movie, and he fell asleep, missed them, and didn't say anything until 3 hours after the movie was over. I went and saw the movie alone, since we were meeting at the theatre, since we live close to 45minutes to 1 hour away from each other. When he finally woke up, he texted me saying "I fell asleep" and nothing more. I was asleep when he texted me, but I haven't responded yet to him. This constantly happens where he misses plans because he falls asleep, at this point I'm used to this, and I shouldn't. I'm not sure what steps to take. I've talked to him before and he says he won't do it, yet he continues to do it, is it because I let him? Does he need to see a sleep doctor? I'm not sure what next steps I should take.

[enigmatta]

I understand four years is quite a while, but dude you can allow this to go on. If he says he won't do it again, but he can say a lot of things. I would tell you not to pay attention to what he says, but what he does. If you get used to that treatment, you get used to being disrespected. If the guy clearly has no regard for what his behavior does to your relationship, he has no regard for the relationship. You are letting this happen. My boyfriend lives 30 mins away from me, and he usually is 45 minutes -1 hours away if he comes from work, but that has NEVER stopped him from calling, notifying a delay or just showing up. He doesn't need to see a sleep doctor, don't try to make him look like a victim, because a serious sleep disorder patient has consciousness and is aware of what his/her problem is causing to his/her life and the relationships of others around them. This is a matter of him not giving a fuck, and this has nothing to do with a sleep disorder.

[isaynononono]

there's a problem with respect here. Now it's sppointments, but can become may worse in the future. You should give him an ultimatum. And say to him "this is not about sleep, it's about respect."

[Asker]

Ultimatums do not work with him. I am unsure on how to talk to him about it because he never wants to talk about that "stuff."

[MothMonsterMan]

Ultimatums DO work when you make them happen. You leave him.

[isaynononono]

Dont work with him because you dont go through with it. If you treat to leave him, you'll actually have to do it

[Asker]

So than it just comes down to giving an ultimatum? There is no use to even try and talk to him?

[isaynononono]

Sister, you're the one who Said that talking to him doesn't work

[Asker]

Yes, I know, but is there an approach to not make it feel like you're ganging up on someone etc.. I'm just trying to see the options from all points of view, rather than just straight dumping 4+ years down the drain.

[isaynononono]

Then we go back to my first opinion. Talk to him seriously about priorities and respect

[justbeinghonest]

Like my boyfriend would say "fuuuuuuck thaaat"
You can find someone that won't leave you hanging. Dump that ass hole.

[Anonymous]

That doesn't sound fun.

Either he's being very very inconsiderate or he's being a jerk. Or I suppose he's just plain exhausted all the time

(Hopefully not a jerk who's sleeping with someone else - other options are more likely, but I'm surprised no one's mentioned it)

Given you've talked to him, I'm not sure there's somewhere useful to go :/ What's keeping him from getting enough sleep? I hate to say "make fewer dates until this clears up" but don't know what else to suggest...

[Asker]

Thats the thing, I don't know what is keeping him from getting enough sleep. He literally sleeps all the time, sometimes 14-15 hours a day. He says it is because half the time he doesn't even want to get out of bed. He currently goes to school, thats it. I would say that is a lot, but i'm going through school as well, plus having a full time job and a part-time internship, and continually being fit and active, so It is hard for me to clear headed when it comes to his excessive amount of sleep.

I wouldn't mind if he would just say "i'm so sorry I missed our date, let me make it up to you" etc. something nice, but all he said was "i fell asleep." I feel that he is expecting me to just get over it and/or make the first move, but I don't feel I have too.

[Opinion Owner]

Um.

Is he depressed?

[koibito]

Does he do that to everyone too, including the other important things in his life? If so, then it's a problem that you may want to tackle. It could be pathological, go see a doctor. Maybe his genes are messing with his ability to stay awake. Or maybe he has terrible sleeping habits?

But if his lack of care and sleepiness only applies to you, then dump him.

[MothMonsterMan]

Well first off, do you ever try CALLING him to wake him up?

Second, does he fall asleep in the middle of doing something? Like driving, working, or such? If so, then yes, he needs to see a sleep doctor. If not, he's lazy, or lying and he really didn't "Fall asleep", just using it as an excuse.

[Asker]

Yes, I called him as soon as I arrived at the theatre.

I have called him multiple times before, but it doesn't work. I also don't want to call more than once or twice because it seems a little obsessive.

[Asker]

And no, he does not fall asleep when driving, or working, etc.

[MothMonsterMan]

Ok in that case, time to dump him. He's not making you a priority.