My boyfriend went to a bar without me?

Question

We're both 21 and have been together for 2 years now. We love each other very much, we are very attracted to one another, and we are happy.

I don't want to be possessive and stop him from going out with his two guy friends. He knows I'm uncomfortable with it, but he is forcing me to be understanding.

I KNOW FOR A FACT that he would NOT LET ME go out by myself to a bar with my girlfriends. Then he'd say it's different if I go since I'm a girl and blah blah blah.

What makes me uncomfortable is that he has wandering eyes. Sees a girl, looks. Sees another girl, looks. He doesn't check them out and drool or anything, he just has to be aware of everything in the room and it bothers the hell out of me.

Bars? Hot bartenders, slutty girls, etc etc.
I have a curfew and I left to go home and he went with his two guy friends (they all really respect me, but still).

I'm very upset that my boyfriend forced me to be okay with this, even though I know he would never let me go alone.

He wanted to so badly, and made it happen.

What should I do? Please help. I cried the whole way home feeling like I lost this unfair game. I wanted to drop by and grab a pack of cigarettes because I know how much he is against me smoking. But I didn't.

I need help... I trust him. But I'm still uncomfortable with just the idea that he is there, staring at hot girls.

I'm confident in myself, but it still bothers me.

Thank you.

zorro8888 · Accepted Answer

Okay let's get started
First thing: You guys have been together for two years, so please have some trust in your man, Most woman just imagine that guys are just mindless beast who only sex from any and all girls when that's simply not true, it sounds like you have a good guy on your hands.
There have been multiple research around the fact that guys need around other guys at least twice a week to be mentally stable (so to speak).
It's completely normal for people to notice new people in their environment and it doesn't have to be sexual, you can't possibly tell me you never looked at a guy walking into a room just for the sake of looking
Since you said his friends like and respect you they won't let him get into trouble in his relationships most of the time they will remind him of what he stands to lose
Is the bar really what's bothering you? Because last time I checked women are everywhere so there really isn't a to feel insecure about such things
You have yourself a good guy who just needs some guy time don't look into it anymore than it really is, from the looks of it this guy loves you
Hope this helps!

ManThatKnewTooMuch · Accepted Answer

lol... typical female mentality. Grab a pack of smokes just to get even? I'm glad you didn't do that.

1) if his friends really respect you and you're a good girl then there is a REALLY GOOD CHANCE that his friends would talk him out of betraying you. "you sure you want to do that? you've got a good girl." I've known guys to do this. We will tell each other not to "fuck things up"

2) The girls aren't that hot. I don't know where you live, maybe it's different out there... But here in Los Angeles most bartenders are male. The female bartenders aren't that hot. Most chicks out here don't go out to bars as singles. about 60-70 % of all females at Los Angeles bars are already taken and there with girlfriends or they are actually there with their boyfriends lmao.

Cleveland · Accepted Answer

If he can go out so can you. Seems like you need to have a chat about his wandering eye when he's with you more than him going out. Let him know you need reassurance that he is with you and only with you. Humans are going to appreciate a good looking person, but as long as he respects your relationship and you then their shouldn't be a problem.

anshin · Accepted Answer

Face the reality. Even married people, they still have their own lives. Being in a relationship should not stop one from doing what he/she wants. Guys will always look, thats a fact. We girls look also but that is so normal and human nature. Slowly remove/lessen the paranoia in you. It won't do you any good.

Anonymous · Answer

You both sound incredibly insecure. Wandering eyes? He's a male with a pulse. He's going to find other women attractive, but that shouldn't matter because from the sounds of it you guys are committed to each other.

On the same hand, he has no right to stop you from having a girl's night out, either. Having the occasional fun away from your boyfriend or girlfriend is completely normal. You don't want to smother each other.

If you guys actually trust each other as much as you should to have a functional relationship, then you should be able to both go out and have some fun without each other from time to time.

Dignifire · Answer

If he looks at girls in a bar he looks at girls everywhere. Him going somewhere without you isn't even going to change whether or not he looks at girls. Him looking isn't even something to worry about. What he's thinking when he looks and if he wants to act on it, these things are something worth worrying about.

But if he thinks there's a difference between girls going out together and guys going out together then he's obviously confused. He's probably really insecure and scared.

CommieDearest · Answer

How the fuck are you happy in a relationship where you "let" each other do shit? My bf would tell me to mind my own god damn business if I tried to stop him from hanging out with friends, as he should, because he has self respect. I would do the same to him.

Anonymous · Answer

There's not much you can do but trust him on this one. I know how you feel hun, as if you lost in war and that even if you talk to him he ain't gonna listen, he's still gonna do what he wants to do. Make a deal. Say, if you can go to the bar with your buds then after, me and you will do this together. Just don't lose trust in him.

rjroy3 · Answer

Honestly, unless he's actually told you not to go out with the girls you can't possibly know if he would or wouldn't "let you" go out. Either way, he couldn't stop you and that's way too possessive to say that you can't go out with your friends.

Alitheia · Answer

This is real life, he's not just gonna be able to pick up any girl he sees or wants. Of course it's different if you go out, girls could be 3s or 4s and still get attention. Keep behaving yourself, stay home, be good and he'll reward your obedience. There's nothing good that comes from being a dumb hoe. Dumb hoes always lose at the end

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Sounds like you both have SERIOUS trust issues that you need to work out. He is allowed to go out with friends alone and you should be able to as well.

mommymommymommy · Answer

I don't understand how people can be in love in their early 20's. I'm not saying it can't happen, I'm saying how. How can you love someone so early in your life

swampdonkeys · Answer

He is only thinking of himself... I've done the same shiut... he is showing NO respect to words you... this will happen again--- sorry

Randalama · Answer

He's trashy. You should just smoke more cigarettes and forget all about him. I like cigarettes more than I like people. I suppose that makes me weird.

Anonymous · Answer

That relationship sucks.. I would never put up, with a guy who wouldn't let me go out, on my own. And I would never stop my boyfriend, from going out whitout me.

spartan55 · Answer

So you are 30-35 and you have a curfew?

Klaatu51 · Answer

three words. stop being jealous.

VikingWarLord · Answer

first of all why does your age say 30-35?

In_Trance · Answer

This is a toxic relationship

My boyfriend went to a bar without me?

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