I am an A. I.- Attractive Introvert. What advice would you offer?

[Anonymous]

So I'm intentionally going to leave specific details about me out, because everyone has their own perception of other people, their own experiences, and own assumptions. And that is what I'm looking for.

So all you know is that I'm an attractive guy, and I'm also a bit of a poker-faced introvert.

I'd like to know what you'd say to help out a person like me :)

[AJElectric]

The only thing i can say is hang out in the same places often. Any girl that notices you enough might be inclined one day to talk to you. I am the same as you describe and have found it amusing on how you go somewhere often enough, people that take interest in you will eventually try to strike up a conversation. Or like in my situation with Starbucks, i am always there in the morning and the evening, but non of the girls their would talk to me only the guy barista's. Also know-one ever asked my name, so little was ever known about me. Except they all knew my drink. One day one of the guys asked my name so he could write it on the cup, and all of a sudden you can see is everyone else behind the counter paused just for a moment. I almost wanted to laugh but i kept my poker face like usual. All of a sudden even the girls who weren't even present and worked other shifts would call me by my name when making sure that i wanted a macchiato. Slowly the girls are starting to make convos with me as they get used to me. They will talk behind the counter more often when i am around and say things about being single to there other co-workers. While in the beginning when i would show up, none of them would say a thing. This has also helped other women join in on conversations as well that probably would not happen otherwise.

[Asker]

Interesting. Did these "regulars" in your everyday situation just need someone else to break the ice for them around you? Also for you, does it feel like you just plain don't think to make conversation with people because nothing jumps up into your head to tell you to do so?

[Longblackveil]

Why do you need to be helped out. I don't see your problem

[Asker]

I'm really just looking for other people's experiences in dealing with the more social butterfly types of people. Introverts understand other introverts, and can even understand extroverts (since they're so open with themselves usually). But extroverts don't seem to understand introverts.

I'm looking for good ways to meet new people but without having to be fake about it. I need the best of both worlds, so to speak.

[JulieXO]

Being introverted is not a big deal I think. As long as you can like, hold a conversation. Pulling a poker-face 24/7 will make you look unapproachable though, so try to smile at least some of the time. A picture would really help though, as Miss Anon already said XD

Also, why do you think you need help? Just because you don't currently have a girl doesn't mean you won'T get one soon enough. it is rather difficult to give advice, since I really know nothing about you. Try to emphasize what is good about your personality, since it's not only about the good looks. If you're funny, try to joke around, even if it might seem difficult at first. Girls generally like guys with a good sense of humor. If you're interested in stuff, or good at something, bring it up, well-rounded guys are attractive.

The most important thing of all is to talk to girls though. Just because you're introverted doesn't mean your asocial/ socially incapable.

[Asker]

I could send you one to your inbox (I would rather stay anonymous on this site), but I'm not sure how that would really help out?

@ your second paragraph, despite this question, I'm actually not one of those guys who really, desperately wants a girlfriend all the time lol. But I figured that lately I wanted to address this to meet new people easier without being fake about it.

@ last paragraph, that's part of my problem being introverted. Being introverted isn't the problem, it's just that I get overloaded by too much socializing and need to back out after a short while. This makes it hard for people to get to know me, on top of me being that "poker face" I mentioned.

[JulieXO]

I'm an introvert myself, but I still stay in contact with people. I only have very few close friends, but I try to like, com out of my shell and talk to people. It's not easy, but its possible. If you feel like you need a break after too much socializing, just excuse yourself and talk to the person tomorrow. No ig deal :)

[Asker]

Do you have trouble meeting new people and them understanding/accepting the way you are? If I don't please someone, it doesn't bother me. But if I could have the best of both worlds of being myself but conveying to people that I'm just not as social as they are, that's really what I'm shooting for here.

All in the name of self-improvement, of course. Not wanting to turn into a desperate people-pleaser :)

[JulieXO]

Yeah, cause I'm super shy and I subconsciously act like somebody else so that the people like me. bummer XD

[Asker]

That's what I'm trying to avoid (being someone else). Most advice I read about is to start being aware of what facial expressions you show, to become more outgoing, and things like this. And while this is understandably how people feel most comfortable with new people, I wasn't sure if it would be easy to start acting TOO different from how you feel comfortable, ya know?

[JulieXO]

Well acting like someone else and changing yourself for the better are two different things. You don't need to instantaneously become the life of every party, but looking friendly is never a bad thing.

[Asker]

True. Thanks for your help :)

[JulieXO]

thank you for MH ^-^

[Asker]

You're welcome :)

[Anonymous]

Learn more about introversion and read up on the subject. There are articles and books that discuss dating for introverts. One is Quiet. You may also want to see if you are a highly sensitive person (take a quiz online) because several introverts are also HSPs and there is a specific book for HSPs called the Highly Sensitive Person in Love.

[Asker]

I've read plenty on introversion. I used to be shy as well, but now I'm fortunate enough to be comfortable with not being an extrovert. But extroverts tend to be favored by people, so I'm just looking for a way to be charming without being fake (and also without it being exhausting to me).

[dantesflint]

Just talk to the girls you find attractive / wanna bang. For you, it'll start out as friendship with hot girls and you just make a move on the girl you like most. You'd operate best under player mode.

[Asker]

Well at the very least, if I made friends with girls... do people even care to have introverted friends around when they can easily find more outgoing people to be with?

[dantesflint]

I like introverted extroverts -- i. e. that's to say, people who don't mind being around other people, not afraid of people at all, but just quiet. The brooding silent male.

[ThatBritishLad]

AI was a bad film, and you should feel bad.

[Asker]

Lol, bad as in good that it made you feel for the characters? Or bad that you just didn't like it?

[ThatBritishLad]

The characters were blander than my cooking X_X

[girl111m]

try to be more outgoing take theater classes.

[CommieDearest]

Help you do what?

[Asker]

Well I have the issue of people being reluctant to approach or strike up conversations with me for either one of these reasons, or perhaps something else. I'm usually not aware of how I look to others because I'm introspective more than anything else. And lastly, the introversion means that I don't socialize a whole lot because it's a bit exhausting.

So really, I'm trying to figure out good ways to make the most of brief interactions when I'm not the most expressive or outgoing person. I've seen more outgoing people catch the attention of others, but unfortunately it just doesn't work the same as an introvert unless I were to act fake lol

[Anonymous]

Post a picture

[Modernhippy]

Hahhhaa I like this girl

[Opinion Owner]

*Is waiting patiently*

[Asker]

What good would a picture do here?