Stressed boyfriend refuses to talk to me!?

Question

Ok... my boyfriend is going through some family / legal matters and is very stressed. The problem is that every time he's stressed, he refuses to talk to me or see me. Sometimes for weeks! I want to be supportive but this makes me feel like he just doesn't care about me. When he's less stressed things are fine. I've tried talking to him about it but he just gets angry and very defensive. I'm just wondering: if you really care about someone would you really not want to talk to them or see them?

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

I married a man from Egypt who is the same exact way, sweetie... he constantly shuts me out, doesn't want to share anything bad with me and Only Will----When he feels like it. There are many times in the past when something as simple as a cousin who has just had a baby was too much to tell... Getting him to tell me anything is like pulling hen's teeth. We are living in separate worlds right now and have had many problems in this LDR marriage. However, when it comes to things that deal with him and me, he is usually very good when he wants to come around and finally talk to me about Us.
Don't pressure him. He may not want to have to find the energy, the mood to explain anything. He would rather keep it bottled up inside, wallowing in his own self pity than have you there as some obstacle that would get in his worry wart way.
Some people are like this, they want to shut out even someone who is their biggest life support and would just as soon take on life's little and big problems on all by themselves.
Give him his space. You know what he is all about, where you stand and don't stand when the chips are down in his stressed out times. And if you back off, he may even surprise you one day by falling into your waiting arms and sharing a cry or two with you.
Good luck. xx

Morgan35 · Accepted Answer

I have a guy friend that is like this too. He shuts down when extremely stressed, and that means he shuts people out. He doesn't shut me completely out, but mostly out. He doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to talk. So I sit with him for awhile, let him know I care, let him know I am there and will listen if and when he wants to talk. Otherwise, I leave him alone and go on with my life. That doesn't mean other guys, it just means, work, other friends, etc. Some people need that space. Going through a rough bit with it right now, and I don't know if he will come out of it this time back to me. It hurts and it is tough, but you have to decide if you can live with it... or not.

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

Sounds to me like he just needs some time to deal with his emotions. When some people are stressed, they aren't the most likeable people. He's probably trying to prevent further problems from happening.

He cares about you, and doesn't want to say something he doesn't mean when he is stressed. So he distances himself from you.

What he needs to do is get some help to manage the stress better. Then he can start to be around you when he's stressed and know how to handle it.

1stPlace · Accepted Answer

You've already said he's very stressed from family and legal issues. The more you press, you are making it about you. Just imagine yourself in his shoes and you aren't very willing to communicate with him. He urges you to express your feelings, but your aren't ready. Would you feel inclined to speak or withdraw?

I understand you want to be supportive, but you come off as needy. If you want convey "supportive" to him, phone or text him and basically say I understand things are rough right now. I don't want you to think this is about me. I just care for you. Should the time come when you are ready to talk, you know my number.

Then go on living your life.

VulcanHades · Accepted Answer

He cares about you, that's exactly why he doesn't want to be near you.

Some people just handle stress very badly. He's probably the kind that becomes extremely irritated, impatient and angry at everyone. So he doesn't want you to be around him to suffer from that.

He needs help to manage his stress and avoid being stressed as much. But you can't do much if he's already stressed in the present. Don't know if I'm being clear or not.

brendaa · Answer

I think you need to leave him alone then, but when he decides to text you don't text him until YOU want to talk, wait at least 1-2 days before you reply to his text.

lumos · Answer

Since he doesn't seem willing to change it, you need to figure out if this is a deal breaker for you.

Anonymous · Answer

He may just not want to burden you with his problems but when the time is right surprise in don't ask questions and just make him feel happy with you it will help with his stress

Stressed boyfriend refuses to talk to me!?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said