Boyfriend's Grandfather Died Yesterday - Do I Do Something?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend's grandfather passed away last night. Yesterday afternoon his mother and uncle checked his grandfather into Hospice care.

My question is, should I do something for my boyfriend?

He and his grandfather were close. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and so I got to know his grandfather as well since he was at all the family gatherings I attended. His grandfather was also one of the first members of his family to take an interest in our relationship and take it seriously. He liked me and always went out of his way to make me feel like a part of their family (their family is very tight knit and it takes a long time to be accepted).

We are apart right now due to school so I can only be there electronically, but I am going to visit him Valentine's Day weekend.

I'm not good with this type of stuff. I'm not good at being sympathetic (boyfriend knows this). I'm very cut and dry, but I feel like, with a death in the family, maybe I should do/say something?

He texted me this morning to tell me he had died. I told him I was sorry to hear about it and that I had some time if he wanted to talk about it. He said that he had a lot of homework to do. I told him that I was there if he needed me.

And that was it. He's hurting right now but should I do more? I let him know I was here if/when he wanted to talk about it but I haven't pushed him to talk.

His other grandfather died before Thanksgiving last year (same day as my uncle, actually - they died 4 hours apart) but since I was also grieving I couldn't do much for him then aside from extending my condolences... Should I do more now?

What do guys want from a girlfriend when a family member dies? I feel like most girlfriends would push to talk or something - force him to confront it, but... I don't know. Am I a bad girlfriend if I just let him handle it alone?

[Anonymous]

Honestly all you can do is be there and listen when he's ready to talk about it. The only time I've ever seen my boyfriend cry was when his dad passed away. I knew I couldn't make it better, which was hard, but I knew I could hold him and be a shoulder to cry on or a distraction if he needed it.
A lot of men have a hard time being vulnerable but it changed our relationship for the better. I got to be the strong one for once, when it's usually him looking after me. When it was a really hard day, or hour, because everything is minute to minute after someone dies, I would literally just hang on to him and let him break down. When things were okay, we would talk about the weather or get food. I never asked him to confront his feelings or talk about it, because I think he realized he could talk to me about it when he was ready, and he did.
You'll figure it out, and even if he doesn't ask for you to be there outright, he probably still wishes you were. My boyfriend just called me and said "Dad died" and I got on a train home.
Good luck and hang in there! I know distance is hard and these situations are sticky to navigate- I'm not always the best with feelings either, but sometimes just having someone to hold on to when you feel like you can't manage makes all the difference.

[Cloud91218]

I wouldn't say you advance any further to have him talk about it just let him come to you whenever he is ready and be his shoulder whenever he needs it and allow him his space for a bit.

[RasmusAiken]

You've done well. You've acknowledged his loss and offered to listen. He'll open up more about it when he is ready.

[ThisDudeHere]

@RasnusAiken This is the best advice.

OP you did every thing right - just give him time and some personal space.