How does it feel to be friend zoned?

[sillylilly123]

ok so when a guy really likes a girl how does it feel when u get fiend zoned and how do u guys avoid it?

[einAmerikaner]

Now to answer your question. I was friend-zoned by my high school crush for 4 years until I just realized I was only hurting myself and putting her in a bad position. It made me more mature because I was refining myself over time to be the perfect guy. Unfortunately I never got to put it to the test with her. During the time where I was friend-zoned, it was horrible. I would literally cry myself to sleep some nights knowing it will never be (This is so embarrassing to admit). I would spend my days like normal though, it was a big deal throughout the day. At night I would just think nonstop and read messages. I was such a cheesy cornball to her. I hated myself for it. Now that I'm older and a little more mature, I've met plenty of girls and have put myself in the friendzone on purpose (yes on purpose). I did it because I realized that some girls are awesome to be friends with. I would rather be really cool with her than be that guy who just doesn't get it. I'm a really funny dude so I can easily cover up my emotion with witty jokes just as easily as I can flirt with witty friendly jokes. I think the feeling of being friendzoned differs only on the maturity of the guy (or intellegence). You and I have so much to learn. Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Guy's avoid it by being sexual so girls think of us as suitors or potential (sex) partners. As long as there's always a sexual component to the relationship that is present then it's (supposed to be) difficult to wind up as 'just friends' or 'like a brother.' Women only think of people a certain way by giving them roles. By being sexual we avoid the 'brother' role. Ideally we become difficult to categorize altogether.

It feels terrible, not just as rejection, but because it's desexing us. We're no longer a guy, we're this genderless creature called a 'just a friend.' You seem to value us in almost every way, yet you simply don't acknowledge our sexuality and interest. We're less like males with desires and more like pets that follow you around.

[sillylilly123]

haha that makes sense so you act in a sexual way and never giver her the chance to friend zone you. like you never let her talk to you about her problems or what ever?

[Opinion Owner]

I think some guys who are being mindful of the friendzone won't talk about her problems, I think the mentality is that he's barring himself from interactions/situations that are mostly friend-like and preferring interactions/situations where he can be sexual and looks like a potential mate. So the thought would be that if we're in your life but not your friend then we can only be left with a role that permits sex or no role at all which still permits sex. This stuff is probably largely unconscious.

But personally I would talk about her problems. I would just also be sexual. I believe I can be sexual and an emotionally open friend without being a doormat. The friendzone is a misnomer, it's more like the brotherzone or the no sex zone. I think people are more likely to be interested in their friends than randoms. It's just a matter of keeping sex on the table.

[Opinion Owner]

The friendzone isn't appealing even as a friend. Even if we're not looking for a relationship, guys are comfortable with sex and prefer physical expressions of affection so we'll want it just as part of a fulfilling friendship. Letting oneself fall to the friendzone is for guys that have traditional lives with wives that don't need the complication, or guys that are satisfied with their sex-lives and don't need more partners and just want to focus on work/school/hobbies, and other friendships. But these guys often end up not dealing with a girl's problems so don't always end up in the friendzone because of he aforementioned reason.

[misskylie42]

something about this made me laugh... I apologize

[LucyBZ]

Spoiler alert: The friend zone doesn't exist.

People are not obliged to be romantically interested in someone just because they're nice to them.
Guys if you're wondering why you're 'always friendzoned' you just haven't found someone who reciprocates the same feeling you feel, and there's nothing wrong with that and there's also nothing wrong with that person not feeling romantic feelings for you, and anyway, in lots of cases friendships last longer than relationships!

But yeah remember: the friend zone does not exists, no one is obliged and they just don't like you like that.

[pancakesaremylife]

Well I am not a guy, but I asked out a guy about a year ago for the first time and got friend zoned. Honestly we wouldn't have been a good pair in the end, and while it felt like shit, after one time it's not such a scary idea to do it again. It feels like, man am I just not attractive enough? But then you realize that it just wasn't meant to be, and that other people will like and ask you out. It's not that bad in the end to me at least. Is better than never saying anything.

[KidInk3]

What made you realize you two wouldn't have been a good match?

[pancakesaremylife]

We didn't have THAT much in common. I found myself trying to make us seem common if that makes sense? Like yeah we both did like some classic rock, but he was into things I didn't know much about and honestly wasn't THAT into, but he was so I was trying too. He was a great person and still is, but we in the end weren't that compatable that way. I just wanted us to be because I liked him so much. I don't know if that makes any sense? Like now I know that guys who actually are passionate about things I am are a better idea then a guy who just doesn't share as many common interests. I am glad I liked him though because I definitely learned about how it isn't that bad to be rejected. I also learned that it's better to know that someone isn't into you than hold on to false hope.

[Nilamor]

It sucks. I was once friendzoned for two years, got the guy, it didn't work out and now we are back to being friends. Good thing I don't like him anymore. It sucked being in the friendzoneed and I got out because one of those rare occasions where the guy realizes what he's missing out on. But I mean for me it didn't work out so I guess I wasted 2 years. -.-

[CHARismatic110]

The only real way to avoid it is to not put yourself out there in the first place. Being friend zoned is not a good feeling. You muster up the courage to put yourself out there only to be let down. And while some people can deal with it, some can't. If the feelings are too strong then sticking around to be someone's friend can be torture.

[KidInk3]

Basically, you can not fail, if you never start. It's the apathetic choice to life

[CHARismatic110]

@KidInk3 that's true

[thewanderingme]

I had a huge crush on a guy friend in high school who told me I was like a little sister randomly one day. that felt pretty shitty. probably worse than being friend-zoned because at least a friend can become more.

[Anonymous]

It can feel like a few things 1st that you're not good enough to be more than a friend, whether it be physical, emotional, or financially, and that hurts... a lot. 2nd although you may not be good enough to be more than a friend you can hear the girl you want talk about all these other men who are essentially better than you in her eyes... which hurts even more. 3rd you have a friend who is a member of the opposite sex who usually ( though not always) don't help your foreveralone status. 4th eventually a confrontation might happen with you and her "man" but in the end the female may choose the man who they are with romantically over you so it is counter-productive to be friend zoned. 5th but rare occasion the female might actually be jealous of another woman who the "friend" is involved with because taking her "friend" away from her even though he is happier and sabotage their happy relationship in order to save her "friendship" with him.

*note I have only been involved with the 1st, 2nd, and 5th examples, the 3rd and 4th are from other people who have told me.

[sillylilly123]

those all sound like really painful and horrible situations

[Opinion Owner]

That basically sums up the friendzone lol only the greatest of the great can escape it. And the best way to avoid is to straight up say I want to be more than a friend in the beginning. I read online that a woman instincts tell her of she is attracted to the guy subconsciously within 3-10 seconds of meeting/seeing him. So even that might not always work because of biology and the subconscious mind. It kinda suck because no one can control those two things.

[CootiesInfection]

i don't fall for girls as easily as i used to. even now im falling for a girl and i rarely say i love her unless she needs a pick me up. personally i've had the friend zone dance with enough women to know the moment i don't want them anymore, thats when they'll want me. so i just stop respecting them when that happens. i don't respect someone who uses men's attraction to them period. but when you change your mind about whether you're attracted to them when they start to revoke all the things about your relationship that you took for granted... and take back their heart to give to someone else... well thats just selfish, lower than low. i stopped blaming myself for girls like that, and started blaming them. and it was a great decision.

[sp33d]

Should I try to avoid it? What if I want to be friends with her, too?

If a guy seriously wants to get further with a girl and gets "zoned" out - it's usually his fault, but it also might happen that she doesn't want a relationship or worse, can't say it out loud so that would make it her fault.

The most annoying thing about it is the girl enjoys the attention, but also can't, you know, tell him directly, because that would ruin all the fun. Puppet shows are fun for manipulative people.

If this puppet show is going to happen it's up to the guy to quick in the head to realize and walk away. If she doesn't want a relationship, that's all she wrote. There are plenty of girls in the world, though, no need to get discouraged.

[IronDr4gon]

For me, It used to be devastating. The thing is, you eventually grow up and realize it does not matter. Getting friend zoned now just means i dodged a bullet in one way or another.

The thing that pisses men off, and this is what women need to realize, is when you friend zone us, we expect you to you know... actually be a friend.

This is usually not the case. Instead we become an emotional tampon, or a taxi, or both, but the fact is women are fair weathered friends in this situation.

Guys, the best way to avoid the friend zone is to walk away the minute you get put in it.

[hunteroftheKrouse]

Imagine being cut in 3 places with a rusty dull butter knife then having 5 pieces of hot iron pierce your eyes and into the cuts, reaching your heart ripping it out with all of its nerves still attached and then is cut into very thin slices by the butter knife

[kheserthorpe]

"I like you as an entertaining helper object, just not as a man. As great as you are your body repels me and the though of doing pleasureable things with you is gross"

[MrTexan37]

You can't avoid it if she dont like you she dont like you and you'll forever be her friend but here's what really sucks about being friend zoned its that you werent given a chance to show her/him who you are and how you can be towards them being friend zoned basicly means you were not physically attractive to them thats why you werent considerd for dating thats the ugly truth!!

[CreepyOldMan]

I emphatically believe in getting friend zoned. Every girl friend I've had has begun squarely in the friend zone.

I defy the conventional wisdom and call it a load of bollocks.

Besides, why would I want to spend time with anyone but a friend? Call me old fashioned if you will, but I still believe in the friend part of girlfriend. I don't mean a friend with benefits, but a real friend. Someone I actually like spending time with.

[misskylie42]

you're optimistic

[DaveyYourFavey]

I believe that you should stop being friends with a crush when they have told you they don't like you back. Otherwise its torturous.

Also you should never stay friends with someone you have dated or an ex. Recipe for disaster... trust me

[Anonymous]

its a horrible feeling; its like you got your heart ripped out and stepped on! it hits you like a depressive wave throughout your whole body when she tells you," you're like a brother to me!"

personally, i would advise you to cut off ties with the lady. because sooner or later, she is going to find a boyfriend, and she will leave you because she doesn't want to jeopardize the relationship with her boyfriend. i had that happen to me with a friend of mine. she completely dipped on me from out of no where. im suspecting she did that because she didn't want to risk cheating on her boyfriend. i knew she liked me, she would tell me everyday.

if the friend ship is really valuable though... eh... sticky situation...
if more positive than negative is coming out of the relationship, then i guess, keep the friendship. you better hope she doesn't leave you though, or else its going to hurt.

[The_Technomancer]

If a girl friend zones me I'll just move on since it isn't worth it if they don't see me the same way as I would see them. But if the guys shows a ton of affection but continues to get rejected it'd hurt a lot.

[Klaatu51]

it\s nice because it means someone values you as a friend ;-)

[misskylie42]

I love this!

[Ryosanada]

Sucks ass. It makes you feel like you're not good enough.

[Jcruz512]

Most guys that get friend zoned are guys that just aren't physically attractive to that girl. You just have to be that girls type usually for it to work. The feeling sucks because usually you're very nice to the girl for intentions of more than friendship but friendship is all she is willing to give due to the fact that you might not physically be her type. Frustrating to say that least.

[Dakota_The_Rota]

It sucks throwing yourself out there and the girl says, "But, I don't want to ruin our friendship!", which didn't matter because the friendship was over the moment we said we liked each other.

[Weirdguy24]

Doesn't feel very nice, it sucks the greatest of sucks. You can't really avoid it. Questions get thrown around in your head, whispering thoughts of being not good enough, being invisible, and the more you push the harder it hits back.

[NateInAk]

Leaves a sucking chest wound where once their dwelled a heart.
After that heals, at least you've got a friend.

[SirAntonio]

The feeling might not be so enjoyable if you really liked that person. However, I enjoy having female friends very much.

[linkywinky]

I've set up a nice little tent with a warm campfire here so it's not so bad, it's cozy.

[KidInk3]

Wrong question?

[linkywinky]

@KidInk3 nope, right question. I live in the friendzone.

[KidInk3]

Oh, I'm sorry you feel like you HAVE to live in the friend zone, especially when it supposedly "doesn't exist"

[linkywinky]

@KidInk3 I choose to live in the friendzone lmao

[KidInk3]

Oh, like I said, I didn't know it existed, too many people have been saying it doesn't (sarcasm)

[Solaayy]

Well im a girl and I've been friend zoned. Its embarrassing lol