my boyfriend of 10 months wanted a break because he has too much baggage in his life. ex wife/ and thinking about custody of his daughter..but he has no money.
i reluctantly ended it because I wanted more than he could give me and felt like such a burden on him. taking his time and energy etc. Now I want him back but he won't budge.
after that he occasionally called me/text and ask how I'm doing because eh said he missed me and still cared /has feelings for me but just wasn't ready for a relationship. but I kept saying I was regretful and wanted to go back to how things were and I'd be by his side through all his drama. I know this was probably wrong as you can't pressure a guy. it'll only make him run away.
his sister, my friend even said he's going through a time in his life where he's stressed and just wants to be alone. she told me to give it some months. its that he doesn't want to be tied down to anything. no responsibilities. Most likely because he already has so many from his last relationship.
i haven't spoken to him in nearly 2 weeks although I see him on msn and don't say anything just so he gets his space.
what should I do? I love and miss him so much. its crazy. should I give him some space to let him miss me? does that even work for guys? maybe then he'll realize what he has lost and come back when he's ready?
he also was quite rude to me after I kept bugging him and asking us to get back together. This has made me think twice and feel like I should leave him alone and let him think about what he's lost.
Nope, Deal breaker! Get out now and get out for good. I know you don't want to here it cause you still have feeling but this guy is no good. Just in the brief examples you gave you can tell he's a loser. He has too much baggage for you to have to put up with and believe me it will weigh you down and eventually drown you.
If he is going to be flaky like this now, how do you think its going to get better in the future. It seems like he has a history of running away from his problems which can only lead to more problems if you stay.
For instance, Say you two stay together and then you get knocked up and his little sprat and then he decides that he can't handle the pressure and responsibility so he bails out. A year later you have a little one that counts on you for EVERYTHING and you can't even get ahold of this guy to buy some diapers. He will do whatever he can to not have to pay child support and you will be stuck raising a kid on your own with absolutely NO help from him. Meanwhile he is off at the coast with his next unsuspecting victim buying her a necklace with your diaper money.
Do you really want that? Now I know that everyone is going to do what they want in the end but I'm telling you that if you choose to continue on with this loser, Three years from now you will look back and think WHY didn't I listen to the chick?
I don't know him so I don't know how he will react to it. I personally anytime that I asked for space or said I needed to deal with things really wanted her to help me out and support me with whatever I was dealing with. Anytime a girl gave me that space I have never gone back for two reasons. One because I am an idiot and too proud and really embarassed that I couldn't just ask her for help, and two because her letting me go made me feel like she didn't really want to be there for me.
I don't know him so maybe he is different with me. I would suggest that since you already gave him the space don't pull completely away. Continue to try and talk to him and support him, be there for him and show him that you are. Don't continue to pressure him to come back, just let him know that you really want him to and he can when he is ready.
I don't know him so I think its wrong for people to assume he is a loser. I think you should be there as a "friend"for him right now.If he is going thru a rough time then that's what would be best for him.A friend. Take him out to lunch or coffee or something.Let him talk about what's stressing him out. Make him feel good and special. Help bring him out of his shell. If you are there for him he will remember it. If, of course, he is the decent guy I am assuming he is.
I mean, wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you if you were in his shoes?
Give him space and time. If you really want to be with him again, it may take more space and time than you are willing to give and wait for. You are right; guys do not like to be pressured, and yes they will go the opposite direction if you pressure them.
Be interested, but keep your distance. I think at this point he just needs friends. I know it's really hard (trust me, I've been in a situation similar to yours), but bringing up your relationship will just add to his drama and make him wanna talk to you less. You should be making him wanna talk to you more!
You can still talk to him without talking about your relationship. He's already stressed, so try and just be that stress reliever for him. Worry about making him laugh, not making him re-assess your relationship. It might make him resentful otherwise because that just seems a little selfish -- sorry, not trying to sound harsh at all...I just mean you're just adding to the stress by bringing something else into the situation.
Sometimes they come back. Mine did. It just took some time for him to get it that I was what he wanted. And I didn't even do it in hopes that we'd get back together, I just couldn't NOT be friends with him. And we ended up becoming closer, so he asked me out again. Try talking to him consistently for 2 or 3 days, then stop initiating conversations completely. See where that leads you after a week or two of not talking. Then try again. If you're someone he can turn to as a friend, he'll eventually try initiating. You have to be very very patient. Guys are annoying sometimes! Lol. But you shouldn't be nice to him for the sole purpose of trying to get him back. Just work on being friends for now.
I really do hope it works out for you! I know exactly how you feel, girl. It's a sucky situation. :-\