Guys - Help me out please- I am really confused about my coworker

So I work with a guy who is a rock star - very smart, educated etc. He does not come off as "shy" with anybody however this is how he acts with me (which makes me think he hates me).

- Stares at me

- Tries to catch my eyes and if I look into his eyes he doesn't smile he just continues to stare

- Often but not always get red cheeks when I suddenly appear

- Slyly grins at me (like a half smile) - while maintaining eye contact

- I've stared him down before cause he was staring at me and when we passed he said hello in soft deep voice

- Gets near me - real close in personal space but doesn't say anything

- Catch him glancing and looking away

- Acts awkward around me

- Never really talks to me

So af first I thought he liked me or something and then I found out he's been married for 6 years. So I've never had this happened before in such a strange manner.

I'm confused. Is this guy a 'creeper'? Does he hate me? It's really weird cause we work for same company and I see him like once a day.

What's his deal? HE'S NOT SHY - I've seen him in meetings and with other people -

I think you had a good handle on this question, thanks so much!


Most Helpful Girl

  • He does not hate you. He is a creeper. He sounds like he likes you a little too much for a married man and that he would love to have sex with you if he could keep it all on the downlow. This is really inappropriate in the workplace. As you said, he is not shy, so he is putting himself out to you in a way that is probably designed to keep his co-workers off the track but make sure you know he is interested.

    • Well I'd never date or doing anything with a co-worker yet a man that's married!

      Creeper is the vibe I'm getting and you are probably right designing it so co-workers have no clue about his secret stare downs, sly grins, etc - unfortunate for me that I have to put up with it...sly tigers out hunting...makes sense although I seriously thought all that was some kind of hating game, lol - :) thank you!

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    • I'd bet that Tamikaze's right. He probably wants an affair, and the faux-shy act is an attempt to maintain plausible deniability in case he gets caught.

    • That makes sense. He is strange for sure. He came over to my desk awhile ago and stood there and stared at me. He also attended one of my meetings and didn't announce himself.....ODD!!!!

What Guys Said 17

  • Maybe you are creeping him out by staring at him so much?. . he may just be like, whoa, that chick really likes me, I am married, I probably should keep my distance. . . Smirk, Hello, I have to get away from this crazy girl! . . He's probably glancing over at you, because he is like 'dang, why does she keep staring at me? .. is she still looking'. . . put yourself in his shoes before sayin he's a 'CREEPER' . .is that someone that has sex with someone while they are sleeping? sleeper creeper. .. He probably isn't shy, you just send offf the "Hey, I'm kinda crazy, and staring at you a lot vibe' Not being a jerk about it either! so, I hav ebeen p*ssing people off because I joke sarcastically and sometimes comes off rude. so, take a deep breath before calling me names. .that really hurts.

    • Lol - nah I don't stare at him, I've tried to become friendly co-workers as in I have to work with him - so yeah I look at him out of politeness and if I turn around he's looking at me. If anything I avoid him because he's always staring...hahahaha, no I'm not wrong here dude does give the "i hate you" vibe for sure.

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    • Yeah. that's weird. . .if he is a real cocky 'star', he may just expect you to fall into his lap or something weird. . . Sometimes people who get big heads, get even more just weird! . .For example, may not be a good one but, The college I went to, their basketball team had placed into the NCAA tourn.; well, the coach drove past my beautiful fiance and slowed down and just stared and smirked at her . . . Like, he was about to live a lifetime fantasy. maybe your the sexy coworker and he is creepy

    • Totally - yeah that makes sense to last poster - creeepy and yeah like I should just fall into his lap - ew gross and yeah this is a guy that has won a million Sales awards, drives a fancy mercedes, Yale degree, blah blah blah - somebody that seems to be the 'rock' star and just plain weird in my eyes.

  • Classic case of the shy extrovert. He sounds like one who is able to function in certain social situations, just not around women he finds attractive. Obviously it's not at all conclusive, but even married men get nervous around pretty women I'm sure. Of course I've never encountered the actions of a "creeper", I assume someone like that would be much more forward with you and wouldn't come across as healthy attraction from a partially shy man. While I haven't met my definition of a creeper, I've certainly met some assholes who cheat on their wives. If he's an asshole he'll eventually have to be forward with you, and then you can deal with it accordingly.

    • Shy extrovert - nice - that makes a lot of sense. I don't think he's a creeper now and god I hope he doesn't cheat on his wife, it certainly won't be with me.

  • Although not helpfull, who the rock star or band?

    Also think about it this way, when people go to meetings, service customers etc, they are playing a role which they done a 1oo times before, but in a new situation things are uncertain like being intrested in a girl when married this is why people get nervous for doing things for the first time. Truth is I dated/pulled more girls than most of my mates but I'm useless and awrkwad thrying to flirt with someone on the tube or coffee shop as my experience is almost completely based in clubs, bars, gigs and smoking areas.

    Simply he's out of his comfort zone if your really want him try put him at ease with talk etc and be more forward but why bother, he's married and sounds like a douche even if he is a rockstar.

  • "So I work with a guy who is a rock star..."

    What do you mean by "rock star"? Has he sold a lot of albums?

  • File a suit for sexual harrassment,

  • don't ever go out with a co worker ever... bad news... get a new job then ask him out... other wise you may get fired...

  • Yep he obivously hates you, I'm taking a wild berzerker hate. You should run while you have the chance.

    • Berzerker? lmfao.

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    • Ah Now I know and knowing is half the battle.

    • I'll say!

  • I think you liked him too because if you don't then why do you care if he is staring at you or not.Probably you gave him some hints that you have crush on him too but when you found out that he is married you backed off leaving him wondering what went wrong.It's just possible that he wanted to be friends with you.

    So don't say that you didn't like him because you did.You backed off because you found out he is married,otherwise how you noticed that he is getting in your personal space how can you catch him staring at you without looking at him.

    Other thing is that when you say "Does he hate me?" it implies that you want to know if he likes you or not.

    Don't get me wrong here but it takes two to fight.

    • NO WAY - Not like him like "like him" - I wanted to get to like him on a professional level/perhaps friends only - sorry I don't go for married coworkers who act I like I am non-existent.... ;)

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    • Ofcourse I am an a** but only to liars and bi***. I'm 5'8''. :)

    • You are a sweetheart.

  • this isn't hard to figure out but I understand why you got confused. girls like to flirt as much as guys do. some people do it without knowing. but what you have here is a fight happening inside this guys head. he's thinking a lot of thoughts. he'll flirt and play around but in the end that's all.

    • What kind of "fight"?

  • wow freak

  • sounds like a guy with no game

    • Hahahaha!

    • If you over analyse you can come up with all kinds of weired scenairos. most people forget that most guys have no idea what game is, and come off creepy couse they haven't a clue how to interact with women.

  • He's defiantly 100% infatuated with you but feels weird because he's married.

    No creeper there. The only difference between that rock star and myself is that I'm not married but I have a 4 year relationship with a girl friend however it's been going down hill and I have a crush on an attractive 20-year-old woman at work.

    • Okay I think you are right that he has a crush on me. I'm thinking that like two years is like forever to have a crush on girl. It's crazy weird and yeah OK - I'm going to try to get him to talk to me then and be my friend so he won't crush, lol....

  • I think this is what I would call a "major league" creeper. He's sort of freaking me out just thinking about him (then again I'm just around 20 so I wouldn't know).

  • A little history first. I use to be a player. not any more. changed for good. so don't hate.

    The Plan :

    That girl is hot. She knows I am not shy. I'll act nervous infront/arround her. Would stare her down with a smirk every now and then but will never really talk to her. Give her obvious hints like being in her personal space that I like her.


    It will get her curious/confused. She would think about me when I am not arround. It will lead to me being a mystery for her. Creating confused attraction towards me. So when I do tell her that I find her attractive she would think about the little things I was doin and find'em "aww so cute" .

    Now if he ain't no player type. I know guys who are not shy but get shy arround girls they "really" like.

    Conclusion: Either way he does find you attractive.

    • So if he just finds me attractive that's fine - we all do find others attractive - It'd just be great if he could be normal and talk to me like everybody else and not stare at me.

  • It sounds like he really got the hots for you like usually he knows what to do around women but you are so amazing he's so afraid to blow it he sort of does nothing. Maybe its not just your looks maybe your tone of voice. Maybe this combined with him perhaps perceiving that you don't like him? I remember knowing a girl who was so breathtakingly beautiful to me I rarely could have a good conversation with her. my emotional state would go crazy every time she would come or go and I evaluated every detail of what she did for its meaning. I remember her walking down some stairs with her long long hair down I couldn't breathe

  • He's shy around you because he likes you-- a LOT. He may simply not want to risk jeopardizing his marriage by getting close to you.

    • I think if somebody likes you they want to speak to you and get to know you that can still be friends eventhough you are married.

  • Well... A guy who stares at you, tries to catch eyes, gets red cheeks, smirks, etc.. It's obvious he's interested in you somehow, but maybe doesn't have the balls to say anything to you. If he's married, I'm sure he isn't looking to cheat. (but who knows in these days). If he starts to put up pictures of you, your house, your car, and a detailed exit route in his cubicle- I'd worry then.

    • Well it's just very odd to me cause I'm so friendly and open and I talk and smile at everybody and just seems like dude hates me and I only care cause I have to work with him and sometimes am too nervous now to say things about work that I need to say. I am not interested in him like in a sexual way but it'd be nice if he could become a cowoker who was normal and not like yeah he would put up stuff at work - he's the guy who is the genius

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    • Okay well, my secretary in a supermarket is just okay.. In the office in a business suit, with her glasses.. is smoking hot. It's possible.

    • I wear modern clothes and heels but I think I am just normal girl. Friendly and outgoing so just put off by all his nonverbal stuff!

What Girls Said 10

  • Obviously he's not shy, shy people don't look you in the eye, maintain eye contact, or look at you long, period. Why should he always have to get red cheeks when he sees you? If he does sometimes, that's a good sign. The sly smile is also a good sign. Maybe he wants you to make the first move. Talk to him and make the conversation happen if it doesn't naturally develop, then you can see what this is about and if it's someone you want to pursue or not. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he has to make all the moves.

    • I would love to be friends with him to make things not so weird. I have made a move - I am friendly, say hi, smile etc. Normal!

    • Honney, I suspect it made everything even worth, no? I mean I had the same situation. This guy was shy around me, but cute and everything until I started to approach him, smiling, saying Hi, be friendly and he started to avoid me sometimes. He now looks at me only when he feels like it... He can turn his away from me on purpose, walk by and say nothing, not even Hi... Stares at me only when I have my back on him or if I don't see him... And all I wanted just to be friends...

    • So what do you think he thought of you?

      Do you think he was crushing on you or hated your guts?

  • Maybe he's secretly a vampire and craves your blood more than everyone elses and can't read your like mind like he can everyone else. He's fully in love with you. Lol maybe this has nothing to do with twilight. LMFAO. Ok tbh I think he's just really creepy. I don't think he hates you though.

    • I agree - really creepy - the other day he sat on a call and said nothing to me and then he came by my desk and just stood and stared at me with no SMILE.

    • Thats weird. Ogling (is that how its spelt?) is a form of sexual assult isn't it? lol

    • Yes he just stares - rarely smiles - but penetrating stares - and it's very peculiar behavior - I try to avoid him like the plague.

  • I would think that he is interested in you, but cannot do anything because of his marriage. Guys act differently around women they have feelings for. especially if he cannot act on them

    • Well if this is the case that's totally respectable and glad he isn't "acting" out on them.

  • If this is REALLY what he's doing he's hot for you.

    However, I get the impression half of what you say is crap...I think you probably HOPE he's hope for you.

    If you want to go out with him just ask him...but check if he has a girlie first..

    • "I get the impression half of what you say is crap."

      No just laying it all out there so I can get answers. I do not like him at all. I've just never been treated like this by a coworker in my life. We work in professional place - careers mind you - friendly people all around except this dude acts this way and it's bothersome.

      I'd never date him - EVER!

      He's a coworker and married and not my style at all.

      Just would like not to feel uncomfortable around him for no reason.

  • I'm in the exact situation... if you ever get the feedbacks I would love to know...
    or sometimes he makes him busy but still stare at me even if there are things blocking his view he still manage to look at me.. ugh.. confused

  • You don't fool me for a second!! You KNOW he is infatuated with you and wants to get in your pants. Pure physical lust, not love. You are flattered by his attention. It will stop the moment you cross the line and let him screw you. He obviously does not respect you or take you seriously, but you think he does by posting this ridiculous post!! If you truly believe you would never get involved with a coworker or married man, why are you spending so much time discussing or even thinking about his perverted and unprofessional behavior?

  • I think he likes you but is afraid to say something becuase you know or find out he is married.

    • Well of course I know, everybody does....weirdness...married men are married for a reason I thought, hmpf...what do I know lol!

  • I had this happened to me. This man is married, has children but he stares at me very often. When he passes me, he like freaks out and like walks by walls. When he says Hi, he does it in soft voice and head nod. He likes to gaze at me and tries to catch my eyes just to say HI. But I must say, I just took as it a compliment and did nothing. I mean it's his problem, not yours (if of course, you're not into having sex with him). I can say he LIKES YOU, but doubt he will ever do something about it. Maybe has a little crush, but who doesn't. It's not like he is stalking you or touching you all over the places... I had a crush when I was married and so, I never did anything just liked to look at him time to time...

    • Okay so beginning to think this guy does have a crush (never did that one cross my mind)...I really thought he hated me for no reason. I'm not into married coworkers, thanks but no thanks, lol.

  • What do you mean by rockstar? And I personally think he could either be a creeper or likes you. Which considering he's married, I think both. Stay away, because married men like that can only lead to trouble.

    • I mean he's really good at the work he does and everybody goes to him for his professional advice. Yes, I do not get involved with co-workers or married guys - that spells trouble.