I broke up with my boyfriend a little bit ago. We were in a pretty serious relationship to the end of it though we always were in some type of fight when we weren't together. We were together for about 7 months. One of my "female" friends asked him how he felt and he told her that he was pretty sad but a little bit happy because the fighting was over.
A male friend of mine asked him and he called me names, picked on my weight (I'm 120 and 5'2", seriously?), and always would be like "f*** that bitch" or "I hate her."
Why?! I'm not sure what to do or say to that..
Does anyone have some similar experience or advice for me?
We talk every so often here and there and tomorrow I'm going to a party and he will be there and I would like a chance to get to talk to him in private.
I totallly get you. One of my exes would talk crap with his friends and it would always get back to me. From texting me and being passive aggressive (he texted me saying "you've changed since we stopped going out. just changed." I asked him what, he says that I've become less attractive.) And now he talks crap to his girlfriend who then talks crap to her friends and so on. Soon enough you learn not to give a damn. They're doing it for a reason, because they messed up and they know it. Just ignore them and be better at everything you do, motivation (:
his maturity level is that of a dumb 14year old. males age25 bellow tend to keep up a fake image in front of there friends so that they can fit into there social circle. the stereotype of heterosexual males in the relationship setting is for him to be independent and not need a woman (thats why they like to talk crap; so that the masculine ego is not tarnished.) guys like to bad mouth their ex's because it shows there friends that they don't care, when they really do. (i've seen and herd girls do the same thing)
It's a pretty big ego blow to be the one who gets broken up with, so it's really easy to make yourself feel better by believing they aren't worth much. It's not honestly how he feels, he's just letting his sadness turn into anger to make himself feel better.
It's a sign of immaturity. You see, by casting all manner of hate on you, he doesn't have to face up to his part of the responsibility for the relationship ending. In fact, I would say that if you were looking for signs of a good man, you should find out how he feels about his exes. He may not like them as people. But a man should be able to speak of them with respect to the time they shared.
I think he's just being macho for his boy. It may seem strange, but in this case it actually has a function. He is reassuring his friend that he has not fallen to pieces, will survive, and is okay with being apart now.
Also, he might be going to extra mental/verbal lengths to assure HIMSELF of this. YOU may interpret hostility, but "f*** that bitch; I hate her" is, in guy language, an expression of pain and frustration.
Lastly... you might have been a bitch. You guys WERE arguing, right? Few people are at their best, in conflict.
In my experience, guys unfortunately have a problem with communication. We don't communicate with our girlfriends about the things she does that bother us, so we wait until she crosses some sort of line that makes us hate her before we finally call it off. It doesn't occur to us to warn her beforehand that she's starting to get dangerously close to that line, we just assume that she won't cross it.
What do you expect?!? He's a guy. His feelings are hurt. Maturity does not play big part in a situation like this when guys talk. When he's talking to a female about it of course it's not going to be in the same context. Sheesh. It's not Rocket Science, it's rejection and reaction. That's it.
Look at it like this, when he talks to a guy about it he doesn't care because the two of you have already split up. He lets all the anger out when the tells a male friend of yours, maybe he knows you'll listen to that male because you think he would tell the male friend more than he would one of your female friends. When he talks to a female about it, then he might be trying to set up that "sympathy screw" for later or maybe he knows she'll relay how hurt he really is to you. Most guys over the age of 15 know information flows freely between girlfriends; especially over something as Dawson Creekitty as a break up.
Could be, the more noise he makes he hopes will bring you to him to ask why so you two CAN talk. Guys who really like their woman are not usually at their most rational in dealing with a break up.
There many possibilities why a guy bad mouths his Ex.
Oh! And don't rule out plain ol' hate. Good Luck at the party!
Uh its clear as day light don't you think... You broke up with him while he wanted more. So he's mad that you broke up with him. My current ex broke up with me and I was hurt and angry at the same time. I would want to talk sh!t about her but I would refrain from it, because what would I get from it, just more pain... And obviously your ex did talk about you. He's just hurt and angry from the break-up no matter what he says.
Just part of life. You walk over on someone and they're not going to like you for it, man or woman. If they have even a modicum of self-respect they're going to knock you down so low in their minds that they'll eventually convince themselves that you were a worthless pariah who wasn't even worthy of their time. A defense mechanism, yes, but a valuable one in the social sphere. It's called getting over him/her and moving on with your life.
well... if you broke up with him because he said he was sad, I'm a guy and I would be pretty p*ssed. guys usually insult you to look macho or because they are mad about the break up. like my Girlfriend broke up with me on halloween day like hours before the trick-or-treating. and I was going with her and her friend she was so excited about. so I never really talked to her without fighting or anything. so basically it all depends if he knew why you broke up with him, or noticed anything about his actions that he was doing. and there is a HUGE difference for me if a girl breaks up with me and just walks away instead of explaining so at least I know what happened or what I did wrong. hope this helps. good luck.
What can I say. This guy is disappointed. The relation was not the best and later you broke with him first. Therefore he has aversions against you.
You can ask him why he is telling this stories but you know the answer, you can read it above. I think that your ex is not a smart guy or a gentleman. I don't know if he understands what you have to say.
Guys usually feel like they have to save face with other guys. It's the same reason a lot of them, especially in high school, don't like showing PDA around their friends and act differently around the guys. They don't want to look like they care as much as they do, because that makes them look like a p.ussy in front of the guys, supposedly. I don't know why guys place those 'rules' upon themselves and others, haha, because it seems like they ALL have a 'secret' sensitive side that none of the others are supposed to know about, especially when they have a girlfriend. And they all hide it from each other, when they're all going through the exact same struggle. It just seems redundant.
I just think he opened up more to your girl friend because she's a girl, and he has a certain image to uphold with the guys. I doubt he really hates you or thinks there's anything wrong with your weight.
Ah...let's see...why do guys insult their ex-girlfriends? Would it be the same reason that women insult their ex-boyfriends? Is this a trick question? How about because they can...and they are p*ssed off, angry, want revenge, want to get even with you, want the hurt to go away, are secretly afraid you may be right about (a, b, c) and don't know when they are going to get laid again. Do any of those sound reasonable?
And the number one reason men do this - is they don't have a huge store of available emotions with which to work - so their range of expression is rather limited - and their ego doesn't allow them to cry while sitting at the bar - so the next best thing is to recount to whoever will listen - what a bitch you are...
Kinda makes for a p*ssy ex-boyfriend...
As for what should you do about it - nothing girlfriend. You are too classy of a lady to engage in any of this nonsense. You've already taken your energy out of this relationship and have important things going on in your life - which DO NOT include asking friends to see how he is or wasting your time worrying about it. Walk away and don't turn back - you are too busy with you life to waste any more energy on a guy that you've already broken up with.
They just want to make themselves look bad. the thing is, one of my ex bf's did this and eventually no one believed him. I have a good reputation in terms of who I am as a person so what he said just made him look like crap in the end. even his friends told him he made the wrong choice to talk like that about me. I heard about it, I ignored it. just move on. and he probably misses and is bitter about not being with you
my ex did this to me. in fact my ex made up a rumor of a sexual nature. I called him out on it when I found out and hated him for it. I cut him out of my life and when I was finally able to forgive him I talked to him about it. We are now trying to be friends again. His reason for doing it was cus he was upset that I had asked for space after the break up even though he broke up with me cus it made things hard on him and made him feel terrible. He also thought he was a bad boyfriend. I wouldn't take it personally. He is just being stupid and is probly not over you and doesn't know how to deal with it. In all honesty if he was over you he would be indifferent to you and therefore wouldn't feel the need to say anything bad about you.
he is immature and disrespectful. he may or may not have meant what he said about you but it wasn't right either way. there is nothing wrong with 5'2 and 120 but due to the fact that a lot of girls have weight insecurities guys know that is one thing they can say to hurt someone so don't take it personally he's just a douche. he was trying to sound hard in front of his friends. my ex boyfriend did that but when a guy does that to you you can forgive him and never forget. that's also a sign that he did not care about you that much, a guy who truly has feelings for a girl isn't gonna trash her once the relationship is over.