Why does he stare and waits for me to greet him first?

[Anonymous]

We are coworkers (can't date), he has flirted with me before but lately I've been caught up with so much work, I'm not as energized as I used to be, therefore sometimes staring at him back with no facial expressions.
A few days ago, I saw someone coming from my right peripheral vision onto my left side but didn't care to look as I was busy, then ten feet away I hear the guy ask, "How are you doing ___/ How's it going __"? I then saw it was him but he walked slower with his head looking onto his left shoulder waiting for my response (his back was facing me).
He would always stare at me right into my soul from a distance and when we're upclose he would also stare/eyes already on me but does not react until I do so and then would he reciprocate.
Why does he do this? Why can't he just be normal like most people at work and go "Hey ____"?

[Klaatu51]

"We are coworkers (can't date)"

^but y? r u both taken?

"he has flirted with me before but lately I've been caught up with so much work, I'm not as energized as I used to be, therefore sometimes staring at him back with no facial expressions. "

^i see... so does he keep on starin at u currently?

"A few days ago, I saw someone coming from my right peripheral vision onto my left side but didn't care to look as I was busy, then ten feet away I hear the guy ask, "How are you doing ___/ How's it going __"?"

^by "How are you doing ___/ How's it going __"?" was he refferin to u?

" I then saw it was him but he walked slower with his head looking onto his left shoulder waiting for my response (his back was facing me)."

^ i see... guess he was tryin to stare at u judgin by his body language here...

"He would always stare at me right into my soul from a distance and when we're upclose he would also stare/eyes already on me but does not react until I do so and then would he reciprocate. :

^right into yer soul? how do u define this? sorry didn't get it..

anyway if he just stares and he doesn't react then i believe he's nervous around u and he's xpectin from u to react first i believe...

"Why does he do this? Why can't he just be normal like most people at work and go "Hey ____"?"

^u should know when people who r attracted to someone else (in his case he's attracted to u as it seems)... cannot go up there and say: "Hey ____"?"... they feel nervous u know... ;)

[Asker]

Yes... He said my name... And no one was around. And into my soul is figurative meaning for intense eye staring...

[Asker]

Work doesn't allow it.

[Klaatu51]

outside work then?

[Asker]

What do you mean by outside of work? If you are employed there you can't date each other.

[Klaatu51]

i see... so if that's so and he knows it as well... even if he stares he cannot do anything... neither him nor u... so better forget... ;)

[coolbreeze]

I think he finds you hot and attractive if he keep staring and looking at you. I tend to do the same thing if I think a girl is cute. Why can't you date?

[Asker]

Yeah but is it the same reason for why he waits for me to greet or smile him first when he's already staring at me?
And work doesn't allow it.

[coolbreeze]

Some guys get intimidated by very cute and attractive girls. I think he waits for you to give him the green light by smiling or greeting him first.

[Asker]

It's kind of weird because he is a position higher than me, and his body language is very alpha male. He's a confident guy at work that isn't shy with people but with me, it seems different. A coworker noted how he rarely creates small talk but I get them.
The guy knows most of the women at work drool over him, and I don't make it obvious that I find him attractive also. I keep it very professional and only speak with him if I must, but he would make a flirtatious comment when no one is around or his eyes would move to my hair while I'm talking to him.
I look away every time he stares at me because it's very intimidating.
There's a bit of hope when one of us quits eventually (it's not my long term career).
Should I stare back? Smile? I'm shy when it comes to these things. :/

[coolbreeze]

If it makes you comfortable smile or stare. But only so it if you want to. I think he finds you to be a challenge. If other girls drool over him then he may like you because your different professional and you don't fuel his ego like the other girls. But he does things to try to get your attention ans to get you to look at him Some guts have reallyhuge egos. That's good that you don't make it obvious that he is attractive. I agree it is intimidating having anybody stare and look at you. But you must look hot for him to look at you. Being shy isn't to bad. I think it's hard to break out of the shell.

[Asker]

He darn well knows it because they always flirt with him when they can. People see it!
So it's something that he's used to even his own department knows all of the ladies at work are desperate for him.
I've never met someone before that.. stares so intensely. Such as one of us being on an escalator and the other is walking on the floor, he'd keep the eye stare going. But the recent behavior that struck out as odd was the part (sorry of this is repetitive) where he walks by me then asks how I'm doing , from a distance, while looking over his left shoulder waiting to hear a response. Two members of his department have asked me out on dates to which I've said no, of course. I'm not shy in general, very talkative but with guys I find interesting, I can't do the eye contact thing, lol. He's very tall and I'm very short. Guys are hard to read, I was asking myself after that incident like "was that just me or was that just odd like he was calculating when to ask me or shy?".

[coolbreeze]

Lol its ik. It isn't repetitive. Wow I can't believe all the ladies are so desperate for him. I wonder has he hooked up or went out with any of them? Yeah his staring to hard sounds really weird and crazy. I thinj he loves attention and craves it a lot. That is odd if he walks by then asking how you doing from a distance then looking over his shoulder for you to say something. WOW you must be hot and cute if those 2 guys had the guts to ask you out from his department. I bet you they probably talk about you to see who can go out with you and get you. I find it weird 2 guts from his department he works in try to ask you out. Lol im glad your talkative in general. True eye contact can be very intimidating. True guys are hard to read. I think girls are hard to read to. By him being tall he probaly wants you to look up directly at him. Lol he probaly was calculating when to ask you.

[Asker]

It's sort of funny when I see them flirt with him and he's just giving friendly smiles back.
From what I know, no. He had a girlfriend then broke up and single ever since. He's smart, and he knows how people can get fired especially if they are of different level of positions. Which is why one time he asked why I was wearing lipstick, if I was going on a hot date, and "you can't even crack a smile?" (I was tired when he asked so I had no reaction). He asked me that in his office when it was just the two of us (I had to hand over documents). I'm half asian/half white, I'd like to think I'm friendly but straightforward at the same time. Well, the guys at work I think are desperate and corny and one of the guys from his department hates my guts because I turned him down (it's now interfering with work... and I don't want his boss (the guy of this story) to know. You may be right... he might've been calculating when to say it (he was quite far he was almost inaudible).

[coolbreeze]

Lol that is funny that they flirt and try and he just smiles back at them. lol. Maybe since he is single he thinks he can flirt and get any girl he wants. He has a really big and huge ego. I hope he isn't responsible for getting the people fired. Yeah that lipstick joke he said to you was a lot of flirting. I think you did the right thing. What can you say to that. I would had shown no reaction to what he said. I think it's hard because when you try to be friendly and nice to guys then they think you like them etc. Part of it could be your race to. Guys are corny and desperate. Those guys on your job seem very thirsty. Yeah that sucks that the guy is treating you like that since you rejected him. It wasn't your fault. You can't date employees any way and he knew that. He has no right to take his rejection out on you. He is making himself seem like a loser. Maybe it might be another way you can get him in trouble. True I think he is calculating the exact time to say it to you. He is so full of himself. lol.

[Asker]

After I left his office, I thought to myself if that was just friendly or flirty? Then I imagined him as a 60 year old dude and was like, "now is that still friendly?" NOPE!!! I only have one actual friend from work and she knows that a lot of guys at work mistaken my personability for flirting. At one point it actually made me not want to speak with any of the guys at work as I heard that the guys talk about me w/ each other. I speak with women at work the same way I do with men -_- . I felt bad that he felt that way but I know I never lead him on, never hung outside of work one on one. He actually had issues with a few other men outside of his department who he found out liked me, which isn't good. lol. Yeah, I've never met someone who calculates such a small thing like that, it just struck me as odd. The only reason I could think is that he is somewhat nervous around me because I don't give in like an easy girl. Well, thank you so much for helping me through this!!!

[coolbreeze]

Your very welcome. I agree a 60 year old man flirting with a 20 something year old girl is very creepy. That is good that you have one friend at work. I agree its sad how if a nice young girl like yourself can't really talk to guys at work because they consider it flirting and that you like them. I think it's so crazy that they think like that. Then it's like if you don't talk to then then they think that your stuck up. I think it's weird that the guys talk about you. I think they try to see who can try to date you and stuff. Guys talk about that stuff all the time at work. That's good that you speak to guys and women the same at
work. It wasn't your fault he felt that way. I feel you shouldn't feel bad because je should had known better then to try. That is true if you leas him on then that would be different to. Lol that is bad that he got jealous because other guys liked you. I am assuming that you must look hot and very cute. I think your right he is nervous around you beacuse you

[coolbreeze]

(continued) don't sweat him or give into him easily like the other girls. Your like a challenge to him. And some guys like challenges or girls who they think in their minds play hard to get.

[findingdreamland]

Because he likes you. He tries to control himself ; you know work rule.
At the same time he cannot take his eyes off you. Feelings are feelings and they can sometimes make us act like a abnormal version of ourselves.
He can not say just Hey. Because you cannot act normal in front of your crush.

[Asker]

His position is higher than mine :/ so it's... just impossible while we're both employees there.
I never ever, make it obvious that I find him attractive as I try to not look for hope at work.
All the women drool over him. I only talk to him when I need to, but that's when he'd make flirtatious comments or his eyes would wander to my hair. One time he asked why I was wearing lipstick, if I was going on a hot date, and when I didn't react because I was tired that night, he said, "can't even crack a smile?". I imagined if that came from a..60 old dude.. that, it wouldn't be a work appropriate comment lol. But yes, he'd wait for me to react first instead of saying , hey, right away and carry on with their business.

[Anonymous]

No one likes to be rejected, ergo he feels you were standoffish b/c of something about himself.. . explaining work problems will only help if you can do this while spending time face-face with only him on a break/coffee/whatever.

by the way there are no "normal" people, all have their quirks

[Asker]

Yes I am aware there are technically no normal people but normal in this meaning as in the common coworker relation...

[Opinion Owner]

Can't say I know what that would be like, even others report same.
In his case, he needs your smile, assurance and given some confidence...

[Asker]

We don't work directly with each other therefore not interacting as much :/
I will start giving warm smiles (if I give tired smiles, he will give tired smiles back too).
With other people, I see him address/greet coworkers as soon as he sees them (most of the time) but with me it's the stare!! Waiting for me to react first! Even when one of us is on an escalator and the other is on the floor, his eyes are still glued to mine so I look away.

[Opinion Owner]

Good for you, sending him some signs of acceptance.
If he has all this time on his hands in targeting you, why not also give him some things to do, since you are so busy... this illustrates what you're explaining to him in why being so distance lately. He gets to interact more, you get more done, everyone's happy and... you get to know him better as either a candidate for friend, dates or dismissal (if being too weird - like a stalker)

[Asker]

Ah.. he's a position higher than me. He's not my boss nor do I report to him directly but occasionally we will have discussions about work. The guy is 7 years older than me :/
He has very alpha male body language in general so when he stares at me I have to look away. Because he just won't react first until I do first,

[Opinion Owner]

This all reminds me of a hungry guy with his face pressed up against a diner's window, lusting after all the food inside yet afraid to go inside without any money to order.
You are the food
He is the hungry guy (regardless of position)
The glass is up unless you diffuse it with a smile or other acknowledgement
and he fears crossing the line = dating someone at work

[Asker]

I've been looking to see if he stares at people to show dominance or whatever but I don't see him doing that, also he does the occasional like "hey how are you" or "you don't look too well are you sick" friendly conversations with coworkers, but with me, it's... the deep, deep stare waiting for my reaction, asking me how I'm doing while far away, the vibe I get from him when talking to him about work related issues. If I wear lipstick he will just let me see that he's staring right at my lips for a good 2-3 seconds. I don't dress proactively, we have quite a strict dress code at work. Another Opinion Owner mentioned that it's good I don't feed into his ego because he knows the women at work, as well as his team, knows that they find him handsome and flirt with him all the time.

[Opinion Owner]

Now I feel I can go further in offering that he does have lustful fantasies about you at work. Staring includes these daydreams...
Now that you are slowly becoming aware of these and probably still considers this weird
indicates that you will not grease the tracks for an interlude.
If you're hoping for all this stop, simply introduce into everyone's mind... your (imaginary) boyfriend and build him up in every way the boss cannot be... e. g. youth closer to your age, physique, dancer, entrepreneur, family riches... but too remote to have time to meet everyone... when he's in town, there's no time for others

[Bimbobambo]

Because he likes you.