When a guy says he's not ready what does it mean?

[Anonymous]

When a guy says he's not ready for a relationship what does he mean? Know a guy in another state I really like when we were together he said he isn't ready for anything just yet, but he treated me amazing like his girlfriend and I think there are feelings there. I know he has like f-buddies and such which I don't like but can't change it. Does not ready mean he still wants to have sex with a lot of other people but likes you? Will he ever be ready with you. He says I'm wifey material I just wish he would let us have a chance instead of wanting a lot of girls.

[BearsAnswers]

When a guy tells a girl he is not ready for a relationship, what he means is that he is not ready for a relationship with HER. The end result of this is usually that the guy can keep the girl going for a lot longer than he normally would be able to, because she starts thinking that there is hope for a relationship with him in the future. They will use things like 'wife material' to make the girl feel good about herself, make her think of the guy in a positive light ("he thinks I would be a good wife, he thinks of me like a wife, that has to be positive...")

If a guy is sleeping with a lot of other girls while saying these things to you, he is never going to get into the position where he is suddenly going to give up sleeping with other women just to be with you. If he wanted to do that, he would have done it already. A guy like this may settle down with someone in the future, but it will be with someone new that makes them change their ways, someone that they decide they do want to be with instead of being with a lot of other women. Someone that they haven't hooked up with while also seeing other people.

Never believe a guy who basically says "stick around, I will change my behaviour regarding you at a hypothetical point in the future". It will not happen. It is a tool of control and a very common form of manipulation. He will be telling all of the girls that he is seeing the things that he thinks would be most effective at keeping their legs open for him. For some, it will also be telling them that they are wife material. For some it will just be building up their self-esteem by constantly telling them how beautiful they are. For others it will be playing up how rebellious they are by sleeping with him and not being the good girl their parents demand of them.

So, yes, it means he still wants to have sex with a lot of other people, but likes you enough that he wants to include you in the list of people he is having sex with. Despite his claims, it does NOT mean that he will actually marry you up after a while. A guy doesn't suddenly get tired of sleeping with a bunch of women. It takes a game-changer to pull them out of that behaviour. If that was you, it would have already happened, unfortunately.

[Asker]

The thing is we both live in. Different states so anything would be hard if it happened as of right now. Are you saying there is no chance for it at all?

[BearsAnswers]

If he is telling you that he is not ready for a relationship with you now, and he is seeing other women in the meantime, then I do not think there is a chance that he will be ready for one with you later, unfortunately.

[Asker]

:( yeah that sucks! And he told me this in August when I was down there visiting. I heard he was like that before. I heard he had 2 ex girlfriend one whom cheated on him and the other hurt him pretty bad, which in turn turned him to having these f-buddies instead of relationship because he doesn't trust people.

[BearsAnswers]

In most cases, a person saying they only have fuck buddies because they were 'hurt' before is just an excuse to make behaviour that seems questionable to a lot people sound more palatable. Words are easy, actions are what tell the truth of a personality. And saying "I'm behaving this way because of reasons" doesn't carry any weight, because those words are easy and meaningless, and usually framed in a way to get the most out of the audience hearing them. Actions are what count, and his actions are 'sleep with a bunch of random women without committing to any of them'. And there is nothing he is doing that indicates that he will change those actions for you.

With guys, it becomes really important to be able to 'read' their actions and not their words, because their words are usually intended to achieve a specific result. And that result is usually sex.

[Asker]

Thanks yeah it does suck it's whatever. Thought things may be different, guess not. And he wasn't the one who told me this it was my friend but it's still the same.

[BearsAnswers]

It does suck. I'm sorry you have to deal with it :(

[ArabianPwincess197]

Maybe he meant he wasn't ready to settle down yet