How do guys know they are handsome?

Some guys say, "I'm really handsome/good-looking, if only I could get better with talking to girls or making moves..."

How do you know you're good-looking? Even though I've been told that I am from time to time, girls don't seem very interested from just looking at me.

Thanks to everybody for the responses, I read and appreciate every single one. Always room for more opinions and commentary.
Background: I've been told I'm good looking or "cute" a handful of times in my life...but ONLY a handful of times. I'm usually passed up for other guys with a bigger personality. Girls just don't like me that much. Then again, I don't get out much...


Most Helpful Guy

  • There's a HUGE difference between being "Good Looking" (genetic potential) and "Looking Good" (socially calibrated man of status.)

    You need to change your mindset about women and dating. Women are FAR less superficial than us guys, so you need to accept that how you look has very little effect on her attraction towards you.

    Instead you need to learn how attraction works. Women respond to who you're BEING, not how you look, or what you say.

    It's about how you see yourself, and how you express your value, worth, esteem.

    This is why women will continue to say they want to meet a man who's "confident and funny" over "handsome and rich."


    Because attraction is about feelings. You need to influence how she FEELS if you want to attract her. This comes from how you express yourself (are you shy, weak, insecure, needy, desperate, conceited, shallow, superficial, or judgmental?) and how you interact with those you meet ( are you calibrated, comfortable, brave, trusting, mysterious, humorous, interesting, caring, sincere, or honest?)

    Let go of the ideas of being "handsome" and you'll be free to REALLY see what women respond to - who you're BEING when you're with her.

    (About Attraction: link )

    Good luck dude!

    ~ Robby

    • Some of them are more superficial than the term itself, indeed.

    • Do you really think women are less shallow than men are?

    • I think women don't CHOOSE to feel attraction.. because it's not a choice. And I KNOW that women will feel more attracted to a guy who's BEING attractive over a guy who just LOOKS attractive.

      Women are less influenced by your outer shell than you are by hers. Definitely.

      If you're a HOT Guy, but you're a dim wit when you talk, she'll move on. Can we guys say the same thing about a Hot Girl?

What Girls Said 14

  • well if you get a lot of female attention and winks and flirting your way in a situation where there are a lot of girls then you're a hot guy generally.

    if you think you have a fit body and nice features then you're a hot guy :)

  • even though some guys may openly stare at a hot girl, girls generally don't do the same thing. Like if I see a hot guy I'll give him an up and down and maybe a smile. Or if you notice a group of girls all looking at you at once, you most likely were just the topic of the convo. My friends and I point out hot guys all the time to each other. we don't snicker or giggle cause we aren't 5 but we do let each other know. Also I might look at a hot guy without doing any kind of once over, so if you think no girls are checking you out and you're waiting for an up and down, you might be waiting forever.

    You'd have to be told because the whole getting checked out thing is harder for guys. Or if you someone who girls talk to a lot at parties and hang around you might be attractive physically.

    that's all I can think of to answer your question, sorry if it was no help.

    • This is not a woman this is a guy wearing internet drag.

      Women don't articulate this well about a subject.

      Then again, maybe it is because it really didn't answer his question.

    • 1. I am a woman. No "internet drag".

      2. Women can articulate just as well as men.

      3. And I'd kill to hear how I DIDN'T answer this question.

      4. Why so cynical?

    • Internet drag is a brilliant term for it though, LOL. I've NEVER heard that before.

  • I think being well rounded makes a guy handome.. if that makes sense.. guys can be attractive who are hot but to be handome having world knowledge, skills, and other things are the main differences for me..

  • Sure looks are nice, but then again looks aren't everything. I think its the personality that is more important.

    • If only many girls have this attitude! (sigh) +1

  • It depends on several things, such as how observant you are of furtive looks, etc. Not getting a lot of looks could mean you're not much of a looker BUT it could also mean you are so good looking that people are shy/intimidated to approach you. Unless you have any obvious physical defects, I also find that womens' aesthetic preferences range quite widely from girl to girl. For example, my taste in men is completeley different from my roommate's. Ask an objective buddy who's not afraid to give you a piece of his/her mind.

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What Guys Said 26

  • Men- Care about how a woman looks

    Women- Care about feelings (..behind security / attraction / etc)

    1) Men know how attractive they are based on their own self-concept. If they view themselves as attractive, that's what they see. Someone else commenting that they are ugly or otherwise is basically disregarded like trash. The confident man (not cocky man) will know how he appears and always try to improve, but he is satisfied within who he is. (Which encompasses his looks / personality / depth / skill / etc)

    - He could judge his own physical appearance based on how he feels towards himself. Obviously a "fat kid" could say "i'm fat" - it's the same thing towards physical appearance- "I'm handsome".

    2) "Women don't seem to be interested" - There are several ways to influence this. First, how do you appear? The topic seems to regard a personal concern within this issue. Do you see any areas where you would like to target for improvement? Or do you notice there are things about your approach that you'd like to correct?

    - When you can "target" a specific area for improvement, do a little research about how to improve that area within yourself. For instance: Personal Looks? Join a gym or do home excersizes... Approach? Work on becoming outgoing or "practice practice practice"... Hygene? Make a daily routine to follow.


    There are always ways to improve any given method, it only takes a creative mind to find a way- search within yourself what you would like to target and provide a reasoning as to why- I may be able to guide you in the right direction.

    Best regards,


    • For the most part, you are right, us guys have to be verbally, emotionally, socially, mentally appealing to girls in order for them to like us. Girls just have to be visually appealing to us guys.

  • Perhaps, if you're learning that you get passed up for guys with bigger personalities, you should consider letting go of this "am I cute?" insecurity and start working on your personality?

    Women will notice you from across a room if you're cute, but she falls in love with your personality.

    ~ Robby

    • 'Big' personalities aren't always good, mind you. You can get a wanker who's just really in the scene. Plus a looot of girls dig quiet guys.

    • Great point.

      Personality isn't about being the loud dancing monkey that everyone looks at and laughs. It's about having your own opinions, preferences, and unique sense of the world. Express yourself without the need for approval and without trying to be "better" then everyone else.

      Being honest and sincere is what it's all about... without the fear that she might disagree or dislike your opinions... deep down she NEEDS you to be "yourself", not her lap dog. ;)

  • Wow this is terrible.

    you just can't trust womens advice or opinions.

    Heres why.


  • Guys just know

  • Put your picture up on Hot or Not. That's what I did, and now I know.

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