How do guys know they are handsome?

Some guys say, "I'm really handsome/good-looking, if only I could get better with talking to girls or making moves..."

How do you know you're good-looking? Even though I've been told that I am from time to time, girls don't seem very interested from just looking at me.

Thanks to everybody for the responses, I read and appreciate every single one. Always room for more opinions and commentary.
Background: I've been told I'm good looking or "cute" a handful of times in my life...but ONLY a handful of times. I'm usually passed up for other guys with a bigger personality. Girls just don't like me that much. Then again, I don't get out much...


Most Helpful Guy

  • There's a HUGE difference between being "Good Looking" (genetic potential) and "Looking Good" (socially calibrated man of status.)

    You need to change your mindset about women and dating. Women are FAR less superficial than us guys, so you need to accept that how you look has very little effect on her attraction towards you.

    Instead you need to learn how attraction works. Women respond to who you're BEING, not how you look, or what you say.

    It's about how you see yourself, and how you express your value, worth, esteem.

    This is why women will continue to say they want to meet a man who's "confident and funny" over "handsome and rich."


    Because attraction is about feelings. You need to influence how she FEELS if you want to attract her. This comes from how you express yourself (are you shy, weak, insecure, needy, desperate, conceited, shallow, superficial, or judgmental?) and how you interact with those you meet ( are you calibrated, comfortable, brave, trusting, mysterious, humorous, interesting, caring, sincere, or honest?)

    Let go of the ideas of being "handsome" and you'll be free to REALLY see what women respond to - who you're BEING when you're with her.

    (About Attraction: link )

    Good luck dude!

    ~ Robby

    • Some of them are more superficial than the term itself, indeed.

    • Do you really think women are less shallow than men are?

    • I think women don't CHOOSE to feel attraction.. because it's not a choice. And I KNOW that women will feel more attracted to a guy who's BEING attractive over a guy who just LOOKS attractive.

      Women are less influenced by your outer shell than you are by hers. Definitely.

      If you're a HOT Guy, but you're a dim wit when you talk, she'll move on. Can we guys say the same thing about a Hot Girl?

What Girls Said 14

  • well if you get a lot of female attention and winks and flirting your way in a situation where there are a lot of girls then you're a hot guy generally.

    if you think you have a fit body and nice features then you're a hot guy :)

  • even though some guys may openly stare at a hot girl, girls generally don't do the same thing. Like if I see a hot guy I'll give him an up and down and maybe a smile. Or if you notice a group of girls all looking at you at once, you most likely were just the topic of the convo. My friends and I point out hot guys all the time to each other. we don't snicker or giggle cause we aren't 5 but we do let each other know. Also I might look at a hot guy without doing any kind of once over, so if you think no girls are checking you out and you're waiting for an up and down, you might be waiting forever.

    You'd have to be told because the whole getting checked out thing is harder for guys. Or if you someone who girls talk to a lot at parties and hang around you might be attractive physically.

    that's all I can think of to answer your question, sorry if it was no help.

    • This is not a woman this is a guy wearing internet drag.

      Women don't articulate this well about a subject.

      Then again, maybe it is because it really didn't answer his question.

    • 1. I am a woman. No "internet drag".

      2. Women can articulate just as well as men.

      3. And I'd kill to hear how I DIDN'T answer this question.

      4. Why so cynical?

    • Internet drag is a brilliant term for it though, LOL. I've NEVER heard that before.

  • I think being well rounded makes a guy handome.. if that makes sense.. guys can be attractive who are hot but to be handome having world knowledge, skills, and other things are the main differences for me..

  • Sure looks are nice, but then again looks aren't everything. I think its the personality that is more important.

    • If only many girls have this attitude! (sigh) +1

  • It depends on several things, such as how observant you are of furtive looks, etc. Not getting a lot of looks could mean you're not much of a looker BUT it could also mean you are so good looking that people are shy/intimidated to approach you. Unless you have any obvious physical defects, I also find that womens' aesthetic preferences range quite widely from girl to girl. For example, my taste in men is completeley different from my roommate's. Ask an objective buddy who's not afraid to give you a piece of his/her mind.

  • you're handsome if you pass by a group of girls and they look/stare at you ( followed by whisper and laughter) :)

    • I think that's what would happen if I passed by a group of 14 year olds, I don't know about regular women tho...

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    • Yea women wouldn't start talking to a stranger on the street...and some are too shy to flirt.

      if they don't stare at you its probably because they know its impolite. only guys stare you down like idiots and when you stare back they still won't look away :S

    • those that happen in real life?

  • if your told your good looking-handsom then you are...maybe you need to put yourself out there a little more to keep interest

  • Maybe you are looking at the wrong girls? Who cares what the wrong ones think? When you come across that someone special she will think not only that you are handsome, but her world. Be confident, without being cocky and be sure of yourself, without being hung up on looks.

  • Girls don't gawk at guys the way guys gawk at girls. I might look twice, but that's about it. I guess that there is really no way of knowing, but I go for muscular guys with no acne and a good sense of humor.

  • i think being handsome is more about your personality and the way you look. you know your handsome when a girl likes you for your looks, and love you for your personality. it makes you feel more confident when you know there's really something that makes the girls want you.

  • If a girl tells you that you are handsome you are really handsome.

  • If a girl tells you that you are handsome you are handsome.

  • it has nothing to do with being handsome it's all about the attitude.

  • Looks really aren't everything in a relationship. Personality is very important, and girls really really appreciate a guy with a great personality.

    Personally, if there was an extremely attractive guy with a horrible personality I wouldn't want to date him, and I don't think many other girls would either.

    Then on the other hand, there is a not so attractive guy, with an amazing personality. The excellent personality just makes the guy so much more attractive than the one with the horrible personality.

    • I agree , although personality so cliche, but parts of a guys personality can be a turn on to a girl and make them feel even more attracted to you

    • Do you think without a doubt, girls are attracted to personality more than guys are?

    • Not nessecarily, I guess the guys that are just looking for a hook up don't care about personality, but a guy looking for a relationship does, and I think parts of a girls personality can be attractive.

      so I think in general girls are more attracted to personality than guys but not totally without a doubt

What Guys Said 26

  • Men- Care about how a woman looks

    Women- Care about feelings (..behind security / attraction / etc)

    1) Men know how attractive they are based on their own self-concept. If they view themselves as attractive, that's what they see. Someone else commenting that they are ugly or otherwise is basically disregarded like trash. The confident man (not cocky man) will know how he appears and always try to improve, but he is satisfied within who he is. (Which encompasses his looks / personality / depth / skill / etc)

    - He could judge his own physical appearance based on how he feels towards himself. Obviously a "fat kid" could say "i'm fat" - it's the same thing towards physical appearance- "I'm handsome".

    2) "Women don't seem to be interested" - There are several ways to influence this. First, how do you appear? The topic seems to regard a personal concern within this issue. Do you see any areas where you would like to target for improvement? Or do you notice there are things about your approach that you'd like to correct?

    - When you can "target" a specific area for improvement, do a little research about how to improve that area within yourself. For instance: Personal Looks? Join a gym or do home excersizes... Approach? Work on becoming outgoing or "practice practice practice"... Hygene? Make a daily routine to follow.


    There are always ways to improve any given method, it only takes a creative mind to find a way- search within yourself what you would like to target and provide a reasoning as to why- I may be able to guide you in the right direction.

    Best regards,


    • For the most part, you are right, us guys have to be verbally, emotionally, socially, mentally appealing to girls in order for them to like us. Girls just have to be visually appealing to us guys.

  • Perhaps, if you're learning that you get passed up for guys with bigger personalities, you should consider letting go of this "am I cute?" insecurity and start working on your personality?

    Women will notice you from across a room if you're cute, but she falls in love with your personality.

    ~ Robby

    • 'Big' personalities aren't always good, mind you. You can get a wanker who's just really in the scene. Plus a looot of girls dig quiet guys.

    • Great point.

      Personality isn't about being the loud dancing monkey that everyone looks at and laughs. It's about having your own opinions, preferences, and unique sense of the world. Express yourself without the need for approval and without trying to be "better" then everyone else.

      Being honest and sincere is what it's all about... without the fear that she might disagree or dislike your opinions... deep down she NEEDS you to be "yourself", not her lap dog. ;)

  • Wow this is terrible.

    you just can't trust womens advice or opinions.

    Heres why.


  • Guys just know

  • Put your picture up on Hot or Not. That's what I did, and now I know.

  • I know I'm handsome, because I can look at myself in the mirror and see nothing physically wrong with me. A month of working out and tanning and I'm all set. That and I am who I am and that's a guy who makes more money then most of your parents.

    • Who;d want to date a guy with small d*** though??

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    • I don't like pale skin really... Also I DO make more money then most people on here. 75-85 thousand a year. Though I do spend A LOT of time working and not much time doing anything else... I've thought about quitting one of my jobs for some more free time, but I can't resist the money and I don't want to lose my safety net.


  • If any woman besides your mom has said you were handsome, chances are you might be attractive. Take me for example I know I am good looking, I've been told this many times by many different women, and even some dudes. The only person that really matters on if she thinks I am or not is my gf, if she says I am well then I must be.

    Hot chicks aren't going to drop everything and run to you if your handsome, the only way they will do that is if your a celebrity. So does that mean dating is going to be a lot easier, nope not really, you can be handsome and as smart as a fence post and women aren't going to date you, so it really doesn't matter what you look like, so trying to get women based on looks alone isn't going to work, you gotta have more than that to offer.

  • To all the people who insisted that girls don't care about looks:

    That is not the point of this question. This is about what makes a guy handsome, not what makes girls attracted.

    I want to know this too, but man, stop answering every question with the same lines about confidence and self-esteem.

    • Thats true, this question isn't about attractiveness, but every single girl has different physical features they prefer and we don't want to make him feel bad if he doesn't have the exact features that are our favourites.

      but if he wants a true answer, then I like tall, not too skinny or too buff or too perfect looking over all because none of us are perfect. but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be with someone who was shorter than I preferred and not find him handsome.

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    • Yea and in spite of what those girls above said, looks DO matter for girls too..

    • Lmao glad you liked my answer @ a_man

  • I never say I'm "handsome". I sometimes rarely say I think I'm "cute" or what I like best about myself.

  • i personally believe that girls are very complicated creatures who can sometimes be spoiled simple opinion would be this, " make sure that you set up your lifestyle." Make sure you know exactly what hobbies you like and pick a style of clothes that you believe goes with your personality...the reason is that the more you are into it, the more cofidence you seem to show...if you know for a fact that a certain lifestyle makes you feel like you the more comfortable you are with yourself and that reflects on how you interact with the world...dont try to be something you are not because that automatically makes you feel uncomfortable and that will show in your body language and gestures in the long run...oh yeah clean shoes and a nice fresh smelling cologne will enhance that style...whatever that may be...

  • I have been told I'm a 10 by some women and others rate me at a 4. I thank them for their honesty but I don't hang around the women that rate me rather low.

    I am an information sponge and that helps when starting or continuing a conversation. If there is a convo I know nothing about, take the time to listen in and then you might be able to say something the next time.

    Confidence is a good quality to have. This goes along with thinking things into existence. If you feel that a girl is going to shoot you down before you ask her out, chances are she will somehow pickup on this. It could be body language or how you say things. Women can be very receptive to subtle things and are better at sensing when things are wrong.

    Honesty is the best policy but learn when to say what she wants to hear. I'm honest to a fault and thus why I wouldn't say I have many close friends. The truth can hurt and many people don't risk asking me what I think about things.

    Figure out what your best qualities are and run with it. I wouldn't dare challenge Michael Jordan in a one-on-one game of b-ball but I might challenge him in a strategy game.


    Anyway, its all a personal thing.There's no set definition of good looking, so if a lad feels he's got the looks, who's to say he's wrong?

  • Like you said, people tell you. For some people, they are told by their friends, which I think should be taken with a grain of salt, since friends often don't want to insult each other. As has happened to me, people I don't even know (or barely know) will give me compliments, which I would say is a better indication that a feature is good.

    • Cool, thanks. That never happens to me, either with friends or with people I don't know--pretty much nobody comments on my looks, as well-groomed and neat as I try to be. How should I take that?

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    • Actually me and my friends will take every opportunity to make fun out of each other.

      If any of them were to throw me a compliment I'll take it quite seriously.

    • Hey sorry to interrupt on your guys session, but I wanted to give a girls point of view, and I agree with killfest400, unless you hear the negative stuff your probably good looking. guys don't usually compliment each other one the looks, more like jokingly comment on their friends style or hair, not natural features.

      and girls aren't always attracted to someone physcially, sometimes we need to see their personality too.

  • when you start talking to an attractive girl...and you make them nervous..

  • Most girls don't care that much about looks, certainly not to the extent us males do about theirs.

    Do some running and weights to tone up, get a good haircut, wear clothes that suit you, take care of your skin. Straighten and whiten your teeth. Consider facial hair if you have a weak chin or thin upper lip.

    You want to find out if you're good looking? Post your picture up on HotorNot, or on here, and wait for comments/votes.

  • It's good that people are thinking less about their looks (whether they are right about how handsome they are or not), I think it's better to focus on conversation skills and making moves.

    To answer the question, I don't think they do know. You can't really put yourself in a woman's shoes. What they find attractive will probably be different to what you think is attractive.

    So unless people actually tell you I don't think there's any reliable way of knowing.

    If you're wondering why people haven't made comments on your image is because when you're trying to have fun you don't worry about image. Get out of that vain mindset.

    Oh and don't even bother trying to work out how interested girls are.

    You never know. You're just putting yourself down.

  • Yeah people lie about my appearance too. If there's no evidence, it's probably not true. If a guy is good looking girls would be all over him.

  • Girls don't care how you look, they care about how you make them feel. If they feel a certain way depending on how you look then they are quite shallow if you ask me.

  • With guys and girls it's mostly about your confidence and hygiene. You'll be good-looking to most if you have these.

  • every male on earth thinks he's good looking. there could be an old fat 50 y.o. with a combover who could look in the mirror and say "looking good."

  • Well bro. yhuu havee 2 havv confidence inn yhurr self... Thatz all ihtt ihzz... I mean yhuu could bee thee ugliest guyy ever but iff yhuu give ihtt 100 percent ihtt wot matter if yhuu are handsome because at least 1 girl will fall for yhuu...

  • guys don't "know" they're handsome. We play it off like we are and hope the girls follow along

  • Generally, if you are told you are handsome by men and women, then you are a pretty handsome guy. Also, if you get a nervous glance away when walking past a girl you are an intimidating good-looker.

  • They ask me.

  • I'm writing this as anonymous so I don't come across like a conceited prick...

    I am a pretty good looking guy and am going to try to go into modeling as soon as I can. However, I never actually know who thinks of me as attractive. I just sort of know that me being easy to look at is some general consensus.

    I mean I'm very confident in the way I look because I put a lot of work into it. I like looking good so I hit the gym, don't drink soda, eat just right, drink lots of water so my skin is nice, etc. And also I know what other men women find attractive and I can see some similarities between me and them, so I can sort of infer that everything that I do works to some degree.

    However I've learned (the hard way, unfortunately, I used to be a real idiot about this) that regardless of how "generally good looking" I am, it's wrong to actually make the assumption that I have attracted any girl in particular by my looks alone. One girl might look at me and think I'm some exotic beauty and another girl might see me as plain.

    And so even though I've had a couple of serious discussions with some close female friends where my looks are the conversation topic, and they all agree that I've got what it takes to model and I'm a uniquely attractive dude, I don't ever get that sort of attention just walking around in day-to-day life. To be honest, even though I'd be flattered, I'd of think any girl that treated me like that as pretty weird.

    I just take care of my looks for myself, not really for other people. My personality has always been what works (or fails haha) in the past, not my "look", so it's not like I got some shortcut into a woman's heart.